Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and proper nouns generally of Kingdom Hearts. The words, however, are mine and mine alone.
Notes: A birthday present for the lovely Kazaera, who gives me plotbunnies on a regular basis and puts up with all my babble. Inspired by a certain cutscene in KHII: FM+.
Xigbar, Zexion quickly discovers, has no sense of personal space.
He doesn't know why this should surprise him: certainly Braig had a tendency to drape himself all over anyone who stood still long enough. There is no reason to expect that this would change. Still, he doesn't expect that, almost as soon as the smoke clears, Xigbar goes straight back to his constant touching.
Ienzo never liked having people in his personal space without express invitation. Zexion discovers that he is no different. Inasmuch as he can like or dislike anything, he dislikes Xigbar's tendency to sneak up on him and touch him, flinging an arm around his shoulders or ruffling his hair. It startles him. Ienzo enjoyed being surprised, when the surprises were pleasant ones, but Zexion is all too aware that hoping for pleasant surprises now is courting destruction. He cannot afford to be taken by surprise again. The last time they encountered something utterly unexpected, it ripped their hearts away. The next time may take the rest.
Still, once he knows that Xigbar is likely to be lurking about waiting for a chance to pounce, it becomes less of a surprise. It still isn't pleasant, but it is among the things that can be filed in his mind under "The Way Things Are" and worked around. Xigbar has a tendency towards physical contact; therefore, expect him to initiate contact uninvited.
So thoroughly does Zexion relegate Xigbar's behavior to his subconscious that it takes him some time to notice that there is something subtly strange about it, something he has yet to notice consciously that does not match his expectations. Once he notices, it is some time more before he has the opportunity to analyze it fully. The result is one more surprise: Xigbar only behaves this way with him.
Braig encroached on the personal space of them all equally, more or less, even when common sense would have suggested otherwise. Xigbar, although he stands closer to everyone than normal, only touches Zexion. This is not covered under the previous explanation of "remembered idiosyncrasy", and so Zexion resolves to investigate further.
Xigbar comes back from investigating yet another potential base of operations (they do not say "home"; home was Radiant Garden, and home is gone). Zexion knows he has returned because he goes straight to the nook where Zexion has tucked himself away with his book and leans over the back of Zexion's chair, resting his (annoying sharp, in Zexion's opinion) chin on the top of Zexion's head.
"No good?" Zexion asks.
"Worse'n that. Nice place, if you like black, but already had residents, and I wouldn't fancy trying to get them to move. They're freakier'n us, even."
"Freakier than you? Surely not."
Xigbar laughs. It's only habit, Zexion knows. "Hey, at least I have a body under all the black clothes. And I'm not completely obsessed with jewelry. Weird place, that. I'm not going back there, no way."
His voice is slightly muffled by Zexion's hair, reminding Zexion of the question he decided to ask after Xigbar's return. "Why must you always do that?" he asks.
"Do what?"
"Touch me, all the time. You don't act the same way with the others."
"You noticed, huh." Xigbar doesn't move away. "Didn't think you would. Maybe I should've. Ienzo always did catch on quick."
"I'm not completely Ienzo."
"Yeah, I know. But as far as we can tell, the bit we kept is the bit that'd catch on quick."
"So, why?"
Xigbar's sigh ruffles Zexion's hair. Then, with a twist of the world, he's standing in front of Zexion instead, looking as serious as Braig hardly ever did. "'Cause you're not Ienzo. And that's kind of my fault.
"I thought there was something iffy about the experiment. The way Xehanort wouldn't let us touch his calculations, some…some other stuff." It's as close as any of them are willing to come to discussing what they did to Ansem. They can't feel guilt, but it's something none of them like to think about, all the same. "And I didn't say anything. Didn't ask, didn't argue…I just went along with it."
"So did we all," Zexion points out, only beginning to see.
"Yeah, but…well, I was the oldest, right? It was my job to look out for you, and I didn't. I'm not gonna do that again."
Ienzo hated being treated like he was somehow inferior because he was the youngest, and he hated especially Braig's tendency to pretend he was more responsible because he was the oldest. But Zexion doesn't feel anything at all, except an annoyance that is his recollection of Ienzo's aggravation. "So you keep touching me because you're 'frightened' that poor, baby Zexion can't take care of himself, so he'll disappear the second you turn your back."
"Uh, I wouldn't say that, but—"
"Shut up." Zexion usually doesn't display his echoes of emotion, but now it seems like the only way to behave. Ienzo would have been very angry. He stands up and walks forward deliberately, backing Xigbar against the wall. That Xigbar lets it happen is a sign of something important, but it will wait.
"You want to be reminded that I'm still here?" he asks. "Then remember this."
Kissing Xigbar is surprisingly pleasant, one more surprise Xigbar manages to force on Zexion. He's taken by surprise himself, giving Zexion the freedom to take control, to press Xigbar against the wall, to grab a fistful of hair and pull until he goes where Zexion wants him, to force his lips apart with his tongue. It's awkward and rough and stunningly, almost overwhelmingly real, the most real thing Zexion's experienced in far too long.
"Do you remember now?" he demands when he pulls away.
Xigbar grins at him with kiss-bruised lips, golden eye glinting. "I dunno. Maybe you better remind me again."
So he does.
