Chapter 1


Inuyasha was running.

From his memories. The pain. From the disappointment of the people he once knew. From those eyes. He didn't wanna see the look he knew he'd see in those eyes.

He was running, but he couldn't anymore.

He didn't have the energy. The will to keep going. It all seemed so pointless now. He'd lost the loves of his life. He didn't even know exactly what it was he was running from anymore. Just everything that'd ever hurt him in his past. They all seemed to blur into one another. All connected in his mind's eye.

He was losing himself. He was having trouble figuring out where he began and ended.

He needed to go back home. He needed the closure, something he'd never given himself because he hadn't thought himself worthy. Even now, he felt he didn't deserve the peace of mind but he was at his wits end. He couldn't take it anymore.

He was going home. The place he'd left from in the first place.


Inuyasha looked around the airport with slow eyes, taking in the familiarity of it all. He'd boarded a plane all those years back without a backwards glance. Now he was back in Tokyo. Back to the place where so many things had happened.

He flagged down a taxi once he left the building. They loaded his things before they took of for the address the hanyou had supplied the human. He took in the sights, seeing new things that hadn't been before he left the city.

The closer they got to the address, the more nervous he became. It'd been ten years since he'd seen them. A shot of fear went through him as he thought of the less than welcoming reception he could possibly receive. Not that he'd hold it against them at all. He hadn't reached out to them in all the time he'd been gone. He could be dead as far as they knew.

He didn't even know if they still lived in the same home. This was all just chance.

His leaned against the window as the homes of the neighborhood started to seem familiar. He smiled as he saw Ms. Kaede's old place, remembering the time he'd fell off of his bike and the older woman had run out of her home to see what was wrong. That was the first time he'd ever met the dark haired woman.

He looked towards the opposite window, seeing the house he'd had his first kiss beside. With a little red haired demon boy who was nothing more than a distant memory.

He saw him his childhood home, looking up at the massive two story house. The taxi stopped before the driveway and he watched the door, wondering if anyone would come out at their arrival.

"We're here sir. That's fixty-six dollars and seventy cents."

Inuyasha grabbed his wallet and took out three twenty dollar bills, telling him to keep the change. He opened the door, the driver going around to the trunk to get his stuff. Inuyasha took it from him before sending him off with a goodbye. The taxi pulled off and he turned back to the house. He took a quick breath before making his up the driveway and towards the front door. He sat his things off to the side and knocked on the door. He backed away, nervousness filling him as he waited for someone to make an appearance. He made to knock again but heard footsteps coming closer from the other side. He quickly brushed a hand over his hair as the doorknob turned, the door being pulled open.

His heart tried beating out of his chest when he saw her. There was no mistaking those clear brown eyes. Her long gray hair as beautiful as it'd been when it once held a deep midnight color. Only the roots a reminder of the coloring it'd once been.

She was smaller now. Appearing a lot more frail than when he'd seen her last. Her face adorned with soft folds in her skin. One could tell she'd been very beautiful in her youth.

The human woman turned her brown eyes up to him, voice soft. "Yes. Can I help y-"

Her eyes widened, her hands coming up in a clasp before her mouth with a gasp. She watched him and he tried for a smile. "Mom."

"Inuyasha? Is that really you?" She breathed.

"It's really me." His voice cracked, a stinging sensation welling up from behind his eyes.

She walked forward, slow in her moments as she stared up at him in amazement. Tears welled up in her eyes, running down her cheeks as she took in a sight she feared she'd never see again.

Her hand came forward towards him, slightly trembling as she reached for his sleeve. "My child. Your really here."

He didn't know if he had the right to do what he did next, but he pulled her into a hug. Hearing the sad wonder in her tone made his heart break. He did this to her. His knew his leaving had caused her pain. Her and many others.

She brought her arms up around him, her hold as tight as she could grasp. It saddened him a bit. He missed so many years of her life, seeing her like this didn't sit well with him. His mother was considered an old woman now in human years. He remembered when he noticed just a few streaks of gray in her hair. He couldn't rewind the time. An ability he'd wished he'd had a lot over these past ten years. Everything would've turned out so differently if he had.

"Oh Inuyasha. I prayed for the chance to see you again but I thought.. We didn't know what happened to you. We didn't know."

"I'm so sorry." He told her, voice cracking as the tears spilled.

"Sh. Don't cry. We don't need to discuss it now. You have no idea how happy I am that I get to see you. To hold you like this. Just let me hold you."

Inuyasha fell quiet, laying his head on his mother's shoulder. He felt every bit like the child she always made him feel like while in her arms. He felt her heartbeat against him, still strong despite her appearance now. Enjoyed her heat, the feel of her bringing a bit of the peace he hadn't felt in a long time.

"I missed you so much Inuyasha. You've made this old woman very happy."

He pulled away, looking down at her. "Your just as beautiful as I remember you being."

She smiled. "Your supposed to say that. I'm your mother."

Inuyasha managed a small laugh. "I missed you too ma. I missed you and daddy. I eve-"

He stopped at the sadness that suddenly entered her eyes. Tears welling anew in her soft brown. She didn't have to say it. He knew something was wrong.

"What happened?"

She shook her head, bringing her hands up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Let's go inside."

He bent down to pick up his luggage and followed her inside. He looked around, only a few minor changes to the home he remembered. He looked to the fireplace, seeing the framed photo of a little silver haired demoness smiling up at the camera for the picture being taken. Her golden eyes wide and happy. He remembered that day. That was taken at the beach.

"Your father.." His mother began, drawing his attention towards her. He moved to sit beside her on the couch. "He died while out on a tour. A big house fire. From what I was told, he died while trying to save a little human girl. One of the support beams fell down, pinning them both. At that point the fire was too out of control to risk sending someone in after them. They never made it out. That was six years ago."

Silent tears ran down his face. "Do you think him dying had anything to do with. . .?"

She shook her head in a shrug. "I don't know son. I wonder the same thing at times. I know he carried a guilt within him when we lost our little Aya. She probably reminded him of our little princess very much."

"Daddy had nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn't his fault."

She looked at him with a sad smile. "Funny how we can say that so easily for others but can't seem to believe it for ourselves."

He looked away with a shake off his head. "It's not the same thing ma."

"Nobody blamed you either but your determined to shoulder all the pain alone. I can't make you see. All I can do is pray that one day you won't hurt so much." She reached over to pat his hand. "Why don't you go freshen up? Your rooms still ready for you. I'm gonna start dinner."

"Kay ma."

She pulled him into a quick hug. "I'm so glad your home." She got up and he watched her walk away. He looked back to the picture over the fireplace, the little girl still smiling. Her little fang on display. He remembered her being so proud of it too.

Inuyasha stood up and walked towards her. He picked up the picture, staring down at her in her little pink one piece bathing suit. Sand covered her legs and arms as she looked up at the lens. Her pointy little ears managing to peek through her curtain of silver strands. The lavender crescent moon on her forehead the only markings on her face that linked her to her demonic heritage. His little princess.

He pressed his lips to the photo before placing it back in its rightful place above the fireplace. He wiped the tears he hadn't even known he was crying. He went and got his things before walking up the stairs. He opened the door to his old bedroom. The same light blue he demanded his parents paint it when he was nothing but a mere child. Wanting to be like all the other neighborhood kids with a painted room. His bed the only thing to be changed over the years. His bookshelf filled with his books from when he'd gone through his insane reading phase in high school. Various other knickknacks and..

He dropped his bags at seeing him. He'd forgotten about this picture.

He stepped closer in a daze, looking at the silver haired pair that looked so happy. He reached out and took it from its perch. He looked down, seeing the taller of the two with his face in the crook of the shorter males neck; face hidden but his lips pulled back revealing his fang. The other boy had his head tilted back in laughter, eyes closed in what appeared to be pure bliss.

It had been. They'd been very happy here.

He hadn't even known the picture was being taken until he'd been stunned at the flash that went off. He remembered looking over to see a dark haired human bring down her phone, grin wide as she waved it teasingly at the two demons. He couldn't remember her name, but she'd been a close friend to the other boy.

He placed the photo back, face down. He turned back to his belongings and began unpacking. He placed the clothes in the dresser, only leaving out a pair of gray sweats and a white T-shirt.

He went out of his room and to the bathroom. He closed the door and began undressing. He looked in the mirror, seeing the red that surrounded his eyes. He looked horrible. All that crying. He was tired of crying.

He turned on the water and walked into the stall once it reached his desired temperature. He put his face under the spray, hoping it would lessen the redness and to wash away the dry feeling over his face.

Inuyasha washed up and got out, not trying to stick around. He was suddenly tired.

He threw on the sweats and shirt before picking up the clothes he'd wore previously. He left the bathroom and went back into his room. He threw the clothes into the hamper that sat in the corner. He whirled to the bed but paused as he thought of the picture frame on his bookshelf. He walked over and picked it back up but turned it around, its back facing the room. He wasn't ready. Not yet.

He went to climb into bed. He stared at the wall, forcing himself to leave his mind blank before he managed to fall asleep.

He woke up later, the lamp from the dresser the only light source in the room. Sure he hadn't turned that on since he'd been here. He looked to the window, no daylight spilling in from the slits of the blinds. He noticed something peculiar on the dresser besides the lamp and got up from his position on the bed.

He smiled at seeing the plastic wrapped plate. It was still warm to the touch, the clear material helping trapping in the warmth of the food. He hadn't heard her come in. He must've been more tired than he thought.

The hanyou felt bad. He hadn't planned on staying asleep that long. He wanted to eat with his mother. Spend that time with her to catch up.

He brought the food back with him to his bed before digging in. He ate, thinking he'd need to find a place. Since he was moving back to Tokyo, he'd need a place of his own. He'd wait a while though. He wanted to be here for the moment.

He wondered if he was being selfish in coming back here. It seemed his mother was happy to see him but would his old friends feel the same? Him coming back home was selfish, just like him leaving had been. To come back and disrupt their lives after being gone all this time. It wasn't fair.

Inuyasha was only really terrified of the reaction of one person in particular. More than the idea of seeing his old friends. Part of the reason he'd left in the first place.

Should he reach out? The other had probably moved on. His coming back could be nothing but a harsh reminder of the past they once shared. Then again, maybe the other needed to see him just as badly. To say what they hadn't had the chance to say before the hanyou disappeared. That was the thought that he held onto. He didn't want to carry this pain around any longer and the thought saddened him that the other could still be hurting just as much as he.

He'd been selfish this long, no point in stopping. Not now anyway. He needed this. He had to see him. It was the only way he could move on.

Still, he was scared. He knew he was just pushing back the inevitable, but he would wait. Build up the courage to see him.

He finished his meal and went downstairs, keeping quite so as not to disturb his mother. He washed his plate before going back up the stairs to the bathroom. He finished up before going back to his room and going back to sleep.

He woke up later in the morning than he was used to. It felt nice, not having to worry about getting up and heading to work. A job he'd done just to feel like he was still a part of the living world. He'd had to keep busy or he would have to think about it.

Inuyasha got up and went to brush his teeth and wash his face. He went downstairs and into the kitchen. Smiling at the way his mother turned to him from her place in front of the stove. Something she'd always done.

"Afternoon Inuyasha."

"It's after noon?" He asked her, taking a seat at the table.

"Yes. That's why I'm cooking later than I usually do. I figured you'd be tired from your trip back."

He stared at her. She never failed to impress him. Always in tune when it came to her only child.

"Thank you for the dinner last night. I'm sorry I fell asleep. I meant to eat with you."

She waved it off. "I know sweetheart. It's fine, really."

Inuyasha bit his lip. "Mom. I want you to know I really am sorry about the way I left. That I never called. I-I missed daddy's funeral. You had to go through that all alone. I'm so sorry."

She sent him a smile but didn't say anything right away. Inuyasha listened to her hum, a sound he hadn't realized he'd miss. He watched her as she loaded two plates with food before making her way to the table. He leaned back as she set one before him and took a seat across from him. She looked to her child, her eyes holding a certain sadness.

"Inuyasha. You don't need to apologize to me. You made the choices that you did and you have to live with them. I'm here to be a shoulder that you can lean on should you ever have a need for it. I'm not going to ostracize my flesh and blood for dealing with the pain the only way they knew how. It saddened me you felt the need to leave, but you wouldn't have done it if wasn't something you felt you needed to do. You went through something no parent should ever have to do for their child. I could only imagine what you went through. I probably would've gone crazy had I had to watch someone lower you into the ground. No, you have nothing to apologize to me for. I'm the one that's sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the support you needed."

"No ma. Don't say that." He reached out for her hand and she placed her hand in his, her grip tight. "You guys did everything you could. You and daddy both. I was just so sad. I didn't want anyone to see me like that all the time. I wasn't getting better and.. I just had to go."

She nodded. "I'm not mad at you son. Not at all. I'm just glad to able to see you before my soul crosses over to be with your father's. It's the only constant thing I've prayed for over the years. I feared I'd never see you again Inuyasha."

She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back.

"When I left, I hadn't planned on coming back. I figured everyone would be better off without me anyway since I was the only one that couldn't seem to get over it. Everyone was moving forward while I was still stuck in the same place. I didn't want to hold anyone back."

"No one's gotten over it. Aya affected all of our lives. She was a blessing the short time she was down here with us. You moving on and living out your life in happiness is not a betrayal to her Inuyasha."

He looked down and he felt her hand tighten around his own. "I know I hurt so many people when I left ma. Is it wrong of me to want to reach out now after all this time? Do I even have that right anymore?"

"True friends stick by you even in the worst of times. I'm still in contact with a few of your old friends. They'll drop by occasionally or call just to check up on me. They never stopped asking about you."

His heart pounded at those words. He'd honestly expected them all to disappear eventually. Ten years was a long time to worry over someone who'd left without a word.

"Son. Is that why you came back? To reach out to your friends?"

He looked up at her. "It's just part of it." He told her. "I came back because this is my home and I'm tired of running away from what happened. I see that no matter where I go I can't escape the pain. I need to have a peace of mind."

"Oh Inuyasha." She breathed. "I wish I could take this from you."

He shook his head. "It's not your burden to bear. It's something I need to do on my own." He paused as he thought of his next question. "Did you ever. . .Did you hear from him?"

She looked confused for a moment before realization dawned in the old human's eyes. "When you left, he came by all the time. To the point where I just offered him to spend the night at times. When it became apparent you weren't coming back, he stopped coming as much. He rarely comes by and he'll call every blue moon. Lately though, it's been quite from his end. Do you plan on reaching out to him too Inuyasha?"

The hanyou nodded his head slowly as if unsure of that himself. "I want to. Does he. . .ask about me like the others?"

She took on a sad smile, shaking her head. "I'm sorry Inuyasha. He stopped doing that long ago. When we realized you were gone for good."

Inuyasha nodded but his chest twisted a bit at that. It was expected. He didn't blame the demon. Yet.. It hurt.

Inuyasha turned to his meal in silence. Feeling foolish for thinking the other would still be concerned about him after all these year without a word. He ignored the shaky breath that left him.

"Inuyasha. . . "His mother hesitated. "Do you.. Are you still in love with Sesshomaru?"

Tears welled in his eyes as he looked up to her. He brought a fist to rest over his mouth as he replayed his mother's words in his mind. He nodded, closing his eyes as the tears spilled down his cheeks. His mother reached over to wipe them away.

"Whatever you need of me Inuyasha. I'm here."

He removed his hand with a light gasp. "I love you ma."

"I love you too Inuyasha. Now," she said with a clap of her hands. "No more sad stuff. You need to catch me up on what you've been doing all these years."

Inuyasha let out a laugh, a grin stretching his mother's lips. He nodded before launching into where he'd called home these past ten years. He answered her questions, explaining something to her in further detail upon her request. He asked her which friends in particular had kept in touch with her over the years. He asked her about the last memories she'd had of his father.

"Kyo was worried about you, same as I. Aside from your disappearance, we tried to live out our lives normally. He always made sure we visited Aya often. He always told her you much you loved her and would always come back for her. Your father never gave up hope. I wish I'd been as sure as he'd been. More than anything I wish he could be here to witness it himself. He'd be so happy. I'm sure he's at peace especially now that your back home."

Inuyasha sent up a quick 'thank you' to his father. For having faith in him when he himself had been lost. For speaking to his daughter on his behalf. He hoped his father's soul was finally at peace if him being gone kept him from doing so.

"Where is he?" He asked her.

"He's directly beside Aya."

"I'm going to visit them tomorrow morning. I'll probably be out all day since I'm. . I'm gonna go pay Miroku a visit."

"I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. Send him my regards."

Inuyasha nodded. "I will."

Inuyasha spent the day with her. The two eventually looking through the photo album his mother liked to keep. He smiled at seeing the large silver haired demon wearing the Santa Clause hat, holding the toddler hanyou in his arms while smiling at the camera. His eyes drifted to the next picture, laughing as he remembered what had been taking place at the time the photo was taken. His mother turned, laughing along with him as she realized what had his attention.

"I was so upset with you two." She chuckled. "I made your father clean all of that up. I'm glad I thought to take a picture of this. I didn't find it adorable at the time however."

Inuyasha grinned down as he looked at his smaller self decorating the wall with chocolate covered fingers. His father right beside him, his own fingers covered in the very same chocolate.

She turned the page and all laughter left him as looked down at the picture of the silver haired infant sleeping away in a pair of arms. Her father's arms though his face wasn't visible. His eyes turned to the next page over, all the place holders for new photos empty.

"Inuyasha?"

He blinked, loosening his grip on the couch's cushion. He didn't turn to face her, not wanting to see the worry in her gaze.

"I'm gonna head to bed mom. Early morning." He mumbled as he sat up.

"Okay. Night sweetie." She whispered.

Inuyasha laid down, doing his best to focus on nothing but his breathing. Hoping it would drive away some of the anxiety he felt. He wondered if he made a mistake in coming back here.

...

"Inuyasha."

The hanyou blinked his eyes open, sitting up to stare up at his mother.

"Are you still heading out today?"

Inuyasha looked around, the early morning casting a twilight colored shadow over the room. Once he got his wits about him, he nodded; remembering he was supposed to drive out to the grave site this morning.

She left and he got up to pick out his outfit for the day. He went to the bathroom and turned on the shower before turning to brush his teeth.

He made his shower quick since the drive to the grave site from his mother's place was a little over an hours drive. He rung out his hair before stepping back out. He patted himself dry and got dressed before turning to the mirror. He combed out the silver-ivory colored locks before throwing his hair up into a ponytail. Only the bangs left down to frame either side of his face. He left the room and went back to his room to slip on a pair of shoes. He grabbed his wallet and cellphone before jogging down the stairs. He smelled pancakes.

"Thanks ma. I forgot to set my alarm."

"I figured you did." She said loading two pancakes onto a plate, sausage patties and eggs sunny side up soon to follow.

"Ah mom you didn't need to cook for me. It's still early." He said going over to kiss her cheek. "I would've grabbed something on my way into the city."

"I don't mind. Besides, your not going into the city until later in the day." She handed the plate to him and he grinned.

"Your the best."

She brought a hand up to pat his cheek. "I know."

He chuckled and a yawn escaped her. "The car keys are on the table by the door."

"Kay. Go get some rest. I'll clean up here."

"Thank you son. I'll see you later sweetie."

He watched her leave the kitchen. He couldn't help but feel a rush of appreciation towards her. How he got through these last ten years without her was a wonder.

He sat at the table and quickly ate before washing up the dishes. He wiped down the counters before washing his hands. He left the kitchen and made his way to the front door, seeing the keys his mother had told him were there. He picked them up and made his way to the garage.

He opened the door and flicked on the switch, seeing the silver Infiniti G37. His father's old car. He unlocked the doors before hopping in the driver's seat. He reached up and pressed on the garage opener, hearing the whirring sound of the garage. He turned the engine on and began to pull out of the garage. He pushed the garage opener again before rolling out of the driveway. He sent a last parting glance to the house before taking off down the street.

He changed the station to a random talk show, not liking the silence that lingered in the vehicle. He thought of what he was doing and couldn't shake the apprehension at visiting his daughter. His father right beside her. Two people he held in his heart. Gone.

He took a deep breath. He wanted to do this. He was just afraid. Inuyasha knew he owed this to his little princess. Only now was he ready to even begin to face his past. Her death had ruined him.

Inuyasha drove in a daze, autopilot. He pulled into a parking space of the graveyard, not many cars there on a Wednesday morning. He looked at the clock, seeing it was eight thirteen.

He turned the car off and took the key out of the ignition. He slumped back into his seat, staring out at the hundreds of grave heads. His father and child being a part of many.

Inuyasha sighed and got out of the car, not seeing any visitors by the graves. He headed in the direction where his family lay at rest, a weird sensation building in the back of his throat.

He saw her tombstone. Aya Shimizu. He walked closer, entranced by the slightly chipped slab of stone. Wrapped, dried out flowers resting before it.

He turned to the tombstone on the left. Kyo Ikeda. His daddy.

He brought a hand over his mouth, shoulders jerking as sobs left him. He turned his head, eyes closed as his grief overcame him. He cried as if the pain were still fresh. His body gave out, dropping to his knees as he looked to them. Hiccups mixed with his wails, crying until he felt their was nothing left of him to give.

"Sorry. . . I'm so sorry. ."

He fell onto his forearms, staring at the grass below him as he attempted to catch his breath, watching as the tears joined with the earth below. His only offering to them both.

He sat back up, supporting his body on his legs. He turned his head to his father's grave, running a shaky hand under his nose. He closed his eyes, attempting to calm his frazzled nerves. He opened his eyes, his father's tomb a blurry haze.

He breathed until he was calmed down. He tilted his head back, looking up at the brightening sky. The clouds slowly drifting by. He looked back towards his father's grave.

"I'm so sorry daddy. I wish I'd been here for you and ma. I know you worried about me while I was gone. I was just so. . . empty. I was empty for a long time. I didn't want you to see me like that. You tried so hard." He breathed, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath. "You and ma tried so hard but I just wasn't ready to face it. I didn't want you worrying about me but I guess I just made it worse huh? I regret not keeping in touch with you. I should have."

He wiped his face with his sleeve. "Ma told me what you did for that little girl. In the fire. You were always so brave daddy. So quick to take on other people's problems. You used to get on ma's nerves with that sometimes." He laughed, a little breathless. "We knew it was just who were. I always looked up to you daddy. Your one of the best people I know."

He looked down at his balled up fists on his legs. "I couldn't help but wonder if you saving that girl had anything to do with what happened. I thought maybe that girl from the fire reminded you of our little princess and you felt like you had to do it despite knowing what you were up against. Now that I think about, you would've done it anyway. It's just who you are. I don't know if you blamed yourself for what happened, but there's nothing you need to feel guilty about. If anyone's to blame it would be me. You loved her like a grandfather should. You don't need to feel bad about anything concerning Aya."

Inuyasha looked away, seeing people were beginning to show up to visit family members of their own. "And daddy. Please don't feel like you failed me. Everything you've done for me I appreciate more than you can ever know. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not proud to be your son. I'm so proud of you daddy. I hope your soul's at peace. Watch over our little princess for me."

He took a deep breath, leaning against his clasped hands as he sat in the silence. He fought against the feeling that wanted to rise up from his throat. His breath came out shaky. He had to be strong. He owed her this.

He turned to her. His heart trying to pound out of his body. He could hear it in his ears.

"Hey baby. Poppy's sorry he hasn't seen you in such a long time. I was sick but Poppy's trying to get better now. I missed you so very much."

He looked away as he felt the tears start to well up in his eyes. He took in a deep inhale.

"I hope your not mad with Poppy. I still love you Aya. I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts how much I love you. Your the bestest daughter anyone could ever ask for. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. I wish I could hold you and squeeze you. Remember when me and your daddy would read you your favorite stories at bedtime? That was fun wasn't it? Or the princess pajama party."

He sniffled, running a hand under his eye. "You always made daddy and me laugh. You were so funny Aya. Those faces you used to make." He chuckled as he recalled the funny faces she would make at random strangers. They never had been able to break her out of that. What he wouldn't give to have her doing that right now. "Don't be mad with Poppy, Aya. I'd be so sad if. . ."

A sob left him and he couldn't control the ones that followed. He was sad now.

"I'm so sorry baby. Don't hate me. Please don't hate me. ."

He clapped a hand over his mouth, shaking his head. He couldn't do this.

"I'm so sorry Aya." He gasped. He stood up and ran back to the car. He leaned over the pavement, finally giving in to the pressure that had been building up. He emptied his stomach out, chest heaving from the effort. He spit before standing up straight.

He got into the driver seat and leaned his head against the steering wheel. He'd failed Aya again.


He pulled up to the address his mother had given him. He looked up towards the large building. Bone Eater's PR Firm.

Inuyasha go out and made his way to the large double doors, pulling apart at his approach. He looked around, spotting a young dark haired woman behind what he assumed to be a receptiont's desk.

"Yes sir. Can I help you?"

He ignored the quick once over he saw her take over his slightly disheveled appearance. "I'd like to speak with Miroku Hayashi."

"Do you have an appointment sir?"

He shook his head.

"All non appointments have a longer waiting period. I can notify Mr. Hayashi but there's no guarantee you will be seen today."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Your name?"

"Inuyasha Shimizu."

"There are seats over there sir." Her brown eyes pointing to her right.

He nodded and made his way towards one of the seats in the lobby. He wondered what the dark haired human would look like now. If he was still the same person he knew from high school.

"Mr. Shimizu?"

He looked up and made his way back over to the receptionist. "That was quick."

She nodded. "Yes. That doesn't usually happen. I've been told to send you up right away. It's the fifth floor office."

"Thanks." He told her before making his way to the elevators. He climbed in once it reached him before hitting the button for the fifth floor. He was nervous. His mothers had said Miroku had never shown any anger at his departure all those years ago but he couldn't see how the human didn't feel any. They'd been pretty close since meeting as sophomores in high school. Until he left. Inuyasha wouldn't blame him if he'd let him up here just to be able to give him a piece of his mind.

The door parted and Inuyasha stepped out, looking around at the many desks that housed the employees of this floor. He turned, movement from the corner of his eye capturing his attention. The hanyou stilled, not believing what he was seeing before him. If the others face was anything to go by, he was just as shocked by his presence.

Inuyasha's eyes roamed over his old friend, seeing he'd aged extremely well over the years. The pulled back ebony locks still holding their dark tone. His face still appearing young, though he had lost its roundness. No longer appearing as young as the thirty-two year old he'd last seen him as. He'd grown a bit taller, but not much. His lithe, slim build easy to discern despite the black suit that framed him.

Inuyasha looked up into wide dark blue eyes.

"It's really you." The human began, slowly making his way ever closer to the seemingly rooted hanyou. His voice holding an undertone of wonder as he stared into golden eyes. "I can't believe it."

Inuyasha forced a grin as the human stopped a few feet before him. "It's been so long I-I. . . I have no idea what to say. You. . . You look well."

Miroku looked at him before closing the last bit of distance between them, bringing the hanyou into a fierce hug. Inuyasha hugged him back, grateful to be able to feel his friend again. Somehow reassured by the almost erratic heartbeat he felt pressed against him.

"Inuyasha.." Miroku breathed in his ear. The hanyou knew he was still reeling. He just tightened his hold around the other, just as stunned as Miroku was. Miroku didn't hate him.

They broke apart, wide grins on both of their faces.

"You look so good." Miroku exclaimed as he did a visible once over of his long lost friend.

"Me?" Inuyasha questioned. "Look at you."

"Your really here." The human said with a shake of his head. "I always hoped..."

Inuyasha tilted his head as he pondered something. "What'd you think when you heard my name?"

"I don't know. I was hoping someone hadn't made a mistake." Miroku suddenly reached for his hand, pulling them away from the small audience their reunion had gathered. "Come. We can talk in my office."

Miroku led him towards a brown wooden door that stood off to the side of the desk in the room. They walked in and Inuyasha broke away to take in the large space as Miroku closed the door behind them.

Inuyasha whistled, turning at the chuckle his actions received. He followed behind the human as he made his way over to the mini bar that took up a section of the wall. "What's your poison?" He asked him.

"I'll take a water." Inuyasha told him, looking out the large pane of glass.

Miroku shrugged before reaching out of sight, coming back up with a bottle of water in hand. He tossed it over to his silver haired friend before grabbing a can of cola for himself. He cracked it open while looking to the hanyou. "How'd you find out where I was?"

"Ma told me. She sends her regards."

Miroku smiled. "You went home. I bet she was happy to see you."

"Yeah. She told me you stayed in touch. Checked in on her. Thank you."

"No need for thanks. I've actually been meaning to stop by her place one of these days. I've just been swamped here lately. And raising two kids. . ." He paused, watching Inuyasha.

Inuyasha waved a hand, indicating for him to continue. Ignoring the slight lump that rose in his throat. "Go ahead. I haven't met your second child. Girl or boy?"

"Two boys." The human informed with a smile. The pride in his tone impossible to overlook. "You only met Yori. The other one is Akio."

Inuyasha nodded. "How's Sango?"

"She's good. She's taking up karate these days."

Inuyasha shook his head, a bubble of laughter wanting to escape him. "Your wife is still scary. I don't know how your still alive. As much as you liked to palm every piece of ass that walked by."

"Heh. Those were the old days my friend. Though, since she took up that firearm training, I haven't even so much as thought of another woman."

Miroku smiled at the soft laugh that escaped his friend. "It's really good to see you Inuyasha."

The wistful look that came over the human was enough for the waterworks to want to set off all over again. Inuyasha just nodded, looking out into the parking lot below.

"Come. Let's sit." Miroku gestured for the chairs. Inuyasha settled in one of the seats before the large mahogany desk. "So..Where'd you disappear off to?" The human asked once he settled behind the desk.

"Went to Osaka. Don't know why I guess." The hanyou told him with a shrug. "It seemed logical enough at the time." He took a sip from his bottle.

"Now? How does it seem to you now that you've come back?"

No malice in his voice. Just curiousity. "I-I came back to..try and piece my life back. Get into the space I was before. . .you know what happened. Now that I'm actually here, it's.. overwhelming. Everywhere I go is just a reminder of the life I once had. I feel like a part of me needs that. To move on. Be forced to deal with it so I can move on. Then.."

He blinked, suddenly hit with a wave of numbness. He shook his head. "Then there's the part of me that feels I shouldn't have come back at all. If I move on, then I'm somehow leaving Aya behind. Forgetting her. I can't do that. Not when I'm the reason she's gone."

"I'd hoped that you'd find peace when you left. It saddens me to see that's not the case. Your still blaming yourself for what happened when no else is."

"Miroku. She's my daughter. No one could have made me feel any worse than I already did. I didn't need anyone to blame me."

"That's not entirely true Inuyasha. You were concerned with one person thought about you then."

Inuyasha nodded. Miroku's words were true. How could he have forgotten?

"Is that why you left?" The human asked.

"He was one of the reasons." Inuyasha admitted. "I know it doesn't justify why I left without a word but I wasn't getting any better and he.. he tried Miroku. He tried so hard." Inuyasha couldn't stop the tear that slid down his cheek and he didn't bother wiping it away. He didn't need to in front of Miroku. "I knew if I told him what I planned to do he'd try to follow me. I wanted him to move on. I knew I'd hurt him but he was always the strong one. I knew he could move on from me."

"Inuyasha," Miroku leaned forward, folding his fingers together on the desk. "Know that what I'm about to say is not with the intentions of trying to condemn you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about your decision because I knew you were hurting. But if you think that man has moved on, then you never knew him very well. Inuyasha, you left your husband without a word. He managed to move on eventually with his life but no one can move on entirely when there's an unfinished chapter in their lives. Like you, he never got his closure." He looked away with a sigh before turning sad eyes back to his friend. "I.. I don't even wanna tell you what a wreck he was when we figured out you weren't coming back."

"What," he did wipe his face then, before leaning forward in his seat. "Ma never told me that. She mentioned he came by the house looking for me, but didn't say more than that."

"Smart woman. Your mother," the human mused before speaking to the hanyou. "No. She wouldn't tell you that because she knew how it'd make you feel. As your mother, she's going to protect you. As you friend, I feel you need to know what took place after you left. No sugar coating or skimming over things. If you're indeed ready to try and move on. Hiding things from you will not help you in the long run. That is why you came back, right?"

"Yes." He said rather meekly. "It's the same anywhere I go. There's no running away from what happened. It's selfish of me, but I can't keep going through life hating myself for what happened and the things I did. I came back to give people a chance to say whatever it is they feel they need to say to me. So everyone can feel like they had their fair chance to speak their piece."

Miroku nodded. "I'm glad. You were nowhere near ready to say something like this all those years ago. It seems you leaving may have done you some good after all. As far I'm concerned, I don't hold any anger for you leaving. I was sad more then anything. I was your friend but I couldn't help you. We couldn't help you." He ducked his head, running his fingers through his dark bangs.

"Miroku." Inuyasha said softly, waiting until those blue eyes met his. "Thank you. Thank you for being there for me during some of the worst moments of my life. You did everything you could do but it wouldn't do any good if I couldn't even accept Aya's death myself. You were. . . an amazing friend. You, Kagome. Shippo. You did as much you could and I appreciate it more than you could know."

Miroku looked at him, his blue orbs turning glossy. He cleared his throat before nodding. "Am. I am an amazing friend."

Inuyasha smiled a sad smile before letting out a breath. "How was.. Sesshomaru after I left?"

"He was... lost. He drove himself crazy trying to find you. He couldn't accept that you had left. More so than the rest of us. He would stop by the house everyday looking for you. I hated telling him I still hadn't seen or heard from you. His eyes, Inuyasha. They held so much of his pain. I could only picture what he was going through. I could only imagine losing Sango and our boys. He lost Aya then you in such a short amount of time."

Inuyasha visibly winced and his heart grew heavy. He knew the human hadn't meant it harshly but their was no masking his guilt. Miroku threw him an apologetic glance and kept going.

"Then, he started coming by not acting like himself. He was starting to scare Yori and Sango was pregnant then. He was intoxicated Inuyasha. The smell was all over him. I had to ask that he stop coming by. Thankfully it seemed he stopped drinking these last few years and we reach out to the other every so often. That was his way of dealing with his pain. You left, and he turned to the bottle."

He leaned back in his seat, speechless. Sesshomaru had.. become an alcoholic because of him leaving. He shook his head, his heart starting to beat erratically. He swallowed, wondering why Sesshomaru would start drinking when it was the very same thing that had destroyed the man's mother. Sesshomaru had always had strained relations with his mother because of it until she finally went and sought help.

How would Keiko look at him now. He'd inadvertently caused her son to head down the dark, destructive path she herself had once been on. He never thought to think that would be Sesshomaru's first solution to his hurt. He thought leaving would make things better. Now it seemed all he did was make things worse.

"You couldn't have known, Inuyasha." Miroku told him softly, sensing his friends worries.

"That doesn't make it okay, Miroku." He snapped, anger at himself and his helplessness. "He turned to the bottom of a bottle for comfort. To deal with the pain that I caused. You knew how he felt about alcohol because of her drinking."

"Yes. I know, " the dark haired human told him calmly. "He didn't start up drinking solely because you left Inuyasha. He lost his daughter on top of trying to be strong for you. You leaving hurt him. He had a lot on his plate."

All those things caused by his hand. Sesshomaru had every reason to hate him. That thought alone was enough to cause his chest to hurt.

"Damn it," he whispered, eyes closed through the tears. "Damn it."

"He's not in that dark space anymore. That'd been years ago."

It could've been last week and it wouldn't have mattered in his opinion. Sesshomaru had turned to something he had despised because of the memories associated with the liquid. Pain. That's all he was to everybody. Pain.

"Do you plan on speaking to him?"

Inuyasha opened his eyes. "I planned too but now.. I don't think I should. I never wanted that for him and seeing me would just bring up nothing but the bad memories of our past. I think... it's for the best if I just stay away. Since he's in a better place now."

He wiped his face and stood up, Miroku standing as well. "I hope that doesn't extend to everyone else. Please don't up and disappear again without a word."

He shook his head. "I wouldn't do that again Miroku. I'm back for good. I'll be looking for a place soon. Something small. Right now I'm gonna stick by ma."

"She wouldn't let you leave anyway." The human laughed as did Inuyasha, knowing he was right.

"I'll see what I can find for you. Maybe I can bring a list of places by one of these days."

His heart warmed at the hidden message behind the human's words. "Sure. Or I can come and pick it up from your place. See Sango and the munchkins who call you daddy."

Miroku laughed. "I'd like that."

"I'd better get going."

"I'll walk you out."

Miroku walked him to the elevator and they watched each other as the doors closed between them. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the wall. Tiring. Dealing with everything in his past was proving to be tiring. Yet, he felt happy with seeing Miroku again. His friend didn't hold his unexpected disappearance against him. That was enough to make his earlier failure not so devastating. He hoped seeing his other friends turned out just as well but he wouldn't hold it against them if they were angry.

It hurt, letting go of Sesshomaru. The only man who would forever be the love of his life. He planned on reaching out but after Miroku let him know about Sesshomaru drinking because of him, he would stay away. Even now, he wasn't being entirely selfless. He and Sesshomaru were still married. The demon would never be entirely free from him. That made it a little easier knowing he'd never see him again.

The doors parted and he walked through the lobby and out of the building. There was still a heaviness to him but it wasn't as constricting. He got into his father's old car and began the ride home.