It was the one area of his life that he was not happy about. It still deeply upset him to think of all the times he let his sister down. Sara was six years younger than him and he had always felt it was his responsibility to protect her because his father didn't care and quite often his mother was too preoccupied worrying about herself to notice when Sara needed her.
Most of the time during their traumatic childhood, he was her rock and she would look to him for love and protection. As far as he could remember she would crawl into bed with him so he could protect her from the shouting and violent sounds or he could simply just chase away the nightmares.
Jeremy couldn't stand the thought of drugs now, but theyhad such an appeal to him as a wayward youth. He could numb the pain, escape from the reality that was his life. But he had learned the hard way the price he paid was far too great, because while he was on drugs he was often failing to protect his sister.
One day after middle school ten year old Sara Sidle walked outside dreading going home because she knew her father had received a phone call about her recent misbehavior in class. Sara was a quiet child but on occasion something, or someone, would set her off and she would lash out. Such was the case with one of the boys in her class that morning. Sara hoped that perhaps her father was in a good mood and she would get grounded or he may even tell her he was proud of her which on rare occasions was the case.
When Sara saw her brother walking by with heis friends from the high school next door she thought she could buy some time and hang with him or he would go home with her and give her some relative safety. At least safety in numbers.
"Jeremy," she called out.
Jeremy rolled his eyes towards his friends but was secretly concerned as to why his sister sounded so urgent.
"What?" he asked with an annoyed tone for the benefit of his druggie friends.
"Umm, I was just wondering what you are doing now."
"We are just going to hang out."
"Oh, okay, can I come?" Sara asked hopefully.
Jeremy really would have taken her along had it not been for the fact that he was going to get high. He was determined that Sara would not be part of that life. She was so much better than that.
"No you can't," he finally answered, "go home I'll see you later."
"Later when?" Sara knew their father would be extra mad if Jeremy came home late again.
"Just later."
"Okay, bye," she replied with tears already in her eyes.
As Jeremy went to escape the pain with his friends, Sara went home to deal with their father.
When Jeremy arrived home to their run down Bed and Breakfast he found his father passed out on the living room couch surrounded by beer bottles. This was not an unusual sight. Jeremy scanned the room for any signs of major disturbance which was a custom for the Sidle children upon entering the house. There appeared to be no damage, but by no means was the place neat. Jeremy was hopeful that no beating had happened today since majority of his parents fights were is this room in full view of him and Sara.
Because he was under the belief that today was a good day, Jeremy was surprised to see Sara asleep in his bed obviously waiting for him to come back. He only had to take one look at her tear-streaked face before guilt washed over him. Her eye was slightly swollen and it appeared to be bruised. Well he was probably correct that his dad did not abuse his mother that day, he sure did a number on Sara. He turned on the light to better assess her injures and he confirmed that his precious baby sister did indeed have a black eye.
As angry as he was at his father he was equally as angry with himself for not being there for her when she needed him. As he reached to pull Sara's sleeping form into a comforting hug she let out a whimper that broke his heart. Lifted up the back of her night shirt he saw her back was welted. He wanted to go and kill his father right then with his bare hands, but his plans were altered when Sara started to wake up.
"Jeremy?" she asked groggily.
"Yeah it's me. I'm so sorry," he replied although the words sounded lame coming out of his mouth. He took care of her injuries and then rocked her to sleep vowing to never let her down again. Of course this would not be the case.
His drug addiction got worse and Jeremy left home within the next year. Sara was all by herself the night she saw her father murdered and her mother being taken away in hand cuffs. She did not cry that night because she had already learnt in her young life that crying would not help and it was important to stay strong and take care of yourself.
Jeremy had wanted to take Sara afterward but the state would not allow an 18 year old drug addict to be the guardian of his 12 year old sister. Jeremy tried to stay in touch with Sara but the haunted look she would get in her eyes when she saw him was enough to discourage him. He felt that she would heal better without him around.
So as it stood Jeremy had not seen or heard from his sister in 20 years.
TBC…
