I have been staring at the draft of this fic now for a ridiculous amount of time so I'm posting it largely to put myself out of my misery. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!
P.S. Very sorry for the 800 page breaks.
Winter 1988
The bowling ball left her grip and sped in a precise line towards the pins at the other end of the alley, dead on target – just as she intended.
Two seconds later it thwacked into the pins, knocking them down in a perfect strike. "Yes!" Elizabeth Adams spun around, arms in the air and a big victory smile on her face.
"Hey, that's not fair." Henry McCord pretended to pout as his girlfriend's score overtook his – after only one go, too – but she looked so happy he couldn't keep it up for long. And that strike had been genuinely impressive. A captivated smile tugged at his lips.
Her tongue poked out from between her teeth as she grinned at him. "I'm really good at golf, too."
"OK, wow, that's hot." He reached out to snag her wrist and pull her into him, head dipping down to catch her lips in a kiss.
Elizabeth melted into him, her fist bunching in his shirt to keep him against her. Her breath caught as his tongue eased past her lips and into her mouth, and she was suddenly very glad that they'd managed to secure the end lane for their game, which gave them at least a little bit of privacy. She thought that her relationship with Henry might be about to take a turn; they were starting to grow bolder with each other and every time he touched her it just made her want more.
They broke apart after a minute, interrupted by the sound of some kids a few lanes away cheering over someone's spilled drink. Henry's lips were slightly swollen and Elizabeth knew that hers would be, too. She could still feel the buzz from his kiss even as Henry stepped away to pick up a bowling ball and take his turn.
Not that he needed to bother. She was clearly going to win.
Henry readied himself to take his shot, bending down and drawing his arm back. Elizabeth watched the play of muscles beneath his clothes and the sight of him started something burning low in her stomach, something new but familiar, unsettling but intriguing.
She liked it.
Summer 2016
"I forgot that's how this goes."
She wasn't looking at him when he said it and so for a moment Elizabeth wasn't sure if Henry was being serious. The comment sounded like it might be a jibe, and given the state of things recently she wouldn't be surprised if it was, despite the fact they had been on much better terms of late – better, but still tentative, not quite normal.
She turned around, a little apprehensive, but found Henry leaning against the bench with his arms folded and a good-humoured smile on his face as he watched her take down all the pins at the end of the bowling alley with a single shot. "You always were great at this," he said, sounding like he was reminiscing.
Like he was remembering how good they were.
Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow at him. "I know." There was no point denying it.
"It's hot," Henry said, reaching out to pull her to him, and it might have been twenty eight years ago all over again.
Except for the fact that they were at the bowling alley as homework for couples' therapy, and these days they didn't have much privacy no matter which lane they were assigned to because her security team was pretty conspicuous even when they tried to blend in - and she had one of the most famous faces in politics. But that wasn't about to stop Elizabeth from having a good time, especially as it seemed she finally had Henry back, that he was finally fully present and committed to making things work. Perhaps thinking that their troubles were over was foolish, but maybe not. As long as they were both trying.
Still, it didn't stop the insecurity that continued to swirl within her as it had for months now, but at least when Henry pulled her to stand between his legs and cupped her face to guide her mouth to his in a kiss that told her exactly how hot he thought her bowling skills were, she could forget about all the hurt for a while.
That man always had been able to do weird things to her insides.
1988
The bar next door to the bowling alley specialised in good music, secluded corners and spectacularly greasy cheeseburgers.
Henry sat next to Elizabeth in the booth, his thigh pressed to hers so that he could feel her body heat and the flex of her muscles whenever she shifted her position. They hardly spoke as they ate their food, but that was OK with Henry. He loved that even though he had only been with Elizabeth for a couple of months, they could already enjoy comfortable silences and just appreciate being with each other without the need to fill any hint of dead air with conversation. Of course he loved the conversation too, but the quiet moments were just as good.
They gave him time to think about things.
Like it was really hot that Elizabeth was good at bowling, and watching her enjoy her cheeseburger was borderline erotic, and he really wanted her but he was unsure about how best to proceed. Things were still so new despite the fact they were so comfortable with each other, and Henry was wary of messing things up.
Elizabeth's hand slid over his as it rested on the table top. "You OK?" she said.
He turned to look at her to find her watching him with a hint of concern. He turned his hand beneath hers to squeeze her fingers as he gave her a reassuring smile. "More than," he replied.
"Not too upset that I beat you at bowling?"
"I think I'll get over it." His head was tilting towards hers, the gap between them closing as they talked.
Then Elizabeth closed the gap completely, pulling her hand from his and cupping his face to pull him to her, her lips hot and demanding as she kissed him. Henry moaned into her mouth, one hand threading into her hair to hold her there and the other dropping to her knee so he could smooth his palm along her leg, desperate to feel her against him. They'd been skirting a fine line for a while now with their physical relationship, and Henry thought the signs suggested they might be about to cross it but he needed to be certain.
He gentled the kiss, cupping Elizabeth's jaw in his palm before he pulled slightly away from her, but only moving far enough so that he could see her face properly. Her eyes were sparkling in the dim light of the bar and her pupils had dilated and from the look on her face, he thought she wanted him, too. Henry swallowed heavily. "Babe, I…"
Elizabeth's hands smoothed across his shoulders. "Yeah?"
Just say it, Henry. One of the great things about his relationship with Elizabeth was how direct they were with each other. Henry usually felt as though he could say anything around her, but telling her he wanted to take their physical relationship further? He felt that was risky. He didn't want her to think he expected anything if she wasn't ready to go there.
"Tell me." Elizabeth pressed another kiss to his lips and regarded him intently.
He gathered his nerve and his voice was throaty when he said, "I want you."
He watched the flicker of surprise on her face at what he assumed was an unexpected statement despite all the evidence he'd already given her to prove it. Then he watched a brief moment of hesitation and she looked away, and Henry was reminded that for all her intelligence and confident independence, Elizabeth was a few years younger than him and likely inexperienced and he felt the urge to backtrack, to reassure her that his statement didn't have to be anything other than a statement if she didn't want it to be, to reassure her that she could trust him. But then just as quickly as the hesitation had appeared it disappeared, and she looked back at him with a confidence that he was sure was mostly genuine. "I want you, too," she said, a coy, slightly shy smile on her face.
It was just about the hottest thing he'd ever heard.
Then she asked, as if she was seriously in doubt as to how he would answer, "Can I come back with you tonight?"
The authenticity of the question filled him up with tenderness and for the first time he was sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life getting to better know this woman – if she didn't turn out to be the death of him before the end of the night.
2016
They ate at the cafeteria attached to the bowling alley.
The fun atmosphere they'd built up while bowling had started to dwindle as they sat down to eat their burgers, and Henry could practically feel Elizabeth's unease. He knew that it was because of him, because he had spent so much of the past year being so distant and, alternately and not always justly, angry at her. He knew she was still worried, despite the weeks that had passed since everything had been resolved. Nothing was more important than fixing it.
Swallowing the last of his burger, Henry stood from the booth and moved over to join his wife on her side, sliding in alongside and encouraging her to budge up a little so he could settle next to her. He nudged her shoulder with his. "Hey."
Elizabeth picked up a fry and ate it, eyebrow raised in an unspoken query. "Hey yourself," she replied.
Henry leaned in close so that he could speak quietly into her ear, partly so he wouldn't be overheard in the busy venue, partly because he knew the effect the low rumble of his voice so often had on Elizabeth. "This has been really fun tonight," he said.
She pulled back a little to look at him, a small smile playing on her lips. She totally knew what he was up to. She nodded. "Yeah, it has."
"Even though you beat me."
The smile widened. "Especially because I beat you."
Henry returned the smile, lifting one hand to brush the hair back from Elizabeth's face, tucking it carefully behind her ear before stroking his fingers softly down her cheek. Then his hand dropped to wrap around her knee and slid a little way up her thigh. He leaned in and kissed her softly. "I just want you to know," he started, and then paused, because he wasn't quite sure how to put into words what he wanted her to know.
Before he could find the words, an excited exclamation from somewhere nearby broke through into their little bubble. Henry turned around to find a group of teenagers staring at them in awed recognition, several of them with phones out to snap photos of the Secretary of State having date night at a bowling alley.
"Damn," he said.
Elizabeth's hand covered his where it still rested on her leg, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Then, ever the professional, she gave the group of kids a winning smile. "Hey, guys. Enjoy your evening."
A couple of DS agents stepped in then, their mere bulky presence in front of the booth encouraging the kids to move on.
"I'm still not used to that," Elizabeth muttered as soon as they were alone again – alone as they could be in a cafeteria full of people.
"I think that's a good thing, babe," Henry replied.
"We're going to be all over Snapchat within the hour."
"Which one is Snapchat again?"
Elizabeth shrugged. "Damned if I can keep track of them all."
He chuckled and lifted his arm to wrap it around his wife's shoulders, giving her a squeeze and pulling her into him so that he could press a kiss to her hair. Things felt easier now, lighter again, and Henry was glad they could still find that easiness.
"Hey, what were you going to say before?" Elizabeth looked up at him questioningly as she ate another couple of fries.
I just want you to know…
Henry closed his eyes for a moment. Thought about the past difficult year. Thought about how much of it was on him, about the things he had said to Elizabeth in the heat of the moment that he knew she was still hurt by, despite her best efforts to push through. He had told her that she reminded him of how he failed. True it might have been at the time, but it couldn't take away from the fact that the life he had with Elizabeth was a bigger success than he could ever have dreamed of. He knew he had done a poor job of letting her know that lately, and he intended to put things right; he hated to see her so wary with and careful of him. And he couldn't deny that the majority of the failure was on him, not her. But how to tell her that without getting overly heavy and serious in a bowling alley?
Yeah, he knew how to pick his moments. Then he thought of something.
"Do you remember that time back in college?" he asked, an old memory surfacing and starting to spark in his mind. "When we went for burgers and bowling and afterwards you came back to my place?"
Elizabeth was quiet for a moment. Then one hand moved to rest high up on Henry's thigh. Her eyes darkened slightly. "For the first time?" she said.
He nodded, remembering that night, remembering it was the first time in his relationship with her that he had thought forever, and how more than a quarter of a century later, still when he looked at her he always thought forever. He stroked his fingers down her arm. "Yeah," he said. "For the first time."
1988
She had been in Henry's apartment before, but never with the intention of staying the night. Elizabeth thought that asking to go back with him was the boldest move she'd ever made with a guy.
Henry just made it so damn easy, and she wanted him so damn much.
But still she was nervous, and she hung back a little as Henry busied himself with locking the door and flicking on the lights. The relationship she had with him already meant so much after so little time, a newly solid thing in her life after years of quiet and loneliness since her parents had died, and the thought that anything might ruin that foundation made Elizabeth hesitate.
But then, she thought as Henry turned back to face her with a soft smile on his face, they were in this together, weren't they? She could see the nerves on his face, too, and the realisation that this mattered to him as well helped to make her feel better. And everything else with Henry so far had been so good, and why should going home with him be any different? Why shouldn't it be just as much fun as burgers and bowling?
Elizabeth returned his smile and, when he reached his hand out towards her, she didn't hesitate to reach back and take it.
2016
His hand was heavy on her leg as they sat in the back seat of the SUV, the heat of his palm permeating her casual jeans to warm her skin – and warm her insides, too. Elizabeth thought that Henry had been trying to tell her something important as they sat in the booth at the bowling alley cafeteria, and while he may not have said whatever it was outright, she thought that she got it.
And she definitely remembered that night in college. Their first night, when she had gone back to his place after burgers and bowling and for all the fun they had she had also felt for the first time like she was making a real commitment to him, to their relationship.
She had never looked back, or looked for any other option.
She thought that was what he had been trying to say.
Nearing home and with Henry's hand moving slowly on her leg stoking her temperature higher, Elizabeth gave in to temptation and pulled her husband's face down to meet hers. He came to her enthusiastically, wrapping his arms around her as best he could in the moving vehicle, his tongue stroking against hers and his hands clutching her to him like he was afraid she might vanish.
It had been so long since they lost themselves in each other that Elizabeth wondered if they really let themselves go if they might never be able to find their way back.
She thought she was OK with that.
1988
Elizabeth could feel heat building within her, familiar and unfamiliar all at once. She stood in the secure circle of Henry's arms, caught up in his kisses and feeling herself giving over to the sensations of his hands starting to slowly explore her body.
She had never felt so simultaneously powerful and on the edge; it was a heady combination. She let her own hands roam Henry's chest, sliding her palms down his torso and back up, this time beneath his shirt, eager to feel his bare skin against hers. He gasped into her mouth and broke their kiss so he could draw in a ragged breath, his nose brushing against hers as he looked down at her.
His pupils were blown wide and his heart was racing fast against her palms and the knowledge that she could bring this man undone so easily made her feel good. It meant she was doing something right, to have him enjoy her touch as much as she was enjoying his.
Elizabeth pressed up to give him another kiss, sweet this time rather than hot. She unbuttoned his shirt at the same time so she could better feel his skin, and then pulled her mouth from his so she could look down at his chest. A whorl of insecurity took up residence in her gut. Of course she'd known from the start that Henry was gorgeous and definitely in shape, but seeing him up close made her feel inadequate and reignited the nerves that she'd previously tamped down.
It must have shown on her face because then his finger brushed the soft skin beneath her chin, lifting her face to meet his gaze. "Elizabeth?" he said.
Her reply was a whisper. "You're gorgeous."
A pleased smile flickered at his lips. "I'm glad you think so." He kept his finger beneath her chin as he kissed her softly. Then he dropped his head so he could suckle at the pulse point of her throat. No doubt he'd be able to feel the quickening pace of her heart as he continued to kiss her and his hands slipped gently beneath the hem of her sweater to span her waist. She was rapidly melting back into a puddle against him when he spoke again. "You're so beautiful," he said. "You make me lose myself in the best possible way."
He sounded so sincere she had no choice but to believe him.
2016
They lay together on their bed, sharing kisses that were by turns lazy and heated but always passionate and never without intent.
They lay facing each other, and while it may have been the position they had naturally fallen into when they had sunk down onto the mattress, Elizabeth thought it meant a little bit more than chance. It meant that they could see eye to eye, that they had to keep their balance together.
It also reminded her that there was still hurt there on both sides, and would be for some time.
But Henry's kisses were drugging, and the leg he had slung low over her hip helped her to feel anchored, tethered securely to him in a way that she hadn't for a while, and the care he took as he stroked his hands over her body made her feel safe with him, loved. She trailed her own hands down his chest and around over his back and kissed him back with renewed fervour, wanting to remind him that for all the pain and disagreements and problems of the past year, he was loved too.
1988
Carefully, giving her every chance to stop him, Henry rolled Elizabeth beneath him on the bed and then took his weight onto his forearms, letting her feel the press of his body against hers as he continued to kiss her.
Henry could feel the hum of pleasure through his entire body, but it burned particularly brightly wherever Elizabeth happened to be touching at the time, and he was certain that he was well and truly intoxicated on her kisses. He didn't think he had drawn his lips from hers for more than a few seconds in the past hour; when he finally sank inside her body he wanted her to be more than ready for him and for all her insecurities to be gone. He wanted her to know just how much this meant to him – how much she meant to him – and for her to have no remaining doubts about herself or him or them.
Beneath him, her body arched into his and she broke their kiss to gasp in a breath. Then she cupped his face in her hand. "Henry," she said, and the look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know.
2016
"I've missed this," Henry murmured in between kisses.
Against him, Elizabeth stilled her touch and Henry thought that it hadn't been quite the right thing to say, not quite the time to remind her of the absence of intimacy that had been with them over the past months. For a moment he worried that she might pull back from him.
Then she said, "Me, too." And her voice sounded thick with tears.
He was just about to speak again, to open his mouth to tell her that he loved her, when she silenced him with another kiss, sealing her mouth to his and pushing against his chest to roll him onto his back. She followed him over, straddling his waist and holding onto his shoulders, pressing him down firmly into the mattress as she kissed him.
He let her take the lead. He knew that she needed to feel that bit of control after feeling for so long like it was all spinning away from her, like a bowling ball on a high speed collision course towards pins that could all too easily come crashing down. She needed to know that he was with her – and he needed to know that she was with him, too. He needed to know he hadn't broken what they had.
If the passion of Elizabeth's touch and the love he felt in every kiss was any indication to go by, he figured that with time they were going to be just fine.
And for now, he was more than happy to let her consume him, to let her see him come undone at her touch.
She was the one person with whom he had never been afraid to be vulnerable.
1988
Slowly, he pressed inside her, feeling her tight around him. He made sure to keep his eyes on her face, watching the flicker of her eyelids and the parting of her lips that spoke of her pleasure as he filled her for the first time, and the little frown on her forehead that he knew was involuntary as she focused on the feel of him stretching her muscles as he eased all the way in. Henry slipped one hand down to rest over Elizabeth's abdomen, hoping the added warmth would help her to properly relax.
"I've got you," he whispered, stroking his other hand over her hair to brush the slightly sweaty strands back from her forehead.
Her arms came up to slide around his back and hold him to her. "I've got you, too," she said with absolute sincerity, and Henry felt tears fill his eyes. Then she said, "You feel so good."
She pressed her hips up into his and Henry groaned as he started to move slowly, captivated by the heat of her body and the way she moved with him. He thought maybe some would think him foolish to consider this a game-changing moment, but he thought that maybe it was. He had never felt so connected to anyone before in his life, and he couldn't imagine wanting this ever again with anyone but Elizabeth.
Wanting her to know how he was feeling but unable to muster enough coherence to put it into words just yet, Henry instead focused on making her feel as good as possible, moving his hand from her abdomen down to where they were joined, stroking her softly and feeling her walls start to flutter around him and her body arch more insistently into his.
Her face when she came was the best thing that he had ever seen and it sent him over the edge too, and he thought that falling together was something he wanted to do again and again, and again.
2016
She collapsed onto Henry's chest, sweaty and spent and boneless as the aftershocks of pleasure rippled through her body. She felt the rise and fall of Henry's chest against hers as she lay draped over him, the rapid beat of his heart just out of step with hers but the feel of him surrounding her welcome and comforting and new all over again.
"Wasn't quite like that the first time," she said when she had caught her breath and gathered herself enough to speak, remembering the first night they had spent together after burgers and bowling, the way they had been so carefree and had not yet lived through a lifetime of shared experiences, good and bad.
Henry's hand threaded into her hair so he could tilt her head up to see her face. "Better or worse than the first time?"
She propped herself up with her chin on his chest and thought about it. Thought about the nerves that first night she spent with him – and the nerves she'd had recently that everything seemed to be breaking apart. Thought about the tenderness of his touch as Henry had discovered her for the first time – the tenderness that hadn't faded in more than twenty five years. Thought about the silent commitment she had made to their relationship that night – and the lifetime's worth of commitment they now had behind them. The love that was always there, for both of them, no matter what. And every time with Henry was still so electric. "Different," she said eventually. "But also the same."
He nodded slowly. "That's good?" he said, like he thought it was but he wanted to be sure.
Elizabeth nodded and dropped her head to place a kiss over Henry's heart. "That's very good," she replied. "It's always good. Will always be good." Then, because she just had to check, "Right?"
The smile Henry gave her was the smile he gave her when they first met, the one he gave her a quarter of a century later, and would give her for the rest of their lives. "Right," he agreed, one hand hot on her back and the other still tangled in her hair to keep her close, not wanting to break the spell of renewed intimacy.
Always good: she thought that just about summed it up.
But, she thought, despite the temporary distance and the hurt of recent months, the years of experience and memories somehow worked to make it even better, and not just because she had extensive knowledge now of how good Henry could make her feel with his touch.
She also knew how damn good it felt when she beat him at bowling.
