Forever and Always
Dean sat up in bed, having tossed and turned for at least three or four hours. He had had enough. He threw the covers aside and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Dean put his face in his hands and yawned. He ran his fingers through his hair and put his hands on his knees.
"Dean…" came a soft murmur. His head snapped towards the door and his hand went for his shotgun. He jumped out of bed and pointed the gun- right into Castiel's face. Castiel put his hand on the tip of the gun and pushed it down so the gun was facing the floor. Dean exhaled loudly.
"Geez Cas… unless you want a nice big bullet in your face, knock next time." Dean snorted, turning to put the gun down. He turned back around and Castiel had the strangest look on his face- indecision and utter confusion. Dean's brows furrowed.
"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean asked, afraid of the answer. They were going against Heaven and Hell at the same time, trying to stop the apocalypse, not to mention Lucifer himself… Dean, Sam, Castiel, and Bobby. They were all on the edge of completely going insane from stress, and more bad news would probably lead to tears. Or going into battle drunk. And they REALLY didn't need that right now.
"Dean…" Castiel repeated, pain coming across his face, "you realize that chances of all of us surviving… even any of us surviving, and stopping Lucifer and his apocalypse… is extremely slim?" His expression turned to worry… and something else…
"Yes I understand perfectly…. Why?" Dean asked with a skeptical expression. Castiel sighed jaggedly. Reluctance?
"I just… I just can't…" Castiel started.
"Can't what? Cas are you hiding something from me?" Dean raised his voice an octave, getting a little pissed. Cas looked down, then back up at him from under his eyelashes. There was something in his eyes that almost scared Dean. He was looking at him like… like someone would look at…. a lover. Dean almost choked. 'Oh no. No, no, no this isn't happening to me!' Dean panicked in his mind. Then he realized something. He didn't hate the feeling he got when Cas looked at him like that…
"What are you trying to do Cas?" Dean questioned, trying to keep his voice stern and unrevealing and failing miserably. Castiel suddenly looked older as he stepped closer to Dean, into the moonlight pouring from the window. Dean could clearly see the bags under Castiel's eyes, and how tired and completely stressed out he was. Castiel took another step and he was only a few inches from him.
"We could all die… you could die within the next few days, Dean-"
"So could you, and we all." Dean interrupted. Castiel sighed.
"I know. But Dean… I can't…" he sighed, "I can't…. I need to know that you'll be alright… just tell me and it will be enough."
This surprised Dean. He had expected a lecture on something. Not this. Not this about how much he cared for Dean's safety. Dean was now torn in two. One side of him wanted Castiel to hold him all night and whisper sweet nothings to him. The other side had a more… non-gay course of action. Dean sighed and closed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I'll be fine Cas. You just worry about yourself." Dean murmured, opening his eyes to look at the angel. Cas shook his head and gave Dean his infamous puppy dog look.
"I can't."
"Try."
"I don't want to."
"You have to."
"No."
Dean was startled that they were arguing this. He was also getting angry.
"Why? Why do you care so Goddamn much? I am nothing Cas, nothing!"
"I care because I can't not care! You are everything and in my every thought! I can't stop it no matter how hard I try… You matter to me more than anything in this world, Dean!" Castiel spat. Dean had never seen Castiel so frustrated and just downright angry before… it scared him a little. What he did next surprised the both of them. Dean stepped forward and smashed his lips against Castiel's. Castiel's eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then closed as Dean moved his lips against Castiel's.
Dean drew back and stared at Castiel with a surprised expression. Castiel's expression mirrored Dean's.
"Dean… do you..." Castiel started, staring at Dean, his eyes huge and innocent. Then Dean remembered something. Castiel had never done anything like this before. Of course he'd be a little scared about it. Dean almost smiled. For the first time in Dean's life, he didn't know what to say. He reached up grabbed Castiel's trench coat, Dean's hands clenching into fists around the fabric on a little bit below the collar part of the coat.
"Shut up Cas." Was all Dean said as he kissed Castiel again on the lips, trailing down his jaw and making his way to his collar bone. Dean clutched the coat tighter and pulled Castiel closer to him. Castiel moaned softly, taking Dean into his arms. Dean had never felt so right in his life. He knew he wasn't gay, not really. Angels didn't really have a gender anyways… did they?
Dean felt strangely neglected then. He glanced at the bed out of the corner of his eye and he was suddenly overwhelmed with a new need for Castiel. He shuddered at the feeling. Then he shoved Castiel on the bed. The funny thing was, instead of resisting and just standing there like Castiel usually would've done, he toppled back on the bed, looking startled but eager. Dean clasped the bottom of Castiel's shirt and pulled up, pulling it out of his trousers. Castiel's arms just sat there to the side of him, not doing anything, just letting Dean do whatever he pleased. This unnerved Dean. He didn't understand the meaning behind this feeling, but he wanted Castiel to touch him so bad it was hard to keep calm about it. It was almost like a pain- wait. It was a pain.
Dean growled deep in the back of his throat. It was a strange sound that had never come out of his mouth before, or anyone else's that he'd heard. Sensing what Dean wanted, Castiel threw Dean to the side of him with a startling force that made the bed groan loudly in protest. Dean gasped just as his throat closed up and his heart sped up to a speed so fast he thought he might actually die. Sitting on his side, Castiel seized Dean's arms and pulled him up against him, kissing his collar bone and inching down. Whoa. Maybe Castiel did know what he was doing.
Dean had never seen Castiel act this way before. He was being so rough with Dean… but he didn't mind at all. He was actually enjoying it. Which scared Dean dearly. Okay, maybe that wasn't true, but still, a guy could hope… or not.
Dean jerked Castiel's shirt open and moved his hands slowly down Castiel's torso, stopping at his belt buckle and gently nudging it down a millimeter. Castiel let out the softest moan Dean had ever heard and went to pull Dean's shirt off. Dean lay against the bed and arched his back, helping Cas get it off. Castiel took Dean's and his own shirt with Castiel's trench coat and threw it over the bedside. Dean unbuckled Castiel's belt and threw that as well. He unbuttoned Castiel's trousers as Dean sat up to a sitting position and Castiel lay on his back. As soon as Dean unbuttoned them, he kissed down Castiel's torso and pulled Castiel's pants down as he went lower. Dean felt Castiel's stomach muscles tighten when Dean nipped the skin just above Castiel's swollen shaft. Castiel's arm shot up, then lowered back down, as if he wanted to do something, but decided not to.
Dean leaned back and looked at Castiel. His eyes were closed very tightly and his lips were moving like he was whispering things to himself. He almost looked like he was in pain. Dean smiled and kissed him on the lips, moving his hands up and down Castiel's torso again. There was something about the amount of restraint Castiel had to force on himself that made Dean start feeling giddy inside…. It was a strange feeling.
Castiel's eyes opened and he moved Dean so that he was on his back. Dean didn't wait. His hands took Castiel's and placed them on the top of his boxers, closing Cas's hands around the top hem of them. Dean rested his hands on either side of him, and waited. Castiel got the hint and pulled his boxers down his legs, throwing them in the pile of clothes beside the foot of the bed. He also removed his trousers and boxers, throwing them on the floor.
Dean took a minute to gaze at Castiel's naked body. He had never seen another man's naked body before. Okay, maybe a couple of times he had accidentally walked in on Sam because he didn't lock the door or just simply because Dean forgot his brother's 'Knocking Policy'.
Dean was snapped out of his thoughts when he saw Castiel moving towards him. He sat on the bed next to Dean and bent down to kiss him. Dean grabbed his shoulders and shoved him back on the bed, Dean kneeling on it. Castiel grabbed Dean and shifted him around so that his back was facing Castiel. Castiel thrusted into him and Dean pressed his mouth to his upper arm to keep from crying out and alerting Sam and Bobby to what they were doing. That's the last thing he needed was an awkwardness between his only family and him. Also, Dean didn't even want to think about the nonstop smart-ass comments about him doing this after he'd called Sam gay so many times. And Hell, Bobby might even yell at him, right when he saw him like this. Dean shuddered.
Castiel began a rhythmic thrusting, making the bed shudder and groan with the force being exerted into Dean. Castiel's thrusts increased with speed and Dean's hands tightened around the blankets, clenching into fists and almost tearing the fabric. Dean moaned through his teeth when the pain had finally subsided, when Castiel found a spot inside him that sent pleasure crashing through his system. When Castiel had started to breathe hard and moan as well, Dean knew that he was close to climaxing. Then he finally shuddered and came, afterward waiting to catch his breath.
Castiel eased out of Dean and lay on his back. Dean turned his body towards Castiel and looked at him. The moon just then went behind the clouds, and it left the room completely dark. Dean knew Castiel could see him though. Dean felt Castiel's strong hand clasp Dean's hardness and squeeze. Proof.
Dean grunted and his eyes rolled in the back of his head as he slumped against the bed. He felt the mattress move, and he realized that Castiel must've sat up then. Castiel's grip tightened tremendously as he started to move, up and down. Dean clenched his teeth together so hard to keep from moaning that he thought they were going to shatter. Castiel then clasped him so hard his vision turned a startling shade of white for a while. Dean arched his back and couldn't help the moan that escaped from his mouth. Cas continued to pump, faster and faster, until Dean finally cried out Castiel's name and came as well. Then he heard Castiel hit the bed just as the moon came out. When Dean saw Castiel, he had a glazed over look on his face. Except for the quick up and down of his chest, he looked… dead. Dean realized in a panic what might have happened. Was Zacheriah speaking to him now? Or were they taking him back to Heaven for a serious beat- down?
"Cas… are you okay?" Dean questioned, panicked. Castiel looked over at Dean, and for the first time ever, he smiled. He drew Dean down to lie on his chest. Dean scooted up the bed, taking Castiel with him, for him to be able to lie on the pillows. Dean laid his head on Castiel's chest, and Castiel pulled the covers over the both of them, looking at the door to the hallway and locking the door without moving. Castiel sighed and closed his eyes, not going to sleep but resting, and Dean was fully asleep with a small smile on his face.
They were going to win this fight. All of them were going to survive. Every single one of them, and one day, they will look back on that day and laugh and joke about how they kicked Heaven and Hell's ass. Castiel will be at Dean's side, watching over and protecting him, and being his angel, forever and always.
