Anime Character Humiliation Match Episode One

By Kelly M. Maraglia

Babbit Graywords is creation of my good pal, Sailor Aries.

We do not own Slayers, DBZ, or Fushigi Yuugi, much to our dismay. Enjoy!

The scenery is painfully similar to that of Cell Games of Dragonball Z. It is a wide-open prairie, with a huge square ring in the middle of it. Out of a portal in the sky, drop two mysterious beings. The two females brushed themselves off and stared at each other and their surroundings.

"Who the hell are you and why have you brought us here?" The female with long burgundy hair, pale skin and angry emerald eyes yelled at the other female. The second female creature smirked. She carried a black, misshapen staff with a crimson jewel encrusted in it. She wore a long black dress with a black cape to match. Her dark clothing and pale skin put emphasis on her vibrant, long violet hair. She brushed the bangs on her face and opened her piercing amethyst eyes to stare at her interesting companion.

"Why blame me when it could be possible that I am a victim as well?" She asked simply and closed her eyes again.

"You are a Mazoku!" The first woman spat in disgust.

"Oh poo, you got me there and here I was all ready to use my father's infamous annoying phrase on you!" The second smirked.

"What would that be?"

"Sore wa himitsu desu."

"Xelloss, you have reached a new level of sickness! Transforming yourself into a woman to trick me is just wrong on so many levels!"

"Ah, so you know my father, do you? I daresay he has never mentioned you, though for some reason you remind me of Uncle Zel."

"I believe we should explain things to them now, Aries-san." A voice suddenly sighed.

"Yes, I do believe you are right, Arcanum-san." A different voice replied.

The two creatures searched around but saw no one.

"Xeria, Babbit, calm yourselves. No harm will come to either of you unless you want it to, right Xeria?" The first voice began.

The first female creature, now named as Babbit, shook her head at her Mazoku companion's smile. Xeria looked curiously up at the sky.

"So who are you or do you intend to continue typing the 'first voice' or 'second voice'?" Xeria asked.

"I knew I created you to be smart! Well done Xeria Metallium!" The first voice praised.

"You did it again, Arcanum-san." The second voice, now narrowed down to be Aries-san, pointed out.

"So I did, well, we are your creators. I, Arcanum, created you Xeria Metallium and Aries here, created you Babbit Graywords." Arcanum explained.

"L-sama" Xeria questioned fearfully.

"Do I not wish it be so sometimes?" Arcanum sighed dramatically.

"Okay, so you two are our creators, what do you want with us?" Babbit asked angrily.

"Gets right to the point, don't she?" Arcanum asked.

"Yep" Aries replied, pride in her voice.

"Your purpose is to host our fanfic. It is called 'The Anime Character Humiliation Match!' Two random anime characters are going to duke it out and based on the particular author's views of their stats, a winner will be decided." Arcanum began to explain.

"Stats, what stats" Babbit questioned.

"Stats that are important for battle. The following stats will be rated on a scale of 1-5: Intelligence, Strength & Power, and Speed. The last scale, Battle Experience, will be rated on a scale of 1-10. We will try to pick characters that are potentially equal so we can see a good match. No ridiculous matches like Pen Pen vs. Eva Unit 00 or anything. If the co-author does not agree with the outcome of the match, she can write a rematch of those characters in response. The scale will depend on each particular match. Get it? Good!" Arcanum finished.

Before long, Xeria and Babbit are set up with comfortable chairs, plenty of snacks and microphones.

"Have fun!" The creators called out before leaving the Slayers' spawns to their own devices.

"So, who is in our first match?" Babbit asked.

Xeria flipped through the script that Arcanum had secretly slipped her and pulled out two sheets with the combatants on them.

"Where did you get a script and how come I didn't get one?" Babbit asked angrily.

"My, my you are an angry one, very tasty. I shall give you the same answer to both questions: sore wa himitsu desu." Xeria replied, shaking one finger and closing one eye in true Xelloss fashion.

Babbit threw a fireball at her causing Xeria to fall over, extra crispy. Babbit picked up the combatant sheets and looked them over.

"Radditz and Nuriko huh, so we just watch them fight?" Babbit asked Xeria, who was now fully recovered and peering over her shoulder.

"I think we interview them because there are interview questions for us in here." Xeria explained.

"How are we supposed to interview them when they aren't here?" Babbit asked, annoyed. Then, as if in answer to her question (raise your hand if you did not know they were going to show up as soon as someone asked), two groups of people arrived on either side of the ring.

On side held about ten people all dressed as if they came from China. (Two guesses and the first one does not count). On the other side, stood a wide variety of armored men and women with fuzzy brown tails. One being from each side entered the ring.

Babbit and Xeria recognized them as the combatants, so they grabbed their questions and ascended to the arena.

"So Nuriko, what is your fondest wish?" Babbit asked from her question card.

"That I will win the heart of Hotohori-sama" Nuriko replied with little hearts appearing in his eyes. His companions collapsed.

"Okay, do you think you will win?" Babbit asked.

"Definitely, I cannot lose!" Nuriko replied with determination.

On the other side of the ring, Xeria was interviewing Radditz.

"So Radditz, you are a Saiyan right?" She asked.

"Isn't it obvious you stupid woman?" He replied angrily.

"Well, now it is obvious as to why your intelligence was only 2. Do you think you will win?" Xeria asked, glaring at her with her eyes open. This sent a cold wave of fear through Radditz until he realized she was not the one he was fighting.

"Y-yes, of course, I am a Saiyan, we are born to fight!" Radditz said proudly.

"We shall see will we not?" Xeria said sarcastically and left the ring to join Babbit.

"Who do you think will win?" Babbit asked her in a whisper.

"Without having already read the script you mean?" Xeria replied.

"Nevermind, just say it's a secret so I can watch the fight." Babbit said, rolling her eyes. Xeria remained silent and waited for the fight to begin.

To the fight…

Nuriko charged at Radditz and punched him square in the jaw. This sent him almost to the very edge of the ring. Radditz recovered as Nuriko attempted to punch him off the edge. Radditz flew up into the air and came crashing down into Nuriko, plunging him through the ring floor. Nuriko, much to Radditz' surprise got up.

"I will not lose to a weakling woman!" Radditz yelled.

"I am a man." Nuriko replied, taking off his shirt.

"It's a man?" Xeria and Babbit both shouted in shock.

"You look like a woman!" Radditz said in disbelief.

"I'd rather look like a woman than a monkey!" Nuriko taunted.

Radditz tensed. There was one thing you never said to a Saiyan. Never call them a monkey.

Radditz sent an energy blast at the confident Nuriko, making him crispy from head to toe. Nuriko collapsed and Radditz kicked him over the edge of the ring.

"Game set match to Radditz!" Xeria yelled and all the Saiyans cheered.

"So Radditz, you won, now what will you do?" Xeria asked.

"Go to an 'all you can eat' café!" Radditz replied as his fellow Saiyans cheered and followed him to the café.

"Sounds like Aunt Lina." Xeria and Babbit said simultaneously.

Hello everyone, this is Arcanum! I hope you enjoyed ep. 1. Ep. 2 will be written by Sailor Aries! ^_^