Sigh. The Mike/Tina/Artie angst bug has bitten me again. The idea behind this is completely random, but I hope you like it. Please read and review
L-o-v-e
It's only four letters, but it means so much. Or does it mean nothing? Does it even exist? I don't even know if I believe in love anymore, all that I know is that I used to be. I might be in love now, or I might not be. I might even still be in love with someone I'm not supposed to. I'm not sure it even matters anymore, because everything is alright as it as, so why change a thing?
Artie came and went too quickly. The minute he rolled into my life was the minute I knew we'd have something more than friendship. His deep blue eyes had me feeling so weak in the knees that the first time we talked I had to lean against the walls and look away. I'm starting to think it was easier when we were friends in love, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. When we were friends there were no complications and we still felt each other's "secret" feelings. Eventually, our relationship turned into something more. For a few weeks we just held hands. None of us said anything about it, but I was afraid he would hear my heart trying to free itself from my chest. Then for two weeks after that, I would lean my head on his shoulder when we would sit down. Finally, he asked me out, but we all know that didn't go to well.
I ended up kissing him, our lips working together to create the moments. But then, he left, all because I faked my stutter. I hated myself for solid month. Only I could drive away the one guy who loved me for who I really was, and not how "freaky I'd be in bed." (Seriously, Puckerman, you'll be lucky if you ever find a way to get Quinn back from Sam.) After I finished hating myself, I decided that I was going to fix it. I had to fix it, because I was head-over-heels in love with Artie, and he loved me too. So, I wrote him a note.
Dear Artie,
I'm sorry. I never should have faked my stutter, and I really should have told you about it before we started dating each other. I'm writing you this because I don't want us to be over. I love Artie, and I really think you still love me. I just want you to know that I know this hurt your feelings, but the actual fact that I do not have a stutter doesn't mean we can't be together. Our connection was not built on disabilities, it was built on abilities. Like your ability to make me laugh and think "this guy's really sweet," and my ability to make you smile and feel happy. You don't have to forgive me, but I sure hope you do, because you and me, we're in love.
Love,
Tina.
P.S. Please?
Artie's sexist response to my letter started the whole Madonna fiasco, well, that and Rachel's refusal to have sex with Jesse. A couple power songs later, I exploded on him in the hall, cutting him with my flaming feminism. Of course, he deserved it, but I still felt guilty. While it was still no excuse for treating me like that, I knew that Artie was just insecure. When he tried to apologize to me, I brushed it off, saying that he clearly didn't even like me. Of course, he was able to change my mind. The next day he invited me over to his house and we ordered pizza and drank fruit punch. It was that moment that he said he loved me for the first time. Luckily, it wasn't the last time. In total, he told me seventy-five times over the course of our relationship. (Yep, I was so in love that I counted.)
Somehow, our relationship fell apart. We started drifting apart amidst the drama of Beth and the never ending game of fighting for New Directions. When everything settled down, we didn't reconnect. I should have confronted him about ignoring me, but I was too busy arguing with my parents about being a counselor at Asian Culture Camp. I broke up with him for Mike Chang.
I don't know if I'm in love with Mike. He treats me nicely, and he sure knows how to make me smile, but I don't feel what I felt with Artie. I tell myself that every love is different, so naturally things would be different with Mike. The problem is I felt happier with Artie. I felt more excited when I used to see Artie. Maybe I'm just falling in love with Mike, and in a few weeks I'll feel so in love that I can't breathe, but I'm having trouble waiting, and I can't help but feel disappointed that Artie wasn't my partner for the duets contest. We would have won, and I would have had an excuse to talk to him again.
However, it's not that I don't like Mike. I really do. He doesn't ignore me, he always holds my hand, and he knows how to have a good time. I feel like Mike's done more to deserve my trust, but I always felt like I could trust Artie more. I think I'm falling in love with Artie again, but at the same time, I have feelings for Mike, who treats me better. My head screams at me to forget Artie, because Mike has been so much better to me. But my heart tells me to run back to Artie and give him another chance, because damn has he been fighting for you lately. He's learned his lessons and will never take you for granted again. I don't know who to choose.
Today's Valentines Day, and I have two notes in my hand, one from Mike, and one from Artie.
Tina:
I love you, babe. I think couples' therapy has been working. I can't wait until tonight. I don't deserve a beautiful girl like you. 3
-Mike.
Tina:
I hope Mike makes you happy, because he treats you so much better than I ever did. I just wanted to say that I still love you, Tee, and if you ever want me back (which you really shouldn't) my arms are wide open. I will never take you for granted or ignore you again. I've loved and I've lost, but I'm not ready to give up. Tell Mike that he's the luckiest guy in the world.
-Artie
P.S. It doesn't have to be over unless you want it to be.
Mike's right, he doesn't deserve me. He deserves someone who will love him entirely. I will never be able to fully love him, because I can't give up on Artie.
Artie:
I broke things off with Mike. Today you told me that you loved me for the seventy-sixth time, and that's all you ever needed to say. I love you. Be my boyfriend again? 3
-Tina
P.S. It's not over and I don't think it ever will be.
