Summary: Katsuya loves Seto and that's exactly why he needs to disappear. Dramatic Angst/Character Death SetoxJouxMokuba

Author's Note: Prepare yourselves- this story is /not/ going to make your day. Also, yes, there is Mokuba involved in the puppyshipping so if you don't like, don't read. If otherwise; feeling both grim and bold, try this bittersweet taste for a change (I sure did). I hope you enjoy.

Lin (aka NightlyHalo): I don＇t recommend reading this if you're depressed :3

Ashes to Ashes

Dirt.

That's what I am made out of.

The filth from this sinful earth and perhaps a few sheds of God's pitiful teardrops. If, I'm so lucky that is.

He looks at me with his beautiful eyes, bright and ever so blue, just in all the right shades. He leans to whisper in my ears and I let him, by lying still beside him, underneath the thick bed covers. I hear him chuckle as his hands explore my topless body.

"Don't forget," He reminds me. "I have a conference at nine tonight."

"Why so late?" I whisper back, half asleep and aroused.

"You do realize that I am doing the best of my powers to give us a complimentary day tomorrow."

"No, I do not realize and I refuse to believe so."

"Why is that, Katsuya?"

"Simply because, Seto Kaiba, your powers aren't so underprivileged and therefore you can simply tell them, 'I will give myself a day off tomorrow so you human resources better work your tiny asses off instead of mine.'"

"Only if things were so simple." He wonders aloud and I sighed as a response.

He leaves for a morning shower and I immediately stand to leave the room as I hear his waters come pouring out.

Things happened very quickly then.

I look at Mokuba and he looks at me, wide awake sitting on the dining table patiently.

I walk over to him but I can't even tell if I'm moving- mesmerized at my only focus.

My center, my focal point-

He remains sitting but opens his arms for me to enter heartily.

I can smell his shampoo, his aroma trailing down my neck and collar bones; His raven hair consuming my view to a whole new world of darkness and secrecy. I kiss his cheeks and lightly lick his ear to tease and immediately he is under provocation. I hear his moan and I am given his consent to do whatever I'd like-

In ten minutes.

I carry off his body, thinner than mine, which is rather hard to believe, and lead ourselves into Mokuba's room. His face is already flushed, desperate and longing, coveting every pleasure out of me.

We established this relationship for about two years now.

I've been in love with Seto two and a half.

The days likewise, today Seto expected me to wait, I found Mokuba and Mokuba found me, both drugged by lust and hidden desires. Mokuba was smart; smart enough for the name, Kaiba. He knew very well I was in love with his own brother but he also understood my infatuation with him. He understood me and although most would call him rather unintelligent for that matter- he was the only one who understood.

How can I place this in words-

I love Seto.

I love him to a degree of my suicidal guilt. What I'm doing with Mokuba kills me in thoughts of Seto.

Yet I love Mokuba.

I love him because he's worth such guilt.

"He's done, Jou, he's done." I hear Mokuba gasp, kissing me softly and making it even harder to let go.

"Shit, Mokuba, I c-can't go," I kiss him back and beg. "I can't go."

"Shh- Yes you can, Jou, let go of me, I'll be right here, go."

His words are agonizing, but I do as I am told not because I know it's good for me, but because I know it's better for Mokuba. I leave him with one more kiss and hear his last moan and I quickly disappear, off into the kitchen to act casually for Seto to see.

Just in time I pour out his coffee, Seto exits his room with a dark violet robe, slightly wet from his still soaked hair. His wet hair took the effect of darkening and looks towards me as if raven, just like Mokuba's. I stare and I don't know I'm staring, but once the blue eyes meet mine, I know I am once again the Katsuya Jounouchi that only belongs to Kaiba, only.

"Look at me," His voice so soft, softer than usual.

"C-Coffee, I poured out your coffee." He already notices me.

"Katsuya, please look at me." He's trying.

But I don't deserve such tenderness, such patience- it's burning me alive.

"Why are you crying?"

"I yawned."

"You were always so terrible at lying. I really wish I knew what you were good at, pup."

I feel his hand lift my chin and there, directly I was swimming in his beautiful, indigo eyes.

Would it not break his heart if I told him I was a filthy liar?

Would I be able to justify any of my feelings, let alone my actions?

I can feel my heart beat fast in the lack of breath for trying to hold down my tears.

Seto pulls me into his robe and there I wept bitterly, my cheek alongside his live, beating heart. My cries unfortunately set me deaf to Mokuba's footsteps and there I stood in Seto's arms in pathetic tears.

"Is Jou crying?" His accusing voice alarmed me and quickly I pulled away.

"You're up early, little brother." Seto smiles sheepishly, combing his wet hair back in an attempt to change the subject. Seto always hated lying- especially to Mokuba.

"Yes, I wanted to finish the chemical experiment."

"Good for you, Mokuba. Coffee?"

Mokuba nods and hands Seto a black mug, never taking his eyes off of me in slight bitterness.

I wash my face in the sink and listen to their low, calm conversation.

"You never mentioned your second college courses, Mokuba. How are they?"

"I don't want to bore you Seto, they're petty work."

"But my major was different, I'm curious at any form of science, really."

"Who would've thought my brother was into classics?"

Seto smirks and Mokuba gives off the identical grin, taking a long sip from his coffee.

"When do you end today?"

"At one."

"Good, be home and keep the old mutt occupied. I'm afraid his boredom would bury him alive."

"And where are you going to be?"

"Conference," Seto answers almost automatically. "Apparently China wants to reconsider their options."

Mokuba nods and takes a walk over to the fridge, carefully balancing a bowl of fruits and eggs in each hand. Seto decides to change and leaves the kitchen, leaving a small peck on my neck.

"I would scream Jounouchi, scream and shout at your idiocy." I don't look at Mokuba and instead I turn away from him.

"Why aren't you?" My voice remains quiet so Seto wouldn't hear.

"Because I expect that my brother would do plenty."

"Actually, your brother has been rather most generous to me since recently."

"Maybe it's because he suspects you of adultery and wants you most certainly back."

I glare at the now taller boy and he lets out a short scoff.

"If you're hurting Jou, I advise you to stop."

"I stop when I want to, Mokuba," I was a few inches away from his face now. "Do not tell me what to do."

"Then tell me," I felt his arrogance becoming his ego. "Who's the one weeping in the wrong arms?"

I felt my fist rise but Seto called out my name from not far. Mokuba tilted his head towards the second guestroom and without a second thought I stomped toward my lover.

Once I arrive I see Seto sitting nonchalantly on the vintage sofa I picked out about a year ago. I remember our brawl over which furniture and surprisingly, I won.

I took a casual seat beside him and leaned my head against his shoulder silently. Thankfully Seto allowed just that.

For around ten minutes we sat silently and for whatever reasons Seto called me for were remained untold. Finally I lifted my head and looked at him questioningly, peering over to the large clock behind his beautiful face.

"Seto, you're late for work."

"Look at me, pup, not the time," His voice was stern and I felt the storm rising up within us. "Why the hell won't you look at me?"

With a sharp breath I glared at him, swallowing my tears in fear.

Seto never looked so sad in my entire life.

He looked at me in such desperation and I grew weak with just his eyes. Anxiously I quit glaring and let my tears form- I held his face in my hands and whispered, 'no, Seto, no' over and over again.

"Out of my frantic, hopeless agony I will say to you," His voice stressed and grim. "I love you."

"I love you in misery and in pain, knowing how much I hurt you and kept you caged in this little freedom I offer. But selfishness is all I have and I can not share you with whoever else you leave me for so I will bid you tonight to arrange everything and anything you need to either stay, or leave.

Your choice should not be biased to my wishes, Jounouchi Katsuya, and I know you better than to be unintelligent to think such way."

A still silence and without out the courage to answer I looked away quickly.

"Kiss me if you understood."

I closed my eyes and gave him the sweetest kiss I ever had.

Seto soon left for work and Mokuba left as soon as he had his breakfast and finished his experiment. Being alone in the mansion I decided to sleep in restlessness and dreamt of a soundly nightmare.

"Jou, wake up," A subtle voice called out to me. "I'm hungry- I won't eat alone."

I turned my body and finally my face, opening my eyes to the brilliant boy in front of me, grinning widely like the innocent child I very first encountered.

"You didn't eat lunch?"

"I ditched the most attractive sorority girls to keep you company."

"Ah- college, the one place women actually slept with me without the reasoning."

Mokuba laughed heatedly and tickled my waist to have me kick his body to lie next to me.

"What did my brother tell you, Jou?"

My laughter soon disappeared and I sighed in reply. Mokuba wrapped his arms around me and I allowed myself to be held in silence.

"You were right," I started. "He knows."

Mokuba remained where he was and kept quiet for me to continue.

"He wanted me to choose: to stay or to leave."

"Very Seto-like, the unselfishness of it all." He finally replied, nuzzling his head deeper into my chest.

"Exactly. Yet he complains he's too selfish- I don't know what that would make me."

"And me."

"Excuse me?"

"If you were selfish, I don't know what I would be."

"You lost me- I am selfish."

"And I am the walking example of cupidity, greed."

"What? Why?"

"Because I want you all to myself and if I don't- I would kill myself tonight."

This was more than enough to ferment any emotion into this numb soul of mine.

"Kill yourself? Since when were you so ignorant and irrational?"

"Do you not realize, Jounouchi- the moment I saw you in my brother's arms, I turned blind!"

"So being blind doesn't disable you enough? You want to die now?"

I stood angrily from my bed and threw off the blanket. I didn't know what unsettled me more- the fact that Mokuba was willing to die for me or the fact that I thought of the same contemplation.

I looked at Mokuba who was now sitting with a playful grin on his face.

"Today in chem.," He explained. "I stole the professor's so called 'poison set,'"

Jounouchi rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Turns out to be the deadliest chemicals known to the human kind."

"You wouldn't-"

"I wouldn't what? I wouldn't drink them right this minute? I wouldn't decant every drop into my pupils?"

"Mokuba,"

"I would Jounouchi. I would do it, if I can't have you."

That's when it started.

Without any words I watched him rise from his seat and exit my bedroom. In unknown minutes he returned to me with a small box in his hands, brown or black- I couldn't tell. My tears lied to my vision and I blinked them away tiredly.

"Shh- don't cry," His grin still inscribed on his beloved face. "Come here. I want you to be the last thing I see."

Helplessly I took a seat beside him, allowing my silent tears to roll down my cheeks slowly.

The box finally opened and inside laid only three vials- labeled the numbers one, two, three.

"Pick a number."

I heard Mokuba slightly chuckle and instantly I reached for all three, gripping them into my fists for only my selfish use. I saw in his eyes the slight panic, but I smiled at the reassurance that he really did indeed,

Love me.

"Mokuba," I called in the midst of my tears. "You're only twenty. You can't throw your life away."

"Jounouchi," He paused, leaning towards me gently. "Katsuya," and I cried harder. It was the first time he called me by that name. "You're only twenty-six, you can't throw my brother away."

With still the vials in my hand I kissed Mokuba hard.

I will always adore him, and I knew I'd remember,

Perhaps even through my next life time.

As I opened my eyes, the tightly closed eyes before me kept me subtly satisfied. And through the vision I saw the small framed picture of Seto and I- the time we celebrated our first anniversary.

This sickening lust was taking a toll of me.

I felt Mokuba's hand suddenly steal the chemicals out of my sweaty palm and with that he quickly opened a vial right in front of my eyes. I shouted in agony and assaulted Mokuba like the murderer that I was and stole the opened vial forcefully, breaking the other two in the physical process. Without a moment's hesitation I drank the toxin into my mouth and throat- feeling such vile liquid burn me almost instantaneously.

Mokuba's beautiful shouts soon faded into the darkness. The darkness he lend me as escape, and well enough, my final destination. Tears formed stronger and heavier now, my body falling powerlessly towards Mokuba for support.

His arms were firm and I can feel his strength poured into me, gripping my arms, my waist to shake me awake. It hurts and it burns- but I didn't know what was worse; his pain or mine.

Suddenly Mokuba's subtle voice turned into two, and well enough Seto was beside him furiously. I wonder for how long Seto was behind us. I wonder how long he knew my horrid affair with Mokuba and how long he intended to keep it a secret?

I wondered how much I was in debt, to his love.

Ah- don't cry.

My loves, don't cry.

The poison melts me to the filth I am- the filth from the sinful earth; dirt.

From where I was born from ashes,

And ashes I will be to return,

In death.

Since ever so unlucky- God shed no tears for me, so you both shouldn't either. It's getting hard to breath- hard to see-

Mokuba hands me to Seto and Seto shakes me even wilder, tears I've never witnessed and pain I wanted to prevent from. I can see the finest details of his beauty; his nose, his lips, his cheekbones, his hair, his neck, his tears,

He's still so beautiful, and I'm truly happy that he's the last thing I see.

Author's Note: First things first- if you think Jounouchi was a little fanatical, you're probably right. I haven't read a lot of Jounouchi and Mokuba fics so I definitely had to try. I never knew Mokuba was a character of depth and frankly, he's proving me wrong (more than ever). I thought it was important that only Jounouchi died because it just presents this fic in the most-grim place anyone could not even dare think of. Usually death-suicidal fics consist of Bakura, Malik, Ryou (and don't get me wrong, I love them to pieces) but bringing these three instead hopefully added to the desperate act.

I know Seto was kind of out of character in this one (and definitely less screen time) but I thought it was important to show Seto in need of Jou even when he knew Jou was cheating on him. I wanted Seto to actually have these feelings of devotion rather than the bossy-masculine Seto I always write him as.

Nonetheless this fic might be crap, and if you agree (or if you don't because you're nice) review me thoughts/comments/etc. Thank you beloveds!

Lin (aka NightlyHalo): well, that ruined the cheeze-its I was eating. Though, you gotta admit it was written nicely….though, yes. Very Emo. :D