I MUST FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON

ROSES POV

It's been exactly one month since that stupid blonde strigoi took the one and only man I have ever and will forever more love from me.

Dimitri Belikov.

So now thanks to that strigoi who not only turned Dimitri into a strigoi (and in the process caused him to lose all his humanity) but he also threatened to be the one who kills Lissa, the last living Dragomir.

I hate that blonde strigoi with all my heart and I am determined to be the one that makes sure he never smirk's that ugly smirk of his again.

So after all this time nothing new has found its way to me.

I still haven't found Dimitri. I still have not talked to Lissa or any of my old friends from the Academy. And my eyes still cry a river at just the littlest thoughts of him and cry just about an ocean for him when I think of the day I broke my promise to him.

FLASHBACK:

The third strigoi grabbed Dimitri. In all the time I'd known him, I'd never seen him falter. He was always faster, always stronger than everyone else. Not this time. This strigoi had caught him by surprise, and that slight edge was all it had taken.

I stared. It was the blonde strigoi. The one who had spoken to me in the battle.

He grabbed Dimitri and pulled him to the ground. They grabbled, strength against strength, and then I saw those fangs sink into Dimitri's neck. The red eyes flicked up and made contact with my own.

I heard another scream-this time it was my own.

So right now I find myself crying myself to sleep in a fancy suite (thanks to Adrian) in Russia, a thousand miles away from Lissa, my best friend since we were five and who I was sworn to protect.

Thinking about not being with her right now, protecting her, made my already loud sobs emerge even louder. And I just let them fall freely from my face until I finally wore myself out and fell asleep.

DREAM:

I suddenly find myself staring off into the sunset on a deserted beach. The same beach Lissa and I had come to during the time we had ran away from the Academy. I looked down to see myself wearing a red two-piece bikini with the chotki my mother had given me as a belly button ring. I immediately realize that Adrian must be behind this.

"Adrian!" I yell, "l know you're here!" then suddenly I hear footsteps stepping through the sand towards me then stop right next to me. I smelled a faint scent of alcohol. I glance to my left to find the criminal behind this, Adrian Ivaskov. He was wearing an expensive looking red polo with expensive, designer looking khaki shorts, and although I'll never admit this to him but Adrian did kind of look… well, cute.

"Hey, little dhampir." He said in a slightly cheery voice. "Adrian, I thought I told you not to invade my sleep" I complained. "You are sleeping." He smirked and I gave him the look that says I'm going to punch someone.

Then he got more serious and said, "Yeah, I know. Just checking up on you. I miss you Rose." I sighed. I really did not want to talk about this.

FLASHBACK:

"Will you help me? Please, Adrian?" I ran my fingers along his hand. "Please help me."

Low, low. This was so low of me, but it didn't matter. Only Dimitri did.

Finally, Adrian looked back at me. For the first time ever, he looked vulnerable. "When you come back, will you give me a fair shot?"

I hid my surprise. "What do you mean?"

"It's like I said. You've never wanted me, never even considered me. The flowers, the flirting… it rolled right off you. You were so gone for him, and nobody noticed. If you go do your thing, will you take me seriously? Will you give me a chance when you return?"

I stared. I definitely hadn't expected this. My initial instinct was to say no, that I could never love anybody again, that my heart had shattered along with that piece of my soul that Dimitri held. But Adrian was looking at me so earnestly, and there was none of his joking nature. He meant what he said, and I realized all the affection for me he'd always teased about hadn't been a joke either. Lissa had been right about his feelings.

"Will you?" he repeated.

God only knows what you'll do now that he's gone.

"Of course." Not an honest answer, but a necessary one.

Coming back to this dream I said "Adrian, I miss you too and Lissa as well. And, well, I know I said I would give you a fair chance but I just don't know. I still haven't found…him and…" I stopped, sucked in a sharp breath as traitor tears threatened to escape as I quickly tried to regain my self control. Adrian noticed my hesitation and wrapped his comforting arms into a warm hug.

That's when I lost what little self control I had been trying been trying to hold on to. Sobs burst out of me, dampening Adrian's shirt. Even in my dreams I still cry my heart out. But this time Adrian is here and he just strokes my hair and tells me words of comfort. So I just let him comfort me and after a while the sobs quiet down and become slow tears.

Adrian gently pulls away just enough to look me in the eyes, wipes some falling tears and says, "Rose, I love you and I know that no matter what I tell you I know you are going to keep searching for him." He paused, perhaps to see if he offended me in any way. I nodded then he continued, "Rose, I believe in you, you're so beautiful and strong and I know you can do this without getting hurt." I smiled and rasped, "Thank you Adrian. That means a lot." He smiled too, and then softly kissed my right cheek. "You should get to sleep. The sooner you finish this, the sooner you can come home. Call me if you need anything."

And with that, the scene before me slowly faded away as I fell into a deep slumber filled with all the glorious memories I have with Dimitri that had nothing to do with Adrian.

I woke up early the next morning (moroi-time) with one ambition in mind.

A.N.: Well that's it for chapter 1. Sorry about the cliff-hanger:) but I'll tell you right now that the goal Rose has in mind, has to do with something Dimitri had told her once. She remembered it in her dreams. Please review and tell me what you think, please it would mean so much to me and also if I should continue, because I have a lot of twists and surprises in mind for this story.:)

ALL FLASHBACKS AND CHARACTERS BELONG TO THE AUTHOR OF VAMPIRE ACADEMY, RICHELLE MEAD. I OWN NONE OF THEM.