I remember everything.
Nepeta... Equius... I cut off Tavros's motherfuckin head and carried it around like a stuffed toy. I don't deserve to live after what I did... after what I was going to do.
Fuck... just.. fuck.
If motherfuckin best friend hadn't been there to snap me out of it... I, I would have tried to kill the rest too.
I don't deserve to fucking live.
"Stay away from the ocean."
That's what you always told me. But I think I'm going to have to break that rule...
"Hey, fuckass!"
You don't even bother to turn around, you know its Karkat. He's been coming around more and more since the game ended. Mostly to just see if you're eating the Sopor and staying the nice mellowed out Gamzee everyone knows and loves. No one wants you sober; least of all you. At least when you're high the memories aren't as vivid.
"Gamzee! What the fuck are you doing out here?"
A slight shrug of your shoulders is all the response you give him; your long legs dangling off the edge of the cliff as you look out over the watery horizon.
"Get the fuck away from the edge, you bulge sucking nook stain, I don't feel like dragging your ass out of the fucking ocean if you fall."
"I can't swim." You whisper softly above the roar of the tide crashing against the cliff wall.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You've lived right next to the fucking ocean your whole fucking life and it never crossed your thick think pan to fucking learn how to swim?"
"Goatdad never let me near the water." Was your quiet reply. You hear Karkat shuffle his feet and just imagine him cursing himself for the involuntary pain he's caused because of that sensitive subject.
"Why did you do it?" You ask him.
"Do what?" He sounds confused and you mentally see him scrunching his face up.
"Why did you save me? Why all the shoosh paps? Why didn't you just gut me like you should have done, or let Kanaya?" Feet shuffle and a shadow falls over you before he rests his hand on your shoulder. There's a pause and he doesn't answer.
"Why, Karkat?" Finally you turn your eyes away from the setting moons and upwards to his face.
"Gamzee..." His eyes tear up, translucent red pooling at the corners of each glowing eye a moment before spilling over to streak the color he hates down his grey cheeks. You shake your head and give a soft sigh, looking back towards the sea.
"C'mon Gamz, let's go back. It's gonna get light soon." He clears his throat and sniffs, the hand on your shoulder removed to wipe away tears.
"I'm sorry, best friend." You whisper and throw a sad and crooked smile over your shoulder at him.
His brow is scrunched together and lips parted, tongue poised to ask 'why'. And almost immediately his expression changes to one of urgency and horror as understanding clicks into place. He lunges for you, fingers barely brushing the back of your shirt as you throw yourself from your sitting position off the cliff. You hear him scream your name and somehow you turn in mid-air and see his horrified face as he stretches his arm out to you fruitlessly. You close your eyes, your blood bladder pounding in your hear tunnels and blocking out all other sound, and smile one last smile.