hewwo it's the day before 2018 everyone. I wanted to write something for the Kagamine Birthday but like, Look, I was too Busy, Spending All My Money, on the Kagamine Cafe, and the Kagamine Event,,, Seeing Asami Shimoda, and Wanopo, And Emon,,,,, and Just Dying From Exhaustion tbh, so that didn't happen. but I DID draw some cute art. which you can see on my twitter. link in my profile. go now and look at disappointment. (also I wrote a yandere!rin fic a while ago but had to post it on ao3 bc of the format so Go Read That Too,,,,, Go)

I wanted to post something before new years so here is something I wrote in like half an hour bc I have no inspiration or stamina to write something long. gomen. (it's angst bc i have been in the mood to write angst all dec, but Alas, no time)

have a cry

"I tried my best, I really did," she said in between the falling tears, like water droplets from melting icicles, sinking into soft ground. Her hands tried to cover her face, but her sobs kept spilling out, a leak in a boat lost at sea.

He couldn't do much but reach out to touch the lock of hair loose on her forehead. He could never do very much at all, but just let her crumble before him. "It's okay," he cooed. "It's okay, Rin."

"Is it really okay?" she asked. "Is it really okay?" She took her wet palms from her cheeks and pressed them against his chest. "I don't want things to end like this. But I felt like I was knee-deep in quicksand. The longer I stayed, the less I would be able to breathe…"

"Maybe it was meant to be," he said. He was trying to be as reassuring as he could, as he gazed at her broken expression. "Sometimes, even the better choice hurts more."

Rin drew back one hand to clutch at her chest. It was hurting, it was hurting so much. Someone had seized her broken heart between their hands, squeezing it so much it felt like she was suffocating. All that was there was a dull ache - that dull, lonely ache…

"I wanted things to work out, but…" She hesitated. "The more I tried to figure out the equation to solving these problems, the more I wanted to destroy myself. Am I the beast? Am I the reason everything fell apart?"

The droplets kept falling, falling, falling. She was like Alice, stuck in a tiny room, drowning in her own tears. Just wash away the sorrow… just let her forget everything and start from scratch.

"Even now, I'm… truly alone. You aren't even real, Len," she said to the mirror. When she looked up from her hands and into the glass, she only saw herself; her swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks. She raised her hands against the mirror, feeling the cold surface eat into her sweaty palms.

After all, she was all alone in this.

She chose to be.

And even now, she wasn't sure if she ever made the right decision.

(muffled voice) 2017 mood

what I wanted to portray in here is,, when you have to make a very difficult decision that either way breaks your heart, and you have to do it on your own because no one else is there to listen or provide feedback. so you try to make the best decision based off only what you know, and you try to reassure yourself it's fine even though /you're/ not fine.

because I think we all have a time in life where we have to make decisions no matter how difficult they are. and I think that decision is in a grey area because there's no true /right/ or /wrong/ answer. but based on how you feel you try to choose something that you think will be the best for you...

but you know, even now it's still hard to figure out whether it was the best decision.

anywyaym,, Happy New Year!