Happy Tree Friends, Season One, Episode One

Wakeup Call

Starring:

Rufus

Lifty

Shifty

Featuring:

Sniffles

Taily

Disco Bear

Greetings, fellow readers! If you are reading this, congratulations! You are reading the very first episode of the very first season of this brand new, totally original Happy Tree Friends series! On with the show!

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Several weeks ago, a strange girl appeared in the middle of the forest. Oh, wait, I already told that story. The story I'm supposed to be telling involves another person living in the Happy Tree Town. His name is Rufus. This is the story of the day when he found that thieves looted his house, and he vowed his VENGEANCE upon them…

Yeah, I'm going to stop talking like that now. It just makes me sound like a jackass. Well, more of a jackass, anyway.

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Late one night, after a day filled with junk food and cheesy action movies, Rufus was just getting ready to go to bed. "Whew! What a day." He picked up his alarm clock, which was a skull with a digital display on the top of it, and tried to set it for eight o' clock. The thing is, he was so buzzed on soda and junk food he actually set it for twelve o' clock. He climbed into the bed, and immediately crashed quite violently, due to a little thing I like to call "Drinking an entire pack of Monster". He fell into a deep slumber, but a mysterious vehicle pulled up outside the house…

()()()

The mysterious vehicle was, in fact, a van that was painted black. Inside the van were two green raccoons, one wearing a fedora. They were, obviously, Lifty and Shifty, the most infamous thieves in all of Happy Tree Town.

"So, Shifty, what do we got in this joint?" Spoke the one that wasn't wearing the hat.

"I heard this place has all sorts of top-flight goods. We're talking widescreen TV's, computers, who knows what else. We rob this stash, and we're set for life!"

"Sweet! Let's hurry."

Both of them scrambled out of the van and ran into the house. When they entered the house, they immediately stopped in their tracks, looking around at the large amount of valuables scattered about the house.

"I'll get the china!" Whispered Shifty.

"I'll get the silverware!" Responded Lifty. They ran off to do their evil deeds, while Rufus was still suffering from one of the most powerful sugar crashes in the century. When they finished loading the van with countless valuables, Shifty hopped in the car and drove them both away.

()()()

Many, many hours later

Groggily, Rufus awoke from his nigh eternal slumber. Which was rather odd, since his skull alarm clock didn't seem to be on his table. Come to think of it, the table didn't seem to be there. Slowly, he came to realize that his entire house had been looted, and the only thing that was in his house was the bed he was sleeping on. They had even stolen all that bling he hid in the basement after it went out of style. Was that stuff ever really in style? Anyway, after getting over the initial shock that some douchebag stole his loot, he heard an engine starting, and ran to the window. Obviously, it was Lifty and Shifty's van, driving off with his stuff. He screamed in rage, and ran to the garage, formulating a rather bad plan. He would simply incur a vehicle chase and get his stuff back. Except the bling, they could keep that gaudy shit for all he cared. When he went into the garage, he immediately saw his car, which was badly banged up from his last adventure. The driver side door was basically nonexistent after a last-ditch attempt to save his ass from violent death, and the events leading up to that ended up removing most, if not all, of the paint. He immediately discarded that idea, since driving that thing would make him look like an idiot. He glanced to his left, and immediately saw his prized possession: a vintage 1970 Harlequin-David motorcycle in perfect driving condition. "Oh, hell yeah." He pressed the button to open the garage door, and promptly hopped on his motorcycle.

While he was revving up the engine, he put on his sunglasses, and quipped, "Rock and roll, baby." He immediately drove out, not bothering to put on a helmet because he was one of those crackheads that thinks that helmets are for sissies. Unfortunately, on the way out, he hit Sniffles, who was just walking by, and tore off his arm. Rufus didn't notice, and continued driving on his grand quest. Due to his violent injury, Sniffles began screaming incoherently and running madly about. In short time, he somehow ended up in the garage, accidentally striking the button that would close the garage door. The door began lowering, and Sniffles finally passed out, falling right into the path of the closing door. Quite soon, the door sliced his head clean off. It rolled into the street, and was crushed under the wheel of a passing car.

Not much later, Rufus had managed to catch up to the van containing all of his stuff. He gradually sped up, trying to maintain a low cover. Unfortunately, Lifty glanced in his sideview mirror and saw him chasing after the van. He tapped his brother on the shoulder and said, "Hey, we got someone following us!"

"Well, do something!"

"Uh…" He looked around the dashboard, trying to figure out a clever adventure game way to take out the guy chasing them on the motorcycle.

First, Lifty picked up a switchblade he kept in the glove compartment, for emergencies such as this. Next, he picked up a large rubber band, and stretched it out on his finger. He placed the knife into the stretched-out rubber band, creating a makeshift crossbow.

Lifty took careful aim at the front tire of the motorcycle, trying to disable Rufus's ability to drive after them. However, the van hit a bump in the road, screwing up his aim. Rather than hitting the front tire, he instead shot Rufus in the left eye. When Lifty saw what he had done, he immediately got back into his seat.

"Did you get him?" Shifty asked.

"Uh…yeah, sure."

"What do you mean, 'yeah, sure'?"

Rufus screamed in horrible pain, now out one eye. He pulled the knife out, taking the eye along with it, and threw it away. Now, he had absolutely no depth perception, and the hideous pain in his eye socket was distracting him from the road. Disco Bear was dancing by on the sidewalk, listening to those funky beats, yo. Thankfully for the sanity of every living thing reading this, the knife that Rufus threw away came along and put a stop to that atrocious act against God. In an act of desperation, Disco Bear attempted to pull the knife out, but that just succeeded in widening his already gaping wound. Feeling woozy, he fell to the ground, and slowly bled to death.

After that little fiasco, Lifty and Shifty managed to shake Rufus off in a back alley. Since he was losing his ability to think straight due to blood loss, he wasn't able to find them and just continued driving.

"We sure got that dumbass, didn't we?" Asked Shifty.

"Yeah. Who knew it would be that easy to shake him off?" They high-fived and began that laugh they always do. However, since they had their eyes closed, they didn't notice Taily, who was walking by at the end of the alleyway. She was listening to music, so she couldn't tell that the van was coming for her. Lifty and Shifty stopped sniggering, and when they noticed Taily, they screamed. This caught her attention, and she began screaming as well. The van hit her, splitting her in half at the waist, and her body hit the windshield, splattering blood all over it.

Shifty braked as hard as she could, stopping the van. Taily's remains flew off into the distance and Lifty and Shifty stopped screaming. After getting over the initial shock, they realized that it would be impossible to clean off all of this blood properly.

"We'll never get this off!" Said Shifty.

"Forget about it! Keep driving!" Responded Lifty.

Shifty moved his head to a small part of the windshield that wasn't obscured, and tried to drive in this manner. As you can imagine, it was very awkward. However, in their distraction, the failed to notice that Rufus was coming up behind them. They drove off, and Rufus continued tailing them.

Eventually, Lifty and Shifty found their way to a convenient drawbridge.

"Hey, there's a ship coming." Noted Shifty.

"Well, drive over. We can shake him off here."

Shifty gunned the engine and sped over the bridge. Just after they crossed, the boat came up to the bridge, while Rufus was heading towards it. The operator activated the lifts, and both of the halves slowly raised so the boat could safely pass through. Rufus, not being able to think straight anymore, and lacking depth perception, thought he could jump over the bridge and safely make it to the other side. He got the gearshift as high as it would go, and gunned towards the bridge. The motorcycle drove up the ramp, flew off of the other side, and… didn't make it. Rufus's body was smashed against the edge of the bridge, and his motorcycle landed on the opposite shore, completely unharmed.

"We did it!" Shifty exclaimed triumphantly.

They both started laughing, but unbeknownst to them, parts of Taily's guts were still attached to the windshield, and the sudden burst of speed dislodged it. They wrapped around the axle of the wheel, and while they were laughing, it stopped the wheels from turning completely. Shifty lost control of the van, and crashed into a tree at the edge of the forest, forcing them out of the van. Shifty got impaled on the branch of another tree, while Lifty was crushed into an accordion shape. Another item flew from the van as well: the skull clock from earlier. After it landed, it began ringing, and the iris closed on it.

Moral:

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

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Well, the first remake is out of the way. Now I just need to do Now Museum, Now You Don't, and I can continue with all new, creative deaths. I'm AwkwardVulpix, and I support Flaky/Latias.