Nessie's Tea Party (Mwahahahahahahaha)
A/N: This is in Edward's POV so thoughts are in italics with a name in front.
"Daddy?"
I turned away from the piano to look at my darling angel and I burst out laughing. She had the same evil little grin her mother and Alice wore when they got an idea that was sure to cause chaos.
Renesmee: Can I pretty please have a fancy dress-up tea party with Uncle Emmy, Uncle Jazzy and Jakey? Oh! And Mommy! And you, Daddy! And everyone?
"Of course you can honey! Go tell Aunt Alice so she can help you organise the dress-up."
I smiled indulgently at her as her face lit up. She spun around and ran upstairs to find Alice. At that moment everyone's favourite werewolf (yeah… not so much) walked in. I grinned evilly at him and he responded with a sleepy stare.
Jacob: Coffee… Need caffeine. Need food. Need another year of sleep… zzzzzzzzz
There's a pot of coffee in the kitchen-fresh brewed, and I made eggs for Seth earlier so there should be some left in the fridge." I said as casually as possible and he murmured in thanks.
"Oh, by the way Jacob, we get to play dress-up with Nessie and Alice so I'd get the coffee quick if I were you!" I laughed as a small, bronze-haired blur barrelled through the house and leapt into his arms.
Jacob: Aw c'mon, Edward, man! Tell me you're joking!
"Nope." I smirked at his scared expression and played a bit of the 'Jaws' song to add to his anguish. Oh yeah… I rock.
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I walked into the 'living room' of Renesmee's humongous 'playhouse' and just about collapsed with laughter. Renesmee and Alice were setting up the tea and cake, while Emmet, Jasper, Jacob and even Carlisle were standing against the opposite wall looking furious!!!
Jasper: No offence Edward, but your daughter can be scary. And would you mind asking them a question-WHY AM I DRESSED AS RAPUNZEL?!?
"Actually, Jasperella, you're Sleeping Beauty. Emmetina is Snow White, Carlita is Minnie Mouse and Jakelina is Daisy Duck!" I howled with laughter at their expressions.
Jakelina: So how 'bout you, Eddie? Who are you dressing as?
"You're going to be… the Fairy Godmother!" Renesmee exclaimed proudly as the guys rolled around laughing.
"Go get dressed Daddy!" my little angel commanded and I automatically went and put on the sparkly, frilled, PINK dress with the feathery wings and long blonde wig. I returned to the room and stood beside Carlisle with his huge mouse ears and polkadot dress.
"Say 'Mountain lion!'" Bella sang as she snapped pictures of our horrified expressions.
Emmetina: NOOOO!!!! Alice has evil-fied Bella! I have no one to play pranks on!! Oh yeah-Jakey! Mwahahahahahahaha whoa… that was very Alice-ish.
I shook my head then as the girls came in dressed in camouflage gear for some unknown Alice-reason. This was going to be very interesting.
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Alice was whirling around so fast that Jake was looking queasy-while still apprehensive. I reached out to see what horrors Alice was planning but met a block. I couldn't see Renesmee's, Rosalie's or Bella's thoughts were either. This couldn't be good.
"Bella, dearest, why are you blocking Alice's thoughts? Should I be afraid?" She let out a peal of bell-like laughter.
"You'll just have to wait and see!" She pecked me on the cheek and danced over to help Alice.
Emmet: Whipped.
I saw them swiftly hide a small camcorder on a shelf and the red light started flashing. Aw crap.
Emmet: What the hell?!?! The pixie is recording this? Aw crap.
Jake: bu-nu-fo-lo-so-… zuh! Aw crap.
Jasper: The Union will fall and the South shall rise agai- Aw crap.
Carlisle: Well I'll have to go in early if Esme wants to go hunting later… Oh dear.
Esme: I wonder did the hospital find anyone to design the new children's ward… Oh no…
The camcorder wasn't as inconspicuous as Alice had hoped. Maybe this time we'll avoid an Emmet/Jasper wrestling match!
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Alice had set an elaborate tea in the 'kitchen'. Renesmee ordered us all to our set places and showed us the 'proper' way to hold a cup.
"You hold it with your thumb and two fingers and stick your pinky up in the air. Like this. Got it?" She went around showing everyone what to do and wiggled her pinkie constantly.
"Yay! Uncle Jazzy, you got it!" She squealed and clapped.
Emmet: Show off! Try holding that tiny cup with spades like these!
I snickered and quick as a flash, Emmet chucked a scone at my head. I dodged and it smacked off Jasper's head. I cringed as Jazz retaliated by chucking a cupcake at Jake who was gazing at Nessie.
Jake: Huh?!?! Wha- FOOD FIGHT!!!!
Emmet: FOOD FIGHT! Mwahahahahahahaha! Whoa I'm getting good at that!
I grabbed Renesmee and placed her under the table, out of the way, as scones, cupcakes, biscuits and assorted fruits flew through the air at alarming speeds. Suddenly Jasper lunged at Emmet and tackled him to the floor. They rolled around, wrestling and laughing.
"STOP!!! Emmet McCarty Cullen and Jasper Whitlock Hale! I am ashamed and upset!"
Renesmee was standing on the table, hands on hips, glaring at them as they looked up, shocked. Em had half a cupcake stuck up his nose and Jasper's hair was full of banana and kiwi. Nessie's bottom lip quivered dramatically and all us guys rushed to comfort her.
Someone laughed evilly behind us and we were pelted with paintballs as we ducked for cover. The girls had pulled paintball guns from undisclosed locations and were pelting us as hard as possible. Had we been human, we would be black and blue.
"Say 'Irritable Grizzly!'" they chorused as they captured pictures of us drenched in fruit and pink paint with our jaws on the ground.
"Oh, by the way, Emmet, next year don't get me a paintball gun for Valentines Day!" Rose growled and stalked off.
Unbelieveable.