Full Summary: When Bella returns to Forks after breaking free of her codependent and emotionally abusive relationship with Edward, she is determined to learn how to stand on her own two feet and vows never to need anyone again. But she soon discovers that it will be even harder than I expects, as her 3 years married to Edward without any visits to the people who once cared deeply about her has left her support network strained and damaged. One werewolf in particular throws a spanner in the works as she tries to develop her individual identity without depending on anyone. Although afraid to trust anyone again, and dealing with the repercussions of something so traumatic she is not sure she will ever be able to heal, she finds herself irresistibly drawn to Jacob Black. Unfortunately, he is no longer the same man she left behind. Her relationship with him is broken, but this time it is not purely her fault. Bella x Jacob.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize does not belong to me.

A/N This is all slowly being rewritten now that I have a chance to go into more depth instead of it just being the bare outlines of a plot. Starting with this chapter. For those of you who had already read it, there will be a few new layers added to the plot as it felt too one dimensional. :) Also: How does the whole beta thing work? I'm editing myself at the moment but I know there are mistakes I'm missing.

Jacob's POV

The only noise that came out of my mouth as I heard a knock at my door was a disgruntled groan. I haven't been sleeping well lately and being interrupted in the middle of my too short REM cycle by a loud banging has never been one of my favorite ways to wake up.

Nevertheless, I walked over to the door rubbing my eyes sleepily and pulled it open only to see the last person in the world I had expected, standing on my doorstep. Tear streaked mascara ran down her pale face and her arms were wrapped around her stomach as I shivered in the crisp early morning air. Her usually well tamed hair was sticking up in all directions and she had lost a lot of weight since I last saw her three years ago. I could not help but stare at her in shock.

She had left with that leech Edward after their wedding three years ago and as far as I had been aware she was supposed to be a vampire by now. And yet I could hear the unsteady beat of her heart racing as she stood in front of me. For once in my life my usual confidence deserted me and I was at a loss for words. I'm sure my face showed my confusion as I frowned at her, letting my eyes ask all the questions my mind was unable to form.

"Jake."

She spoke my name hesitantly and the spell that held me mesmerized was broken. All the familiar feelings of anger and betrayal came rushing back at the sound of her voice. I shook my head once and slammed the door in her face. She had no right to show up on my doorstep after 3 years and act like nothing had even happened.

Through the door I heard her breath catch as she gasped for air. I had made her cry. Sometimes the highly sensitive werewolf hearing really does a number on a guy. I could hear her sobbing as she walked back to her car.

As soon as she drove away my legs gave way and I slid down the door breathing heavily. I had so many questions for her but I was terrified of what the answers might be. She had hurt me beyond belief when she chose Edward, and it had taken all the strength I had to piece myself back together. I could not risk allowing her back into my life to break my heart again.

Bella's POV - The night before

I left him. I left Edward. I had to. I had gotten into my car and driven all night, eventually finding myself at the La Push Reservation, almost without realizing where I was heading. But as soon as I got there I knew that there was only one person I truly wanted to talk to. Jacob Black. My one time best friend and the person who knew me better than anyone else. Being around him was as easy as breathing. Or at least it had been before I broke his heart into tiny pieces. My only hope had been that he would be able to forgive me. It would have been nice to know there was one person on my side as I tried to rediscover my self identity.

Clearly I would not be able to count on him to be that person though.

I had known coming back to Forks would be complicated, and I realized that I had not left on good terms with Jacob Black. But I had thought that three years would have been long enough for him to move on and that maybe we would be able to repair our friendship, especially considering that I'm still human. The truth is that right now I need all the friends I have. He slammed the door in my face. Clearly, there are some wounds which time alone can not heal. I probably shouldn't be surprised at his reaction.

My relationship with Edward had deteriorated rapidly after the wedding. The honeymoon had been a disaster and after the first night Edward had built up a wall around himself, refusing to allow any physical contact.

That did not stop me from becoming pregnant with his half-vampire baby. It grew so quickly and Carlisle soon informed me that it was incompatible with my body. That no matter how much I wanted the baby my body was incapable of providing it with the environment required to carry it to full term.

I miscarried 3 months later, and a piece of me died with the life that had been growing within me. I lost the ability to feel, my emotions shut down. It was too much.

It broke me. To lose something that had been so precious to me. At the beginning of our marriage I had thought that Edward would be all I would ever want. The miscarriage made me realize that more than living forever, I wanted to live fully, abundantly. And I wanted to have the chance to have a baby, to create a family. I would not be able to do that as a vampire. As the months went by I slowly realized that there are some events in life which damage you in a way that cannot be fixed. The divorce rate among couples who have lost a child is sky high. I soon learned why.

We had moved to a freezing cold city in Alaska and although I enjoyed my university studies, I soon realized that Edward was holding onto me far too tightly. He had serious insecurities about not being human, which he tried to make up for by having someone to control - me. He made me move away from my family and friends which was only the first step in isolating me. I soon found that anytime I began to get too close to anyone else, Edward would decide it was unsafe to stay in the area any longer and move us to a new city. I fell into a deep depression born of intense loneliness. As he constantly reminded me any time I tried to protest, I had chosen this life. The guilt of knowing that this life had been my own choice caused me to turn to him for comfort instead of calling my family back home. I did not want them to see how weak I had become, and I was too ashamed to beg for them to forgive me for leaving them and not coming back to visit even once in three years.

I had avoided going back because I was afraid that if Edward and I returned to Forks, my friends and family would be able to see what a sham our marriage was.

There had been a number of arguments over the years, but the times I had tried to leave Edward in frustration at my lack of control over my own life, he had convinced me that I was not thinking straight, that everything would be okay. He had whispered that he loved me more than life itself and that he would do anything to make me happy. I still loved him in spite of everything and never pulled together the strength to follow through on my plans to leave. Not to mention that I owned nothing on my own. All the money was in his name. I had burnt all my bridges with my friends back in Forks and there was a gaping distance between me and Charlie as he had never approved of my marriage to Edward. Renee was still constantly on the move with her baseball player husband, and my relationship with my mother had always been more of a friendship than a parent child dynamic. As much as I loved her, I could not rely on my flighty mother for anything.

It was a psychology general education class at my university that taught me the definition of a codependent and emotionally abusive relationship. The realization of how unhealthy my relationship with Edward had become hit me right in the gut and I ran out of the classroom struggling to breathe.

I finally realized I could not continue in this relationship. I had agreed early on in their marriage, when I first started having second thoughts, that the change would happen after college graduation instead of after high school - and now I was relieved beyond measure that I had remained human.

I had gone home and looked stood in front of Edward frowning at the floor, unable to look him in the eyes.

"Edward, I can't do this anymore. I'm not happy, and the relationship dynamic between us isn't healthy. You always said that if I wanted to choose to live a human life you would give me that choice. If you truly love me I'm asking you to let me go."

"Bella, don't do this. I love you and I know that you still love me, you're just depressed because of the miscarriage and you never really dealt with it. Let's take a trip to Europe and relax a bit instead." I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the battle ahead.

"This isn't something a trip to Europe will fix Edward. I'm damaged and I can't move on as long as I stay with you. You aren't good for me anymore. You tried to tell me that so many times when we first started dating, I should have realized earlier. I'm not in love with you anymore, I just stay because I need you. I'm scared of what my life would be like without you and I don't know how to live without depending on you. I need to learn how to stand on my own feet and rebuild my life from scratch. The miscarriage was about more than just losing a baby. It was about me realising that I want more from my life than immortality. You aren't letting me move on. Can't you see how debilitating that is to me?" My voice had pleaded for him to understand.

"Bella, look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me anymore." I didn't dare to look up at him, knowing I would be pulled into the depths of his eyes. I wondered just how often he had compelled me to see things his way against my will and without my knowledge. Instead I mumbled to the ground quietly.

"No, Edward its over. You need to let me go." I spoke with more conviction this time, my voice growing stronger as I finally put the emotions which had been building for 3 years into words. Edward's eyes turned desperate as he pulled my chin up to look at him. His musical voice was just as coaxing and persuasive as always but this time I threw up every wall I had to resist him.

"You're my whole life Bella. I can't just give up on that and let you go. I can't live without you. We can change the dynamic between us. I can help you heal from the miscarriage. I promise I'll work harder to support your dreams and individuality. But you can't just give up on us because you are scared that our relationship isn't perfect. It takes time and effort and there's always things to work on. We can fix this." His desperation was tainted by the usual manipulative guilt. But I couldn't be responsible for his emotional state anymore. I had stayed for so long, afraid of what measures he would resort to if I left him.

"No Edward, we can't. I've lost my identity by being married to you. The miscarriage destroyed any emotions I had. I can't feel anymore and it s cares me. I can't get them back if I stay in this relationship. I need this to be over." As I spoke the words my heart started to solidify into a cold hard lump in my chest. I shut out my thoughts, knowing that if I didn't leave now I would never be able to get out of this relationship.

"It's not that easy Bella, you can't just walk out on this marriage. You'll lose the protection of my family and be alone and vulnerable. It's not safe for you without us. The Volturi will have direct access to you." Had he just threatened me? That was what it had sounded like. He was definitely not going to make this easy.

"I have werewolf friends, they'll protect me. And I'll only lose the protection of your family if you force them to take sides. Please don't make them stop protecting me Edward. If you respected and loved me at all you wouldn't try to force me to stay with you out of fear." By this point I was beginning to feel angry. Anger. The only emotion I could still feel. How dare he try to manipulate me like this. I had had enough.

"Oh so this is about Jacob. Of course. Typical. Fine. If you can't stay away from that mangy mutt then go, I don't want anyone so pathetic and weak in my life anyway." His words stung. He had never been so maliciously cutting in the way he spoke to me before. He had always pleaded, coddled, and charmed me into doing what he wanted.

Then again, I had never resisted him this strongly before.

"This is not about Jacob. It's about me, and what I need and want from my life, which really doesn't seem to matter to you. If it did you would let me go without the guilt tripping. I'm done Edward, don't come after me." I was SO done.

I took off the overly sparkly wedding ring he had given to me and put it on the table.

"I want a divorce"

"Please don't do this Bella. You're all that keeps me human."

"You aren't human Edward. You're a vampire. If you were human our baby wouldn't have died. I have to go." My voice caught and I turned to walk away before I fell apart.

Edward sighed and looked at me with the pain of centuries showing on his face as I turned and fled.

Back to the Present

I pulled my thoughts back into control, I was sitting my car idling outside Jake's house and I couldn't stay there crying all day. I turned the ignition and took off.

As I drove away from the reservation I realized that I probably should not have gone to see Jake. I was not thinking straight. Hadn't the point of leaving Edward been because I was too co-dependent and incapable of managing my own emotions without a guy there to make me feel better all the time? I needed to spend some time sorting my self out before I could open up the Pandora's box which was my friendship with Jacob. It was time to work through my own emotions, learn to stand on my own two feet, and put my almost complete English Literature degree to good use. Maybe I would write a book.

While I was with Edward I had always turned to self destructive ways to manage my loneliness and depression. Although I had never again resorted to the extremes of the time when Edward left me, and there had been no more reckless cliff diving, I had internalized the feeling of never measuring up to my perfect husband, and my self worth was in tatters. Edward had been perfect and I was the weak one who constantly needed to be pieced back together. I had not realized until recently that there was another way to live within a relationship.

So as much as it hurts right now, Jake's refusal to speak to me may be a blessing in disguise. I can't have a healthy friendship with him until I'm able to manage myself. I need to learn how to feel again in a healthy way. As much as it scares me. The reason my emotions shut down after I lost my baby was because they were too much for me to bear. I knew that I would never be able to experience true love or joy again until I was strong enough to face the depth of brokennness that losing my baby had caused. Shutting out painful emotions also shuts out joy. Jake shouldn't have to deal with me until I am strong enough to be the girl he wants and needs.

For now it's better that I stay away from him.

I continued on to Charlie's house, knocked on the door, and immediately regretted staying away so long when I saw my dad's look of joy at my return. I had barely even phoned him during that time, not wanting him to know what had happened, or hear in my voice how damaged I was. Dropping my suitcases on the ground I ran towards him and gave him an awkward hug. Usually neither of us are very demonstrative but three years was a long time, and I had not realized until this moment how much I had missed having my dad around.

"Hi Dad." I swear his eyes were almost glistening with tears. But that would be far too uncharacteristic for the police chief so I pushed the thought aside.

"Bells, it's so good to see you." He picked up my bags to carry them inside and I smiled back at him.

"Yeah you too. I was wondering if...can I stay a while." He raised an eyebrow at me in disbelief.

"Are you kidding, Bells I'm your dad, you know you can always stay as long as you like, I haven't changed your room at all since you left, its all right there for you."

For the first time since making the decision to leave Edward, I felt safe and loved. I could do this. I would find a way.