Author's note: As I claimed in Dear Fanfiction Writers TOS Style, Scotty needs more love. Thus, I wrote this short oneshot. It just popped into my head. It also serves the purpose of introducing Ensign Tyler, the ultimate bully aboard the Enterprise.

Please review and tell me if I got Scotty's accent right!

"Hey, Mr. Scott!"

Scotty ignored the ensign and continued his job of running a diagnostic on the engines. The poor engines had been strained entirely too often lately.

"Mr. Scott!"

What was the use of persisting? Scotty wasn't interested right now. His ship needed a diagnostic run!

"Mr. Scott!"

At that point, Scotty looked up to see one of the young male ensigns

standing there. He was new on the ship, so Scotty had to think for a minute before he remembered the lad's name. It was Tyler-Ensign Ryan Tyler. He looked surprisingly nervous. From the little Scotty had heard about this Ensign, he wasn't nervous. Rather, he was a real pain to his senior officers and something of a bully to fellow Ensigns, particularly Chekov. But Scotty was going to give him a chance.

"C'mon, laddie. Spill. I'm not gonna bite," he said in what he hoped was a friendly tone.

"I need some relationship advice," the ensign began.

"Why r'ya askin me, then?" the Chief Engineer asked, confused. He could count the number of dates he'd been on in his life with one hand. "Why not the captain?"

"He's never hooked up with a starship before!" the ensign said matter-of-factly. "You have! And I also want to get with a starship, but flowers don't work. How'd you do it?"

Romance with a starship? No way!

So THAT'S what the Ensign was after: making fun of his Senior Officer. Scotty should've known. Well, he wasn't going to stand to this insult to him-AND to the Enterprise.

"What in th' blazes r'ya askin me?" Scotty half-gasped, half shouted. "Get outta my engineerin section, lad!"

Giggling, the ensign ran off, probably to mock Chekov's accent or make fun of Spock's stoicism or something along that vein.

Sighing, Scotty returned to his diagnostics. At least the ship never mocked him.

So, how was it?