Don't own the characters.
Purely a one-shot. What does Tony find in the dark and silence to carry on doing the job he once loved, after the events of season six, so there may be spoilers.
This one shot was inspired by a mix of the quote below and random thoughts at 3am in the morning so if it makes no sense then you were warned. Have fun though.
"I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all." --Richard Wright
Solace in the Dark
The Darkness, only the stars and the moon shining dimly over his apartment block, over everyone as they sleep.
It has no direction or purpose, no expectations of anything. It just is. And it calms him. It has no preconceived notions of him to be nothing more than what they see, nothing more than what he lets them see.
Silence. Well, as silent as a city can truly get.
Nothing telling him how he should act, react, or do what they wanted. After all, he was and merely is a puppet in this game of politics and trust. To be used, reused, then thrown to the wolves as they see fit. And to think, he actually wanted to come back to this, the cruel teasing when they see his flaws, his mistakes and to be once again controlled by the puppet master, doing his bidding as he saw fit. Hadn't they had enough of it the last time? He sure had.
As the sirens shattered and echoed through the silence of the sleeping city, the wind rustles through the open windows of random houses and apartments. Disturbing the curtains, blinds but not the people. The city lives even when most should be resting, but work continues regardless of time and space. But then, as do murders, they don't stop just because the majority are safely tucked up in their beds. He's been often enough called out of bed in the ungodly hours of the morning to go through the motions of his job. His existence, if that is what he could truly call it.
There's something in this darkness and silence that he finds so still, so calming. Maybe, that was it. That, was the reason his found his solace in nothing. He saw the innocence that was worth saving, all the innocence tucked up in bed. So he falls back on to the escape he found, his new escape so he can keep getting up in the morning to face his job and the solemn nature of it. The city's sounds give him reason to live, to protect everything and anything that can't protect themselves.
He supposed that he'd found this new escape on the ship, which ever one it was at the time. When looking at pictures, cases and drinking hadn't been working, even when running had lost its appeal to relieve the tensions of the day. He'd find himself somewhere in the middle of nowhere just looking out at the darkness, asking questions neither he nor it could answer. Maybe, that is what he'd needed, the silence and calm, the sloshing of the waves against the ship. Just somewhere he wouldn't be judged, found no profound answers. Just the unwavering calm the waters, starlight and moon brought. Nothing more, nothing less.
The opposition of his job and his new escape, paved the way to some sort of middle ground, something he could cling to when the team were falling apart. The team needed everyone it still had and he needed to keep them together, even when he wasn't all that together himself. Everything for them. He had his own escape, and their escape was him. Him and his typical DiNozzo ways, his way of lightening the mood if the thought got too introspective, or the crime got too gruesome.
Turning his head away from the view of the city he glanced around his apartment, he'd been back for a while now, yet, he hadn't unpacked some things. He wasn't willing to put his trust in the puppet master who had fed him to the wolves when the agency needed protecting. He would do it again, yes, but on his own terms. Not because the puppet master felt he needed to take one for the team. He had already done that under the last administration and look where that had gotten him, almost killed and feeling like screw-up for falling in love with his targets daughter. Not that he hadn't tried to tell the director at the time, he had. But, all she had said was 'so what's the problem' or something along those lines. Yet, he got the blame; he'd received it gladly to save face but that didn't necessarily meant he'd liked it. He had reason to doubt the system he worked in, but would never tell as the puppet master would exclude him again, even if the team needed his ways. He wouldn't do that to them.
The rest of the thoughts came to an end at the sound of his usual early morning alarm, and the darkness vanished and would be engulfed by the light of the sun. He would don his usual Tony DiNozzo, playboy mask and wear it perfectly. No one would know what he'd found in the darkness and silence of being alone, no one would know the real him as he was a DiNozzo. Nothing more, nothing less than what he showed to the world, it just was. The mask would never falter, shatter or fall because in the world of fragile trust and hope, where betrayal and secrets reigned he would try to protect who and what he could. Be it innocent life or that of his team. If the mask did ever fall then the darkness would seep in and look out of him. He would no longer find the calm within the dark or the willingness to fight within the silence; it would no longer be his solace, his escape.
The end
Well that was rather cynical but fun at the same time, now back to my other fics. Thanks for reading.