For the record..I may be a retard sometimes..But I get the job done ^-^...Doesn't mean I do it well though ._. ..-shifty eyes- BABEH'S~! Ohh and Tobirama (I've become a mini fan-girl over him..I have no explanation)...
WARNINGS: Foul language, OOC-ness , Horrible jokes, Horribly written.
PAIRINGS: Nonez! -Cuz I still dunno-
Thankies: Yuti-Chan, Princess Zathura, QueenOfFanFicWorldLoveGunner and Kakashi Forever.
Ps: Since the entire chapter was just a flashback (-unenthuziastic- Hurray!) it'll be written normally, cause a page of nothing but Italic would be annoying.
Disclaimer: Naruto and it's characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto and TVTokyo. This is strictly fan-made for fellow fans, I don't get anything for doing this. I also don't own 'Baby mine' from Disney's Dumbo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Bleach. (That's probably the most professional I've ever sounded)
Begin the Major Crap-tas-ism, crap-tastic-ness..Gah just start
Babeh:Babeh:Babeh:Babeh
WE'VE BEEN INFILTRATED!..By a..Bishi...Hurray!
Madara shifted the little bundle he held, as the staring match between him and 'Konoha's Yellow Flash' got more and more intense.
Come on guys let it up there be a child in the room!
But the voices plea for peace went unanswered, just like those of the young woman lying in a bowl or a bucket -or whatever that things she's on,Table I guess?- not far from the commotion.
"Who are you?~!," Minato demanded, shifting into a fighting stance.
"Who am I? Who am I?~!," The masked man laughed, "I am your worst nightmare!," his deep voice was muffled even more than usual by both Naruto's piercing wails and the fact that he wasn't used to talking with a mask on.
Making the blond man lean forward, holding cupped hands over his ear, "What?,"
While the mysterious ninja usually wore one when ever he was out training Itachi, he rarley wore it any other time. You ever try to bathe with a piece of wood, with only ONE hole, attached to your face? Not an easy process.
As a matter of fact one time he tried it when he was drunk..Oh there was soap and cat guts everywere. But that's another story.
(Uh I think I'm getting side tracked)
"I said I'm-," Madara was immediatly silenced by Naruto letting out the King/Queen/Princess/Prince/And Fool of all spit ups.
All the movement was simply too much for the little Kits stomach to handle, resulting in an unknown milky colored substance to settle itself onto his handlers, hand tailored, designer cloak. (The Uchiha's must have the best!)
Madara let out a small groan of disgust, This is why he never held children, they're like buckets of filth constantly making messes. Much like an artist makes a mess on a canvas, except the paint is Puke and the canvas is your shirt. (There's a guy that lives down here that actually sells that stuff, No joke)
"Aw I think he likes you," Kushina cooed.
"What the hell is he spitting up he hasn't eaten anything yet!," Minato said, worried out of his spiky head.
The elder Uchiha snorted, "Yeah well, if you lived in water for nine months you'd have a lot to spit up too," he wiped the spot with his sleeve, he knew there was no point in trying to save his cloak. The spot was going to leave a wet stain he just knew it.
"Yeah but-,"
"OHHHH My Kami-sama would you two please just start already! Man this is the rescue Gaara arc all over again!," One of the elders yelled, as to which one, No one knew.
"Not for long!," Madara threw the little white bundle containing Naruto into the air, and with a slight of hand -that would make a Magician green with envy- pulled a Kunai out of nothing.
Why does everyone like to do that?~! And were ,exactly, do they keep these things?
"NARUTO!," Both parents yelled out.
Using his special flash Jutsu (That I have already forgotten the name of) The Hokage jumped forward and caught the baby.
"Hmm I guess they don't call you 'Flash Master Yoruichi' for nothing,"
"What?," What indeed.
"Oh, uh sorry. I was up last night watching Bleach..You know you have alot in common with that cat woman," Madara rubbed his neck.
"And you have alot in common with that 'Shredder' guy from Teenage Mutant NInja Turtles, but you don't see me calling you, him, now do you?," Minato said sarcastically.
"-sigh- No...By the way I somehow stuck a whole bunch of paper bombs to the bottom of your sons blanket..I thought you might want to know," Madara shrugged his shoulders boredly.
"WHAT?~! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER!~?," The yellow flash ripped the blanket off and threw it across the room. Towards his weak and defensless wife. Oh yeah good going.
"It never came up...Ah well," The Uchiha made a handsign and was instantly outside.
Minato followed suit with his own Jutsu, but apparently it didn't work fast enough cause he ended up on the ground with a Dagger in his leg. A FUCKING DAGGER!. Well at least he made it outside. *hint**hint* Kushina *hint**hint*
"Shhh," he tried to quiet down the now screaming child in his arms.
'How can I Shhh I just got thrown up into the air, almost killed, and nearly died in a firey fuck ball!. I'm ten minutes old I'm too young for this shit~! No wonder I turn out to be a bastard!' Lil Naruto thought. Wow potty mouth-err mind!
"Wait..." The Hokage looked up at the burning cave/hut -I didn't know rock could catch fire like that- "KUSHINA!," he screamed at the top of his lungs.
'My ears!,' Naruto cried harder.
Why are all the loving parents in this show morons!~?
Mada:Mada:Mada:Mada
Madara watched his new-captive try to fight against the seal ropes that bound her to the surrounding rock.
Oh so she didn't die in the firey 'splosion of doom, good on ya!
"Now that I have you..I shall take the Kyuubi," he stated bluntly.
You certainly do get strait to the point don't you?
"Of course..There's no point in beating around the bush, she's going to die to make my dream of destroying Konoha, a reality!," Pink sparkles surrounded the spiky haired man, who was in an over the top pose. (Ya ever see FullMetal Alchemist? Think of Armstrong!)
Hey can you say that again? Only louder this time. I don't think they heard you in TEA COUNTRY!
"Bah, whatever no one can stop me...Now where was I?..Ah yes," The elder pointed his index finger at the red headed woman, "Just relax it'll be over soon,"
You know this is beginning to remind me of something..
"I know that the seal has a special encoding in it that Minato uses to protect you," How? How can you possibly know?, "I just do okay! now SHARINGAN!," His pupil dialated or some totally messed up -but still cool- shit that only Kishi-sama could do and not get in trouble for.
Inside of Kushina, the Kyuubi was bound to a giant ball by spikes and chains..
I'm getting a rush of Deja-Disney.
The nine tails screeched and pulled against his restraints, successfully breaking them.
"Nine Tails..I choose you!..Ah fuck!," As the Kyuubi began to emerge from it's host, Madara trailed off into a long string of curses.
This is the last time he watches Pokemon before a grand battle.
When free the beast let out a roar, completely ignoring the woman underneath him at first.
Kushina twitched *FLINT* *FLINT* ..The fuck is a flint!~? Sounds like a crappy garage band.
"...Now Kyuubi be a good boy and destroy your former host," Madara ordered savantly, "Then we shall go to Konoha and destroy it.."
And of course the giant demon began to do as told, Apparently an eye for and eye works with demons too.
But stopped and let out a low growl when his prey dissapeared and reappeared on a mountain peak in the arms of Minato.
"M-Minato..Is Naruto okay?," Kushina asked, her eyes going dull.
Seriously..Disney, anybody?
"Dont' worry I hid him somewhere safe." Somewhere safe...You mean your apartment? cause that's not safe. The village is about to be attacked by a very big, very angry, fox. To be honest that would be the last place I'd put my kid. But hey that's just me.
"Minato please...He's going to attack the village," The red head breathed.
You know I don't really think you had to tell him, I mean it's a giant fucking thing! And it's near a giant village. Even if it wasn't it's target it'd still manage to do some damage.
"..." Minato flashed away again -With Kushi this time- .
"Well what'dya know..Gone again...Ah well, onto Konoha!," The Sharingan user leaped onto the Kyuubi's massive head, "And then..Tite Kubo's house!," Somebodies gonna need to get me out of this Law suit.
*ROAR* (Ghao! X3)
House:House:House:House (Must TiVo)
The blond haired man set down Kushina, next to their sleeping infant. The red head cast a confused glance up at her husband, but after a few seconds turned back to Naruto and cuddled him.
"...Naruto..." she smiled. Aw Fish cake ( T.T )
Minato clenched his fist, "I'll be back before you know it!," he said slipping on his, Robe/coat..
Okay this is offically a Disney movie! Just add in a sad, yet fitting, song and there ya go!
"Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head, close to my heart
Never apart
Baby of mine,"
...-*cries hysterically*- Why am I always so much of a sap for sad moments!~?, Why did you do it Kishi?~! WHY?~! I haven't been this upset since Bugs Bunny died!
At the Uchiha Estate.
A little chibi Itachi sat on his porch holding his little baby brother. He had been assigned to watch over him so his mother could get some sleep.
"What's this awful feeling?," he suddenly muttered, Stirring Sasuke's peaceful sleep(1). "Oops,"
"WHAAA!," The spiky haired baby began to wail.
"ITACHI!," Mikoto stormed outside, she placed her hands on her hips, "What are you doing?~!,"
Itachi flinched, not expecting his mother to be awake or at the door that fast.
"I didn't do anything I swear!,"
RandomStuff:RandomStuff:RandomStuff
Karin happily skipped through the forest, smiling away at the birds that chirped along to the little song she sang.
"Oh log oh log, were'art though log. Oh where on earth could you be!," Who would've thought that the wicked witch of Sound had a good singing voice? "Not a tree or part of a fence! Oh were on earth could you be!," (2)
The birds chirped the same rythmn as the hot pink haired girl with the black framed glasses and pink eyes.
The travelers that passed the girl on the forest path gave her strange looks, and who wouldn't? A crazy looking girl with a bad attitude and hair that makes the sun look dull, skipping down a path singing to a bunch of birds. That scene just screams of brain damage or alchohol.
And they're half right, two days ago Karin was called to the Hokage's office. Where Tsunade Aka. Chesty McZRack -courtesy of Suigetsu who was found not long after word had reached home about Naruto's current progress- had confronted her about how much of a bitch she was being.
The lady Hokage had even read off a list of everything the little pink haired she devil- I mean princess- had done.
Which included.
Messing up Gai and Lee's hugs.
Messing up Gai and Lee's sceneary. Cause apparently you do need twenty different shades of pink for a flower backdropp. "It makes the moment even more YOUTHFULL!," was 'Konoha's Green Beast's'' actual report, but you can't really write in the sparkles.
Making fun of Gai and Lee's hair. Who would make fun of the Beetles hair cut? oh the humanity.
Making fun of their Youthful green spandex.
Theft ...Of said green spandex.
Civil disobedience. This one speaks for itself.
Setting fire to Naruto's apartment . ..Naruto's apartment survived both attacks. How is still a mystery.
Assualt with intent to murder or maim -Let's just say it included Suigetsu and a salt shaker and leave it at that-
And so the list went. Now usually such crimes would be punishable by three days of Community service, basically doing things like, Baby-sitting, Pulling weeds, Dog walking, Ect. Ect.
But seeing as she isnt' technically a part of the village. She ,instead, got kicked out. Literally kicked out, a large boot and a flash of green was the last thing she saw before waking in the forest a few hours later with a mild concussion.
Somehow changing her personality (I am now using Kishi-sama logic) from a demon cosplaying as a human, to someone much more..Approachable .
"Isn't it a lovely day little birdies?," she sang.
Most thought it was for the better. of course things never stay the way people want them too.
For high above Karin sat a log..Oh yes, the log shall obtain his vengance! even a hunk of wood has a vendetta against Karin and today was the day the girl would pay for her misdeeds!
Tipping it's weight over onto one side, the top heavy log fell from it's perch and plummeted towards the unknowing girl below.
And with one final step, the two of them met, -all though, not face to face.- knocking the poor girl down.
Karin groaned "Uh..Where the hell am I?.." she pushed herself up into a sitting position, then gazed around at her surroundings, "What the-SUIGETSU WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN THIS FOREST! SUIGETSU!,"
(Whaaaaaat? It makes just about as much sense as any other injury in this show!~)
(By the way..I don't hate Karin, she's probably one of my most favorite characters -especially on the 'Naruto Ultimate ninja heroes 3' game, so much fun XD)
(And END!)
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
(1). I speak with experience! Trust me, somtimes a baby won't wake up to a nuclear explosion, but if you're holding them and you breath wrong they start crying.
(2). I came up with that on spot..And I feel quite clever. It sucks but it's catchy.
I gotta admit I got a little bit misty eyed when I wrote the final Kushina scene (I actually cried when I read it in the manga). Damn you Kishi-sama and your ability to actually make people cry *sob*. And shame on Disney for making so many really sad situations! They pretty much wrote the book on how to make a sad moment especially sad. Baby - Parent (Mom most of the time) + hard complicated past = The structure of the Disney empire. Which is slowly beginning to collapse on itself like a lawn chair in the Autumn.
Thank you, Please review.
Ja~!