Hello peoples! Today is a very important date. It's the anniversary of Okita's death. Which makes me cry. But I won't! *sniff* I won't! Okay, maybe I will… either way, all references toward tuberculosis are real. I studied this. Anyway! I don't own Kaze Hikaru, or the characters and I take no profit from this at all. Kaze Hikaru belongs to Taeko Watanabe.

Kamiya-san,

I have to admit. You're fitting into the Shinsengumi quite well. You impressed me a great deal when you came back. I'd thought you'd gone forever. And, I'll be honest, I'm so glad you didn't.

I can't imagine my life without you anymore. You've become my best friend and you mean so much to me. Be warned, I'm never going to say that aloud.

Okita Souji

Kamiya-san,

We've been through a lot haven't we? Only this year we've been through more emotional situations then other people have in a lifetime. Emotional twist an turns…yes, we went through that just this year, and every year it seems. Now it's all started. What started, you ask? Well, this started. I don't know what it is.

But when I see you with another man, I can't stand it. When you smile in the way that only you can at someone else, I wish I was that person. Whenever I see you I feel like there's some sort of weight in my chest, and it's only getting heavier.

I wish someone would explain these feelings to me because I'm clueless.

Okita Souji

Kamiya-san,

Well, now I know what those 'feelings' were. I love you. It's so weird to say. Or write, I guess.

I'm not exactly fond of myself loving you. Oh no, I hate it. It's a weakness. I can't have a weakness.

I'm supposed to be able to kill whoever, whenever I need to. You've changed that. I could never kill you. Not to save the Shinsengumi.

I can see myself killing anyone, and I do mean anyone, else. But I just… I couldn't kill you no matter if I wanted to or not.

What's the point of writing this down? I'm never going to give it to you. I'll just have to hope that one day you stumble across it.

Kamiya-san,

I should probably tell you something. I have tuberculosis. The killer of all soldiers, they call it. I don't know about all soldiers but I do know it's the killer of me.

I don't think I'll be telling anyone about this. No, I'd probably be sent somewhere else then. There's no need for that. This shall remain a secret.

Anyway, I'm not really scared about dying. I've been prepared for that for a long time. I'm scared about leaving you. Who will protect you? I want to leave you to Saitou but… I don't like the idea of you spending so much time with him. Its not that I don't trust him. I know, it's selfish.

I hope you'll discover this. There's so much I wish you'd discover. Everything, in fact. But I remain quiet. Silently waiting for you to catch on. Maybe someday you will.

Okita Souji

Sei gripped Okita's hand. He was dying. He was really dying. She couldn't stop it. He was leaving her. "Okita-sensei…"

Tears splashed onto Okita's cheeks that weren't his. He wiped her tears from her eyes with his thumb gently. "Oh, O-Sei-chan… you're still a crybaby, as always." He smiled softly at her.

Sei choked on a sob. "Y-you're so mean… joking at a time like this…" The words were meant to be scolding but lost all their effect by the tears that accompanied them.

Okita checked for the five letters to make sure they were still at his side. He picked them up and held them out to Sei. "Here. But don't read them till I'm gone, okay?"

Sei accepted the letters, confused. "What…?"

Okita placed a finger to her lips. "Shh. Just read them later."

OoOoO

"…Okita-sensei…?" Sei asked. She'd been rambling about whatever came across her mind to distract herself from Okita laying on his deathbed but he used to be occasionally nodding his head or saying 'Yes'. Now he was deathly quiet.

She grabbed his hand. "Okita-sensei? Okita-sensei!" Cold realization hit her. He was gone. Her hands shook and her eyes darted toward the letters that were sitting beside her. With still shaking hands she picked up the first paper and unfolded it.

Every word tore into her heart. She could feel her emotions be jerked this way and that. Eventually, she picked up the last letter. It was considerably longer then the rest, she noticed.

Kamiya-san,

I'm writing this letter early because I don't think I'll be around at the end of the year to write one. So here I am, writing, wondering why I can't say this too you aloud. It'd be so much easier. Yet, so much harder.

I guess this is what you call a last effort. One last time to try to say those words that are so hard to find.

You're probably gripping this paper so hard It's about to rip aren't you?

Sei noticed that she was and loosened her grip.

There. That's better. I wonder, are you fuming mad right now or crying? I can see you doing both. I'd love you no matter what you were doing.

I found Hijikata's poem book today. I read into it a little and found a love poem. Maybe I'm just being stupid again but it made me think of you. Or, I guess, how I feel about you.

Warm or cold, I love you.

Brave or scared, I love you.

Right or wrong, I love you.

Clear skies or rain, I love you.

Hopeful or giving up, I love you.

Alive or dead, I will always love you.

It was longer then that but Hijikata-san came in the room and snatched it away. He thought of some excuse too but I can't remember it. Isn't he adorable?

Anyway, what was my last words? Was it something pitiful? I always manage to put my foot in my mouth when I'm around you. I bet I didn't even say goodbye. Sorry, okay? Just pretend my last words were I love you, okay?

Tell Mitsu that she'll be okay. She needs to have a good life. She deserves it.

I hate writing this. It's so pathetic. I'm pathetic. And don't you dare start to defend me. I know I am pathetic. I know it. Or, I was pathetic. I just brought it up again. I wish I would stop.

I should talk about something cheerful. I don't know why but I can't right now. I'm usually happy enough for the both of us. Not to mention stupid enough.

Don't cry too much. You don't have to cry my tears for me this time, I've already cried them. So you can take a break from your work this time. I know, I know, it's not funny. But I had to lighten the mood somehow.

Remember, no matter what my last words were I was really thinking "I love you" . Never forget that. And if I did actually say that then there was no point to this. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Okita Souji

Sei slowly lowered her hands. He was gone. Hew was really truly gone. "Never coming back" gone. Not just "gone for a while" gone. She covered her mouth in shock.

She knew, she knew that he was going to die. She had known how grave his illness had been. She knew that he wasn't going to survive but she had hoped beyond anything else that maybe, just maybe, he would have survived. She remembered the first time she had found out about his tuberculosis. She only wished she could have found a cure.

Hello again! Did you like? Please tell me what you thought in a review! By the way, if you have been reading "The Plan" also by me, I'm trying to upload the next chapter but is being weird… :/ oh well. Although, I've been reading over it and it's not as good as I thought it was. I'll make some adjustments so Sei's not like she is in that fic… Sorry about that. See you soon! Ish.