Thyme Notes: This about Kevin Smith and an OC, Samina Paxton about having bedroom issues... I really like Kevin for a very long while already... I really don't know if I would be adding chapters to this... maybe if I get inspired... So with no further ado, here are the bedroom tales...

Disclaimer: I do not own POT nor any character in it...

Bedroom Tales

By

-Thyme14-

Once upon a time there was house in a normal neighbourhood

Normal was it because there was a couple living in it

What was not normal, was the noises you can hear at night

They said the woman who lived there was a witch...

And the man was a tormented blonde prince

A prince who was weakened by the sight of the color pink

Just like Superman was weakened by kryptonite

So now how can our brave prince escape this witch they call Duchess of the Chambers Pink...

It's 2 o'clock in the morning, the skies were still dark and Kevin Smith was wide awake. The woman beside him was sleeping deeply. Soft breathing sounds from her filled the silence of the room, along with the cadence of the ticking clock. He turned once again on his right side facing the woman's small back. Closing his eyes, he tried to get even a few hours of sleep before the sun, finally decides to shine upon him. The tossing and turning accompanied by the creaking of the bed woke up the woman beside him. The sudden intrusion of the light in the room made his eyes hurt. Sitting up to look at Kevin, she spoke in a soft sleepy voice, "Kevin, why are you tossing and turning so much? What's the matter?" She asked rubbing her still sleepy eyes.

Kevin squinted at the woman and said, "How can I sleep here?" Angrily he stood up and went out of the room, slamming the door with a loud bang.

"What's his problem?" Samina yawned, blinking her sleepiness away. Looking at her pink bedside clock she saw it was only 2:30 am. "Kevin is such an early bird or even yet a light sleeper." She commented as she fluffed her pink ruffled pillows and clutched her pink down comforter. "Aah, so cold. This coming winter will be colder than last year's."

Turning in to face Kevin's side of the bed, she reached out to the warm spot where he slept. Lifting her comforter, Samina sat up and crawled to Kevin's side. "Much better..." She sighed in delight as she rubbed her face like a cat, into his still warm pillow.

"REALLY! This is so annoying! What came into my father's mind that made him suddenly decide to marry me to that freak of a woman?" He huffed and sat on the couch. He looked around the house and everything was 'effin' PINK. Looking down where he was sitting was a pink couch. On his back were pink pillows. Under his bedroom slippers was a pink mat. The curtains shielding the sunlight was pink, the chairs and dining tables were still pink. The decoration along with the paintings, lamps, vases and chandelier was pink. Even the freaking fridge and garbage can was pink. "What the hell is wrong with this place! There should be a law to banning the possession of too-much pink. It gives a headache!" He sighed as he deeply massaged his throbbing temples. Inwardly groaning to see that it was already 3:00 am, he trudged back into the chamber of pinkness that will be the death of him.

Opening the door, the room was dark and his troublesome "wife" was once again sleeping happily in her own dream world. "Lucky for her, she seems immune with all this PINK-ness." He grunted. Slowly moving in the dark room, he sat down on the side of the bed, Samina was sleeping on his side of the bed. "Really, you are so troublesome." Standing up once again he carried his wife carefully trying not to disturb her peaceful sleep. Navigating around the dark room was harder than he expected, he bumped his shin into her rocking chair and almost tripped on the fluffy pink carpet. He stiffened as he felt her snuggle into his chest with her eyes slowly opening. "Shhh, go back to sleep." He gently whispered into her ear. Crouching low, he lowered her small body into the bed. The bed dipped low and now she was looking into his eyes.

"I hate you." Samina stated, glaring at him.

"What did I do now?" Kevin asked sleepily.

"It's cold on my side of the bed." Samina said sitting up, trying to fight her sleepiness.

"Come on, go to sleep already, you were fine sleeping there a while ago." Kevin said as he moved into his side.

"I can't. It's cold." She grumbled while Kevin was readying himself to sleep.

"Use the comforter. I'm fine with just the blanket. Just let me sleep." Kevin answered his eyes closed, his side as Samina said, was really warm, his pillow smelled like Samina. It lulled him to sleep. "I hope this insomnia is just for today." He hoped.

"Kev..." Samina called.

"Samina, please, go to sleep. I'm tired. I have no time for petty banters." Kevin replied, tired already.

"Kev... Kev! Kev! Don't ignore me." Samina annoyingly tried to wake Kevin up by kicking his body, effectively pushing him off the bed and into the cold hard floor.

"You are such a pain in the ass, Samina. What do you want?" Kevin was now seething with anger, he was tired and sleepy. He was going to have a long day and sleep is what he needs, right now.

"It's cold. Can I snuggle with you?" Samina quietly asked clutching his pillow to her chest. Kevin looked at her as if he was hit with a twist serve. "What?" Samina asked a blush covering her cheeks.

"That's it! I can't stay here any longer. You, Samina, are going to be the death of me." Standing up, Kevin blindly tried to find the car keys on the dresser. Samina opened the lamp once again and saw Kevin bundling up his own blue blanket.

"Where are you going?" She inquisitively asked as she looked for her slippers.

"Not telling. Go to sleep, you can have the bed to yourself, you are such a bitch sometimes... I don't even know why I ever agreed to this." Kevin mouthed off, officially pissed off as he went and opened the garage door.

"Kev! Wait... You can have your side back! I don't want it! Please come back!" Samina yelled as she put on her robe and dashed downstairs to see Kevin inside the car.

"Kevin! Open this door this instant! Where are you going? It's still dark outside." Samina pleaded as she tried to open the car's door without fail. Banging the car window with her palms, she looked weirdly at Kevin you was now reclining the car seat and turning his back at her. "YOU'RE SLEEPING IN THE CAR?" She screeched in a high-pitched voice. "I should have known better than to chase you here in the garage. Hmph! Go die in there! See if I care!" And with that Samina stomped her way back into the house and slammed the door hard enough to see the window shake at the intensity.

"Good riddance!" Kevin mumbled as peaceful sleep finally overcame his tired body.

And there ends the torment of our blonde prince

Who finally escaped the witch...

With the help of the automated locking system of his brave car

That helped him get rid of the screeching woman he calls his "wife"

And so they lived separately ever after.

"That can't be the end... Why was the intro like that? It didn't have any witches and princes in it. And Kevin, why does the character's names, the same as ours? " Samina interjected as Kevin finally finished reading her a story from the book bedroom tales. "That book makes me seem like a b-bi-bit..."

"Bitch?" Kevin cut her off. "I know that already no need to clarify things with me." He added as he placed the book back in the shelf.

"You know you are such a jerk... No... I take that back... You are a complete ass-hole!" Samina fumed in anger as she continuously hit Kevin with a pillow.

"I'm happy to be one, so stop hitting me. I read you a story so shut the hell up and go to sleep now." Kevin said in a menacing tone as he covered her up with a blanket and hugged it tightly, securing her squirming body in a bear hug.

"Fine, fine! I give up! I'm tired. Let's go to sleep but I'll be the one reading a story next, okay?" Samina softly said as she comfortably shifted closer to Kevin's body.

"Well, aren't you too close enough for comfort?" Kevin jokingly asked as he let go of her and left the bed.

"Where are you going? Don't tell me you're gonna play the 'blonde prince' are you?" Samina asked dejectedly as she peered from her tousled hair.

"Nah, I always want to act the role of the villain." He smirked evilly and carried his wife outside the room, playfully dropping her on the floor and locking the bedroom door before her.

"Kevin! I swear! It's time to treat your wife nicer! Christmas is coming and you wouldn't want to get on the naughty list!" Samina exclaimed while banging on the door. After a few more seconds of her relentless assault and chatter Kevin finally opened the door and carried his wife like a sack of potatoes on his shoulder.

"One word from you... and you're out. Understand?" Kevin said in his do-not-mess-with-me tone along with his speak-and-you're-dead glare.

And with that Samina finally accepted defeat and turned her back on him. A few minutes later, crawling into Kevin's side, she whispered into his ear, "Even though you are not nice to me, I still and always will love you Kev..." Slowly backing up to her side, the bed creaked, a pair of long sturdy arms enveloped her waist, roughly being pulled to his chest, Kevin tightened his grip on her as she tried to squirm away and hide her blushing face.

"Really, Samina, even if you whisper that to my ears every single night, I still won't be nice to you. You know I love tormenting you." This time Kevin whispered into her ears in a voice that can make your ears melt like dark chocolate, so sinful yet alluring. The heat crept up Samina's face and that brought a chuckle from Kevin a soft rumbling from his chest vibrated to Samina cheeks as she tried to hide her already red and hot face.

"That's enough teasing for one night, Kev." Samina stated as she was already in no position to be humiliated any further.

"Come on, the night is still young and I really really love that pretty little mouth of yours spouting angry little words from you though I like it better when you use it for whispering sweet things into my ears..." Kevin commented devilishly.

Samina was now busy pounding on his chest because of his further torments. With her mouth clamped shut and her eyes glaring at his chest, wishing she had psychic powers to stop his breathing or incinerate his black and unyielding heart.

"Kevin got your tongue?" Kevin taunted as he grabbed both her wrists and saw her eyes were glassy. For a moment there he felt his heart being pinched by a small ant maybe or even a small Samina. "Okay, I guess I got overboard. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" he asked in a concerned tone.

Samina looked at him dumbfounded and opened her mouth but no words came out. She cleared her throat and tried once again. "I'm tired of this banter every night. Can't we just go to sleep? Like normal married people?" She asked.

"Samina, if we were a normal couple, we don't even have to be bantering like this. Talking would be unnecessary and our energy will only be devoted to one thing." Kevin jokingly explained to his ever so innocent wife.

"If that's the case why do we never do that? I'm so tired of talking. What are you suggesting we do?" Samina asked.

"You just need to close your eyes, turn your back to me and go to sleep." Kevin finished off, letting go off her wrists and slowly embraced his wife's back closer. "and now what we are doing is called Spooning and it feels good, good enough to make me feel warm and fuzzy. Good night Samina." He added as he dozed off into dreamland.

"Oh, okay. Spooning... Got it... Good night Kev, though I really like it better when we face each other but... this warms my back, toasty warm. " Samina smiled and pushed her back closer to Kevin's chest as much as possible.

Exhausting as it seems for our two young couple, with all the bantering and teasing and tormenting, maybe next time they should just sleep in their own bedrooms.

-The End-

Thyme notes: Too long? Confusing? OOC? I want readers and reviewers so RXR! Love to receive comments and suggestions! :3