Lucifer.
Satan.
The Devil.
He does many things. He is many things. None of which are definite, but very much subjective. Personally, I just like to think of Him as the angel who had fallen from grace. Some may say that would be putting it lightly, but hey, I tend to look at things a little differently. Opinions, got to love 'em.
It's some pretty heavy baggage to carry on through life if you ask me, you know, the whole "I'm going to rebel against God and end up getting kicked out of Heaven" thing. Plus, He's kind of immortal which makes it so much worse. Everyone makes mistakes, right? So you do something wrong once, that doesn't make you a bad person. I mean, I do bad things all the time and am I a bad person? Yes. Yes, I am, but that's beside the point. Anyways, time goes by and you think all is forgiven and forgotten, but no, someone brings it back up again whether it was in the heat of a dispute or him/her just being a little bitch. It hurts, people, it hurts.
And really, He was just doing everyone a favor in disguise. Like a really good disguise, like a "no way that's a disguise" disguise. No? Not buying it? Come on! What is white, if not the absence of black? What is light, if not the absence of dark? What is good, if not the absence of evil? How can you really know God, if you don't know The Devil?
He's not even all that bad, He was just sick of always coming in second place. And what's so great about the guy who came in first place, anyways? I mean, was it really God who created the universe or was it the Big Bang? Tootsie Pops got it right when they said, "The world may never know." And another thing, once God was considered a stern and ruthless man, now he's loving and benevolent. I mean, pick a personality and stick with it, am I right? But I digress…
After centuries of trying to one-up each other, I think that the one thing that really got to Him was the fact that, despite the impracticality for a man who can never die, God produced an heir. Jesus Christ was born from the Virgin Mary, or at least that's what I've been told. I know it's hard to believe, but you either buy it or you don't. I'm not saying it's real, I'm not saying it's not. All I'm saying is, "How is it possible?" I mean, I'm just supposed to believe that a man in the sky can use his omnipotent powers to impregnate an unsuspecting, virgin woman? I guess so, at least for the sake of this story's validity.
The part of this you have to retain, if anything, is that because of the creation of Jesus Christ, religion beat science… in a sense. I know you don't think like me, so let me break it down for you. In the simplest way I can put it, God was the first to perform artificial insemination and use surrogacy, centuries before humans had the technology to do so. I'm going to give you a minute to let that sink in.
I know, I know, it's crazy! What's crazier is the fact that The Devil hadn't done it Himself. I mean, He's going to let God and Science beat Him? No. It took some time, but He's finally done it and most definitely better than it's ever been done. Booyah!
Today, The Devil welcomed into the world His second daughter. That's right, He will always have one more offspring, and two more daughters, than God will ever have. And before you come up with your own wild conclusions, let me tell you all about how He's gotten to this point in His life.
You already know all about why He wanted kids. What you don't know is how He came to have them. There's so much to cover, I don't even know where to begin... I guess a good place to start would be with the decision easiest to explain, the sex of the children. He always knew He wanted girls. Though some may be sugar, spice, and everything nice, others have the potential to be evil, cunning, and ultimately superior as opposed to their male counterparts. Plus, they're so gosh darn cute. He could just imagine His little ones roaming the earth and causing mischief and mayhem, a day every father dreams of.
As for the part that you're probably wondering about, no, they are not biologically His children. This is true for many reasons, but the most predominant being that the thought of producing offspring with mortal women makes Him cringe… and it takes a lot to make The Devil cringe. Despite this fact, He believes that the children are as much His as they are their biological parents' because He was responsible for them prior to conception and post-birth. Yeah… you'll understand what that means in just a second.
Lucy Quinn Fabray, named after daddy dearest, is His first born. She was the product of Him hand-selecting two individuals with characteristics that, when combined, would be deemed an ideal fit for what He'd hope His spawn to be. He had taken an interest in her parents, Russell and Judy, since their births. He had watched over them as they grew. He had seen Russell take to his parents' close-mindedness. He had seen Judy develop a stony façade and bottle her resentment. They had great potential, not only due to their volatile concoction of traits they'd pass on, but also the destructive upbringing that would unintentionally groom Lucy to be what she is destined to become, a stoic and exceedingly strategic, little monster.
His second born had come as somewhat of a surprise, being that she had not been planned for generations in advance. As He watched Lucy grow, He had seen an emptiness within her that He, Himself mirrored. Not until the Lopezes moved into the house down the street, did He realize what He and Lucy were missing. The couple possessed characteristics, similar to, but unlike those belonging to the Fabrays. In the husband, He saw a strong, but dormant, anger. In the wife, He saw a sharp tongue and quick wit. Sadly, Lucy would never be fortunate enough to inherit these traits. So, it was decided that He would have to "adopt" this couple's first born, already growing within the mother, and raise her as His second. She, like Lucy, will be groomed to be what she is destined to become, a fiery and viciously insensitive, little monster.
/
January 12, 1987.
Today is Santana Lopez's day of birth. On this day, her presence brought about an eerie gloom that consumed Lima, Ohio. Ice cream didn't taste half as good, but it had double the calories! The television show, Boy Meets World had yet to be produced! And everyone stepped on a goddamn Lego! The list goes on…
As of several hours ago, just about every young married couple in Lima is currently camped out in the hospital's waiting room awaiting the birth of the new baby Lopez. The men, as fascinated by babies as they were, had to take a step outside for some not-so-fresh air, if you know what I- smoking, they were smoking. The women, having known Maribel for long enough, were second guessing their gift choices. I mean, when a baby is born, you bring balloons and stuffed animals, simple enough. But, considering it's Maribel post-birth, there'll probably be a huge emphasis on her and her needs. She'll probably be all like, "Why does the baby deserve gifts just for living, while I did all the work, carrying it for nine months then squeezing what felt like a tiny watermelon through my cervix?" You have to admit, it's a valid point.
"Guys! She's done!" Maribel's husband made his way towards his friends, with a little more pep in his step and excitement evident in his voice. "She's done, she had the baby. I'm a father. We're parents."
They gathered around the new father, surrounding him with hugs and warm, congratulatory words.
"Oh my god, I can't believe you're a father." "I can't believe Maribel's a mother... I feel sorry for that kid." "I'm so happy for you guys!" "Congratulations!" "Is it a boy or a girl?"
He smiled. "Thank you. Thank you. It's a girl. We have a new baby girl... You should've seen her, she's so beautiful." Beautiful… and evil?
"When can we go see her and Maribel?"
"Well, they're cleaning off my baby girl and running some standard tests, they'll probably be done soon. But, as for Maribel, she said she doesn't want to see anyone today. She appreciates that you came here for her, but she doesn't think she can handle this many people in her current condition." Most of the mothers nodded their heads in agreement and began to pack their belongings to leave.
"She'll be out of the hospital in a few days though, so… you guys should come over to our house sometime next week to celebrate. You know, give Maribel some time to recuperate first."
The women once again nodded, exchanging smiles before they left, slightly relieved at not having to see Maribel in a probably more pissed-off state than usual.
Mr. Lopez stood securely in place as he smiled back at the women, waving them off until they were out of sight. He was fully aware that Judy Fabray, with little Lucy resting on her hip, still stood right next to him.
"Cut the crap, what did Maribel really say?"
He didn't miss a beat. There was no use in lying to Judy, she probably knew Maribel better than he did. "She said, and I quote, 'I don't want to see those bitches. I know I look like shit and they're going to talk about me behind my back. Except for Jude, she'd probably say it to my face. That bitch, I bet when she gave birth she was wearing pearls and had fucking perfect hair. Then afterwards, she went home and proceeded to finish making dinner and a pie for her stupid-ass husband."
"Yeah, that sounds like her. And she would be correct, except she forgot to mention the fabulous dress I wore and the charity work I did for the church right after baking that pie." The two cocked their heads to the side, to look at each other, exchanging snickers at the blatant sarcasm. "What room is she in?"
"Room 666." Strange. Could this be the work of The Devil?
"Isn't that bad luck or something? Why would a hospital even have a Room 666?"
"I don't know and I don't care. I'm okay, my wife's okay, and my baby's okay. I don't give a damn what the room number is." He looked over the mountain of gifts the women had left behind, scattered around the waiting room floor. "Uh, you should go see her, she's probably situated by now. I'll be there in a bit; I've got to take all this stuff to the car first."
/
"Guess who's here?" Judy stuck her head through the crack in the open door before pushing her way all the way into the room.
Maribel, upon seeing her friend, covered her face with a pillow. "Oh, god, fuck off! I told you I don't want to see you!" That's what He said.
Judy made her way over to the bed and sat on the edge, plopping Lucy onto the pillow atop Maribel's head. "That's right, it's me and Lucy! You know you can't resist little Lucy Quinn Fabray!" She continued to bounce Lucy, trying to get a rise out of her friend.
"You know, as well as I do, that it's little Lucy Quinn Fabray who can't get enough of me." She finally gave up and shoved the pillow off her face before taking Lucy into her arms.
"Jesus, you do look horrible! Maybe I should've waited to see you. Ugh." Is it me, or is there too much mention of holy figures in Room 666?
"Thanks, Fabray, as if I didn't feel bad enough. You know, not too long ago, I pushed a watermelon through my cervix." Huh, why does that sound so familiar?
A comfortable silence enveloped the room, both women watching Lucy, who was acting quite strange. Normally, she couldn't get enough of Maribel; she'd practically be glued to her side. Today, however, she slightly detached herself from the woman's body, a look of confusion etched upon her cute, little face as she seemed to be looking for something. Or someone? The mothers didn't think anything of it.
"So you got me a stuffed animal and a balloon that says, 'It's a-live.' Jude, it's like you don't know me at all."
"It's your fault, you didn't want to know the sex of the baby! How was I supposed to know the appropriate balloon to buy? I didn't want to guess and get it wrong. Besides, it is a correct statement; the baby is in fact 'a-live."
"Great…"
"You underestimate me, Maribel: Bringer of Life. You really think I'd give you this shit?" Judy reached into the bag and took out a to-go container of sushi, handing it over to her friend.
"I haven't had sushi in forever! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you-"
"Okay, calm down, I'm not even done yet. I think you'll like this one." She took the stuffed elephant out of the bag and presented it to Maribel, who just raised a brow in response. She chuckled, then twisted the elephant's head off to present a bottle of Jack Daniels placed within the semi-hollowed out body of the stuffed animal.
"Oh my god, you fucking bitch, I love you so much right now! You decapitated a stuffed animal for me? I don't know what to say, I'm getting a little chocked up here." She wipes away an imaginary tear. "This is sick and twisted and probably bad for me and my baby… I knew there was a reason we were friends."
"Yeah, apparently it's bad to drink if you're going to be breast feeding and they look down upon bringing alcohol into the hospital. But, I figured you drink so much, your tits probably already shoot tequila, so I snuck this in for you." That's the next step in evolution, breasts that dispense liquor. I wonder if race would correlate to liquor type. It's something to think about.
"Screw them; I haven't had alcohol in seven months."
"Don't you mean nine months?"
"Yeah… nine months, let's go with that. Hey, if you put alcohol in a stuffed animal, I can only imagine what you put in the balloon. Did you fill it hookah? Oh, maybe some blowbacks? That's super sexy, Fabray, super sexy."
"No. No. And yes, that would be super sexy. But, you should just be happy with what I brought you."
"Well, I could be if you take your damn baby back. I only have two hands, you know, and right now I needs 'em for eating sushi and drinking whiskey."
/
"Hello, ladies, what's going on?" Mr. Lopez finally returns to the room after having packed his car full of stuffed animals and disposing of/giving away those pointless balloons.
"You weren't supposed to let her in."
"I am aware of that, Honey. But if I didn't let her in, who would've brought you sushi and liquor, huh?" He gestured towards the items on the table at the foot of her bed, before leaning down to place a quick kiss to her forehead.
"Smart ass."
"So, Judy," He turned to the seat, next to the bed, where Judy was sitting with Lucy on her lap. "While we wait to meet my baby girl, would you like to see Maribel giving birth? I have the tape right here." He lifted his hand, showing the video camera strapped to it.
Before Judy could answer, Maribel spoke up. "You do not want to see that doctor go all Lara Croft: Womb Raider on me."
"Because seeing your lady business, even without a baby coming out of it, would already scar me for life?"
"Yes, that's exactly why. I'm too much woman for you to handle, Fabray."
"Woman' is already too much woman for me to handle..."
"So, if we're not watching the tape, what do we do now?" All four went quiet.
"Did you know I thanked Dr. Sylvester for delivering my baby girl? You know, almost right after giving birth, when I was high off my endorphins and adrenaline. Guess what she said? She said, 'Are you hitting on me? Look here, chica, the only kind of vagina I like is the kind with a baby coming out of it. So no, I'm not interested." The silence continues.
"Yeah… I think you should play the tape now."
Dr. Lopez moves to take a seat on the bed, between his wife and the two Fabrays. He is about to turn on the tape, when Maribel stops him. "Now, before he pays the tape, I would like to warn you, Lucy, this is some disturbing stuff. You might be scarred for life… Or you might be overjoyed because it'll bring back fond memories of your own birth you experienced not too long ago. If you do not wish to watch, please speak now of forever hold your peace." The three adult look down at Lucy, who just stares back at them with two of her fingers in her mouth, looking like she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to.
"What the hell are you saying?" Yes, finally, more talk of hell! The Devil is pleased.
"Just warning your child about the repercussions that may come from watching a baby come out of me. You may continue with the tape now." Epidurals, got to love 'em.
And so it begins.
"I love you so much, Honey. You and this baby are my life." Maribel was sitting on the bed, sweat and tears streaming down her face, cradling their new baby girl. Post-birth.
"Oh, sorry, I have to rewind the tape…"
"Honey, no matter what happens and how much I scream at you, I still love you. Remember that, okay?" Pre-birth. But really, I don't think that's even Maribel talking… I don't think she's ever that nice.
"Nope, went a little too far back… Okay, I think this is good."
"My god, you motherfucker, you did this to me! Why?! Is it because I yell at you?! What did I do to make you fuck this baby into me?! This is payback, you were just waiting for this kid to shoot out and tear my cervix apart! Goddamn Eve and her goddamn apple! Goddamn Adam and his goddamn rib! I should've been born a goddamn boy!"
Dr. Lopez lifts the camera above his head to get a shot of him with his wife in the background. "Hello, baby boy or baby girl, I'm your father and the woman yelling in the background is your mother. I apologize for the-"
In the background, Maribel can be heard yelling, "I'm going to rip your fuckin' dick off for doing this to me, you bastard!"
"Don't mind mommy, she's just a little bit grouchy." He walks back over to his wife, who was tightly gripping onto the bed's side rails. "Say hi, Honey!"
She turns to him, exertion evident in her heavy breathing and the sweat pouring down her face. "Put the camera down, Johnny Appleseed, and come tend to the goddamn tree you planted in my downstairs garden!"
The rest is too explicit to show on this website.
Judy broke the silence that came after watching the tape. "Wow… I can't believe she could get so many clear and complete sentences out, all while panting and pushing a baby out of her."
"I know, huh? My wife is good at being angry."
/
"I swear to God, you called me fat. I swear. All I heard was your mother screaming and then you popped out and then you called me fat." The nurse walked back into the room, pushing baby Lopez in a baby bed stand, mumbling incoherently to herself.
When she got to Maribel, she proceeded to scoop the baby girl into her arms with the intent of giving her back to her mother to bond, but Maribel stopped her. "Hey, can you please walk back over to the door?"
Though confused, she did as requested, with the baby still in her arms. She looked back to Maribel for further instructions. Or an explanation, really, she was looking for an explanation.
"Now, can you walk back over to me a little?" And she does. "Now back to the door." And she does. "Now back to me… Now back to the door… Yeah, I think that's good. I got what I needed. Thank you."
The nurse nods, handing over the baby before excusing herself. No wonder she thought she heard the baby talking, this whole family is crazy!
"What was that?"
"I just wanted to see something." Maribel answered Judy, but her eyes were focused on Lucy.
"And that was?"
"Look at Lucy." The other two adults shift their gaze to the baby in Judy's lap. "She hasn't taken her eyes off of my baby girl since she came into the room." Indeed, Lucy's hazel eyes were fixed upon the new arrival. "At first, I thought it was just the fact that there was something new in the room, you know? Babies always get distracted by new things, new moving things. But then something else always catches their attention, but your baby is not letting up. Watch." Maribel extends the arm she wasn't using to hold her baby and snaps her fingers in front of Lucy's face. Nothing.
"Huh, this is strange."
"Imprinting: it's not just for werewolves." It would be decades before that would even make sense. Technically, it has yet to be a reference to a popular movie and/or book franchise. "Unless there's something you want to tell me, Jude."
"Nope, not a werewolf."
"I can see that, you've always given me that siren-stuck-on-land vibe."
/
"So, what are you going to name her? Have you guys decided yet?"
"I don't know. I was thinking, Lucy Quinn."
"Funny. But seriously, what have you been thinking?"
"Well, he wants to name her, Maria or Carmen." Maribel nods over to her husband, who is currently walking around the room, holding the sleeping baby. He lifts his head for a second, tearing his eyes away from his baby girl's face, to nod back in confirmation. "But I think that they're too stereotypically Hispanic-American. I'm just not feeling them."
There is a noise that comes from Lucy that seems to express agreement. Maribel smiles and takes Lucy into her arms. "Do you agree with me, little Lucy? You don't like those names either?" Once again, Lucy makes the noise, eyes still focused on the baby.
"Since you have such strong opinions, would you like to help me name her?" A huge smile spreads across Lucy's cute, little face and she fidgets like she's being tickled. I guess that's a yes and she's super excited about it.
Maribel picks up the book of baby names she had been reading earlier, opening it up in front of Lucy so she could see too. She began looking over the names she had bookmarked. "How about Jordan?" No response. "I guess not."
Judy pipes in. "Dani?" Nope.
This is going to be a long night. Just about a million names later…
"Emily?" Uh-uh.
"Okay, this is not working. How about this, I'm going to recite the alphabet and you tell me what letter to stop on, from there, I'll read off the names that I approve of and you get the final say, okay?" Lucy couldn't help but smile again. I guess she was getting tired of this guessing game, too.
As Maribel sings the alphabet, Lucy doesn't react to any letter until she gets to the letter "S."
"That's right, we're making progress. Ready? Sadie. Sage. Sahara. Samara. Sammy. Santana." Lucy makes the noise. "Sarah… Wait, you like Sarah?" Nope. "Santana?" Ding. Ding. Ding. Million watt smile.
"Huh. Santana?" Maribel starts testing the way it sounded on her tongue. "Santana. Santana Lopez. San-tana. San-tan-a. Santana. I like it." His second born is also named after Him.
Sorry for being gone so long, everybody. Hoped you liked this chapter, it kind of felt strange writing again. It took me a while to get back into a somewhat groove. Tell me what you think. Oh, and I don't know anything about religion or birthing babies…