Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Cause if I did they're be a WHOLE lot of TMNT yaoi ;)

Pairing: LeoxRaph & slight DonxMikey

Rating: This chapter? T; but will get higher so warning now.

WARNING: If you don't like yaoi, or the idea of Raph & Leo mak'n love then I would leave! Now on to the story! In Leo's P.O.V!

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. Buddha

Chapter 1: Midnight Snacks

I remember that day. I remember what led up to that fight. All the things he said, all the things I said. And you would think me, the Fearless Leader would know better. Its such a painful memory, that turns to painful dreams at night. When I wake up soaked in sweat and my heart beating in a panicked frenzy there's no one I can turn to. I'm the older brother, the leader, I'm too old to go to my Father for help. So I do what the next best thing to talking it out- meditating. And it just so happens tonight's one of those nights…

I punch and kick, punch and kick, punch and kick, in that rhythm unable to land a single blow on this so called 'Night Watcher' freak! I glare and could hear him snort "Looks like your off your game Leo." I go wide eyed in shock but keep attacking none the less, while he just some how keeps blocking. For some reason I've felt like I know this scene, like I know what's going to happen. "How do you know my name?" he laughs coldly- but I feel like I've heard it before… like its too familiar. I groan and glare, that's it I can't take it! "Who are you!" I kick his gut sending him flying back but he catches his self.

A growl escapes my throat as I hide in the shadows and come from behind him as he turns and uppercut him. He grunts as his helmet falls off and he falls down to the ground. As if a Hollywood movie lighting flashes and I look down to see the one I vowed to protect. My younger brother- Raphael. I gasp and stare down at him as he stumbles up "Raph? What!" He spins around and kicks me and I fly and hit a pipe. I wipe any trace of blood from my beak and get into a crouch as he starts growling "You are so SMUG, ya know that? You think the world revolves around ya don't cha? That we couldn't possibly survive without the mighty and powerful Leonardo to guide us threw our problems; HUH? Well I got a news flash for ya! We got along just fine without you!"

I couldn't believe what he was saying and without thinking I yell "Oh and THIS qualifies as just fine! Dressing up like its Halloween every night? Risking the safety of our family! I mean come on what were you thinking?" I say while putting my hands out and he responds by pointing a gloved finger at me and says "Don't push it Leo, you can't just leave home and come back expect'n us to fall in line again, like your little soilders." He sneered and that just ticked me off actually getting threw my calm attitude "HEY! I was TRAINING! Training to be a better leader, for YOU! Why do you hate me for that?" I say the last part in deep confusion and total desperation. I was tired of my little brother hating, steering away from me! I wanted it to be like how it was before. But now…

"And whoever said I wanted to be LED! I'm better off calling my own shots, now get used to it!" I point my finger at him as we square off "You. Aren't. Ready! You impatient, and hot tempered, and more importantly… I'm better than you." And before I realized it, I knew I touched a nerve when he started laughing and shaking his hand "Ahaha oooh you know somth'n big brother? I'd have to disagree with you on that one." With that he pulled out his sai and got into a fighting stance. I shook my head not wanting to fight a real fight with my brother, with Raph.

I wasn't scared of getting hurt physically… I didn't want that gap to grow bigger. I could barely say anything as my stomach churned but as a futile attempt I said in a hushed tone "Raph, don't do this." but it sounded like a threat and he just narrowed his eyes and said with venom dripping off his voice "I'm done take'n orders." With that I knew I had to draw my katana's. He growled and attacked me, but my feet wouldn't move. 'W-What the…' I kept my arms up but they started to weigh me down. Raph came charging and I was paralyzed. Those golden orbs so full of hate and angst. I tried to open my mouth but no words came out, then as he charged and stabbed me threw my plastron feeling that bright searing pain burn threw me.

"GAH! R-Raph…! W-What are you-! Ahhh!" He twisted his sai in my stomach and had a little sadistic smirk. "Bye bye Fearless, you ain't scared are ya? You always said you would die for us, so you can die for me- just go and DIE!" After that he pushed me off the building as the rain poured harder. I felt the air hit me as I feel and when I hit the ground with a thud I awoke sweating…

I got up slowly giving my eyes a chance to adjust to the dark surroundings. I glanced at the clock "4:46... The others should be up two hours…" I mumble walking out of my room quietly and shuffling to the dojo. I kept my eyes on the ground trying to concentrate on my breathing and to forget that stupid dream… I sighed and sat down on the mat and got into position closing my eyes. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out… I soon got completely calm and could hear the smallest of things, Mikey's snoring, Don's computers humming, Master Splinter's breathing, and- wait. There was a sound coming from outside the dojo, like someone getting something from the kitchen. It was then that I realized I forgot to slide close the dojo entrance, and by chance whoever was up noticed it and took a peek inside.

I just concentrated on my breathing hoping whoever it was that they'd leave me alone. Fate can be so cruel, I heard feet softly approaching me from behind as my breathing quickened. Wait why is my heart beating faster? Its probably just Sensei or Donny, maybe even Mikey or-….. Hopefully not… again fate dislikes me. Suddenly the scent of Raph hit me like a tidal wave. He crouched and said in a hushed tone "Hey, Leo you OK? Its kinda early to be meditating 'aint it?" His warm breath tickles my neck causing my cheeks to burn up. I keep my eyes closed and answer in a even tone "Its never too early to meditate Raphael." I expect to hear something like 'yeah yeah should've expected it from you, Splinter Jr.' or 'Of course Mr. Perfect' something like that but instead he just sat across from me and asked quietly

"In that case… would ya mind if I meditated with you?" I opened one eye and looked at him. He was completely serious, and this is a shock because usually Raph hates meditating! I nodded and closed my eye again trying to keep my breathing in check. But now its harder with Raphs matching mine almost exactly. After a while it gets better and my breathings regular with Raphs. But then he says out of no were "Hey uh Leo, I just… I heard you…" I open my eyes and saw that his were already opened. He was looking at down with those golden eyes that showed sadness and reflected my own eyes which I failed to keep indifferent, instead showed my nervousness. I sighed and lifted my head "Raph? What did you hear?" I just had to ask, even if my mind knew the answer I just had to. He locked his gaze with mine and answered in a raspy voice "Your screaming." That's all he said and that's all I needed to hear.

I got up and turned around "Leo look I-" "Raphael. Its fine… it was just a nightmare, you don't need to check up on me, go back to sleep." I was about to leave when I felt him grab my wrist. I stayed there frozen. I didn't try to break my wrist free, or say a word. He held it delicately with a good grip. He said slowly trying to find the right words "Leo… I- I'm sorry… I didn't mean to almost…" He trailed off but I already knew what he was going to say. My body tensed and I hung my head "Raph look, we agreed to just move on pretend like it didn't happen-" "But it DID! Leo I almost killed you! How can you not be the slightest bit angry! I don't understand ya, you don't even hold a grudge toward me, but you've been start'n to avoid me! That's worse to me than anything you could do with yer fist! Just- Just let me make it up to ya…"

The last sentence was low, and had a strange note to it I couldn't quiet figure out. His other free hand moved down to thigh going closer to… "R-Raph? What are y-you-!" Before I could say anything he spun me around and pinned me down on the floor landing on my shell. He straddled my plastron and kept his free hand on my inner thigh. "Shh Leo… trust me, yer gonna like it, just keep quiet…" He had a concentrated look on his face, I noticed it while I was trying to keep my breathing in order "Raph, you can't do this- I'm your older brother!" I said trying to get him to stop even though truthfully, I didn't want him to.

His concentrated look turned into a thoughtful one, one which he rarely gave me. "And? Were just brothers, not like you're gonna get this kind of treatment from any human- so why not take it from someone who will?" While I was trying not go dive off the deep end he kissed my neck and whispered "Come on Fearless, I know your not really scared. But just to let you know, I wont ever hurt ya…" With that my last thoughts vanished as he started licking and sucking down my neck…. Until the kitchen light went on.

Now you must wait for chapter 2! Find out if Leo and Raph get caught, and find out if Leo gets Raphs little 'gift'! Until then~ R&R!

~Love-LeoxRaph-Rage~