Gollum's Kiss
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. J.R.R. Tolkein owns all the characters.
Frodo, Merry, Sam, and Gandalf were in Frodo's hobbit hole drinking a nice cup of tea.
"It's good to be home." said Sam.
"Oh, yeah." said Frodo. Gandalf was about to say something when there was a knock on the door.
"Hel-" Merry stopped dead then jumped back and gave a yell.
"What now?" asked Pippin. Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Gandalf got up and walked over to the door where Merry was.
"What the hell is that?" asked Merry. Right in front of them stood Gollum. Right at the door still looking the same as he did last time when Frodo and Sam saw him. Only Gollum was wearing a pink hobbit suit and holding flowers in his hands.
"Oh my God!" said Frodo.
"Master," said Gollum, "Do you love us?" Sam made a barfing sound while putting a finger in his mouth.
"Frodo," said Pippin, "You have bad taste in relationships. I feel sorry for you old man- I thought you and Sam were hitting on each other."
"I'm not in a relashinship scrawny weirdo and Sam and I are just really good friends." protested Frodo. Mery gave a smirk like, 'Yeah right.'
"Get away you nasty gay fellow!" said Sam to Gollum. Gollum looked hurt and depressed and started to cry.
"That is the gayest thing I've ever seen." said Merry slowly.
"Master, don't you love us?"
"Are you joking with me?" asked Frodo. Gandalf was standing next to them all without saying a word. Gandalf lifted his stick and whacked Gollum on the head and quickly closed the door.
"When did the gay man come in?" asked Gandalf.
"I thought gay meant happy." siad Pippin.
Gandalf gave him a look and muttered , "Stupid fool."
Then while everyone was asleep, Gollum managed to sneak into Frodo's bedroom window. Gollum crept to Frodo's bedside Dracula style. He slowly closed on his prey. Gollum was getting closer and closer. Gollum became so close to Frodo's face and Gollum was ready….and then….then….he kissed Frodo. Frodo woke up from a dream and felt and saw Gollum kissing him. Frodo jumped and shouted, "what the-"
"Master, don't you love us?"
"No you slime ball!"
"Master, it must be meant for us."
"You sound like the people from Days of our Lives." (We don't know how Frodo got a T.V., nor why he watched Days of our Lives.)
"Master and I are meant to be forever and ever."
"Eeeew. Why don't you marry a fish. You resemble one." Gollum started crying.
"I thought there was something between us." Frodo felt sick just looking at this. This is distorted he thought. Even disturbing.
Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Gandalf were woken up by the sound of Gollum's pathetic sobbing. (We don't know why they were having a sleepover.) Sam got up and saw Gollum crying.
"Shut your mouth." That made Gollum cry even harder.
"Thanks a lot Sam." said Frodo, "I was trying to keep him from shooting snot all over my newly painted one of a kind walls with my pretty butterfly and bunny rabbit print. And look! Now he's messing up my pretty pink pony beadspread. Awww. I paid $200 for that pink cardigan."
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. J.R.R. Tolkein owns all the characters.
Frodo, Merry, Sam, and Gandalf were in Frodo's hobbit hole drinking a nice cup of tea.
"It's good to be home." said Sam.
"Oh, yeah." said Frodo. Gandalf was about to say something when there was a knock on the door.
"Hel-" Merry stopped dead then jumped back and gave a yell.
"What now?" asked Pippin. Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Gandalf got up and walked over to the door where Merry was.
"What the hell is that?" asked Merry. Right in front of them stood Gollum. Right at the door still looking the same as he did last time when Frodo and Sam saw him. Only Gollum was wearing a pink hobbit suit and holding flowers in his hands.
"Oh my God!" said Frodo.
"Master," said Gollum, "Do you love us?" Sam made a barfing sound while putting a finger in his mouth.
"Frodo," said Pippin, "You have bad taste in relationships. I feel sorry for you old man- I thought you and Sam were hitting on each other."
"I'm not in a relashinship scrawny weirdo and Sam and I are just really good friends." protested Frodo. Mery gave a smirk like, 'Yeah right.'
"Get away you nasty gay fellow!" said Sam to Gollum. Gollum looked hurt and depressed and started to cry.
"That is the gayest thing I've ever seen." said Merry slowly.
"Master, don't you love us?"
"Are you joking with me?" asked Frodo. Gandalf was standing next to them all without saying a word. Gandalf lifted his stick and whacked Gollum on the head and quickly closed the door.
"When did the gay man come in?" asked Gandalf.
"I thought gay meant happy." siad Pippin.
Gandalf gave him a look and muttered , "Stupid fool."
Then while everyone was asleep, Gollum managed to sneak into Frodo's bedroom window. Gollum crept to Frodo's bedside Dracula style. He slowly closed on his prey. Gollum was getting closer and closer. Gollum became so close to Frodo's face and Gollum was ready….and then….then….he kissed Frodo. Frodo woke up from a dream and felt and saw Gollum kissing him. Frodo jumped and shouted, "what the-"
"Master, don't you love us?"
"No you slime ball!"
"Master, it must be meant for us."
"You sound like the people from Days of our Lives." (We don't know how Frodo got a T.V., nor why he watched Days of our Lives.)
"Master and I are meant to be forever and ever."
"Eeeew. Why don't you marry a fish. You resemble one." Gollum started crying.
"I thought there was something between us." Frodo felt sick just looking at this. This is distorted he thought. Even disturbing.
Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Gandalf were woken up by the sound of Gollum's pathetic sobbing. (We don't know why they were having a sleepover.) Sam got up and saw Gollum crying.
"Shut your mouth." That made Gollum cry even harder.
"Thanks a lot Sam." said Frodo, "I was trying to keep him from shooting snot all over my newly painted one of a kind walls with my pretty butterfly and bunny rabbit print. And look! Now he's messing up my pretty pink pony beadspread. Awww. I paid $200 for that pink cardigan."