Hey guys. This is just a one-shot that I wrote from Bella's POV. It's my take on what was going through her head and what ultimately led to her jumping off the cliff. It will be the starting chapter for the author bella88's new, upcoming story, which I will be betaing. And just know that the last sentence is correct in the context of her story, so no I don't mean 'russet skin' :). This is also the first official piece I've written from Bella's POV, so let me know what you think. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own these characters or the original plot. Stephenie Meyer does.
Part I: The Jump
The wind blew through my hair, sending the strands whipping around my face violently. The cold air made it difficult to breathe, but not because my lungs were having a difficult time handling it. No, the air reminded me of a happier time, an easier time, a time that I didn't want to be haunted by anymore.
It has been seven months. Seven months since I was forced to live my life alone in a world where loneliness was considered a weakness, a flaw. Seven months since I last heard that voice, the voice that made my heartbeat quicken. I wanted to hear that voice. I needed to hear that voice.
That's why I was standing here on top of this cliff, waiting to fling myself over the edge. To hear that voice. The other reckless things simply weren't enough anymore; his voice was starting to fade, lose its innate brilliance. He wasn't as clear anymore, and I was starting to worry that I was losing him, losing the only connection that I had of my past life, a happier life.
Bella.
I sighed contentedly, letting out the breath that I had unconsciously been holding. He was so clear, almost as if he were standing right next to me, which was impossible. He was gone; he left. The words hurt, tearing another hole through my long broken heart, but they rang true. He was gone, and he was never coming back. He'd said so himself. That moment in the forest flooded my mind once again, one of the many scenes that kept replaying in my head. He said he didn't love me, didn't want me. He said I wasn't good enough for him. He said he was never coming back.
I took another cautious step forward.
Bella, the beautiful voice warned, this time angrier.
I smiled now in response, dispelling these black thoughts. See, I told myself, he still cares about you. He hasn't truly left. I had been telling myself this again and again, continually denying that he had really and truly left me here alone.
The wind continued to roar around me; the force of the air moving around me pushed me softly forward. It was as if the earth wanted me to move forward, to send myself over the edge and into the blissful oblivion.
I stepped forward again, feeling the edge of the cliff through my shoes.
Bella, stop! the voice commanded, furious now. Stop! Don't do this. Don't be stupid.
I was surprised to find that a part of me wanted to listen, wanted to turn around and go back home where everything was safe and monotonous. But the other, more dominant part of me wanted to rebel, to ignore this voice that had abandoned me for so long now and find peace in the swirling waters below.
The trees rustled in the distance behind me, ushering me forward with their leafy limbs. The waves crashed into the jagged rocks that surrounded the base of the cliff, beckoning me down into their welcoming embrace.
I knew I had to act now before my courage vanished as quickly as it had appeared. I took a deep breath and looked out at the horizon one last time before pushing off of the rock, flinging myself across the empty space and down into the awaiting bliss.
Damn it, Bella, no! the angelic voice called after me, carried by the storm.
"Too late," I said into the wind, hoping that it would carry my message along to anyone who cared.
The air rushed past my ears noiselessly as I approached the angry waves. The world around me was strangely peaceful, despite the raging storm and swirling wind.
With a sudden force, my body collided with the waves, and the peaceful façade was shattered. The storm whipped my body around the water like a rag doll, my arms and legs threatening to detach themselves from the rest of my body. Salt water filled my mouth and lungs, burning my throat with a fire that reminded me of a day when I was saved by an angel from a monster in a ballet studio. An angel whom I missed, an angel whom I could hear now.
Swim, the voice urged. Bella, swim. Don't give up!
I tried to move my arms and legs, trying to get away from the current that was pulling me further into the watery depths, but my body didn't obey my commands. I was tired, tired of fighting and tired of being alone. The water would help that, I was sure. The water would end everything, no more hurt, no more pain, no more loneliness.
My arms stopped swimming, my legs stopped kicking, and the current took me obligingly, happy that I had given up my feeble attempt to escape my fate.
Bella! Bella, no! the voice cried, furious that I was stopping, that I was finally succumbing to the pain and hurt. Damn it, Bella, keep fighting! Don't stop now!
Then something happened that shook me to my very core. His face appeared, seemingly out of thin air. My feeble memory had done his otherworldly beauty no justice. His bronze hair seemed to shine and sway in time with the fast-moving current; his sharp features were amplified by the natural beauty that surrounded us in the open sea.
His expression was enraged, naturally, because of my decision to stop fighting the current, but there was also a sense of deep remorse and panic and a hate that seemed to be directed inward. But that was impossible; it didn't make sense. Why would he feel sorry for what he did? He didn't love me anymore, so me dying would probably be a relief to him.
I was surprised how sure of this I seemed to be. I was dying. I knew it, and yet I wasn't afraid. I was somewhat relieved, relieved that it was finally over. I was glad that my subconscious had saved this final, perfect picture of him for now, the moment of my death. At least I was able to see him one last time before I left this world for whatever lay beyond.
Bella, please, his voice begged, the fury completely dissolved from his voice now and replaced with panic, his expression twisted with fear. Bella, please. Please, don't do this.
The agony in his voice threatened to overwhelm me, but a fresh wave of pain shooting down my throat brought back all of the hurt from the past seven months, strengthening my resolve once more. Hot tears pressed against my eyes, fusing with the salt water encompassing me and the beautiful delusion.
I'm sorry, Edward, I whispered back silently, my throat still engulfed in flames. Goodbye, Edward, I love you.
I felt a stone wrap around my stomach, but I was too weak from my fight with the current to resist so I allowed myself to be dragged through the water. A rock repeatedly pounded against my chest, sending a searing pain through my stomach. Death wasn't supposed to hurt so much; it was supposed to empty, free from the painful memories of a future that almost was.
Vaguely, I felt my head break the surface, the unrelenting rain creating trails of fire along my exposed skin. The current still tried to pull me back under the surface, but the solid stone kept a firm grip on me, refusing to allow me to succumb to the waves once again.
Although the wind whistled violently in my ears, I was able to hear someone repeating my name. It was a beautiful voice, the voice I had been yearning to hear for over seven months. But it was impossible; it couldn't be him. He left me.
I forced myself to open my eyes, to make sure that I was imagining that longed-for voice. My heavy eyelids slowly slid open, and my eyes were assaulted with the hard pellets of sleet pouring down from the sky. It took every ounce of self-will and my remaining strength to turn my head to where I believed the sound to be originating from, but I did. I only got a fleeting glimpse of my savior before the shock and exhaustion of it all finally caught up with me, but I was almost positive that I had seen a flash of unkempt bronze hair. Almost.
Author's Note: I'm excited that I'm finally able to put up some Bella songs. Here they are for this chapter: "Haunted" and "Addicted" both by Kelly Clarkson (she has an amazing voice), and "My Immortal" by Evanescence (just listen to it). Thanks as always for reading.