Title: The Sky is Falling
Rating: PG, I mean nothing risque in here at all!
Spoilers: A few, nothing you didn't see coming though.
Summary: A Carby! Carter writes Abby a letter, better than the old one. Explaining everything since Gamma's death. Abby doesn;t know how to react, but then she has a terrifying expereince at work that put everything into perspective
Author's Note: A Carby!! My first. Lemme know what you think.
Dislaimer: I only wrote the story, I own nada. Not the characters. That's all NBC!
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Dear Abby,
I didn't want to write this all down in a letter, seeing that it might bring back....well, memories. But I didn't know how else to tell you this, how to get it all out. So I thought this would be the best way.
I saw you the other day, about a week ago now. Sitting on the steps in the ambulance bay. You looked happier then I have ever seen you in my life. You couldn't stop smiling and you made me want to smile too. It's then that I realized, I never stopped loving you. Watching you sit there, grinning ear to ear. I just couldn't believe what I had given up. All I wanted to do was run up and kiss you.
Before I left the second time, you said something to me that is really true. You said that I can be talking, you can see my lips moving, but at the end of the conversation you still don't know what's running through my head. It's true. I keep too much locked up inside, so I will try to tell you everything. Everything I felt in the last year. Ever since... well since Gamma died.
When Gamma died, I was in denial, or at least I was until you told me you were going to get Eric, instead of staying here with me. I was really hurt then. I am not going to pretend I wasn't hurt. But I understand now why you did. You weren't choosing between us. You did what you thought you had to do. You shouldn't have had to do it, but you did. I think if I was in that situation, I would have done the same.
But then I left. Why? Partly because I was mad. Not at you, a little at Eric for ruining the funeral. But mostly at Gamma and at myself. I was angry because nothing seemed to be turning out right, she was dead, and for some reason I didn't propose to you. That is why I ran away, because I couldn't deal. I know that it was hypocritical for me to do that. Considering I had always patronized you for running when things got hard. But then when I got to Africa, things seemed clear. They weren't really clear, but they seemed to be clear. I didn't have to think about all that went on at home when I was there. I was too wrapped up in what I was doing. When I finally got a spare moment to think. I couldn't help but think of you. And yet I was still hurting, and for some reason, I blamed you for that. So I thought, that writing you that letter, would be the answer to my problems. I was wrong though. When I gave the letter to Luka, I didn't feel better, I only felt worse. But I wrapped my self up in work, and then I didn't have to think about it.
I think that is why Kem came in. She reminded me of the Congo, a place where I didn't have to deal with my problems. So when I was with her I was happy, but for all the wrong reasons. Not because I was happy with her, but because when I was with her I didn't have to be reminded of everything. I didn't think much of the relationship, but suddenly she was pregnant. And I thought I had to do what was right. I convinced myself I loved her. I was mostly thinking about the baby with everything that followed. But even so, I still wasn't complete. I didn't understand why.
Then, the baby died. I was over come with grief then, because that's when this imaginary world came crashing down. That's when I had to deal with reality. That's when I really got the full extent of everything that had happened in the past year. Gamma's death, you, the baby dying, Kem, Africa, it all came into perspective.
Then three days ago Kem left. I proposed to her before she did. I think I still wanted that last bit of an imaginary life I thought I had had with her. Although it didn't surprise me when she turned me down. And then she left.
Now I am faced with everything. The loss of everything. But strangely enough, every time I think about what I have lost, nothing compares to the pain I get when I think about losing you. And then yesterday. I saw you with a patient, they said something that made you laugh. Something that made you smile and that's when it all fell into place. Everything suddenly made sense. I couldn't stand being inside County anymore, I was suffocating from realization, from understanding. I ran out, to the closest liquor store. And got drunk. I came back later. You saw me. So did Luka, he and I went out for coffee, I explained some of it to Luka, only the Kem part though. Then you offered to take me to an AA meeting. I couldn't believe how much the tables had changed. I turned you down, but I knew then what I had to do.
So this is why I wrote the letter. You know now the truth. Everything. I still love you Abby, I never stopped. Although maybe I thought I had, I never really did. I am sorry, about everything, about the last year, about the first letter, about this letter. I am sorry if I caused you any pain. I am sorry if this letter causes you any pain, I just had to let you know how I felt.
Love,
Carter
Abby was in shock. She couldn't believe what she was reading. After all this time. But she was confused, this is exactly what she wanted to hear. Carter still loved her. So then why was she so mad? Mad at him, for everything that happened. Mad at herself, she still blamed herself for starting it, well starting what turned out to be the end of their relationship.
"You leaving?" Suddenly Abby jumped. She had been sitting on the bench in the lounge. Susan had just entered the room. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there, or as she wiped her face, she realized she had been crying.
"Are you okay Abby," Susan looked really concerned.
"Yea, sorry, I'm fine, just got something in my eye," Abby managed to get out. Feeling a small twinge in her stomach, guilt. She hated lying to her friends.
"Oh, okay," Susan knew she was lying. But she didn't want to press the subject. Abby looked pretty shaken up. "You off?
"No, just started, I am pulling an all nighter, 10 to 10, can't wait. You off?
"Yea, thank god! I am going home to a colliky baby and a hungry man, just my luck!
"Still, I think I'd rather trade places with you.
"I suppose, well night. Talk to you tomorrow.
Susan left the lounge. Abby was still sitting on the bench, she wiped her eyes one last time, and got up. She slowly folded the letter. And placed it back in her locker, where she had found it.
Rating: PG, I mean nothing risque in here at all!
Spoilers: A few, nothing you didn't see coming though.
Summary: A Carby! Carter writes Abby a letter, better than the old one. Explaining everything since Gamma's death. Abby doesn;t know how to react, but then she has a terrifying expereince at work that put everything into perspective
Author's Note: A Carby!! My first. Lemme know what you think.
Dislaimer: I only wrote the story, I own nada. Not the characters. That's all NBC!
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Dear Abby,
I didn't want to write this all down in a letter, seeing that it might bring back....well, memories. But I didn't know how else to tell you this, how to get it all out. So I thought this would be the best way.
I saw you the other day, about a week ago now. Sitting on the steps in the ambulance bay. You looked happier then I have ever seen you in my life. You couldn't stop smiling and you made me want to smile too. It's then that I realized, I never stopped loving you. Watching you sit there, grinning ear to ear. I just couldn't believe what I had given up. All I wanted to do was run up and kiss you.
Before I left the second time, you said something to me that is really true. You said that I can be talking, you can see my lips moving, but at the end of the conversation you still don't know what's running through my head. It's true. I keep too much locked up inside, so I will try to tell you everything. Everything I felt in the last year. Ever since... well since Gamma died.
When Gamma died, I was in denial, or at least I was until you told me you were going to get Eric, instead of staying here with me. I was really hurt then. I am not going to pretend I wasn't hurt. But I understand now why you did. You weren't choosing between us. You did what you thought you had to do. You shouldn't have had to do it, but you did. I think if I was in that situation, I would have done the same.
But then I left. Why? Partly because I was mad. Not at you, a little at Eric for ruining the funeral. But mostly at Gamma and at myself. I was angry because nothing seemed to be turning out right, she was dead, and for some reason I didn't propose to you. That is why I ran away, because I couldn't deal. I know that it was hypocritical for me to do that. Considering I had always patronized you for running when things got hard. But then when I got to Africa, things seemed clear. They weren't really clear, but they seemed to be clear. I didn't have to think about all that went on at home when I was there. I was too wrapped up in what I was doing. When I finally got a spare moment to think. I couldn't help but think of you. And yet I was still hurting, and for some reason, I blamed you for that. So I thought, that writing you that letter, would be the answer to my problems. I was wrong though. When I gave the letter to Luka, I didn't feel better, I only felt worse. But I wrapped my self up in work, and then I didn't have to think about it.
I think that is why Kem came in. She reminded me of the Congo, a place where I didn't have to deal with my problems. So when I was with her I was happy, but for all the wrong reasons. Not because I was happy with her, but because when I was with her I didn't have to be reminded of everything. I didn't think much of the relationship, but suddenly she was pregnant. And I thought I had to do what was right. I convinced myself I loved her. I was mostly thinking about the baby with everything that followed. But even so, I still wasn't complete. I didn't understand why.
Then, the baby died. I was over come with grief then, because that's when this imaginary world came crashing down. That's when I had to deal with reality. That's when I really got the full extent of everything that had happened in the past year. Gamma's death, you, the baby dying, Kem, Africa, it all came into perspective.
Then three days ago Kem left. I proposed to her before she did. I think I still wanted that last bit of an imaginary life I thought I had had with her. Although it didn't surprise me when she turned me down. And then she left.
Now I am faced with everything. The loss of everything. But strangely enough, every time I think about what I have lost, nothing compares to the pain I get when I think about losing you. And then yesterday. I saw you with a patient, they said something that made you laugh. Something that made you smile and that's when it all fell into place. Everything suddenly made sense. I couldn't stand being inside County anymore, I was suffocating from realization, from understanding. I ran out, to the closest liquor store. And got drunk. I came back later. You saw me. So did Luka, he and I went out for coffee, I explained some of it to Luka, only the Kem part though. Then you offered to take me to an AA meeting. I couldn't believe how much the tables had changed. I turned you down, but I knew then what I had to do.
So this is why I wrote the letter. You know now the truth. Everything. I still love you Abby, I never stopped. Although maybe I thought I had, I never really did. I am sorry, about everything, about the last year, about the first letter, about this letter. I am sorry if I caused you any pain. I am sorry if this letter causes you any pain, I just had to let you know how I felt.
Love,
Carter
Abby was in shock. She couldn't believe what she was reading. After all this time. But she was confused, this is exactly what she wanted to hear. Carter still loved her. So then why was she so mad? Mad at him, for everything that happened. Mad at herself, she still blamed herself for starting it, well starting what turned out to be the end of their relationship.
"You leaving?" Suddenly Abby jumped. She had been sitting on the bench in the lounge. Susan had just entered the room. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there, or as she wiped her face, she realized she had been crying.
"Are you okay Abby," Susan looked really concerned.
"Yea, sorry, I'm fine, just got something in my eye," Abby managed to get out. Feeling a small twinge in her stomach, guilt. She hated lying to her friends.
"Oh, okay," Susan knew she was lying. But she didn't want to press the subject. Abby looked pretty shaken up. "You off?
"No, just started, I am pulling an all nighter, 10 to 10, can't wait. You off?
"Yea, thank god! I am going home to a colliky baby and a hungry man, just my luck!
"Still, I think I'd rather trade places with you.
"I suppose, well night. Talk to you tomorrow.
Susan left the lounge. Abby was still sitting on the bench, she wiped her eyes one last time, and got up. She slowly folded the letter. And placed it back in her locker, where she had found it.