The Official Fanfiction University of Weyard
--a spinoff of Miss Cam's famous "The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth"
by Empress Dotdotdot
Disclaimer 1) The idea of an OFU is not and never has been mine. Many many thanks to Miss Cam for giving me permission to spinoff. Any of Miss Cam's friends or minions who are reading this, I DO have permission so please don't mistake this as shameless thievery.
Disclaimer 2) Do not and will not ever own Golden Sun. Come on, you think I'd be spending my time of fanfic if I did own it?
Disclaimer 3) Tammi is not meant in any way to resemble an actual person. Any coincidences with name, behavior, or other blah-de-blah are just that: coincidences.
Oh, and DO NOT SEND ME OFUW APPLICATIONS, THE UNIVERSITY IS FULL. In case you didn't realize, this story was deleted and has just now been reposted.
On to the show.
Tammi Holmes sat down at the computer and began to type. It had been a good deal of time since she had written a decent Golden Sun fanfiction, and she felt the urge to do so again.
the luv of two elements
by alexluvr4eva
I'm not good at summrys but please read it! alex has a dream about an angel, the girl who steals his heart, plz R&R! LEMON ndont flame
Tack. Tack. Tack.
The sound of her fingers hitting the keys was a sweet melody in her ears.
A girl reached out to Alex
"Save me she cried, "for i am alone and sad"
Alec held out his hands and tried to see hwo it was "who arre you" he demanded Angelic wings appeared in fronnt of him and he gasped "an angel" and then he awoke
"That's right," Tammi said to herself. Her fingers tapped against the keyboard in an idle gesture of thought. "I am the best Golden Sun author out there. Soon enough, I'll be getting all the reviews I could ever need. I'll surpass all those so-called good authors."
A few more clicks of the keys. She smirked. Vynna. The perfect name. For the perfect character. Not a Mary Sue, though. Vynna had plenty of flaws, like being shy and unable to admit her love. She was a pacifist to the point of not wanting to battle even in self-defense, as well. If that didn't make Vynna a non-Mary Sue, she didn't know what did.
She wore a grin on her face as she wrote.
The girl in the spring was nude, but her long hair covered her body as she bathed. The sunlight glinted off her raven-black hair, making it shine with an unerthley glow. the very air around her seemed to shimmer with light.
Alex stared at the girl, his blue eyes widening as he watched her. "She's beutifull," he whispred. The girl turned arond and smiled at him, her sapphire eyes twinkling in the sunlight. "Hello there, what is you're name?" "I am Alix of Imil." Alex replied.
Oh, yes, it was going well. Vynna Kyenhart was the best original character she had written yet. She was beautiful. She was kind. She was a Jupiter Adept. And most of all, she wasn't a Mary Sue!
Victory. Sweet victory was hers at last.
Beware, flamers, for Vynna Kyenhart was on the rise. Such a nice character couldn't possibly draw flames! And who would ever want to flame a character who taught Alex the meaning of love?
Ooh, yes, Alex. Hotness at its best. He was such a bishounen, with his long blue hair and pretty eyes. But he was evil—which was, of course, exactly why she had written Vynna. If someone as good as Vynna could like him, surely other people could too!
It was much latr that Allex and Vynna went into his room and sat down on his bed and Alx stood back up. He closed the door. He sat down on th bed and carefully ran his hands up her body, halting just below her breasts.
"Do you love me?" he said and she said "I do."
He kissed her cheek and cupped her breasts in his hands and then gently bit her right ear. She giggled and kissed him deeply, and his fingers grasped at the buttons of her blause undoing them quickly and frantically as he wished nothing more than to be closer to her.
"Tell me you love me alex said and she said "yes I love yuo."
Tradition held that would always get a drink before writing the true "lemon" part of the fanfic. So, as per tradition, she stood up, headed to the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator door. She pulled out a can of soda and slammed the door shut.
Then, when she looked up, she nearly dropped her can onto the floor.
"You're 'alexluvr4eva,' correct?" A man in a black suit stood near the door to her kitchen. He inspected a paper he held in one hand. "Also known as Tammi, writer of Mary Sues, clichéd plotlines, and One Who Knows Not What Spellcheck Is?"
"I resent that!" She cracked open her soda and took a quick sip of it. "Vynna and my other original characters are not Mary Sues!"
The man sighed. "Look, sweetie, whether you think they are or not is not important. Fact is, they are, and Alex is getting rather sick of being written into your erotic fantasies." The man removed his sunglasses. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kyle, and I'm from Vale."
At this point, Tammi did drop her soda can onto the floor, where a large orange puddle formed. "Kyle? As in, Isaac's father Kyle?"
"Yes, that's me, why do you ask?"
"You're not real, though!"
"Well, neither is Alex, if you follow that path of logic. You still seem to fantasize about him all day and all night, however."
Tammi blushed. "All I was trying to do was write a little lemon. Nothing wrong with that."
"Except, my dear, that you violated some of the most basic rules of fanfiction writing." Kyle shook his head and sighed. "But I'm not supposed to be lecturing. Well, I may as well get to the point. I don't suppose you have your license?"
"License? Who needs a license?"
"You, obviously. Susa, would you get over here?"
A brown-haired teenager, also in a suit, came into the kitchen bearing a briefcase in one hand.
"Susa?" Tammi stepped back and waved her arms. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute here. Who else is here?"
"Well, I believe that Alex is in the living room, considering that this is a case which particularly concerns him, but—"
Tammi let out a shriek and ran into the living room, closing her eyes and holding out her arms in order to grab Alex as tightly as possible. She found, however, that her hands hit armor instead of the tunic she had expected.
"I would like to ask you to get your sweaty, fangirlish little paws off my armor," a deep voice said. She looked up to see red eyes and blue skin, with long, pointed ears and silver hair.
"Sa-sa-saturos," she stammered.
"Yes, that is my name. Kindly step away, if you would."
She turned on Kyle and Susa, glaring at them. "But you told me that Alex would be here!"
"Ah, yes. About that," Susa said. He laughed, shaking his head. "It works every time. Tell them their lust object is here, and away they go, straight into the arms of someone else."
Saturos' ears twitched. "I wish you wouldn't use me near as often for these pranks."
"Well, we can't help it if there's a lot of people who dislike you, Saturos."
He scowled. "Miss Jen likes me."
Kyle grinned. "Well, that's Miss Jen, and she's an oddity when it comes to a lot of things."
Saturos looked away, scowling some more. Tammi, meanwhile, was in a fury.
"All I want to do is write a sweet little lemon about Vynna, and you come storming in here, telling me I need some sort of license! Then you tell me that Alex is outside, and you actually lead me straight to Saturos! What do you want with me?"
Susa knelt and unlocked the briefcase, then pulled out a sheet of paper and held it out to the girl. "These are your application forms."
"My application forms for what?"
"Allow me to explain." Saturos glared down at the girl. "We are representatives of OFUW, the Official Fanfiction University of Weyard. There, you can learn how to be a real writer. You know, how to use spellcheck, quit writing Mary Sues, and that sort of thing."
"They are not Mary Sues!" Tammi stomped a foot and returned Saturos' glare.
"Nevertheless, whelp, if you don't learn what it takes to be a good author, you're going to have to go. Miss Jen herself has been observing your awful characterizations of Alex for some time now, and she's the one who sent us to get you. You'd best fill the forms out fast. The first semester starts soon." Saturos folded his arms. "And another thing. Quit trying to glare. You can't do it half-decently."
"Fine!" Tammi threw her arms into the air. "I'm just seeing things anyway, so why not go along with it?" She snatched the papers from Susa and turned around.
"Fill them out, and we'll get them when you're done. Don't worry about sending them to us, that's our responsibility. Oh, and you may want to pack some things. You're going to be at OFUW for a very, very long time." Kyle nodded to Saturos, who walked over to the two and raised one hand, a gem glittering in it.
"Teleport!" With that, the three were gone.
Tammi snorted. "Stupid hallucinations, telling me I can't even write what I want to . . . they're just as bad as all those flamers! They just don't know what they're talking about, that's all. And Vynna is not a Mary Sue!"
Best to do it in front of the computer, she thought. That way, I can get right back to work on my fanfiction as soon as I'm done with these forms.
She walked downstairs and sat down, scrounging for a pen as she glanced over the papers.
Why am I filling these out, anyway? This is just a hallucination anyway.
A pen appeared in her hand. She blinked momentarily at it, then finally shrugged and began filling out the application.
Name: Tammi
Penname: alexluvr4eva
Race: (please circle one) (Human), Proxan, Lemurian, Lycanthrope, Other (please specify)
Gender: (please circle one) Male, (Female), Both, Not applicable/None of the above (if "Not applicable/None of the above" or "Both," please explain:)
Psynergy: (please circle one) (Jupiter), Mars, Mercury, Venus, None
Have you played Golden Sun? Yes
Have you played Golden Sun: The Lost Age? Yes
Primary Lust Object (thing/person in Golden Sun which you lust after): Alex
Secondary Lust Object: Picard
Primary Hate Object: Saturos
Secondary Hate Object: Felix
Good/Evil/Neutral? Good
Hair:
She thought about this one for a long time, then finally listed Vynna's raven-black. No way was she going to have her normal stringy, mousey hair in this dream!
Eye color:
Once again, she thought for a bit before writing down "sapphire blue with flecks of silver." She was going to have fun with this, if nothing else.
I prefer: (please circle one) (Picard), Piers, Leon, Other (please specify)
Do you get seasick? No
Fear of flying? Yes
Fear of heights? No
Lusting: Obvious or not-as-much? Obvious
Why do you write GS fanfic: Because the game is great and Alex is yummy
Do you write slash(yaoi or yuri)? Sometimes
Do you write Mary Sues? She's not a Mary Sue!
Have you read OFUM? No
By signing below, you give up all glomping, tackling, and other fangirl/fanboyish privileges. You also submit to the will of the Headmaster Who Shall Remain Unnamed and the mighty Assistant Headmistress, Miss Jen (Jen-sama for the Japanese-inclined). You also agree to obey all requests/commands given by the teachers and other faculty. We are also making this incredibly long because you're probably too impatient to read anything longer than two sentences. Besides, you're probably already drooling over thoughts of a nude (insert lust object here) and we've had just about enough of your erotic fantasies over him/her. We also claim any rights to warp your appearance, psyche, or other factors according to the way you filled out this form. You're about to submit to the famous LTP (Learning Through Pain) Program, and we hope you suffer thoroughly.
Thank you, and have a good semester!
Signed, Head of Admissions.
Sign here:
With that, she signed her name. She had just skimmed the last paragraph; it was far too long to interest her. She set the papers down on her desk.
With a brilliant flash of white light, her computer suddenly shut off.
For a few seconds, her mouth opened and closed wordlessly before she let out a piercing screech. "But I didn't save!"
She stormed away from the computer, repressing the strong urge she had to kick it.
There was a fainter flash of light as she turned her back, and the application papers vanished in a few sparkles of Psynergetic light.
A blue-haired man appeared in their place, holding the papers in hand. He looked them over and grinned.
"Oh, I'm going to have fun with you, girl." He smirked slightly and vanished again.
As Tammi walked upstairs, she felt a chill run down her spine.
"You'd best pack now, girl," a man's voice whispered in her ear. "After all, in the morning you'll be at OFUW, and then you're ours to play with."
She turned to see who it was, but there was no one there. All that met her eyes were a few slivers of fading blue light in midair.
She shuddered and decided maybe this wasn't a hallucination after all.
As ordered by the mystery voice, she packed that night. Her Alex pictures went into a safe compartment in her suitcase, while she dumped all her clothes and shoes into the main part.
She finally slipped into bed and sighed.
"What a weird hallucination," she muttered, closing her eyes. "Well, it's all over now, and when I open my eyes in the morning, everything will be fine."
The next morning, she opened her eyes, but everything was definitely not fine. She was sleeping in a bunk bed, in a room made of wood. A blue-haired man with deep green eyes stood across the room, eyeing her warily.
"About time you got up. Welcome to the Dragon, the ship of Captain Picard Piers Leon. We should be in Contigo before too long."
She sat up. "Ship? Contigo?"
"Yeah, Contigo." The man yawned, and with a sudden jolt Tammi realized that he was a Lemurian. "You are alexluvr4eva, aren't you? Enrolled last night? We came and got you straightaway."
She blinked once, sat perfectly still for a moment, then leapt to her feet and ran out onto the deck. She peered over the edge of the ship.
The boat was flying.
Her scream echoed over the empty sea.
All right. Applications to OFUW are NOT being accepted anymore so please don't apply.