Paste
Yes, A Small Critical Moment
Tommy and Helen had come to Cornwall for a few days, and had been confined to the house by storms, but today, the sun was shining. Judith came downstairs to breakfast and ruffled her brother's hair as she passed him. "How about a ride?" she murmured.
"Oh, yes!" He turned to his wife. "Darling, would you like to give the horses a workout?"
Helen frowned. "Tommy, I hate riding. I thought you'd remember that."
"Yes, of course," he said, "I do. I just thought….. Never mind," he smiled a small strained smile, "what would you like to do this morning?"
His mother, sensing the tension, put her hand on Helen's arm. "I thought you and I could do some shopping today. " Helen smiled. Someone understood her. "Yes, Daze, I'd like that very much." She looked over at Tommy. "You and Judith can have some time together, and I know that usually involves a horse or two. Go ahead." Permission granted, he thought.
They raced upstairs to change and tore over to the stables, eager to start their ride. And once on horseback, they pushed their steeds to the limit, galloping over fields for more than an hour, and finally, slowing down, they cantered the horses on the beach, through the surf, steadying them to a walk. It had been a long time since the two had had the chance to ride as they used to, and they were both exhilarated. "Oh," Tommy sighed. "I haven't had this much fun in ages." His sister nodded, "I know." She hesitated for a moment. "I've been worrying all weekend that you…" She hesitated, looking at him.
"What?"
"That you don't seem happy. Tommy, you can tell me to mind my own business, but I thought when you two got back together, you would be happy, but it doesn't seem so."
There was a long silence, then he said simply "No."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Judith asked. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"
Tommy shook his head. "I wish I knew. When we were friends, Helen and I, we could have long talks, tell one another everything. After we were married, she just didn't like me much. She hated my job, didn't seem to enjoy the house, and we hardly talked at all. When she lost the baby, I could see that she blamed me, and she left. We didn't talk at all during the time she was away, except for when Barbara was shot. I left her messages, but she didn't answer." He took off his helmet and ran his hands through his hair. "Then she turned up and was….different. Warmer, friendlier, more interested in our marriage."
"And now?" asked Judith.
"Well, we banter a lot. No serious conversations since the one where we decided to give it another shot. I've been doing the things she likes to do – theater, dinner parties with her friends, dressing up. Gawd, I remember a party where I was togged out in evening wear, complete with cape. I felt such a fool, and I confess that I was relieved to get a call to be at a murder scene. But I do those things, to make her happy, and yet every now and then, she slips back into the old ways. Sarcasm, innuendos. Being annoyed with me. Patronizing, like this morning. I want to make the marriage work, of course I do. But happy? That seems a long time ago and perhaps a long way off."
Judith looked at him thoughtfully. "Tommy, have you ever had a relationship with a woman that stayed loving, thoughtful, fun? I've seen a couple of marriages that kept those beginnings fresh. I don't know if mine would have stayed that way, if my husband had lived." He reached over and touched her hand. She patted his and smiled ruefully, but went on. "Deborah broke your heart, and I think there were a number of casual flings, and then you decided you were in love with Helen, and for a while, it seemed good."
He grimaced. "I think one of my problems is I seem to love women who don't love me back."
"Well, little brother, if it's any comfort, I love you. But do you think there's another woman somewhere, someone who you trust, someone who likes you, admires you? A relationship where that trust is mutual, both of you knowing you'd go to the ends of the earth for one another?"
He stared at her. "Well, well."
"What?"
"You just described Barbara." he said.
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