Voyeuristic, an ouran high school host club fanfic

We've all had those moments where someone has walked in on us in the middle of an… awkward act. I figured Haruhi needed one too, but my friend said that Haruhi doesn't come across as doing this...

I have no idea if Haruhi would listen to this song—I just wanted to be silly and inappropriate, and well, this is a fantastic "jammin' out" song. This is also my first attempt at a songfic, so, hopefully I don't fuck this up too badly.

Summary: The Host Club stumbles upon Haruhi in a rather… compromising position, or, shall we say, positions.

There's not really any romance—I mean, it's the Host Club, and they're all in love with Haruhi, but really… I guess if you squint, cock your head to the side, and flash it into a mirror, there might be romance, but not particularly.

Rating: M. Do not read if you don't like song lyrics that scream sex. Just don't.

Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC. Nor do I own 'I Get Off' or 'Untouched'… all that I've got is my cat and this computer. Please don't sue.

They didn't know why they had gone in retrospect—though, in all probability, it had had something to do with (most assuredly) accosting, in the nicest way, their own little natural.

They didn't expect to get an eyeful (because, well, being as innocent as they were—honestly, the boys talked a good show, but were, in all actuality, relatively pure—they never expected their little female host to do those… things.).

That was how they found themselves outside of the Fujioka apartment—Tamaki lamenting the fact that the door was locked, Kyoya wondering when he should produce the key that Ranka had given him, Hikaru and Kaoru plotting how next to sandwich Haruhi and annoy the 'King', Mori wondering if it really was the best idea to just intrude like this, and Hunny bubbling about how after this surprise visit to Haru-chan, they should definitely head off and get some cake.

(Curiously though, the darling, unsuspecting, little hosts clearly did not hear the heavy drum and whining electric guitar sounds issuing from beneath the doorway.)

Instead, Kyoya brought forth their entrance, and the others swallowed the heavy, hot feeling that clung to their throats (at the thought that the Shadow King/Mother had received permission and entry to their Haruhi's home whenever he felt like it).

And then, they heard the beginning lyrics, to which they rushed forth, wanting to see their oh-so-cute Haruhi sing (in beauteous, melodic chords) to this lovely, rock song that came from one too-extravagant laptop given to the girl on her most recent birthday.

They headed to the parted doorway leading to her room and pressed their eyes to it for the show.

You don't know that I know

You watch me every night

And I just can't resist the urge

To stand here in the light

Your greedy eyes upon me

And then I come undone

I could close the curtain

But this is too much fun

Tamaki tentatively bobbed a head at the beat, and the twins snickered as dread filtered to life in the bellies of the two sane hosts.

That was when the chorus struck… and anything that might have been dance-worthy went downhill at breakneck speed.

(Nose)blood abounded; glasses glinted; twins snickered, and hands were (tactfully) placed over ears.

I get off on you

Getting off on me

Give you what you want

But nothing is for free

It's a give and take

Kind of love we make

When the line is crossed

I get off on you

I get off

Her hips started moving, and their minds started going.

The soul of a certain princely type floated its way by as the now-uninhabited body slumped to the floor, mushrooms springing up around it. A pen snapped distantly from Kyoya, who was immensely thankful that the sunlight happened to fall into the room just so and mask any shock he was (most definitely) feeling while he internalized the cost of the pen and tacked it on to Haruhi's debt.

Hikaru wanted to join, Kaoru wanted to blush, and both did absolutely nothing as a part of them wondered how they'd had no idea that their toy could move like… that. The slanted cheekbones of a certain tall senior rested above pools of red, and his older counterpart was curious as to what was so wrong with dancing… and cake!

But… they all watched: her hips went that way (and then the other), and her waist and legs fought to counter-balance it, muscles stretching and twining; her arms, delicate and feminine, stretched for something unseen and heavenward; her face turned away, towards the music, though if she tossed her head a bit to the left, a beam was visible.

And, that was it: she was one hot (albeit agile) mess. The innocent hosts didn't know how to process it—their darling, natural, pure Haruhi just shouldn't be… grinding on air.

There's so much left unspoken

Between the two of us

It's so much more exciting

To look when you can't touch

You could say I'm different

Maybe I'm a freak

But I know how to twist you

To bring you to your knees

She executed a little spin, arms raised above her head, and found six pairs of eyes resting on her.

She might have made a squeak—God knows she felt like giving one, but she carefully composed her face, adjusted her raised shirt, and felt a faint heat lick at her cheekbones.

"Oh… I didn't realize I had company."

To them, it seemed like the biggest understatement of the century. To her, well, mortification was quickly giving into fury at the thought that they'd just entered her home, her place away from their crazy shenanigans and prying eyes, without consent.

Ever the diplomatic, discreet one, Kyoya stepped forward and inclined his head briefly. "We're sorry. We didn't mean to intrude."

Her mahogany eyes sparked madly and with murderous intent, and the flush in her cheeks had nothing to do with embarrassment.

In the background, the voice of Lzzy Hale continued to burble on about getting off, and Haruhi slammed the pause into place and whirled back, orbs going casually calm while the heart of her irises continued to glow with homicidal malice.

"Tell me, boys, what on earth made you think that it would be okay to enter my dwelling without permission," she murmured lightly, tilting her head until the dark bangs smattered across her eyes and masked their malevolent intent marvelously.

A round of gulps went around the group, followed by little gasps of guilty fear.

"Ne, Haruhi, where'd you get that song?" Hikaru, never subtle, chimed from over his doppelganger's shoulder. Kaoru shot the quivering brunette a glance and shushed his brother.

"Any other comments?" Haruhi asked pleasantly, sending a glare around to all.

Tamaki: currently soulless, but twitching slightly.

Kyoya: note-taking, as always, and pulling away from the group to the furthest corner.

Hikaru: stubbornly curious and about to die.

Kaoru: worried and well-aware of this line they'd blundered over.

Hunny: still confused, still covered.

Mori: still protecting, blushing, and wordless.

Haruhi: well… emotions clawed at her insides, and so she did the only thing that she could think would reconcile the situation.

She laughed.

Long, belly-aching laughter.

And at such a decibel that the hosts went dumb and slack-jawed and with the similar thought of: What. The. Fuck?

The twins started snickering next, nervous, slightly high-pitched laughter, and then, Mori rewarded all with a small grin. Hunny, not to be outdone, pushed his cousin's hands off of his ears, and began a happy little giggle, and Kyoya kept silent. Tamaki's soul floated back, enabling him to begin a long, seemingly endless rant on the horrid qualities of modern music with much gesticulation and profuse French jargon.

This was the scene that Ranka came home to: his beautiful Haruhi and the Host Club, (essentially) all in hysterics while Tamaki lectured and lectured and lectured.

All were pink-faced, all were gripping their sides. Except for the always responsible Ohtori boy.

Ranka raised a questioning brow at the boy, and the other shook a head as a sign that he didn't want to know.

Ranka turned on his heel, nodding, and left.

The night when everyone discovered that Haruhi was a fantastic dancer (and that Kasanoda-kun had been slipping her CDs of some of his music [A/N: XD I'm sorry all Kasanoda-lovers, I just had to come up with something]) was never to be discussed again. It was to be slipped into a little box, packaged neatly in their minds, and was on no account, and by no means ever to be pried open again.

Haruhi had made them promise.

And so it went. She ignored "the incident" and expected them to do so as well.

That didn't stop the boys from occasionally being lost in thoughts of Haruhi, but as long as they kept silent, the natural was pleased. And the only thing that made them happier than spending time with Haruhi was Haruhi being pleased… with them… the "rich bastards".

So, on one sunny Saturday morning, when the princess of the Host Club, who had every innocent intention of going to the supermarket and cleaning her apartment, was slipping on her shoes to leave, there came a rapping on her chamber door.

When opened, she was faced with her worst nightmare.

For one panicked second, she recalled in vivid detail that afternoon (not too long ago) when they'd stopped by, expecting to visit but seeing too much (she hadn't had the heart to turn on the laptop since that day except for schoolwork, let alone open up a program to play music).

Then, she shut that train of thought down.

Instantly, she was enveloped in too-warm arms from the twins, and Hunny-senpai was bouncing off of the walls whilst squealing about 'how cute Haru-chan looked' and 'how cake was needed to celebrate', and Mori-senpai merely ruffled her hair, and Kyoya was going on with a cool, calculating smirk set fast on his lips.

"Wait… what?"

"Yes, Haruhi. We need to head to Tamaki's house to discuss plans for his birthday. It is next weekend, after all," the Shadow King repeated, and she realized with a start that she was not being "rescued from the evil doppelgangers set out to rid his pure and beautiful daughter of her innocence" (and thus molested in turn).

"Do I have to? I had plans to go to the market today," the only female Host queried, and the twins nuzzled closer, and Hunny screamed louder.

"I'll reduce your debt by ten percent," Kyoya tempted, dangling that huge sum of money over her head like a perfect little worm.

"Thirty percent, and that's final," she shot back, and the Shadow King chuckled and agreed.

And, so, they swept her off to the Suoh mansion; the maids were more than willing to practically deliver the group to their young Master's doorway, and it was there that they took their silent leave.

The twins went about busting and thrusting their way into the King's bedroom, and it was there that they were met with a sight.

Tamaki, obviously, hadn't learned.

I go ooh ooh, you go ah ah
L-l-l-la, ah l-l-l-la
I can la, la, la, l-la, la
I wanna, wanna, wanna get, get, get what I want, don't stop

Give me, give me, give me what you got, got
'Cause I can't wait, wait, wait anym-more, more, more
Don't even talk about the consequence
'Cause right now you're the only thing
That's making any sense to me

Any and all plans for a discussion of birthday plans were forgotten when presented with this sight.

And I don't give a damn what they say, what they think, think
'Cause you're the only one who's on my mind
I'll never ever let you leave me
I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye
Bye, bye

I feel so untouched and I want you so much
That I just can't resist you, it's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now, need you so much
Somehow I can't forget you, I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

For all the fact that Tamaki was a fantastic pianist with gifted fingers and a certain knowledge of what notes should be pressed, what dissonances should be created, what chords should be struck, he was an awful singer.

What with his voice cracking piteously into a falsetto and just barely glazing what could be considered "in tune"… it was ear-bleeding, stroke-inducing awful.

Untouched
And I need you so much

Kaoru was nearing a lovely indigo shade as he tried to stifle his giggles. Kyoya had managed to step into a particularly brilliant glare of light that obscured his eyes marvelously. Hikaru had gone from glomping his toy (who just so happened to possess a curiously dead look to her eyes as she watched her senpai flailing around) to quietly smacking his palm to his thigh, tears of mirth streaming down his cheeks. Mori, on the other hand, was internally debating on whether or not to proceed with his role of human ear muffs, questioning the appropriateness of the song. Hunny munched happily on a candy bar he'd so conveniently slipped into his pocket before leaving home.

See you, breathe you, I want to be you
Ah l-l-la, ah l-l-l-la
You can take, take, t-take, take time, time
To live, live the way you gotta, gotta live your life

Then again… it wasn't so bad when he merely seemed to speak the words. All of the members of the Host Club would willingly admit that Tamaki had a wondrous speaking voice, velvety and warm and saturated with charm.

It was when he hit the 'la's that trouble erupted.

Give me, give me, give me all of you, you, don't be scared
I'll see you through the lonely nights of wanting more, more, more
Don't even think about what's right or wrong or wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me

And no one else is gonna be around
To answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today
You've still got me to hold you up, up
And I will never let you down, down

And for all the fact that Tamaki was a fantastic pianist and an awful singer, it was nothing compared to his atrocious dancing.

There was bobbing and flopping and limbs that thrashed about unto the point of his looking very much like a fish that should have never been allowed to leave the water.

With regret, the males all shot glances towards their little female friend, truly remembering her hips shaking in all of their small, perfect glory, and her arms twining in sinewy splendor.

Untouched, un
Untouched
Untouched, un
Untouched

Untouched, un
Ah l-l-la, ah l-l-l-la
Untouched
Ah l-l-la, ah l-l-l-la

The Host Club King was facing towards his bed, back to the door, singing and dancing giddily along without knowledge of being observed.

Hikaru had managed to capture this entire thing on film, Kaoru had produced a pair of binoculars from somewhere, Mori had decided this song to be harmless enough, Kyoya had faded into that dark, welcome space where he does not have to deal with his best friend's antics, Hunny held Usa-chan closer so that he may see as well, and Haruhi, sweet, blessed little Haruhi, pondered how much bleach she would have to pour into her irises to forget this sight.

Untouched, un
Untouched
Untouched, un

"That, Tono, is because you are so untouched… and I can promise you will continue to be so, especially after I post this little video on the Host Club website!" Hikaru taunted, snapping his camcorder closed, and Tamaki rounded, shocked (no doubt) and scarlet.

"Kyoya-senpai, you couldn't subtract enough for me to stay here," Haruhi mumbled, and the Ohtori boy nodded dumbly.

The twins went to tease the bereaved King further, and Hunny chose that moment to let loose a yawn (to which Mori responded by sweeping his charge from the mansion).

"I'm right behind you," the cool one muttered, closing up his notebook and following the fuming female with his small, customary smirk, leaving a scarlet, mushroom-adorned Tamaki in the merciless hands of the twins screaming for his "precious, sweet daughter to come save Daddy".

Sadly, no one answered.

*le gasp*

You have no idea how many freaking times I listened to those songs while writing it. And then, I had my friend read it (about a million times) while listening to the songs… I think it's safe to say that we are SO over these songs. (Yet, I still love them.)

Hmmm… as an incentive to inspire you to review, here is your challenge. Leave (in your review) a story of your awkward moment (whether it be you singing into your hairbrush or you coming downstairs with some… questionable stains. Get as crazy/sexual/awkward as you want. Best tale gets acknowledged in my next story. And since it's only fair… I'll give you my most embarrassing story.

My Story: I was over at a friend's house who just so happened to have her boyfriend living next door. Well, it was night, and my friend and I thought it would be fun to get out the hose and play in the water in the moonlight (listening to too much Toploader? Never!) Anyway, we had to do something the next day so it only made sense to take off our bras (and besides it was just us). So, we're having fun, splashing each other, purposefully squirting the other until we are soaked. It was about that time that I, upon seeing the light on in the house next door and being informed that that was the boyfriend's bedroom light, decided it would be funny to call out his name, to which my friend agreed—we didn't expect to get a response as it was midnight, and well… we just didn't. So, I started up with calling out his name; it was then that he chose to respond by coming outside. No sooner had he stepped out, my friend slipped on the wet grass and reached out for me, effectively grabbing the back of my shorts (which were loose to begin with) and pulling them off. So, now I was mooning the boy toy, but it got better. Remember: I was braless, wet, and wearing white in addition to the moon being unnaturally bright and the sky being unnaturally cloudless. Let's just say that there are relatively no secrets between (the now ex)boyfriend and myself concerning my body. Oh, and, even greater: that was not a gun in his pocket; he was just really happy to see me.

So… review (pretty please) and if you totally hate it then you can send flames too. But I'll be sad and cry for years.

Another incentive: I will allow anyone who wants to to leave a pairing that they would like me to write and a general premise. It can be a one-shot or a multi-chaptered thing. I'm really not comfortable with boy-boy unless it's a friendship thing—I have nothing against gay people, but yaoi is out of my area of expertise. Just leave me whatever, but as author/writer extraordinaire, I reserve all rights to not write something. Don't be offended please.

Thank you!

Much love and writing,

Ace