Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this story belong to me. They all belong to Joss. sigh
Summery: It's been 10 months since Spike's death and in that time, Buffy has turned to alcohol, wild parties and random one night stands to help her deal. But then Spike returns, will he be able to help her sort herself out? Or is she too far gone to care…
Chapter one: Broken
Dawn Summers stood silently in the kitchen of the small apartment that she shared with her sister. It was almost half past eleven in the morning and she knew that Buffy would be getting up soon so, like a good little sister should, Dawn was making the slayer her favourite breakfast/ lunch, which was now…strong black coffee.
Taking the large white, steaming mug into her hands, Dawn strolled off and opened the creaky door to Buffy's smoky bedroom. Buffy was still asleep, half on the bed and half off it, with an anonymous naked male snoring loudly by her side. Dawn scrunched up her nose in disgust and left the coffee on the cluttered bedside table. Making sure to close the door quietly she went out and back into the kitchen.
Looking at her watch, the seventeen-year-old realised that she was late meeting her boyfriend, Rory at the coffee house a few blocks away from the apartment block. Sighing she took out a pen and small piece of scrap paper and scribbled down where she had gone, and saying that she didn't know what time she would be back by. She knew that Buffy wouldn't care anyway so Dawn guessed that she could write near enough anything she wanted on the note.
When she had finished, Dawn checked her hair and make-up in the mirror above the bathroom sink and walked out, leaving Buffy and her one-time-lover alone.
Buffy groaned as her eyes fluttered open and she left the sweet comfort of slumber land behind. Her head was pounding and she was aching for a cigarette, but she had promised Dawn that she would cut down, so she tried to ignore it. She groaned again when she saw a sleeping man naked beside her and shook him violently awake.
"Hey" he said sleepily, he moved in to kiss her but she pushed him away in disgust,
"Get dressed and get out" he blinked a few times at her harsh words,
"I'm sorry did you not hear me?" she asked viciously, he nodded and got out of bed. Buffy groaned again and he spoke,
"Y'know, you didn't seem so bitchy last night…" she cut him off,
"Oh fuck off, I was drunk and you know it so just hurry up and get the hell out of my home"
After the guy had gone, Buffy was sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands and the empty white mug opposite her. She was crying. She did this most days now, after the hangover had worn off with plenty of aspirin and coffee, the slayer would just slump down at the table and sob her broken heart out. Her sister hated her, her friends had deserted her, and the love of her life was dead.
She had tried everything to take her mind off him, but to no avail. Not even the alcohol helped anymore, it would just make her even more depressed and then go and sleep with a guy to try and numb the ripping pain even more. She had got herself a bad reputation for sleeping with one, sometimes maybe even two guys a night and screaming out 'Spike' when she climaxed. Women whispered nasty gossip about her and men bet each other money that they could take advantage of her usually drunken state.
It hadn't always been that way. Immediately after the hell mouth was destroyed, Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Kennedy, Andrew, Xander and Giles had all moved into a large house in the suburbs of San Diego. Money wasn't an issue as Giles had access to all of the council's funds, and Buffy was able to get a reasonably well paid job working in a gym. It was all going great for about a month before the reality that she would never see Spike again began to sink in.
After that, Buffy began smoking, drinking, sleeping with random men and ignoring her friends. She didn't turn up for work and was fired from her job. Willow and Kennedy were the first to move out, sick to death of Buffy's behaviour. Xander, Andrew and Giles all tried to talk her out of it before also moving away. Dawn's low wages were not enough to keep the lovely house, so the two of them were forced to move into a crappy apartment in downtown Low Angeles. Dawn still blamed Buffy for that.
Buffy blamed Spike.
"Why did you leave me?" she whispered into the empty apartment, "We could have been so happy"
She knew that it was no use talking to herself like that, so she wiped her eyes and went into her room to get dressed. Her fashion sense had definitely changed; all of the stylish little tops and classy jeans had been thrown out, only to be replaced by tiny little micro mini skirts and practically none-existent tops. The only thing that she hadn't thrown out was a pair of grey sweatpants and a delicate cream sweater.
Deciding that they were the best things to wear today, Buffy threw them on and fished into her jacket pocket for cigarettes. She smiled when she inhaled her first one of the day.
Buffy was flicking through a magazine when Dawn got back, it was about ten O clock and the youngest was shocked to find Buffy still home. She was usually out clubbing it by now. She decided that this was a good opportunity to have a talk with her,
"Hey" she said gently, plonking herself on the chair opposite Buffy, Buffy put down her magazine and looked at her sibling with no expression whatsoever,
"What's up?"
"Nothing much, I just…just thought that we could talk for a little bit"
"About what?"
"Well…" Dawn struggled to find the right words, "…Aren't you usually out by now? It's ten O clock" Buffy looked at the clock hanging over the door,
"So it is, why? Do you not want me here?" Dawn shook her head,
"Yes, yes of course I do! It's just unusual that we spend any time together these days" they shared a moment before Buffy spoke up,
"I'm sorry Dawnie, I'm just not the girl I was…I've grown up a lot" Dawn now became angry,
"You think that going out and getting drunk every night is grown up! You've changed, yeah, I can see that. But not for the better."
Buffy stood up, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Huh?" Dawn stood up and matched her sister's anger with her own,
"You know exactly what I mean, you're not the Buffy that I loved, you're not the Buffy that the scoobies loved and you're defiantly not the Buffy that Spike loved!" her harsh words hung in the air for a moment before Buffy spoke with a threatening tone,
"Don't you dare bring him into this" Dawn folded her arms,
"I need to. Buffy, this has got to stop. The drinking, the smoking, the cheap behaviour, we both know why you're doing it. It's not because you've grown up Buffy, it's because you can't deal with the fact that Spike is gone" Buffy's eyes began to fill up and she collapsed into the chair,
"He didn't believe me" she choked and Dawn sat down and frowned,
"What?"
"When I told him that I loved him, he didn't believe me. He died thinking that he wasn't loved" Dawn placed her hand over her mouth,
"Buffy…" she spoke, "…why didn't you tell me this before?"
"It hurts too much to talk about" For the first time in what felt like years, Dawn put her arms around her sister and let Buffy cry. The formally strong, together slayer was now a broken shell of what she once was.
Please review! Scarlett x