A/N: Hello, welcome to my story! The theme of this story is not angst, more a search for meaning. Romance later, maybe. It's a new take and I hope you will like it, or at least find it interesting. Enjoy!
Note: This is set after the great wars end, and Konoha is in the process of rebuilding. The Konoha 11 (or is it 12 now?) are about 20 years old.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Inspired by Paulo Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die.
Tenten Decides to Die
by Isfahel
-ONE-
It was on a perfectly normal day that Tenten decided to die. The sun was shining brightly, and birds were singing in the air. She sat in her room, waiting for the powder that would bring her eternal rest to dissolve in the cup.
Earlier she had gone from Neji's grave, to Shikamaru's new cloud watching spot (the old one had been destroyed along with most of Konoha), to the roof of her apartment. No matter where she went, she had been filled with a familiar, restless unease.
The thought had lingered in her mind for the past months, though the seeds of it began long ago. Today it finally crystallized.
Might as well do it now, she thought.
If possible she would have liked to die in combat, but that wasn't something she could arrange. Neither would she use explosives, or throw herself off a building. She had seen enough grisly remains during missions. Sleeping powder it was, then.
It had been all too easy to ask Sakura for some, citing a bout of insomnia. She did that a month ago, when she had progressed from playing with the idea of suicide, to actually planning for it. Sakura didn't question her, for after all – Neji was dead. That explained everything, to everyone.
Yet Tenten was not a heartbroken girl pining for her dead lover. She had loved Neji, yes, but she also loved Lee, and even Gai. It was the sort of love one shared with a teammate: unbreakable, undying, sacrificial. She would give her life for them, and knew they would do the same for her. This love would never end with two people sharing a bed, but it was a strong bond all the same.
She felt Neji's loss keenly, and had wept for him in private. But Tenten knew she could move on, and she was already beginning to. In this harsh line of work, one learnt to set aside some things in order to stay sane.
Instead, it was the emptiness permeating everyday air that made living unbearable.
Everything inevitably added up to nothing; didn't people see it? We convince ourselves that we 'progress' in life, which is a sort of personal 'journey'. But in truth, from the day we begin to understand things to the day we die, nothing actually changes.
Days repeat, variations of days passed. We have the same conversations, just worded differently. Even books all tell the same story (except for a rare few), only fluffed up in different ways, as if people's imaginations are trapped in the same timeless cage.
Tenten understood the inevitability of life (impressive, for a twenty-year-old), and did not see the point in continuing a life that, in essence, did not change.
However, Tenten was not depressed, nor did she have the psychological scars so many shinobi bore. Compared to the others, she would be considered emotionally stable. She wasn't like Sasuke, desperate to cut all links with those he held dear. That man was afraid of loss, and turned to the simplest solution: you can't lose what you don't have.
Nor was she like Ino, who filled her brain with meaningless things so she did not think dark thoughts at night.
She was normal, pleasant, considerate, and obedient. She would never be the best kunoichi, but she had the potential to enter ANBU. She did not have a boyfriend, but that wasn't from a lack of offers. Her missions were completed with diligence, her days off spent in enjoyment.
Tenten was like any other girl, except she was now waiting for death to finish dissolving in her green cup.
Outside her window was an endless blue sky with a few stray clouds.
When the buildings are built, I wonder if Shikamaru will go back to the same spot to watch the clouds, Tenten thought. It was a pity, she admitted, that she could not contribute any further to Konoha's rebuilding. Still, she had done her share, and when she died there would be no more regret. No more feelings.
A strange peace had settled on her now that she was carrying out her decision. No longer would she have to face the pain of daily tedium, for she was going to die. Tenten felt like humming.
As she brought the cup to her lips and drank, she wondered whether she would wake up, so to speak, after this. Questions about the next life had never really bothered her, and neither had issues about faith or spirituality. She had killed before, but that was the norm in her world, and she had never caused harm unnecessarily. If judgement was to come, she was not unduly worried.
The cup was drained empty, and she placed it down. All kunoichi knew how swift the powder was, but how long would it take to die?
A cramp seized her stomach and she bent over, teeth gritted.
Not like this, no pain, no pain, she thought, forcibly relaxing her face muscles. She did not want her friends to see her later, face twisted in agony.
But what did it matter? Eventually they, too, would forget. Like everything else, memory passes. Just like she, Tenten, was just passing through.
And now I am free.
Her eyes closed as her head fell on the table, and she was enfolded in darkness.
A/N: This was an interesting write. Maybe I'll continue it, just so I won't have to kill a character...for the first time ever.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this, and if it's worth continuing. I'm trying my new hand out at various themes. Thank you so much!