[[This story is written using journal entries and events interspersed. I have tried to make it so that the events are preceded by the journal entry that would pertain to them.
The entries are numbered, but not in sequential order. While I think that Folken's journal in its entirety would be a very interesting read, I think he'd probably delve into a lot of theorum and other things that have nothing to do with the story I am laying out.
Enjoy the chapter. Bon appetite!]]
From his first moments there, he was overwhelmed by the queer nature of the place. It addled his mind so that he would not be able to come to terms with his new life there for some time.
Those bright lights were a sign of new beginnings. Painful, confusing at first, and then suddenly....all is made clear in one sweeping moment.
He awoke and stayed where he was for the first few hours of the day. He had much to think about. What he had lost, what he had gained. He regretted terribly losing his throne, but the peace of mind he had felt when he thought he was to die was worth a great deal to him. Equilibrium was the most natural of states, something many strived for but none if any ever attained.
He wished to have that feeling again. He wasn't certain how to retrieve it, though. He used to feel something like it when he would teach Van things. When he knew who he and what his purpose in life was.
I I I I I I
Entry 1.
It is hours later now. There is much to do, though I find little of it useful to me. I won't be able to fight again, I'm afraid. My arm...it is a marvel indeed, but not entirely useful for the lifestyle I am accustomed to. Things will have to change, I've been told. My sword will be useless to me now. Although I may keep it as a reminder. Perhaps.
I have noticed, in my wanderings here, how so many of these people are lost...without hope. They laugh, they cry, they amuse themselves. But they hope for nothing beyond what they know. It seems as if they are resigned to live a meager existence with little purpose in order to help their hypothetical children.
They have nothing to live for but an ideal. How could anyone wonder why they are so loyal?
I shall find it strange living here. No one will pay me much mind. No one seems to have any interest in talking to anyone not of their brethren. I am a stranger to this land, from a place fate has smiled upon more often.
The people seem to have something against foreign-style government in general here. I believe I remind them of those governments, though they do not say it. Perhaps it is my demeanor. I suppose 15 years of being royal is hard to cast away, even if you try your best.
I feel a great pull at my emotions. I find I am unsure of myself, a feeling I have not had since I had begun my training. I had everything set in stone only to see it shattered. What Emporer Dornkirk has in store for me....I am unsure as to whether I should take it....
He has said that he has a purpose for me here, that my services will be needed. I pray the gods it be true. I don't know what I could do on my own now.
He lay upon his bed, overlooking the entry. His handwriting was atrocious. He used to write with his right hand, but that would not be possible for some time. He was not used to this new development. He stared at it. This new...thing. He hated it. All he wanted was to wake up with his body intact, his spirit undefeated.
He was terrified of what they'd be saying now. Fanelia had to have a king. It was very important. If there were no king, there might be chaos. Or worse, the trusted advisors of royalty would have to take over until a suitable ruler was found. That would have to be Van now, who was merely five.
His head fell heavily upon his pillow. What had he done? He loved his brother, didn't he? How could he be so careless?! Mistakes cost lives. He had just cost his brother a life of free willl. His hand balled into a fist. He couldn't do anything to change it. It echoed in his mind. "What have I done?"
There was no answer...
He hastily flipped over onto his side and curled up a bit, his hand covering his eyes. If there was anyone he loved, it was his brother Van. He killed him the same as if he'd taken a sword to his neck.
"How could I have been so foolish?! I...I should have practiced more. I'm a prince, aren't I? We had more armor, more weapons...why did I think that what I had was enough...? I should have...."
He could have rambled on, but he did not have the chance. Almost instinctively, thoughts flowed from his subconscious to protect himself. He would be able to see Van in the future. They could work things out then. He would have to wait a while, but he would make things right.
This thought placated him for some time. He was able to relax again. He lay on his stomach and stare at the wall in front of him, thinking.
I I I I I I
Entry 10
It has been two weeks since I was first received here. The strangeness of these people ceases to fascinate. Instead, it quite frightens me. Would would such a country be capable of, were it to be given full freedom of power over Gaea? They wish to see a world of great joy [I think] but with their beliefs and behaviors, I must wonder whether or not the only freedom Gaea would have would be to follow orders. I must speak with the emporer about this. He seems to understand the innerworkings of his people to the fullest extent.
I have a great deal of respect for him. His desire, it seems, is to save Gaea from its present status. I agree with him, though I do not fully understand how he means to go about doing this. Perhaps I shall one day, but for now it gives me something to ponder. [And I desparately need something to think over. There is nothing else here that has any meaning below its surface]
I I I I I I
He was quite lonely now. No one wished to speak to him, except the Emporer. If they did speak with him, it was not to say anything personal or interesting. These had to be the most boring of people! Even his physical therapist, who came to see him everyday to work with him in getting used to his new accessory, did not talk to him.
"Make a fist. Slowly." Folken did so. "Good. Now, I want you to pick up the wine glass on the table," the therapist said. That task aggravated him, as he just couldn't seem to get it right. He smiled slightly.
"I don't think it is necessary I practice that," said Folken. "I don't drink."
The therapist gave a stony glare. His stare was peircing and made Folken uncomfortable. His smile, slight as it was now, faded.
They would continue their sessions from then on without the slightest trace of feeling or comfort. There could be nothing personal with someone who does not have a personal way of life.
I I I I I I
Entry 68
I hate this place!
I I I I I I
Folken had become very sullen. He refused to talk to or see anyone. Or do anything but sit around and read. How could these people be the way they are? Thoughtless and blind, more so than any politician.
A while back, he had been walking down one of Zaibach's streets, notebook and sketchpad in hand. He still wore his fanelian clothing. He still could not come to grips with the fact that he was not to be Fanelian anymore. Ever again.
He had seen a crowded establishment and decided to go in. [He missed having people around much of the time. Everyone kept to themselves here.] It turned out to be a bar.
He had sat down and asked for something, having little idea what it was. The drinks were unknown to him. He did not worry about cost, because no one paid for anything here.
A stranger sat down next to him, ordering up quite an alcoholic haze for himself and several of his friends. He had just returned from a hard day's work that he was intent upon forgetting. Folken observed him for a moment, sketching him. He seemed quite a chatterbox, talking loudly with his companions about the day's exertions. After three whole weeks of having met no one who would say even a single word if it wasn't a necessary one, this was quite intriguing.
After the stranger had imbibed a few glasses of alcohol, he was even more inclined to talk. Most of the patrons had left the counter because of their shy nature, but Folken stayed.
"Hey, tall man," the stranger began so eloquently, "Whatcher business here?"
"I am merely taking a break from life," Folken replied.
"Heh...same here. I got me a difficult job, and I don't get away often enough. I gotta run an electricity machine. Big heavy levers, and I gotta pull them down and push them up all day long. Takes a lot of muscle. What do you do?"
Well, what was there to say? It's not as if Folken were actually doing -anything- at this time. He wandered about at will studying the people. That was pretty much his job, and he didn't know when the Emporer would decide to do anything with him. Sometimes he wondered if the Emporer merely felt sorry for him and did not really have anything in mind.
Perhaps he could just shave off a bit of the truth...
"I am a student," Folken replied. "A student of science."
"Ah....then, you must be working up there on all them fancy things we've got."
"Yes, I've studied those quite a bit. I have some improvements in mind that I'd like to make."
He had shared these with some others, but no one seemed interested in listening to him. He was new there, had no set place, and no credentials.
"Ah, well. They'll listen to you in time if you stay persistent," one of the stranger's companions added in.
"Either that or they'll send you somewhere else," added yet another drunken companion. Others laughed nervously at the 'something else.' It symbolized a dark fear they had that could not be spoken of.
They seemed like a good group of people. And not every word of theirs had been a repeat of some mindless propaganda.
"Yes, it seems as though Zaibach is adept at taking care of its people," he said, assuming that they had meant he would be transferred to another job. "Though I do wonder sometimes whether they don't do their people a disservice sometimes." Folken had actually begun to feel a bit normal. Talking to random people in a gathering place about nothing in particular was a good way to achieve that.
The stranger and his companions were miffed by Folken's words. Why would he wonder that?!
"What's wrong with you?! Don't you realize how much Emporer Dornkirk has done for you? For all of us? How dare you question his plans!"
Folken was taken aback by that outburst. He didn't know what to say. It was so...random.
"....I do apologize. I did not mean to offend you."
"Don't worry about offending me! You've offended our Emporer. You're going to pay now. We don't need traitors among us, not with things being so hard and the enemy after us so much as it is. And our soldiers...they don't need this kind of dissent to worry about when they're fighting so hard! We've lost enough!"
"Now, just a moment! I have spoken with Emporer Dornkirk on numerous occations. He has never found my words insulting."
"Chk...you're lying. What would our great lord want with you?:
Folken said nothing as he had no idea what the Emporer wanted with him.
"You are lying! I mean, how could you not be, just sitting there being quiet! Any sane person would defend himself! He wouldn't want anyone to think he had defiled the Emporer's name and wishes! I oughta snap your toes off...."
Folken drew further and further away from the crowd in his mind. Back into that palace that was and always would be solely his, where he could find some measure of peace and sanity. As soon as was acceptable, Folken left the bar and retreated towards the Emporer's fortress. He was very confused and upset. This was one of several similar incidents.
No one tried to stop him from seeing someone so important as the emporer, though he had no prior notification. He was given that freedom, along with many others. He was very lucky here.
"Emporer Dornkirk, I fail to see how you can let your people be ruled in such a manner. No citizen I have spoken to, civilian or other, has shown that they benefit from your wisdom."
Folken was deeply troubled. By rights, Zaibach should have been a center of enightenment, a place of renaissance. They were making scientific advances the likes of which no one could imagine or comprehend. How could the Emporer, so devout in his studies and loving of progress, neglect to enlighten and teach his people?
"Folken, you have no vision for the future."
The Emporer prepared once again to lecture his young student in the ways of leadership and psychology.
"Zaibach is a well-worn country plagued by death and misfortune. The mind does not hold well with continual deluges of limitless stress. The damage of past misofrtunes can not be repaired until the misofrtunes cease to occur. We must gain control of fate for this to hapen. Once we cn force misfortune to ceas, healing many begin."
Folken silently took the Emporer's words in, mulling them over, contemplating them.
"You are not expected to comprehend everything that I comprehend, Folken. You have been raised under false beliefs by a people prone to delusion. As such, you should, in turn, be tolerant of my people who, as a result of their misfortunes, are incapable of having truth spoken to them in its pure form. As a child learns, so do they. And so do you. It is more important to give hope to the broken than it is to give knowledge. There has been only suffering in everything they have known, and therefore hope in the unknown is all that they may hold to.
I I I I I I
Entry 69
I should have spoken of my feelings rather than kept them bottled in for the length of time that I did. I feel foolish knowing that the only reason I have been corrected is due to a good deal of coercing and insults.
"It is more important to give hope to the broken than it is to give knowledge."
I must keep this in mind. I see a correlation between myself and these people. Useless through failed trial, by fault of a weak from of mind, a body can be reborn and easily prepared for new life once it has fallen to the depths. The truths I have learned, the truths that the people of Zaibach feel with each pulse of their hearts, are more valuable than the riches and traditions of so many of Gaea's countries. To deny access of these truths to others, even those that would refuse them, is an injustice of greater magnitude thn I am willing to commit.
They must be taught as children are taught. Like children, they have little way of knowing what is right or what is wrong. They do not understand that the constraints placed upon them by caregivers are necessary for their well-being and mental edification. It is necessary, then, to treat them like children. Make promises to hold their attention, give them stories to treasure and to make them think, and be kind to them. At the same time, you must be willing to do things which will do them good regardless of their complaints and testimony what you do for them is unnecessary, or that you are wrong.
There has been much blood shed for little reason. In an effort to rectify the ever-present idea that something is wrong with the world, man has reached out at one another with claws outstretched. The blood will run, I am loathe to admit, until these children may be restrained and their injuries healed. If that blood must flow, let it flow in a direction that will aid in the constuction of a better world.
A warrior learns to channel anger into a formidable source of power and righteousness. So let it be with man's suffering. We shall use suffering to heal suffering, and the world as it is now will end. A new world shall be formed that is worthy of the blessings of our ancestors.
I will endeavor, in the future, to be more honest with the Emporer. The mind can not be refined or improved if one does not open oneself up to new ideas. I must abandon the selfishness of my ego to be more receptive to the truth.
I will not fail this time.
I I I I I I
{{Author's notes:
At the moment, I doubt I'll work more on "Eternity." I hate having barely begun fics on my hand that are discontinued, but I can't do much with them if I lose my vision(or if I never had it in the first place.).
At the time I started this, I needed a break from Dirandau. And since I play Folken in the only RPGs I'm doing at the moment, I thought he would be a good subject.
I've always had a soft-spot for him, but never really had much interest in delving a great deal into anyone but Dirandau.
Another reason I chose to write for him is that I've been very stressed out. He is a calm person, and so I thought it would be good therapy to emulate someone calm for awhile. It has helped me a lot.
As for myself...
Right now, I am looking to get out of the navy. I don't know what my internet connection will be like at my Aunt's house, so it looks like I will be having sporadic updates for some time after this as well.
I would also like to say "Yay!" for 's new way of allowing people to upload and edit things. I can underline, I can do italics, I can control my spacing! I'm going to try to figure out how to use this indent thing, so that I can actually write things up the way I want to. It made me so happy that I actually went through and looked for typos as well. Haven't done that in anything I've written in awhile (But then again, I haven't written much for some time, so I guess it doesn't really matter.)
Happy trails.
-Lady Thompson}}