Hi everyone! So this is my first fan- fiction, and I hope you like it. I'm not sure how long this will end up being, but I think it will only get better. If you could review this story to help me make it better that would be great, I want to be able to make somethign you would all enjoy reading. So, I present to you, The Ugly Truth!
He lay in bed, curling his body into itself as much as he could. The pain radiated from the sting in his cheek to the bruise at his ankles and everything and anything that lay in between. His breath was warm and shallow against the cold winter air that tried to seep through his duvet. It was silent. It was peaceful.
Blaine relished these rare moments because he knew there was only so much time until the house filled with angry screams and violence. The knowledge filled him with fear. He tried to push the thoughts away from his mind but failed miserably. Then he remembered the one thing that could put him in a mood of pure bliss no matter what pain was forced upon him.
Kurt.
He didn't know how long he laid there thinking about every aspect of his boyfriend. His eyes, his lips, his porcelain skin, his perfectly coiffed hair. When he was younger he didn't have Kurt to pull him out of his nightmare, but now he could use all the happy memories he created with his boyfriend to draw him out.
His mind was replaying the moment they met at the Dalton staircase, how perfect he knew the boy was as soon as he laid eyes on him, when he heard heavy footsteps just outside his door. He almost didn't notice, but at the tell-tale thumps up the stairs he knew his nightmare was starting up again. He drew his duvet up to his nose. He knew what was coming.
"BLAINE!" the angry voice rang out. He squeezed his eyes shut at the drunkenness in his father's voice. That would only make it worse. "BLAINE!" the voice came again. His father was standing just outside the doorway, his presence being made known by him hammering his fists noisily on the door. Blaine sat up and tried not to let the tears run down his eyes. He didn't want to give his father a weakness to berate him for.
The door swung open and slammed against the wall. Blaine cowered back into the far edge of his bed. He could practically taste the alcohol in his mouth from the stench coming off his father. His clothes and hair were dishevelled from doing God knows what earlier that evening. "Come here boy," he growled, his voice dripping with hate "Daddy needs to see his son." Blaine whimpered at the sarcasm and stayed where he was.
"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME BOY?" he yelled, his voice scratching against his throat. Blaine jumped backwards, his legs not obeying his command to walk forwards to get whatever his father wanted to do over with. His father's face twisted into a sick smile. "Disobeying? Well we all know what happens now then..." He advanced slowly. It was true. He did know what was coming...
Kurt was frustrated. Not in his normal way from the pressure of school, it wasn't even the ignorant jocks that paraded around the hallways. This time it was different. Kurt was...sexually frustrated. It took him a while to figure out; wondering if that was even possible for a squeaky clean virgin like him. But after a while of feeling the same way, he decided that's definitely what it was.
He knew that the solution would be to spend the night with Blaine. He knew they were both ready, and after being so close together for so long, he knew it would just be a case of when. Well, at least that's what he thought. The last few times Kurt had tried to do anything involving the loss of clothes, Blaine backed away. He seemed to have no problem seeing Kurt's bare chest, but when it came to himself he always seemed to cower away from the touch. At first Kurt thought he just wasn't ready, and he completely understood. He knew it was a big thing, and if he wasn't ready, he shouldn't rush his boyfriend. It was down to him what he wanted to do.
But the past few days he began to let his thoughts drift away from 'just not ready.' Was he self-conscious about his body? Is it something I've done? Does he not want it to be with me? He didn't know. He was never going to rush his boyfriend and he was fine having to wait as long as needed. But deep down he really wanted to know so he could fix it and settle his frustration.
More than once Kurt would find himself letting his thoughts wonder in lesson. Thinking about what he could do to Blaine, what they could do to each other... He also had to stop daydreaming most of the time to keep himself from a very embarrassing situation in the middle of class. He knew this wasn't doing him any good. The only way he could get any idea of when his dreams might become reality would be to step up and talk to Blaine.
Kurt wasn't as embarrassed about sex as he used to be. It wasn't as if he was ready to shout about it from the roof tops, no way, but if he had to talk to one person about it, he would choose the person that might even be able to settle his 'frustration'. There were only a few more minutes of lunch left. Kurt hadn't seen Blaine at all as he was busy in the library, nothing out of the ordinary before a big test. He decided he would have to catch him before the end of lunch and somehow weasel it into the conversation.
Kurt walked down the hallway, not even bothering to check in the library for Blaine. His boyfriend always spent the last few minutes of lunch at his locker, sorting through what he needed for next lesson. Kurt liked how well he knew his boyfriend. As he turned the corner, he got overwhelmed at what he was about to do. How was he going to bring this up into a normal conversation? If there was one thing he knew about Blaine, it was that he would most probably stay completely oblivious unless he was to say "Hey Blaine, want to have sex?" He hoped it wouldn't come to that but he wouldn't be surprised if it did.
Kurt sashayed around the last corner, and as he knew he would be, Blaine was standing at his locker dreamy as ever. Kurt bit his lip as he slowly headed towards him. He looked his boyfriend up and down, from his loose crimson jeans to the long sleeved black shirt he was wearing. His hair was curly atop his head and hanging ever so slightly in his hazel eyes. Kurt shook his head. If he kept going like this he would never actually reach his boyfriend before having to leave again.
Kurt appeared just as Blaine shut the door of his locker, earning a small jump backwards and a laugh. Kurt loved being able to surprise him, even if it was only in the slightest. "Hey!" Blaine breathed happily "you scared me!" Kurt laughed and threw back a sorry in response. Out the corner of his eye he glanced at the textbooks in Blaine's hands. Ancient history. That's on the other side of the school Kurt thought, I can do this.
"Did you have fun studying?" Kurt asked as they slowly started walking down the lightly populated hallway. Blaine laughed and shook his head. "I hate Math, but at least I'll be ready for tomorrow. And I liked the quiet" Blaine quickly added onto the end. Kurt nodded. He knew his boyfriend thrived in the quiet, which just proved another way they were similar. As they turned into a deserted corridor Kurt saw his chance and decided to run with it. Now or never.
"So," he started, unsure of how this would pan out "I've been thinking about us...and our relationship." Blaine looked up from the floor with slightly panicked eyes. Kurt stopped walking "No! No, sweetie this is nothing bad! I just wanted to talk to you." Blaine sighed happily and chuckled. They resumed their former pace across the shiny hallway. They walked in silence for a moment; Blaine reeling from what he thought would be a break up and Kurt wondering what to say.
"How would you feel about about...taking the next step?" he suggested, one eyebrow raised. Blaine stared ahead, still walking and not looking at his boyfriend. It felt like a good few minutes of silence to Kurt but it couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds. Blaine turned his face to look at him to meet Kurt's worried face. Blaine laughed. "You don't have to look so worried, Kurt, I honestly don't know what you're talking about" he said with a genuine look of confusion on his face. The other boy laughed at his innocence. Of course Blaine wouldn't get it.
"I was thinking we could...how should I put it...get involved in some adult activities?" he half-sung playfully. He could practically see the cogs in Blaine's head working when he turned to look forward again. As much as he wanted to do this, he still wanted it to be romantic. There wouldn't be much to look back on if I just blurted it out, he thought. Blaine looked back at Kurt once again. "You want to get drunk? Do you remember what happened last time?" Kurt laughed again and thought of the night at Scandals. Blaine seemed to be very clear in what he wanted that night. If only Kurt had it in him to be that blunt.
"No..." he said, losing his will to carry on this conversation "try and think of another adult activity..." he lowered his voice at the end to try and add a sexual undertone, but it just made him sound like he needed to cough. He cleared his throat and let Blaine's head work again, except this time his gaze didn't leave his boyfriends. His eyes widened slightly. Maybe he's finally got it. "You wanna get high?" he said, his voice high with surprise. Kurt jumped back with surprise. Blaine continued when Kurt said nothing. "Like I know you're young and everything but doing drugs isn't really a good idea-"
"NO! No Blaine that's not what I meant" Kurt interrupted quickly as the school bell rang. Blaine looked at him, still seeming just as mystified as before.
"Look, Kurt I have to get to class, but this seems pretty important so call me later okay?" he suggested, walking backwards slowly so still within sight and earshot of Kurt. He was about to ask him to coffee later to talk properly, but ended up just nodding. He knew full well he didn't want to discuss this on the phone, and made a note to come up with an excuse not to pick up the phone if he called. He waved shyly as Blaine walked down the remainder of the hallway before swiftly turning and going into his own classroom.
As he got through the door he sat and banged his head onto the desk in one movement. Could that conversation have gone any worse? He knew it wasn't a rejection but deep down it still felt like one. Did Blaine really not see him that way at all for him to know what he was talking about? He knew he could be oblivious but not to that extent. Would he have to put his crotch in Blaine's face to get his point across? Not that he was complaining, but would he? He propped his head up with his arm and didn't write down a single word that English lesson.
As the end of the day bell went, Blaine stood up and left the class room as quick as he could. As much as he loved him and it pained him to think it, he didn't want to cross paths with Kurt. He knew Kurt liked to see him at the end of the day, and Blaine liked to see his boyfriend before his dreaded trip home, but today he wasn't up for it.
Today he was panicking.
He pulled his phone out his pocket as he left the school gates to tell Kurt he was going home and not to wait for him. He was usually his ride home, but today he wanted to be alone with his thoughts. He knew full well what Kurt had been suggesting earlier and it had thrown him in a loop. He couldn't have sex with Kurt. He couldn't. He couldn't let Kurt see him under all the layers. How would he react to the painful truth that hid underneath?
As much as he wanted it, he couldn't have it. He never had anything he wanted so he was used to denying himself, but this was probably the most painful thing he had to tell himself no to. It wasn't just about sex, it was that he was denying Kurt something he seemed to want, and not letting himself get close to him felt a lot like pushing him away.
Blaine walked down a shady alley way, turning left away from his house. Whenever he wanted to think things over, he would go to the park he went to when he was younger. He didn't exactly know why but he remembered it and it somehow always helped him to think clear. He didn't know the logic behind it but he knew sitting alone in his bedroom wouldn't do anything to help.
After a few minutes of walking in silence he arrived and immediately sat on one of swings. He threw his bag over to the side and planted his feet firmly on the ground. He sat there for a moment, thinking nothing, doing nothing, just slowly swinging the smallest distance forwards and backwards. Kurt was never one to judge, but he couldn't let him see his body. He knew his boyfriend would love him all the same if his body wasn't perfect, but it wasn't just a minor cosmetic issue. It's not like Blaine was a little overweight, or wasn't muscular at all. Letting Kurt see him, even rolling up his sleeves for once would show Kurt the years of abuse he had suffered through. Blaine would always manage to pass off the stray injury to the face on his 'boxing' he supposedly did, but his tortured excuse for a body would cause a hell of a lot of explaining to do.
Blaine didn't like his life at home, he didn't even know if he could call it that. It was the building he fell asleep in and suffered in, a house, not a home. But he wasn't ready to tell anyone about it. It he told, it would change his life forever and he didn't want that. Every night he would tell himself the same thing. Only one more year, he would think, only one more year and I'm out of here. If he was nearly out of there, what would be the point?
He didn't want all the attention it would bring. And he didn't want Kurt to know he had hidden a huge aspect of his life from him. If Kurt saw him he would do something, anything, to make his life better. It was the type of person he was. He wouldn't look at him and carry on their first night together. Blaine thought it might even be enough to make him cry, and the last thing he wanted was to see tears in those beautiful blue eyes of his.
He stood from the swing and picked up his bag. At some point he had felt his pocket vibrate with a reply from Kurt, but he hadn't bothered to read it. As he kept going back home, he decided to play it dumb with Kurt. He knew it wasn't good for either of them and couldn't keep it up for long, but it was better than what would happen if he just gave up. With a sigh, he reached his front door. He swallowed deeply before walking through the doorway and hanging his head low.
t here...