When teachers in the past would encourage students to write by telling them to just let the words flow, they never told us what to do if the flow is fucked up. I couldn't even think now. My mind was too chaotic and I couldn't make sense of it at all. Writing about how hard it is to write would be funny but not necessarily GazettE material. I'm sure the others would be concerned too if their vocalist lost his touch with poetry. I'd be wasting their time with a song like that.
My eyes started to hurt from staring at a blank Word page on my laptop but I had to get something going tonight or we'd be behind...again. I suddenly felt a little fuzz brush my ankle and I smiled. Finally, something to distract me. I looked over my laptop to see a little ball of fur curled up against me.

"I could write about you, Koron, ne?" His eyes opened a smidge when he heard his name but slowly closed again. I knew he was getting tired, but since I was still up he was too. A song about my dog would be fun, maybe add some light to our rather dark side. My thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of my phone. It seemed ten times louder since it was on side table, and with it being glass and all, it made me jump a little. I sighed with relief, trying to calm my mini heart attack. I certainly wasn't in the mood to be bothered while in writer's block. I closed my laptop and laid it next to me on the couch. In the process, driving my already startled Koron away from the sudden movement of my feet while trying reaching for my phone.

"Hello?" I asked with extra questionable emphasis as I eyed the clock that flashed 2:37am.

"Ne, Nori, did you not see it was me?" The voice sounded like Kai, and I was instantly embarrassed at how curious the greeting I gave him was. Why wouldn't our leader be calling in the middle of the night? I erased the sarcasm from my mind so I wouldn't throw it at Yutaka's way. "Everyone else has gone to sleep, I figured you'd be the only one up besides me."

"Yeah, sorry Yutaka. I sort of rushed when I answered and didn't look at ID. What's up?"

"I just wanted to let you know that all of our arrangements for the world tour have been finalized. Also, if you and I could meet at the studio tomorrow for last song checks." No, I don't want to. You do it.

"Yeah sure, what time?"

"We should get there by 11:00, so I'll come by 10:30 and give you a ride, okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine." I looked at Koron and made my hand into a gun and pretended to shoot myself. He gave me a small bark. I was getting ready to say my excuse to get off the phone until Yutaka beat me to the punch, but not necessarily with a goodbye.

"It's really good to hear from you Nori. I missed actually talking to you." That caught me off guard. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? "You've pretty unresponsive lately, only worried about work. You know, you need a social life as well. But I get it. With the world tour coming up, I would expect that you would be stressed out. Just don't stress yourself out too much, okay?" I was completely speechless. I haven't been that distant, have I?

"What's with this all of a sudden, Yutaka?" He's acting like Akira has been lately. He called me three times the other day just to make sure I was okay. It was fucking bizarre. Everyone seemed to be acting like this around me. Just then Yutaka broke my train of thought.

"I've been worried about you lately. You just seem to be in this sort of trance, like you space out a lot more than you usually do." He chuckled a little, "I hope it isn't the world tour that's gotten you like this."

"No, I'm fine. It's just—."

"You always say you're fine. You know that's the biggest lie among the entire human race. No one is ever just fine with the facial expressions you give on a daily basis." I ball my fist up. I hate getting interrupted. I needed him to stop interrogating me but if I just excuse myself with the "I'm getting really tired" speech, he'll bring it up tomorrow.

"Look, I'm not a chick Yutaka. When I say I'm fine. I'm fine, really. I am a bit anxious about the world tour. And it could be affecting how I act around you guys and I'm sorry. I'll try to be more involved."

"Why do you always look sad or depressed?"

"You want me to smile 24/7? Trust me Yutaka, it's a bunch of bull when they say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. I'm content. I've been trying to think of more songs to write, I'm having a little writer's block and it's scaring me." Good one.

"You know we can always help you, right? Don't try to take it all on yourself." My heart beat slowed down. He bought it. Now I can ease my way out of this.

"Yeah I know, but I've tackled writer's block before. I can handle it."

"Alright then, if you need to talk you know you can call me. So, tomorrow then? I'll see you then, goodbye Nori. Try to go to sleep." I can hear the smile on his voice. I'm glad he made himself feel better thinking he helped me. It made me happy.

"Yeah, tomorrow. Goodbye." I hung up the phone after we said our goodbyes. I love Yutaka but honestly he was too watchful. I noticed I had three text messages. They were from Akira. It was too late to reply back but I could always see what he had to say.

NOSELESS: Hey, you. Busy? 10:40am.
NOSELESS: Fixed up my bike. Wondering if you wanted to take a ride? 10:54am.
NOSELESS: Guess you're busy. Give your mutt a kiss for me, lol. 11:30am

The last made me a little happy that I did miss these. He was a mutt, I wanted to tell him. But he was probably asleep. My mind finally caught up with my body.

"Okay, I'm tired. Ready for bed Koron-Chan?"

I shutdown my computer and carried him to the bedroom. I felt like having a bath before I went to sleep. I was starting to feel that filth again. I guess the shower I had this morning had no affect on it. I gently tossed Koron onto my bed and he curled up, messing up the sheets. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light to see myself in the mirror. God, I looked terrible.

I haven't had enough sleep lately, this will have to be a quick soak. I decided bubbles would be the best way to relax my body. I could instantly feel the heat from the water rushing from the faucet. I took off my clothes and tried not to turn around and look in mirror. I welcomed the tingling sensation as my feet were the first to enter the sauna-like water. This was exactly what I needed. I could feel my face getting hot but I liked it. The thought of waking up tomorrow crossed my mind and I sunk further into the tub. Hoped that the more submerged I was in I could hide from clock and sleep through it. I guess I could wake up at 9:00, that'll give me an hour to get ready. And whose to say that Yutaka will show up exactly at 10:00. I'm not as slow as Uruha but still an hour is not enough time for me to get ready. I just don't want to get up tomorrow morning.

I closed my eyes and tried to think of something other than my early morning commute. Unfortunately it was the only thing my mind was on at the moment. Which is a lot better than what it was usually on. My brain began to toy with me as I saw some well deserved repressed memories. Stars. Faint light. The smell of sweat. I told myself to forget these memories but I kept seeing, feeling, and smelling all of it. I could feel water enter my nose. I jolted up in the tub, to see that water was pouring down my face. I rubbed my eyes. I was completely under water! Was I that tired? I don't really remember sinking very far in. But once I was sitting up the images stopped flooding my mind. I did say this was going to be a quick soak, so this will be the end of my bath.

My clothes clung to my body in some places. I guess I didn't dry myself completely, but I was too tired to care right now. I moved Koron little off my side and laid down on top of the sheets. I looked towards my window. The shades were pulled down but only a smidge of light shone through. It reminded me of—.

"No, go to sleep. Just go to sleep." I needed to sleep if I had to get up tomorrow. If only my mind was on the same page as my body was.

I waited for Yutaka to show up. 10:45. I guess I shouldn't have taken him so literal. I was a little anxious to get out of the house right now. Koron could see how impatient I was because he was pacing around the living room. I smiled at him. He brings me so much solace, that I even forget that night.

BUZZ!

I jumped at the sound of my phone. Finally. My mind is erased as I answered it to cease the buzzing.

"Hello, Yutaka."

"Gomen, Taka, Sorry I'm late. But I'm here now!"

"Alright, I'll be down soon." I hung up before he could say bye and grabbed my bag. "Bye, baby!" I said to Koron and he gave me a small whine. I locked the door as I went down. I feel like I haven't left my apartment in years. I walked by some guy on the way to the elevator and gripped my bag tightly to myself. I felt like I couldn't interact with people I didn't already know. I used to be quite talkative but now... I pressed the button to the ground floor and held onto the railing. I should've taken the stairs.
I see Yutaka's car out front and smile. I was glad to see him actually. I needed someone to talk to.

"Hi." I said quickly as I sat in the front seat. His car is cold, but it wasn't that hot outside. "It's cold in here."

"Is it? Sorry!" He turned the AC down. "Good morning, Nori. Did you sleep well." As we drove off, he continued to ask questions that I had fake answers to. No Yutaka, I didn't sleep well. But I hope you did. Why didn't I sleep well? Well, I can't tell you that. My mouth refused to open.
I was lucky that Yutaka was able to talk me numb on our way to the studio. His vibrant voice was able to tune out my distraught thoughts. Maybe I should keep him around more often. I started to rub my eyes because I could feel how heavy and itchy they were.

"Nori, you shouldn't rub your eyes like that. Use a tissue, you can infect them that way." I shouldn't have let people call me that.

"I'm fine Uke, don't worry about me." That name always made my stomach hurt.

"Are we using last names now?" He chuckled as he got out of the car and went to open mine as I was already preoccupied with rubbing my eyes. I wanted to scratch them out. "Okay, Matsumoto." He chuckled again, ignoring the hidden annoyed face that I masked with a smile. What's wrong with Takanori? Maybe I should just hide behind Ruki? He's better at this than I am. We walked through the doors together. The hall was quite. I didn't like quite.

"Hey why don't you go into the studio. I'm going to get some coffee." I nodded and turned on my heel. I walked towards the door which wasn't that far. I opened light brown door. Oh my god.

"Hey Taka!" He exclaimed.

"Suzuki, what are you doing here?" I hoped he wouldn't bring up the fact that I didn't respond to him yesterday. I actually felt really bad that I had ignored him like that. But honestly, I didn't know he texted me, but he didn't seem very angry. I should keep formal though incase he was just trying to make me feel better.

"Cut the Suzuki crap dude. Is that what you call your friends? By their last names?" He laughed. His smile cut straight through me. Akira. What a golden ray of sunshine. What was he so happy about? I envied him. "Yutaka left me a message on my phone. Said he might need help with some things. I saw that neither Kou, or Yuu came. Heh, it figures." I just watched him do all the things that I may have been burdened to do. Should I thank him or punch him in the face for wasting my time. I rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking and heard the door open.

"Aki! I didn't know you'd be here. Thought you might've just stayed home." What's with Yutaka's nicknames?

"I hope I didn't cause any problems. Especially for someone as busy as Taka." I don't think I could've rolled my eyes any harder. He chuckled and walked over to us. I haven't moved since I came in.

"No, you haven't caused any problems. They're more things to be done before we can continue. We want to make sure this world tour is at its best. We could use some help. Right, Nori?" I nodded and walked away from the suffocating duo. They're happy moods were killing my self esteem, I had to get away from them. I put my bag in a chair and took off my sunglasses. I wondered if I had bags under my eyes.

The day was long. Filled with set list decisions and last rehearsal dates this month. The hairstylists, and make-up artists that were going to make the voyage overseas. That I painfully recognized. My heart jumped into my throat. I could feel my ears heating up and my heart raced. It felt like it could pierce through my chest. He was going to be hairstylist. My hairstylist.

"We knew how specific you are about your hair Nori, and I wanted to make sure you had the best guy with you." Yutaka said once he noticed my confusion while going over the list of people coming.

"Who is Tetsuya Ano?" I asked. I hoped that maybe there was different guy with the same name. Akira chuckled.

"The guy you ran off with at the party we went to a few months ago? Were you that drunk you didn't even catch his name." Oh god you remember don't you!? Ruki screamed at me. The name slammed me up against a wall.

"Yeah, I remember."