Christmas Cheer

When you feel the world is crashing all around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms, breathless.

I will never judge you. I can only love you.

Come now, running headlong into my arms, breathless.

Barney knew Robin was all alone for Christmas. Marshall and Lily have gone to Minnesota to be with his family. Ted went back to Cleveland to do the same. Even Kevin, her supposed boyfriend – which if he had that title you wouldn't find him away from her for so much as a single night – left her to go see his mother.

And ever since the baby thing, even after finding out she wasn't really pregnant – particularly since that second time at We B Babies – Robin has been acting weird, strangely sad and just somehow off. They've all been concerned about her. Ted and Lily did their best to get to the bottom of it, but he didn't have to. She's clearly feeling guilty about the whole cheating thing – and then the pregnancy scare on top of that.

He figured being around him would only make it worse for her, so he's been keeping his distance after that. Of course, not being around her makes it worse for him, but if that's what she needs right now, that's what she's got.

He promised himself – for her sake – he'd stay away, even at Christmas. But then, before Ted left for Cleveland, he called Barney up and told him how Robin had cried so hard, how something was obviously upsetting her, and he thought maybe he shouldn't go home this Christmas after all. Barney convinced him to go and assured him he'd keep an eye on Robin himself; he'd cheer her up. The job should be his anyway, for more reasons than one. He'd made her sad – a cold hard fact which he hates – now he should be the one to make her happy again.

That's how he finds himself on Christmas Eve, standing outside her apartment door, actually knocking instead of just barging in. In his mind it's a pretty apt metaphor. This may be the first time he's literally doing so, but for years now he's felt like he's been knocking at her door, waiting, praying she'll one day let him in.

A moment later the door comes swinging open and Robin gapes out at him. "Barney? What are you doing here?"

She can hardly believe her eyes because she'd just been thinking of him. Despite their messed up situation, he's the one she most missed and most wanted to be with tonight. Just before his knock, she'd been thinking about where he was and what he might be doing right now, scolding her persistently wayward heart for craving his presence rather than Kevin's, when he suddenly showed up at her door.

"Aren't you supposed to be with your mom and brother?"

"Yeah, later," he dismisses as if it isn't important. "Ted told me you were upset."

Robin sighs heavily. "Ted has a big mouth. He also thinks like a teenage girl, overly dramatic and always blowing things out of proportion. I'm fine, Barney."

"Really? Cause you don't look fine."

Puffy cheeks, smudged mascara, slightly red nose – he recognizes all the signs; he's particularly attuned to all of Robin's signs.

"Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so much better."

Barney laughs. "That's not what I meant."

She's wearing navy yoga pants and a red, pleasantly low-cut tank top with a grey sweater over top that is loosely belted at the waist. She was clearly planning on staying in, but she looks hot – as always – and all he can think is that he'd love to be over on the couch snuggling up to her, slowly peeling back the layers, unwrapping her like his favorite present – the only one he wants this Christmas, every Christmas.

"You look great."

"Sure I do," she says skeptically. "What's this about, Barney?"

"Look, Robin, I thought…." He hesitates, not quite sure if they're ready to jump into these deep waters. He is but she isn't, and he sort of dreads her reaction. Still, he has to ask. "I thought maybe this might be about more than just not making the pole vaulting team."

The truth is she would love nothing more than to take the comfort from Barney she knows he would give. She'd love to completely fall apart and tell him everything that happened at the doctor, cry on his shoulder, enveloped in his arms, and know that it's okay, he gets it; it doesn't have to make any sense, it's just how she feels. And she knows that at the end of her cry he'd say something sweet and touching and completely awesome, and somehow everything would seem a little bit better. Somehow she would feel better.

But she can't. She can't do any of that. It isn't fair to either one of them. She's already made her choice and it doesn't include the luxury of comfort from him. "Nope. Nothing more. Just the pole vaulting thing."

She said it woodenly, not at all convincingly but nevertheless like the subject is closed. Still, he persists just once more. "Are you sure?"

"Yep. Just pole vaulting."

After a studying pause, he replies, "Okay. I thought you'd say that." His face changes then and Robin can see Sincere Barney making way for Challenge Accepted Barney, which means some manner of craziness is coming on the horizon. "And I have just the thing for you. Come on," he says excitedly, taking her hand.

"Barney, wait – what? Where are we going? I'm not dressed to go anywhere."

"Pssh, you're fine. Come on. You're gonna love it."

He gives her just enough time to grab her coat, boots, and gloves before dragging her off through the streets of New York.

She stops in her tracks when they get to Central Park. It isn't exactly her favorite place since the eggnog/imaginary children incident. But he promises her that whatever he has planned will be worthwhile, so she lets him take her into the park.

He leads her to a secluded, open area that he'd obviously set up in advance. There in the middle of the space is the immediately recognizable H-shape of the standards and crossbar familiar to all who've watched the sport. Behind it is the mat, and on the ground at their feet is a regulation size pole. He'd clearly done his research.

Barney grins at her proudly. "You want pole vaulting, you've got it."

Robin stares up at him incredulously.

"I already wrote a letter to the Canadian Department of Olympics on your behalf. But in the meantime, nothing's going to stop you from getting what you want."

Her eyes well up with tears and as he stands waiting for her response she sweeps him up into a fierce hug. "Thank you, Barney," she finally manages into his neck. He returns the embrace, softly stroking her hair, his free hand rubbing gentle circles into her back that warm her even through her coat.

After a drawn-out moment, when she realizes she can't reasonably stay in his arms any longer despite the sweetness of the gesture, she pulls back and he smiles at her.

"You may not be able to be an Olympic pole vaulter," he says, bending and picking up the pole, "but you can still pole vault here with me. Who needs the Olympics? We can pole vault right here in the park."

"This is really sweet, Barney, but…..I don't actually want to be a – a pole vaulter. Any kind of pole vaulter, Olympic or otherwise. The truth is I don't really like pole vaulting, and I don't think I'd be very good at it."

He looks at her in complete and utter confusion. "Wait, you don't even want to be a pole vaulter? Then why does it matter to you that you were disqualified?"

"I don't know." She sighs, shaking her head at her own contradiction. "I don't know why it matters. I guess I just wanted that door open in case I decided to be one later on. In case I changed my mind sometime in the future. Which is just stupid, I know, because I don't want to be a pole vaulter. Ever. And I'm not going to change my mind. I just….I want it to be my choice. I don't like being told, 'No, you can't. You can't have that'."

"That I understand," Barney answers wryly, having not long ago received that very answer from her with the shaking of her head.

But Robin doesn't seem to hear him. Instead she takes a deep cathartic breath, lost in her own thoughts. "It doesn't matter. I never want to be a pole vaulter anyway, so it doesn't matter. I don't want to pole vault. I don't want it. So that's the end of it."

"Oookay. I get it. You don't want to pole vault? Well then we don't pole vault," he says, dropping the pole, casting it aside. "Just be in the park with me."

She gazes at him thoughtfully, then shakes her head. "I can't. It's not that easy. And besides, you want to be a pole vaulter. You want to pole vault; you said so yourself. I can't hold you back from that."

Barney looks at her as if she's just sprouted a second head. "Robin, you're the one with the sudden pole vaulting obsession. Pole vaulting I can take or leave. To tell you the truth, it doesn't really seem like my kind of thing. Sure, there are parts of it that seem exciting on the surface: arching of the back; thrusting of the boobs; legs spread high; the whole pole thing – and flying through the air is pretty sweet. But in reality I think I'd probably just break my neck. I'd definitely go home sore and worn out. Plus, you can't drink when you're on pain meds. And what about getting a little somethin' somethin'? How can I perform up to my peak level of awesomeness under those circumstances?"

Robin nods. "Good points all."

"I think maybe, for us, we're better off keeping pole vaulting a spectator sport instead of becoming actual participants."

"Maybe. Probably."

"I know one thing; I'm not doing this – " He motions around them at the cold, barrenness of the park on a snowy winter's night. " – for the joy of pole vaulting. I'm out here freezing my ass off for you."

"Really?" she asks with what sounds an awful lot like hopefulness tingeing her voice.

"Yeah," Barney replies as if the answer is obvious, "a little bit."

Robin smiles. "How about we forget all this and go back to MacLaren's?"

"A Christmas scotch? I like it," Barney grins. "Now let's get out of here before something important freezes off."

She laughs, linking her arm through his as he leads her away. "Wait," she says, looking back. "We're just going to leave that there? Shouldn't we pick it up or something?"

"Please. I've got a guy for that."

After their Christmas scotch, Barney follows Robin back upstairs to the apartment. The moment the door closes behind them an air of awkward hesitancy settles in. They don't do well alone together. Actually, they do a little too well alone together, especially when alone together in intimate places. The last time led to kissing, which led to hot sex, which led to heartbreak and a pregnancy scare – something they are both all too aware of.

"I almost forgot," Robin says, disappearing into her bedroom.

Barney hangs back in the living room. She doesn't know it, but he's acutely aware of the last time he'd been in there – the scene he'd set, the happy one he'd thought was about to unfold. He's never crossing that threshold again uninvited.

"I have a present for you," she tells him, emerging from her room with a gift box in hand. "Just a little something I saw and thought of you."

Robin has an evil grin on her face and he takes the package dubiously, though with a smile of his own. He unfastens the ribbon and opens the box, peeling back the tissue.

She can tell from the expression on his face the moment he discovers what's inside and she claps her hands in glee. "Don't be ashamed of your heritage, Barney. Wear it proudly!" she laughs.

He reaches inside and picks up the men's wool gloves with the little Canadian flag emblazoned at the wrists, holding them away from his body as if they'll burn him. "Absolutely not," he says in disgust. "I'm a proud American."

"Face it, Barney. You're an American and a Hoser. Just like me."

He smiles at that. "There is no one like you."

Under ordinary circumstances, that admission might have made things more awkward but it's Christmas Eve, they've both been drinking, and all alone with Barney beneath the tree's twinkling lights, his words just make Robin feel warm and bright – two things she hasn't felt in a very long time.

"Or you," she answers.

"That's true. It's hard to live up to our level of awesome."

"It's not fair to the others, really."

He laughs, reaching into the inner pocket of his suit coat and pulling out a tiny box. "Here," he says, handing it to her. "This is your real present."

Robin takes one look at the box and shakes her head. "Barney, this is jewelry. I can't – "

"Relax. I got something for everyone. You know I like to buy us all Christmas presents; it's my thing. Now open it."

She looks on the verge of arguing further but does as he asks, opening the box. When she sees what's inside, her mouth gapes open. It's a silver necklace with a little shimmering, jewel encrusted paw print pendant.

"These are real diamonds, aren't they?"

Barney just shrugs. "My Christmas bonus was insane. Seriously, like more than your entire annual salary."

Robin frowns at him. "Barney, this is beautiful. But I can't accept it. It's too much, and you know I have a bo – "

"You have to accept it. I had it engraved. They won't take it back," he says, like a child who knows he's just won the argument.

She flips the necklace over and reads the engraving aloud. "Sparkles."

Robin looks up at Barney and he grins. "I wanted to get a beaver, but they didn't have one. True story. The place was all dudes."

"Nice."

"No, really I wanted to get you a puppy." She looks surprised at that, so he continues. "I know you've been….upset lately, and I thought to myself, 'What would cheer Robin up?'. It was either a puppy or a new handgun, and I happened to be walking past the pet store. Plus I know how much you still miss your dogs, even though you never talk about it; you really shouldn't keep those things bottled up inside. At least that's what Lily says. It leads to bad things, like Share Bears and smashed TVs."

"What?"

"Anyway, I was going to get you a puppy, but then I remembered Ted would never let you keep it; he was the one who made you get rid of your dogs in the first place. So I got you the necklace instead. The sentiment's the same." He cocks his head to the side thoughtfully. "It's a shame though, because the puppies were awful cute. There was one in particular, a little dark haired female. The pet guy said he'd never seen her take so well to anyone before. But then it is me. I know just how to touch a woman; you're very familiar with that."

Robin gives him a look but doesn't deny the statement, and Barney chuckles smugly. "So the puppies loved you?" she says leadingly, trying to get him back to the story and off this dangerous train of thought.

"Yeah, they really did. And they even had pre-trained ones. Sometimes I think maybe Marshall and Lily are going about this all wrong. Babies can be great, but look what they did to Dwayne; dude used to be the awesomest guy I knew. I told them last year to just get a dog, dogs are way cooler than babies, but – " He stops cold at the look on her face. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No," she shakes her head, smiling. "You have no idea how right you are."

Barney hasn't a clue what it is about the puppy talk that moved her, but the moment stretches out between them in the semi-darkness and he knows that if he stays here a second longer he's going to kiss her at best, beg her to come back to him at worst; telling her he loves her falling somewhere in between. "I'd better go," he says finally.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure," she nods.

When he reaches the doorway, he turns and looks back at her as if he wants to say more but doesn't know where to begin.

"Merry Christmas, Barney," she says, deciding for him.

"Merry Christmas, Robin." He pauses, smiling. "Are you sure you don't want to go with me to see James? Hurricane's no puppy but she's kinda cute for an hour or two. Then, tomorrow, I'm stopping by my dad's. You're such good Facebook friends with him now," he teases, "are you sure you don't want to come along, chat about your shared Canadian-ness?"

"That's okay. I'll be fine on my own"

After a brief hesitation, Barney nods. "Well, if you change your mind I know this great laser tag place that's open Christmas Day…..The kids are always busy with their new toys so we'd have the whole place to ourselves."

Robin laughs. "As delightful as that sounds, I think I'll pass."

"Okay."

He starts to leave for real this time, his hand opening the door, when she calls out to him.

"Barney."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for everything."

He smiles at her, the kind of warm, soft, open smile he reserves only for her. "You're welcome. And, hey, I wouldn't let this whole pole vaulting thing get you down, especially if you didn't like it anyway. Who cares if they keep you out of the game if you didn't want to play anyway, am I right?"

"You are very right."

"Always am," he grins. "Oh," he says, lifting the box still in his hand. "Thanks for my gift too. Even though I wouldn't be caught dead in them."

Barney never lets Robin know it, but he wears them to work every day throughout the entire rest of the winter. They are nice gloves, he rationalizes. And besides, his sleeves are long enough to hide the Canadian flag; he still has some self-respect even if he is madly in love with a woman who can't quite find it in her heart to choose him.