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Content Warning: This is a cliché ridden big load of soppyness. If you
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Daniel sighed. It was nearly two in the morning, she'd started doing it again. Tossing and turning and tossing and then turning some more. The brief ten minute respite not nearly enough. Dammit, why didn't they fix the headboards to the walls, and what the hell was bothering her so much that she'd been doing this for the past three nights. He knew that this wasn't just restless sleeping, she wasn't sleeping at all. The big black bags under her eyes gave that away, you'd have to be a fool not to see that she was troubled by something. So far as he knew, no one had approached her to find out what it was. She was being snappy with everyone, even the general. He rolled over as another round of turning began. He was extremely tempted to get up and go home, but thanks to these evaluations, he couldn't. Why did he have to be evaluated anyway, it was an airforce thing, stupid pen pushers wanted all of the SGC's personnel 'evaluated'. And what did that mean anyway. Evaluated, like anyone could evaluate the SGC, the men and women at the base did things everyday that people dream about, and sometimes, the things people have nightmares about. He suddenly realised that the banging had stopped. He heard her door open, she'd gotten up again. Where the hell was she going at this time in the morning anyway. He'd had enough of this, he was going to sort it out. But, not tonight. Tonight, he could sleep with out the infuriating noise of Janet's restless insomnia.
The General had chosen a quite planet for SG-1's mission, no natives, no animal's and not a whole hell of a lot else. Daniel could understand Hammond's decision. The less eventful the mission, the less ammunition for the bureaucrats about the dangers of the Stargate. Idiots, of course it was dangerous, what did they expect, you can't have a safety net for everything you do. The came back through at precisely the correct time, they were standing with their clipboards, noting everything. From the corner of his eye Daniel could see Jack getting pissed off by the scrutiny. Teal'c was completely unaffected by it. Daniel had to admire him, what you see is what you get with Teal'c, no shows, no facades, no masks, no falseness, it's all or nothing. Life would be a lot easier if everyone was like that, if they just came right out and said what they were thinking. They were following them now, down to the infirmary. Jack tried to close the elevator doors before they could get in, but much to his annoyance, they made it in. There was silence, no one wanting to say anything that would give them reason to question anything. They made it down in record time, all four wanting it to end as quickly as possible, even Teal'c being made uncomfortable by the scrutiny. Janet barely greeted them as they came in, it apparently didn't go unnoticed that she looked fatigued and dishevelled. Daniel could hear the pens going on the paper, it seemed to him as though they were vultures, picking on the weak, which it was obvious to him that she was. It was Sam's turn to go first for her check up, they had a routine going. Sam sat up on the bed and Janet pulled the curtain round. The evaluator pulled it back, no one in the room missed the anger that flashed across Janet's face.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" She said, regaining the self control she had momentarily lost. He came up with a lameass excuse about having to see the procedures. "oh, I see, well, I'll tell you what, you and your friend there can wait behind and I'll demonstrate the procedures." Daniel felt the room get colder, he'd never heard her talk like that. All credit to the man behind the clipboard, he never batted an eyelid as he replied,
"I don't believe that'll be necessary thank you Dr Fraiser." She smiled, but the glare in her eyes was obvious.
"Good, now you be a good little evaluator and go evaluate from behind the curtain, or better still, get the hell out of my infirmary." She whipped the curtain back round. The three males of SG-1 just look at each other, all clearly stunned by her outburst. Daniel heard Jack mutter under his breath about 'that time of the month', but he quickly elbowed him, two pens were going wildly, recording the incident, she'd just given them a big huge package wrapped in a nice little bow. They could nail her for that, and the three men knew it. Sam came out from behind the curtain looking kind of sheepish. She made a hasty exit from the infirmary and it didn't take a genius to know that she had been on the receiving end of Janet. Teal'c was up next, the big, proud warrior. Daniel and Jack remained silent, unsure of what to say. Teal'c emerged, looking stoic as ever. He stopped at Jack and Daniel on his way out and a bit too loudly announced,
"I believe Dr. Fraiser has an insect in her anus." Jack cracked up, Daniel coughed a little, then quietly said,
"Ugh, that's bug up her ass, Teal'c." Jack was still laughing til' a head popped round from the curtain and two eyes glared at him.
"That's not, laugh that's laugh that's not funny, no ma'am." She glared at him some more, then turned round,
"Your next Colonel." Teal'c made a hasty retreat from the infirmary, joining Sam in safety. Jack slowly approached the curtained area. Daniel winced as he heard him, he didn't want to think about what was going on. Jack emerged quickly, almost running,
"I would run Daniel, run for your life." Daniel looked at him, eyebrows raised, he was seriously considering that idea. But no, it would not be a good idea to anger the beast. He bravely stepped into the curtained area. Janet began the examination, Daniel kept silent, acutely aware of the pain she could inflict, the exam was so familiar that nothing needed to be said, Daniel knew exactly what to do and when to do it. Once it was done Janet began to walk away, sounding more confident than he felt he called after her.
"What?" was her icy response.
"Are you OK?"
"I'm fine." She replied, not looking at him, she headed to her office, Daniel loitered in the infirmary for a second or two, gathering his thoughts, trying to think of what to say. He followed her, she was already in her office with her door closed when he got there. He knocked. He received a more exasperated but equally icy reply of,
"What?" Once again. He didn't exactly know what to say so he just walked in, closing the door behind him. She glared at him, obviously pissed at his persistence, she looked at him, waiting for him to say something.
"Your not a very good liar." Continued glare, "I know you're not fine." That sounded stupid even to himself. The glare left him,
"Just leave it alone Daniel." She said quietly, the anger gone. Daniel was pleased he'd gotten something,
"Leave what alone?" She refused to look at him. "What is it?" Still she wouldn't look at him, everywhere but him, eventually her eyes came to rest on her desk.
"I said leave it, now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." The coldness had returned. But he wasn't about to give it up.
"I can hear you at night you know, tossing and turning, Janet, please tell me, maybe I can help." She snorted. "Janet, this could cost you your job. What you did out there, they could nail you for that." Now she looked at him, straight in the eye,
"So."
"You say that like you don't care."
"Maybe I don't."
"How can you say that?"
"Because it's true." By this point they were loud, Daniel looked at her confused,
"I thought I knew you, but obviously I was wrong." She snorted again.
"You thought you knew me? You know nothing about me, nothing." He was hurt by her outburst, but he realised it was true.
"Well, maybe I'd like to." He offered. She shook her head,
"Yeah, well maybe it's too late." He was once again confused.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I've had enough." She snapped.
"Enough of what?" She really wasn't making any sense.
"Enough of this, of this job, this place, enough of being the good ol' doc, enough of not getting respected just 'cause I'm not out in the field everyday, enough of being the bases' fucking counsellor, I have enough problems of my own without everyone else coming to me with theirs, there's a guy two floors up getting paid to do fuck all 'cause every one comes to me, enough of having to work 48 hour shifts because they can't bring any more doctors in, I've had enough Daniel. I'm done, I'm tired." Daniel stood, shell shocked by what had been said, he'd never heard her swear before, not even in the worst situations. He didn't know what to say, so said the first thing that came into his head.
"I had no idea." She had her head in her hands, obviously trying to keep herself together. He approached her desk, kneeling down beside her chair she they were level. He reaches out and cupped his hand around her face, gently pulling it to face his own, her eyes were filled with tears that she was fighting to hold back.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" She kept her eyes from meeting his.
"I didn't know how to." She said quietly.
"You know it's not true, we all respect you, hell most of the base is afraid of you." He laughed, she laughed along with him, despite herself.
"It doesn't matter now anyway." She said still quiet.
"What, why."
"I was planning on resigning, but those guys, they'll do it for me."
"Is that you want, I mean really, I know it must seem like we take you for granted, but you're a part of the team, the SGC wouldn't be the same without you. You know your SG-1's honorary fifth member." He pulled her face up again, "Hey, look at me, is that what you want?" She shook her head,
"But like I said, it doesn't matter now, those guy they-" He cut her off,
"Don't worry about them, I'll sort it out."
"But." He put a finger over her lips.
"I said don't worry, I'll sort it." She smiled. "Now come on, I'm taking you to dinner, when are you off?"
"Five minutes ago, but we can't leave the base." She smiled.
"Then the commissary it is, if you can call that dinner." He took her hand and gently tugged her off her seat, she hung behind,
"Hang on, I've gotta fix my make-up, I look like a mess." She said self- consciously. He cupped her face again,
"You look beautiful." He said sincerely. They looked at each other, both feeling something. Daniel eventually pulled away. "I'll ugh, I'll wait outside." She came out a few minutes later, make-up once again perfect. It was a quiet trip to the mess, both unsure of how to proceed, they had both felt it, and both were unsure if the other had. Once there, they both grimaced at the sight of what was on offer, they both selected the same thing, it look vaguely familiar to some kind of food, the just couldn't put their finger on it. Daniel started the conversation.
"So, how long had you been feeling like that?" He asked, she looked surprised by his question,
"I dunno, a while I guess, I never realised until these evaluations, I guess I started doing some evaluating of my own." She smiled as she spoke. But one fork full of the stuff quickly wiped the smile off her face.
"Eugh, I can't eat this." She said pushing the plate forward. Daniel tried his.
"Yeah, your right." He tried to think of something to do, "If got crackers and cheese in my quarters?"
"That sounds good." She said, smiling. They got up and headed back toward the elevator. Daniel continued the previous conversation.
"What made you think we didn't respect you?" He asked as the stepped into the empty elevator. She shrugged,
"A lot of things, I guess Anise's little experiment was a big factor."
"What?"
"Oh come on Daniel, none of you wanted to know, I warned you that those things were dangerous. Nobody listened, except for the General that is. You were all to busy enjoying super powers." He looked stunned, but going over the events that had took place, he realised it must have looked that way. Before he had a chance to say anything she continued, "I know I don't really have a right to feel this way, I mean, they were having a narcotic effect, you couldn't help but, I can't help feeling like this." The elevator doors opened, but Daniel didn't move,
"Yes you do. You do have a right to fell like that." They stood looking at each other, until the elevator doors started to close, Daniel lunged at them and held them open, Janet exited the elevator and Daniel followed, the went to his quarters in another awkward silence, when they arrived in his quarters, it was Janet who broke it the time,
"How come you have a fridge in your quarters?"
" 'Cause I brought it in myself, have I mentioned I don't like the food in the commissary?" She smiled again, Daniel opened the fridge and took out the cheese, he tossed over to Janet who was sitting at the table as he went and got the crackers from the drawer beside his bed, he passed them to her as well, along with a knife, he then went back to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine, he held it up asking if she wanted some, eyebrows raised at seeing him with this on base, she let the military in her answer,
"We shouldn't on base." Daniel laughed, and brought it over anyway,
"Relax, we're off duty." She smiled,
"Ok." He poured two glasses and they began to eating, Daniel started the conversation, trying to change the subject away from the previous one,
"So, how's Cassie doing." Janet laughed,
"She's ok, she's been having a few problems at school lately." She said sighing.
"Problems?" He asked.
"Yeah, you know, skipping classes and the like, I've tried talking to her about, but every time we have a conversation it seems to turn in to an argument and she comes out with the 'you're not my real mom' thing." She smiled sadly, "I guess I should of known it would happen."
"It must be hard." He paused trying to find the right words, "Bringing her up by yourself." She nodded taking a sip of the wine,
"Yeah well, this isn't exactly how I pictured my life turning out. I guess I always thought I'd be married with a couple of kids of my own by now." She laughed, "But there's not much chance of that now."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh come on Daniel, I have zero chance of ever getting married again. I mean think about it, I hardly ever have a chance to go out and meet people, and if I ever do, guys run a mile when they realise I'm a single mom. The ones that make it past that don't exactly last long when they realise I have a twenty-four hour job, I mean, how I am supposed to explain spending days on end in this mountain. It's supposed to be deep space radar telemetry analysis, what on earth would you need a doctor for for that."
"I guess I never really thought about it. Wait a minute, what do you mean, getting married again, you were married?" He asked,
"Biggest mistake of my life."
"I had no idea."
"Yeah well, like I said, you really know nothing about me." She said, this time more softly.
"I meant what I said you know, I'd like to, you know, know more about you."
"Yeah well, there really isn't that much to know. So what do you wanna know?"
"I dunno, lets start with where you grew up."
"A little town in the middle of nowhere, that no one's ever heard of that had nothing to do and I spent the first seventeen years of my life trying to get out of it." He smiled, she was evading his question, not giving a straight answer.
"So how did you, get out of it, I mean." She smiled,
"I got married." He frowned, not understanding, "Chris was the captain of the football, I was the head cheerleader, we dated all through high school." Daniel was desperately trying to stifle a grin,
"You were a cheerleader?" She narrowed her eyes,
"Yes, and if you tell O'Neill, I will hurt you, badly." His managed a serious look,
"Yes ma'am." He wanted to hear more, "So, why'd you get?"
"Chris got a football scholarship at U of C, I saw it as my chance to get out, he asked me and I said yes." She paused, deep in thought, "I don't think we ever really loved it each other, in high school it was the accepted order of things, captain of the football team dates head cheerleader, but when we got married we were using each other. I wanted out and he wanted a trophy wife."
"So, what happened?"
"He started drinking, going out all the time. I told him I wanted a divorce and by this point he didn't care. It was rough for a few months, I had to work three jobs to keep a roof over my head, I couldn't go home." She smiled, "That's not true, I didn't want to. But I managed."
"What did you do then?"
"I joined the air force. It wasn't exactly my life's ambition but, it was my only option."
"What made you become a doctor?"
"I wasn't a very good pilot." She answered simply, she was evading again.
"No seriously."
"Seriously, I wasn't good enough, so I took the med test and I won a place at med school."
"So, that's it?" She nodded,
"That's it."
"I guess I always thought it was what you'd always wanted to do, your so." He paused looking for the right word, "passionate about your job."
"Well, when I graduated, started working, I realised it was something I'd always wanted to do, to help people." Daniel had no idea what to say, she broke the silence, "Anyway, anything else you'd like to know?"
"I think that about covers it, what about you? Anything you'd like to know about me?"
"Umm, let's just say Sam has a big mouth." They both laughed. "What about you though, you think you'll ever get married again?" She asked quietly, unsure of how he would handle bringing up Sha're. He stayed quiet for a moment, reflecting on the question.
"I dunno, I want to, but I guess I'm in the same boat as you, how do I explain why an archaeologist is needed for deep space radar telemetry analysis." They both laughed again, relaxing as the wine took effect,
"But, yes, I would like to get married again, I guess I want to have kids too, but I need the right woman to come along." He was looking at her intently. He eventually tried to change the subject back to her, "Did you never think about having kids with your husband?"
"Are you kidding? I was seventeen, and I knew the marriage wouldn't last that long, I mean, I guess even then it was always in the back of my mind, but I thought I had my whole life ahead of me and that I would meet the right guy." She smiled, "I always thought I would have found him by now, but, there you go." She paused, "Anyway, there's no point mulling over the past. I've got Cassie, and without wanting to sound awful, that'll have to be enough for me."
"It doesn't sound awful, I understand, at least I think I do. You love her, totally, completely, no less than you would your own child, but, that doesn't change the fact that she's not yours. That you didn't carry her, or bring her into the world." She nodded,
"I guess, I dunno, I want more than to have children, I want to have babies, and I want them to be mine and their fathers, nobody else's, so nobody can claim them or take them away. That must sound pretty stupid, I guess I'm still being selfish." She crossed her arms self-consciously.
"No, you're not, I understand. I think that's why I didn't bring Shifu back with me, from Abydos when he was born. I was afraid I would love him, and then he would be taken away. And then I realised that I couldn't live by that fear, but, he was better off where he was." He smiled sadly,
"I never realised." They sat in silence again. Both reflecting on what had been said. Janet glanced at her watch, "Oh god, it's late, I should probably go get some rest, got an early shift tomorrow, and I've got to redeem myself to the evaluators, and I probably have to apologise to a lot of people." She stood up to leave, Daniel quickly stood up too, trying to think of something to say to keep her here, he didn't want her to leave. She was at the door, he caught up with her, an impulse suddenly took him over, he gently grabbed her shoulder and spun her round.
"Stay." He said quietly. He was holding both her hands, they're eyes were locked together, his head, his lips, slowly moving towards hers,
"Daniel, I-" She was cut off by his mouth over hers, she was too shocked to move, he quickly pulled back, afraid, taking her lack of response as rejection,
"Oh god, I'm sorry, I should have never, I'm sorry, I don't kno-" This time it was Daniel who was cut off as Janet pulled him down toward her, returning his kiss. They stood locked in a kiss for a long time, until they both needed air. They stood gasping for breath, eyes still locked together, "Stay." He repeated. He took her hands again, leading her towards the bed.
"Daniel, I don't think we should-" He cut her off again, his finger over her lips,
"I know, I just wanna...hold you." She smiled, she'd never imagined Daniel to be the kind of man to express his emotions so physically, tonight was full of surprises. She lay down beside him, resting her head on his chest, his arms around her. She didn't care that she was still in her uniform. Right now nothing else mattered. Three days with no sleep quickly caught up to her and she fell asleep almost as soon as they were settled on the bed, Daniel lay with a smile on his face, she was sleeping, quietly, still. He'd never imagined he could feel like this about anyone again, but he did, and he was going to make sure that the two of them were happy, together.
Daniel sighed. It was nearly two in the morning, she'd started doing it again. Tossing and turning and tossing and then turning some more. The brief ten minute respite not nearly enough. Dammit, why didn't they fix the headboards to the walls, and what the hell was bothering her so much that she'd been doing this for the past three nights. He knew that this wasn't just restless sleeping, she wasn't sleeping at all. The big black bags under her eyes gave that away, you'd have to be a fool not to see that she was troubled by something. So far as he knew, no one had approached her to find out what it was. She was being snappy with everyone, even the general. He rolled over as another round of turning began. He was extremely tempted to get up and go home, but thanks to these evaluations, he couldn't. Why did he have to be evaluated anyway, it was an airforce thing, stupid pen pushers wanted all of the SGC's personnel 'evaluated'. And what did that mean anyway. Evaluated, like anyone could evaluate the SGC, the men and women at the base did things everyday that people dream about, and sometimes, the things people have nightmares about. He suddenly realised that the banging had stopped. He heard her door open, she'd gotten up again. Where the hell was she going at this time in the morning anyway. He'd had enough of this, he was going to sort it out. But, not tonight. Tonight, he could sleep with out the infuriating noise of Janet's restless insomnia.
The General had chosen a quite planet for SG-1's mission, no natives, no animal's and not a whole hell of a lot else. Daniel could understand Hammond's decision. The less eventful the mission, the less ammunition for the bureaucrats about the dangers of the Stargate. Idiots, of course it was dangerous, what did they expect, you can't have a safety net for everything you do. The came back through at precisely the correct time, they were standing with their clipboards, noting everything. From the corner of his eye Daniel could see Jack getting pissed off by the scrutiny. Teal'c was completely unaffected by it. Daniel had to admire him, what you see is what you get with Teal'c, no shows, no facades, no masks, no falseness, it's all or nothing. Life would be a lot easier if everyone was like that, if they just came right out and said what they were thinking. They were following them now, down to the infirmary. Jack tried to close the elevator doors before they could get in, but much to his annoyance, they made it in. There was silence, no one wanting to say anything that would give them reason to question anything. They made it down in record time, all four wanting it to end as quickly as possible, even Teal'c being made uncomfortable by the scrutiny. Janet barely greeted them as they came in, it apparently didn't go unnoticed that she looked fatigued and dishevelled. Daniel could hear the pens going on the paper, it seemed to him as though they were vultures, picking on the weak, which it was obvious to him that she was. It was Sam's turn to go first for her check up, they had a routine going. Sam sat up on the bed and Janet pulled the curtain round. The evaluator pulled it back, no one in the room missed the anger that flashed across Janet's face.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" She said, regaining the self control she had momentarily lost. He came up with a lameass excuse about having to see the procedures. "oh, I see, well, I'll tell you what, you and your friend there can wait behind and I'll demonstrate the procedures." Daniel felt the room get colder, he'd never heard her talk like that. All credit to the man behind the clipboard, he never batted an eyelid as he replied,
"I don't believe that'll be necessary thank you Dr Fraiser." She smiled, but the glare in her eyes was obvious.
"Good, now you be a good little evaluator and go evaluate from behind the curtain, or better still, get the hell out of my infirmary." She whipped the curtain back round. The three males of SG-1 just look at each other, all clearly stunned by her outburst. Daniel heard Jack mutter under his breath about 'that time of the month', but he quickly elbowed him, two pens were going wildly, recording the incident, she'd just given them a big huge package wrapped in a nice little bow. They could nail her for that, and the three men knew it. Sam came out from behind the curtain looking kind of sheepish. She made a hasty exit from the infirmary and it didn't take a genius to know that she had been on the receiving end of Janet. Teal'c was up next, the big, proud warrior. Daniel and Jack remained silent, unsure of what to say. Teal'c emerged, looking stoic as ever. He stopped at Jack and Daniel on his way out and a bit too loudly announced,
"I believe Dr. Fraiser has an insect in her anus." Jack cracked up, Daniel coughed a little, then quietly said,
"Ugh, that's bug up her ass, Teal'c." Jack was still laughing til' a head popped round from the curtain and two eyes glared at him.
"That's not, laugh that's laugh that's not funny, no ma'am." She glared at him some more, then turned round,
"Your next Colonel." Teal'c made a hasty retreat from the infirmary, joining Sam in safety. Jack slowly approached the curtained area. Daniel winced as he heard him, he didn't want to think about what was going on. Jack emerged quickly, almost running,
"I would run Daniel, run for your life." Daniel looked at him, eyebrows raised, he was seriously considering that idea. But no, it would not be a good idea to anger the beast. He bravely stepped into the curtained area. Janet began the examination, Daniel kept silent, acutely aware of the pain she could inflict, the exam was so familiar that nothing needed to be said, Daniel knew exactly what to do and when to do it. Once it was done Janet began to walk away, sounding more confident than he felt he called after her.
"What?" was her icy response.
"Are you OK?"
"I'm fine." She replied, not looking at him, she headed to her office, Daniel loitered in the infirmary for a second or two, gathering his thoughts, trying to think of what to say. He followed her, she was already in her office with her door closed when he got there. He knocked. He received a more exasperated but equally icy reply of,
"What?" Once again. He didn't exactly know what to say so he just walked in, closing the door behind him. She glared at him, obviously pissed at his persistence, she looked at him, waiting for him to say something.
"Your not a very good liar." Continued glare, "I know you're not fine." That sounded stupid even to himself. The glare left him,
"Just leave it alone Daniel." She said quietly, the anger gone. Daniel was pleased he'd gotten something,
"Leave what alone?" She refused to look at him. "What is it?" Still she wouldn't look at him, everywhere but him, eventually her eyes came to rest on her desk.
"I said leave it, now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." The coldness had returned. But he wasn't about to give it up.
"I can hear you at night you know, tossing and turning, Janet, please tell me, maybe I can help." She snorted. "Janet, this could cost you your job. What you did out there, they could nail you for that." Now she looked at him, straight in the eye,
"So."
"You say that like you don't care."
"Maybe I don't."
"How can you say that?"
"Because it's true." By this point they were loud, Daniel looked at her confused,
"I thought I knew you, but obviously I was wrong." She snorted again.
"You thought you knew me? You know nothing about me, nothing." He was hurt by her outburst, but he realised it was true.
"Well, maybe I'd like to." He offered. She shook her head,
"Yeah, well maybe it's too late." He was once again confused.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I've had enough." She snapped.
"Enough of what?" She really wasn't making any sense.
"Enough of this, of this job, this place, enough of being the good ol' doc, enough of not getting respected just 'cause I'm not out in the field everyday, enough of being the bases' fucking counsellor, I have enough problems of my own without everyone else coming to me with theirs, there's a guy two floors up getting paid to do fuck all 'cause every one comes to me, enough of having to work 48 hour shifts because they can't bring any more doctors in, I've had enough Daniel. I'm done, I'm tired." Daniel stood, shell shocked by what had been said, he'd never heard her swear before, not even in the worst situations. He didn't know what to say, so said the first thing that came into his head.
"I had no idea." She had her head in her hands, obviously trying to keep herself together. He approached her desk, kneeling down beside her chair she they were level. He reaches out and cupped his hand around her face, gently pulling it to face his own, her eyes were filled with tears that she was fighting to hold back.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" She kept her eyes from meeting his.
"I didn't know how to." She said quietly.
"You know it's not true, we all respect you, hell most of the base is afraid of you." He laughed, she laughed along with him, despite herself.
"It doesn't matter now anyway." She said still quiet.
"What, why."
"I was planning on resigning, but those guys, they'll do it for me."
"Is that you want, I mean really, I know it must seem like we take you for granted, but you're a part of the team, the SGC wouldn't be the same without you. You know your SG-1's honorary fifth member." He pulled her face up again, "Hey, look at me, is that what you want?" She shook her head,
"But like I said, it doesn't matter now, those guy they-" He cut her off,
"Don't worry about them, I'll sort it out."
"But." He put a finger over her lips.
"I said don't worry, I'll sort it." She smiled. "Now come on, I'm taking you to dinner, when are you off?"
"Five minutes ago, but we can't leave the base." She smiled.
"Then the commissary it is, if you can call that dinner." He took her hand and gently tugged her off her seat, she hung behind,
"Hang on, I've gotta fix my make-up, I look like a mess." She said self- consciously. He cupped her face again,
"You look beautiful." He said sincerely. They looked at each other, both feeling something. Daniel eventually pulled away. "I'll ugh, I'll wait outside." She came out a few minutes later, make-up once again perfect. It was a quiet trip to the mess, both unsure of how to proceed, they had both felt it, and both were unsure if the other had. Once there, they both grimaced at the sight of what was on offer, they both selected the same thing, it look vaguely familiar to some kind of food, the just couldn't put their finger on it. Daniel started the conversation.
"So, how long had you been feeling like that?" He asked, she looked surprised by his question,
"I dunno, a while I guess, I never realised until these evaluations, I guess I started doing some evaluating of my own." She smiled as she spoke. But one fork full of the stuff quickly wiped the smile off her face.
"Eugh, I can't eat this." She said pushing the plate forward. Daniel tried his.
"Yeah, your right." He tried to think of something to do, "If got crackers and cheese in my quarters?"
"That sounds good." She said, smiling. They got up and headed back toward the elevator. Daniel continued the previous conversation.
"What made you think we didn't respect you?" He asked as the stepped into the empty elevator. She shrugged,
"A lot of things, I guess Anise's little experiment was a big factor."
"What?"
"Oh come on Daniel, none of you wanted to know, I warned you that those things were dangerous. Nobody listened, except for the General that is. You were all to busy enjoying super powers." He looked stunned, but going over the events that had took place, he realised it must have looked that way. Before he had a chance to say anything she continued, "I know I don't really have a right to feel this way, I mean, they were having a narcotic effect, you couldn't help but, I can't help feeling like this." The elevator doors opened, but Daniel didn't move,
"Yes you do. You do have a right to fell like that." They stood looking at each other, until the elevator doors started to close, Daniel lunged at them and held them open, Janet exited the elevator and Daniel followed, the went to his quarters in another awkward silence, when they arrived in his quarters, it was Janet who broke it the time,
"How come you have a fridge in your quarters?"
" 'Cause I brought it in myself, have I mentioned I don't like the food in the commissary?" She smiled again, Daniel opened the fridge and took out the cheese, he tossed over to Janet who was sitting at the table as he went and got the crackers from the drawer beside his bed, he passed them to her as well, along with a knife, he then went back to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine, he held it up asking if she wanted some, eyebrows raised at seeing him with this on base, she let the military in her answer,
"We shouldn't on base." Daniel laughed, and brought it over anyway,
"Relax, we're off duty." She smiled,
"Ok." He poured two glasses and they began to eating, Daniel started the conversation, trying to change the subject away from the previous one,
"So, how's Cassie doing." Janet laughed,
"She's ok, she's been having a few problems at school lately." She said sighing.
"Problems?" He asked.
"Yeah, you know, skipping classes and the like, I've tried talking to her about, but every time we have a conversation it seems to turn in to an argument and she comes out with the 'you're not my real mom' thing." She smiled sadly, "I guess I should of known it would happen."
"It must be hard." He paused trying to find the right words, "Bringing her up by yourself." She nodded taking a sip of the wine,
"Yeah well, this isn't exactly how I pictured my life turning out. I guess I always thought I'd be married with a couple of kids of my own by now." She laughed, "But there's not much chance of that now."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh come on Daniel, I have zero chance of ever getting married again. I mean think about it, I hardly ever have a chance to go out and meet people, and if I ever do, guys run a mile when they realise I'm a single mom. The ones that make it past that don't exactly last long when they realise I have a twenty-four hour job, I mean, how I am supposed to explain spending days on end in this mountain. It's supposed to be deep space radar telemetry analysis, what on earth would you need a doctor for for that."
"I guess I never really thought about it. Wait a minute, what do you mean, getting married again, you were married?" He asked,
"Biggest mistake of my life."
"I had no idea."
"Yeah well, like I said, you really know nothing about me." She said, this time more softly.
"I meant what I said you know, I'd like to, you know, know more about you."
"Yeah well, there really isn't that much to know. So what do you wanna know?"
"I dunno, lets start with where you grew up."
"A little town in the middle of nowhere, that no one's ever heard of that had nothing to do and I spent the first seventeen years of my life trying to get out of it." He smiled, she was evading his question, not giving a straight answer.
"So how did you, get out of it, I mean." She smiled,
"I got married." He frowned, not understanding, "Chris was the captain of the football, I was the head cheerleader, we dated all through high school." Daniel was desperately trying to stifle a grin,
"You were a cheerleader?" She narrowed her eyes,
"Yes, and if you tell O'Neill, I will hurt you, badly." His managed a serious look,
"Yes ma'am." He wanted to hear more, "So, why'd you get?"
"Chris got a football scholarship at U of C, I saw it as my chance to get out, he asked me and I said yes." She paused, deep in thought, "I don't think we ever really loved it each other, in high school it was the accepted order of things, captain of the football team dates head cheerleader, but when we got married we were using each other. I wanted out and he wanted a trophy wife."
"So, what happened?"
"He started drinking, going out all the time. I told him I wanted a divorce and by this point he didn't care. It was rough for a few months, I had to work three jobs to keep a roof over my head, I couldn't go home." She smiled, "That's not true, I didn't want to. But I managed."
"What did you do then?"
"I joined the air force. It wasn't exactly my life's ambition but, it was my only option."
"What made you become a doctor?"
"I wasn't a very good pilot." She answered simply, she was evading again.
"No seriously."
"Seriously, I wasn't good enough, so I took the med test and I won a place at med school."
"So, that's it?" She nodded,
"That's it."
"I guess I always thought it was what you'd always wanted to do, your so." He paused looking for the right word, "passionate about your job."
"Well, when I graduated, started working, I realised it was something I'd always wanted to do, to help people." Daniel had no idea what to say, she broke the silence, "Anyway, anything else you'd like to know?"
"I think that about covers it, what about you? Anything you'd like to know about me?"
"Umm, let's just say Sam has a big mouth." They both laughed. "What about you though, you think you'll ever get married again?" She asked quietly, unsure of how he would handle bringing up Sha're. He stayed quiet for a moment, reflecting on the question.
"I dunno, I want to, but I guess I'm in the same boat as you, how do I explain why an archaeologist is needed for deep space radar telemetry analysis." They both laughed again, relaxing as the wine took effect,
"But, yes, I would like to get married again, I guess I want to have kids too, but I need the right woman to come along." He was looking at her intently. He eventually tried to change the subject back to her, "Did you never think about having kids with your husband?"
"Are you kidding? I was seventeen, and I knew the marriage wouldn't last that long, I mean, I guess even then it was always in the back of my mind, but I thought I had my whole life ahead of me and that I would meet the right guy." She smiled, "I always thought I would have found him by now, but, there you go." She paused, "Anyway, there's no point mulling over the past. I've got Cassie, and without wanting to sound awful, that'll have to be enough for me."
"It doesn't sound awful, I understand, at least I think I do. You love her, totally, completely, no less than you would your own child, but, that doesn't change the fact that she's not yours. That you didn't carry her, or bring her into the world." She nodded,
"I guess, I dunno, I want more than to have children, I want to have babies, and I want them to be mine and their fathers, nobody else's, so nobody can claim them or take them away. That must sound pretty stupid, I guess I'm still being selfish." She crossed her arms self-consciously.
"No, you're not, I understand. I think that's why I didn't bring Shifu back with me, from Abydos when he was born. I was afraid I would love him, and then he would be taken away. And then I realised that I couldn't live by that fear, but, he was better off where he was." He smiled sadly,
"I never realised." They sat in silence again. Both reflecting on what had been said. Janet glanced at her watch, "Oh god, it's late, I should probably go get some rest, got an early shift tomorrow, and I've got to redeem myself to the evaluators, and I probably have to apologise to a lot of people." She stood up to leave, Daniel quickly stood up too, trying to think of something to say to keep her here, he didn't want her to leave. She was at the door, he caught up with her, an impulse suddenly took him over, he gently grabbed her shoulder and spun her round.
"Stay." He said quietly. He was holding both her hands, they're eyes were locked together, his head, his lips, slowly moving towards hers,
"Daniel, I-" She was cut off by his mouth over hers, she was too shocked to move, he quickly pulled back, afraid, taking her lack of response as rejection,
"Oh god, I'm sorry, I should have never, I'm sorry, I don't kno-" This time it was Daniel who was cut off as Janet pulled him down toward her, returning his kiss. They stood locked in a kiss for a long time, until they both needed air. They stood gasping for breath, eyes still locked together, "Stay." He repeated. He took her hands again, leading her towards the bed.
"Daniel, I don't think we should-" He cut her off again, his finger over her lips,
"I know, I just wanna...hold you." She smiled, she'd never imagined Daniel to be the kind of man to express his emotions so physically, tonight was full of surprises. She lay down beside him, resting her head on his chest, his arms around her. She didn't care that she was still in her uniform. Right now nothing else mattered. Three days with no sleep quickly caught up to her and she fell asleep almost as soon as they were settled on the bed, Daniel lay with a smile on his face, she was sleeping, quietly, still. He'd never imagined he could feel like this about anyone again, but he did, and he was going to make sure that the two of them were happy, together.