I turn the key and nearly jump out of my skin as I'm surprised to see James home. The cold look he gives me is clear indication that something isn't right, my heart sinks. Oh no! He left home yesterday morning when he got a call to say his father was ill he'd had a stroke. I fear the worst, I'd wanted to go with him but with both knew that it wasn't a good idea as his mother is not a fan of me and everything she thinks I represent.
Placing my shopping bags on the floor, I approach him but the deathly look in his green eyes warns to be cautious. His face is flushed and the veins in his neck are just a second away from bursting. I search for a clue and only when his notice what he is holding in his hands does it all sink in. Oh, fuck! How could I have been so careless? The end seems to have come a little too soon. The Man in charge clearly has no love for me.
My mouth is dry as I know what's it in the letter he is holding, I am the one who was writing it before it seemed like a good idea to go shopping instead. I wasn't expecting him home at least not today, he said he would call me before he made his way. The call only I had received was from his mother telling me to stay away from her son because I'm not good enough for him. Apparently, she knew the game I was playing and that she would report me to the authorities. What didn't know was that we had been one step ahead and it would not be that easy t get rid me. Well, at least I hope not.
Admittedly that conversation shook me a bit and that's probably why shopping seemed like the distraction I needed at the time and it doesn't help when the mall is on our doorstep.
" What the fuck is this?" He barks at me.
I part my lips trying to formulate a response but I fail to even make a sound. My heart beats to the deafening rhythm of fright or flight. But there is nowhere to run to so I stay put.
" Don't bother answering," He continues clearly frustrated by my lack of response. "It is written clearly in English. I always knew that your A grade in fucking O'level would come use one day!"
"Dear Audrey " He begins to read in an exaggerated high pitchtone "I've been seeing this guy.. Is that what I am to you, Jane? Some random guy?"
" James please I can explain." I attempt to close the gap between us but he warns me sternly.
" Don't fucking come any closer to me or I swear to God I will not be responsible for my actions. Let me finish you don't need to explain anything, where was I? Yeah, this guy.
"I haven't told him yet that I am married and have a child, I don't know how he would react, But I know I will have to tell him someday! Do you know that you know what you have just done?"
I've decided that I should not respond, as it will make him more furious than what he already is.
" In this country bigamy as in being married to two people at the same time is a crime. I don't know how things are dealt with in your little village but here we actually follow the rule of law. What kind of a mother abandons her daughter and husband to come whoring in England hah tell me?" Spit rains with his questions, his chest is heaving, clearly, he is struggling to control himself.
My heart is now trapped in my throat and how I wish I could just spit it out and be done with it. I'm still glued to the same spot.
He starts to laugh hysterically "I get it. It was a trap, wasn't it? Your whole damsel in distress drama, when all along your plan was to marry some mug then find a way to bring your husband and your little brat here? Don't you think we have enough mouths to feed in this country? My mother warned me do you know that. But I told her to mind her own fucking business. What a fucking fool"
Hot tears burn my cheeks but they can't thaw the chill that has settled in my bones. I should have told him, I was going but the timing never seemed right and a huge part of me feared his reaction to the news. Well now he knows and there definitely isn't a way for me to redeem myself. What have I done?
" Tell you what, you have 5 fucking minutes to pack your shit and get the fuck out of here " he mutters something under his breath
I can't even bear to look at him, his a broken man and I broke him, I attempt to take a step forward to no avail. Half of me is terrified of getting any closer to him and the half knows I deserve whatever is coming to me. Besides he has already warned me not to come any closer. I have my little brat as he called her to look after.
" What the fuck is wrong now? Can't you speak?" he sounds irritated
"I'm really sorry James." I sob uncontrollably. If only he would allow me to explain to him here and now then he would understand my predicament
" I love you." Those desperate words roll off my tongue before I can even stop them and I watch as if in slow motion as he takes two strides and charges for me. I close my eyes anticipating a blow; I know the pain I've been there before. I slowly peel my eyes open to watch him grip my throat with his right hand, his nails digging deep into the back of my neck. I guess I can't say that I never saw it coming.
" I'm not stupid Jane so don't ever try and take me for a fucking fool. Do you hear me ... you love me huh ? Now is not the fucking time you fucking lying stupid bla... bitch! You ...you..."
I hear all the venom he spits at me as his vice grip tightens around my throat and all the air has escaped from my lungs. I shouldn't complain, I deserve it, I lied and there is always a price to pay. It's funny; you can choose the right combination of words to tell in a lie but you can never pick your punishment. This man is going to kill me. I think every movie I've watched where the heroine gets strength from nowhere to escape or there is a phone that rings or a knock on the door. Unfortunately, this is real life.
All of a sudden he lets go of me and I stumble to gain my balance. I peel my eyes open to find his darkened green eyes boring through me with his jaw tightly clenched. I dread whatever is coming next.
"Get. The fuck. Out." He points to the door just in case I misunderstood him.
"I don't wanna fucking... As much as breathe the same air as you. I" I turn to run but he grabs me "Give me my phone and my card."I look at him confused my pounding heart deafening me. Maybe I miss heard him. "The phone and my bank card." He says slowly so I can hear him. I fumble through my handbag, the phone is easy to find but the bank card is in my purse and there is no way of doing it any quicker. He grabs the purse from me, takes his card before throwing the purse back to me. Somehow I manage to catch it and run for my dear little life.