Dear Ash Ketchum,
If you're reading this letter, then you know that I am gone. No not forever. I'm just taking a vacation. Before you start searching for me, let me ask you a question: When was the last time you gave me a break? No seriously. Who has been doing all your battles for you? Who is the one that risks his life to save your behind from being kicked by others? Who is the one that has to battle Raichus, Rhydons, Dragonites, with a few dose of legendaries all the time? It's me. Ash, keep in mind that I don't hate you, but you really are cruel. You literarily make everyone work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you hadn't noticed by now, then you should remember Unova. I lost to a Snivy. Not a Regice. Not a Latios. A Snivy. That should cause some red lights to flash in your face. Seriously, I worked too hard Ash! A vaction isn't too much ya know!
Here is my suggestion to you. Take ten years off of trying to be a Pokémon master. Get a job. Get married and have kids. Afterwards, we can discuss about "going off to be the very like no one ever was". Now if you excuse me, I got to go have a date. I wonder if I should go out with Buneary? Or Sylveon? I guess only time can tell.
Speaking of time...why on earth are you still 10 years old? I'll have to speak with Dialga about it later. Well, catch you later.
Sincerely,
Pikachu
P.S. Who knew Meowth could also learn how to write human languages as well?