Title: Measuring The Captain
Author: Caz251
Summary: The Addams family have a discussion about the suitability of Captain Jack Harkness as an Addams spouse.
Characters: The Family Addams, Rhys, Andy, mentions of Ianto, Jack, The Doctor, TARDIS and Death.
Spoilers: Spoilers for Torchwood and The Addams Family
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own either the Addams Family or Torchwood, no matter how hard I wish it were so.
AN: Another oneshot in my Addams Family/Torchwood universe, this is set before Of Strange Men and Kitty Cats. Criticism is welcomed, be it constructive or not.
The night before their trip to Scotland the Addams family assembled, or some of them had at least. Tharmus wasn't there, he was spending his last night in Cardiff with his Captain, and Aluka's spouse had been left at home, after all she wasn't really an Addams. The rest of the family in the vicinity had gathered however to discuss Tharmus' man, the incorrigible flirt Captain Jack Harkness. The family had gathered once more in the formal dining room of the Addams Manor to discuss the partner of one of their own.
Grandmamma sat at the head of the table again, the rest of the family sat in a haphazard manner, opening the meeting stating why exactly it was that they were there, not that they didn't know, before letting the rest of the family speak.
"He treats Ianto well." Rhiannon stated, "Ianto wouldn't be with anyone who didn't."
"I agree." Rhys spoke up, he had seen the look in Jack's eyes when Ianto had been at gunpoint in that warehouse. "Jack cares for him."
Pugsley then spoke, "He doesn't hurt anyone unless there is no other option. According to Janet he is also very caring, he spends as much, if not more time than Tharmus with her keeping her company."
"He enjoyed my home brew." Johnny said, and the rest of the family nodded in approval.
"And he adored my cooking." Grandmamma added. "He even asked for a few extra cookies for later."
"His swordplay is good even if he does seem to be out of his time." Gomez stated.
Andy decided to add his piece, "He's a good leader as well." Lurch grunted in agreement. "He does have problems dealing with other agencies though."
The family descended into discussion about whether or not that was a bad quality or not, after all Torchwood was above the police and other agencies, Jack was just acting as his station dictated. Some believed that it was a desirable quality, especially as it meant that he was able to get what he wanted without too much mucking about as people just wanted Torchwood out of their way. It also didn't mean that he wasn't able to co-operate, just that he chose not to, and with his job that was understandable. If he cooperated with other agencies, there was the chance that they would get involved and that they would end up endangering themselves or Jack's team. That brought up the next thing that the family agreed was a good quality, the man was protective of his team, he saw them as his family.
"He's great with children." Cousin It piped up. "The kids all seem to adore him. You should have seen him with What on his shoulders, it was hilarious."
"Micah adores him." Johnny put in, "She has already claimed him as family, and I'm sure that the other children aren't far behind."
"He does seem to be pro-weapon, something that is a bonus, he wouldn't be adverse to teaching the children. In fact I think he would rather enjoy it." Gomez added, some of the others nodding in agreement.
"Yes dear, I think you are right. I am sure that the Captain will make a perfect mother for another generation of Addams'." Morticia stated calmly seemingly unaware of the uproar that her statement caused.
"He what, he can't carry children. That is an Addams trait, if he has it, where is it from. And why didn't we know about him." Fester started.
Thing rapped sharply on the table with his knuckles, bringing the attention of all in the room to him, at which point he launched into a long explanation of the Captain's ability being a result of a process that is available in the future that will allow males to carry children. Jack hadn't undergone the process himself, but his grandfather had and it appeared that like in their family it was something that could be genetically inherited in the future. The family seemed to calm down at this, having been assured that Jack wasn't a member of the family that they had somehow managed to overlook and neglect. Thing also explained that Jack was a Companion, and that he had been made immortal by The Lady.
Now that they knew for certain that Jack was out of his time a lot of things about him suddenly made sense. They could understand now some of the things he did and the ways in which he acted a lot better now. It was obvious to the family that the man had seen and been through a lot, and that there was nothing that the man would be able to do to change that. He had seen a lot of things pass, not just years, but loved ones too, and that he would continue to do so. Even so the man continued to love, and he loved an Addams. The family knew that he would outlive them, Tharmus, and whatever children he and Tharmus had, but they also knew that he would be there for the future Addams if they needed him.
"There is something else." Wednesday started. "There is something between him and Death. HE is Death's Paladin, he will be called to Death's side to fight as his Champion. Even after he dies, he will still exist within the realm at Death's side."
Grandmamma sucked in a breath at that, "Death's Paladin. I never believed." The rest of the family looked at her for an explanation, and she sighed. "The Paladin of Death is said to be the Undestroyable. Death itself cannot be destroyed totally, but even Death cannot destroy his Paladin. The only way to weaken the Paladin of Death is to break his spirit."
The family looked startled by the news, especially when Grandmamma continued. "The Paladin is loyal only to Death, the Lord and Lady, and to his family. All other bonds are trivial. There are different interpretations of the tale, about which order the bonds are formed, but the bond of family is always formed last in each tale."
Thing made a sign of agreement, before he took over, explaining what he knew. 'The first three bonds are formed' the family interpreted, 'The Lord was the first, and then the Lady, and through her the bond with Death. The fourth bond is in its initial stages.'
"Without the knowledge of this in mind, can anyone think of any reasons by which he is an unacceptable as an Addams spouse." Gomez spoke.
When no-one could think of anything that would be a bone of contention within the family Grandmamma stood, "In that case, I believe that the family is with me in acceptance of the match." As no-one disagreed the rest of the family stood at once, showing their deference to Grandmamma as their matriarch before leaving to where they had been before.