Title: Psychobabble
Author: Elsalhir Erestar
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: T
Summary: Every relationship has its issues and problems, but can't we always work through them? Yami x Yuugi

Psychobabble

"Where've you been?"

Yami barely steps through the door when the question is asked and Yuugi is glaring at him from the sofa in the middle of the room, arms folded in irritation, predominantly marked by the lines on Yuugi's brow. Yami matches his expression, wrenching his jacket from his shoulders and tossing it onto a coat hook. "At work," he answers as though it is the most obvious question in the world. Yuugi's expression darkens, as he stands, following Yami into the adjoining kitchen.

"I thought you had the day off," he says suspiciously, eyes fastidiously roving up and down his lover - who is busying himself making tea - in search of something out of sorts to confirm the suspicions Yuugi isn't sure he actually has. "You told me they didn't need you today."

"They called me this morning," Yami says simply, shrugging. He plucks a mug from the row of clean ones on the sideboard, reaching for another and then changing his mind. There is an uncomfortable silence as he pours hot water over a teabag, watching it darken as it swallows all it can and bobs on the surface. Yuugi flops into a seat at the table, deliberating.

"You could have told me." He sounds angry, but really he is hurt, idly fiddling with the tablecloth, tugging at frayed edges and making them worse. Yami keeps his back to him, taking longer to stir his tea than necessary. He takes his time to pour the milk in, adds a spoonful of sugar and remains where he is, staring out of the window at nothing in particular. "Yami? Are you listening?"

"You were asleep," he says tersely, his back stiffening. "I thought you might be irritated if I woke you."

"You could have left a note. I was worried."

Yami sighs, tired eyes drawn to the steaming mug cupped in his hand. The warm china is no comfort, nor is the beverage as it slithers down his throat, the sharp heat earning a gasp of surprise. "What were you worrying about? I can look after myself, Yuugi."

Yuugi's gaze falls, staring at studded black boots shuffling awkwardly in place. "I just... I care about you. I'm allowed to worry if you just disappear without telling me where you're going, aren't I? How was I supposed to know? I'm not a mind reader."

Yami rolls his eyes and Yuugi catches the reflection, swiftly standing. "Don't roll your eyes like that! Don't just dismiss the fact that you hurt my feelings because you feel guilty! I don't understand why you do this all the time when it's obvious I'm just concerned for you! Why can't you just say 'sorry' for once in your life and actually mean it!?"

Yami quietly sips. "At least I do say it."

Yuugi's fists clench and he snorts, moving to Yami's side to see his face. Frustrated by his blasé attitude, he snatches the mug from Yami's hands, emptying it in the sink and casting it into the bowl. Yami says nothing, his annoyance only illustrated by a barely audible huff. He knows Yuugi is hankering for a reaction, the way he always does, just to know that he cares, just to know that any of this actually matters.

"Then I'm sorry, Yami! I'm sorry for giving a damn!" Yuugi yells, shoving him with just enough force to make him stumble back a few steps. He pretends it didn't happen and strolls from the room. Yuugi hesitates before following. "What do you want from me, Yami, because I just don't know anymore?"

"I do not ask anything of you. I will never ask anything of you, whether we are together or not," Yami says without pausing or turning. He heads upstairs, knowing Yuugi will follow. He hasn't finished yet. It will be some time before he has. "I just want you to be happy, that is all."

"If you want me to be happy then why are you acting like this towards me?"

"Acting like what, Yuugi? I am only reacting to you, which is what you require from me, isn't it?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Yuugi hovers outside the door of the bathroom, waiting for Yami to finish. He continues to shadow him when he emerges again, flittering from room to room until he settles in his own, perching on the corner of his bed to unzip his boots and place them neatly in front of the dresser, ready for tomorrow.

"Nothing. Forget it." Yami falls backwards, legs hanging over the bed, arms shifting to prop up his head. Yuugi is in his vision and he shields his eyes with an arm, hoping, when he looks again, that Yuugi will be gone.

"Enough with the self-righteous, holier than thou attitude! I can't stand it when you're like this! Don't you care about anyone but yourself?! Don't you care how much you're hurting me?"

"I don't know, Yuugi, you never talk to me. You run to Anzu or Jounouchi and even Ryou. But of course, you always need to gossip about me to them, to tell them about everything I have done wrong and denigrate my already 'dark' character. I don't understand why you need to do that, when you clearly have no qualms about doing it to my face."

"I do not 'gossip' with them! At least they bother to listen!"

Yami's sigh surprises Yuugi and he steps back as Yami sits up, form lagging over his knees. Fingers rub his eyes. Yawning softly, for the first time, Yuugi sees the lines at the corner of his eyes. "Yuugi, I'm tired of this. I'm tired of doing this over and over again. I can't deal with it anymore."

"You can't 'deal with it'? Something is a little bit difficult and so you just decide to throw in the towel?"

"It's not the 'it', Yuugi! It's you! It has always been you!" Yuugi instantly feels his eyes sting, heart rising into his throat, pounding. He's shaking. He doesn't attempt to control it, caught between anger, churning frustration and embarrassment. After everything, Yami has the audacity to blame him, despite everything Yuugi has done to keep them together. "I don't make you happy, Yuugi. I have never made you happy. You are afraid to be alone so you cling to me. That is not what a relationship should be about."

"I was alone for years, Yami! I am afraid because I love you so much, not because I don't want to be alone!" Yami opens his mouth to respond, to try and talk sense into his lover, to make him see, but Yuugi won't let him. "You are the one afraid to be alone! You have never loved me. You're with me because you couldn't say no, because 'yes' was the easy answer!"

"Easy?" Yami stands, forcing Yuugi back with each step. "You call this 'easy'? You call putting up with question after question easy? You think having to reassure you that I love you is by any means 'easy'? You haven't got the faintest idea how to trust me anymore and quite frankly I am bored of being the one who makes you miserable all the time!"

Yuugi is angry enough to snap, to say things he probably doesn't mean. "So what do you want, Yami? Do you want us to split up? Do you want me out of your life?"

"I want some peace without you telling me what I feel and don't feel every five seconds! I don't want to have to piss you off just to get you to leave me alone!"

Yuugi falters, staggering away as if he has been punched. A tear glitters against his eyelashes and Yami is hit with guilt, quickly moving to undo the damage. "God, Yuugi, don't cry, please don't cry." He envelops him in his arms, squeezing his shoulders. "I am sorry. I truly am sorry. Please stop crying."

"Don't-touch-me!" Yuugi screams, struggling. Yami doesn't let him go. He can't. He won't! He doesn't mean that the way it had sounded, but he doesn't know how else to say it. He doesn't have the words, he doesn't have the eloquence to do his emotions justice and say how he truly feels.

Yuugi's struggles cease when he knows he can't escape and he falls limp, sobbing softly against Yami's neck. Why did it hurt so much, to feel this way and for nothing to be working the way it should? Which God was that cruel? Why couldn't they make it work? "Why do you do this to me...?" It's in a diminutive voice that Yuugi asks, almost too quiet to be heard, almost not wanting an answer at all.

"Do what?" Yami asks softly, slightly soothed by the sensation of Yuugi's hair against his cheek.

"Pretend you don't love me and that you don't care." Yami frowns, ashamed for his actions. It isn't fair, of course, but nothing ever is when it comes to love. Or whatever it is they do feel. Whatever it is they think they feel. "I'm scared, Yami. I'm terrified I'm going to lose you. The thought of being without you makes me feel sick and I can't seem to fix this no matter how hard I try or how much I want to. I don't even know what the problem is!"

"I know, I know," Yami agrees, holding Yuugi tighter.

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I wish I knew."

Yuugi cranes his neck, a hand reaching to rake through wild hair. "What happened to the days when you always knew what to do?" The question is meant light heartedly, but Yami chooses to take it different, jerking away. Yuugi realises his mistake and opens his mouth to apologise, but his rueful whimper is brushed off.

"I am sorry, Yuugi, that I don't match your standards of 'being' any longer!" he says with forced calmness, snatching away the hand that is grasped.

"That's not what I meant!" Yuugi insists, arms frantically waving to illustrate his mistake. And this is how it goes, around in circles over and over and over again. One gets upset, the other angry and on and on like an emotional carousel that doesn't stop. It spins faster and faster until finally, someone is thrown off like a rag doll.

"I know exactly what you meant, Yuugi." Yami's tone is like raging ice and fire. He angrily stamps around the room, fiddling with bits and pieces to divert from his fury. "I'm sick of this, Yuugi. I'm tired and I'm bored! You go on and on at me for not doing something right, for not saying the right thing, for not telling you something and this whole….thing….it's…this… I'm tired of trying to make this work. "

"And I hate you for this!"

The argument stops dead and Yami gapes, struck by the emotion in Yuugi's eyes, the turmoil he had caused. "I hate you! I hate you!"

"Yuugi,I-"

"No! No! You will not dictate to me like I'm a child. You will not tell me how I do and don't feel! Do you understand me? I made the stupid mistake of loving you, of trusting you! I gave everything to you and you throw it back in my face like it means nothing. You dare to blame all of this on me with your psychobabble, trying to make me sound like I'm the crazy one in all of this when you are in the wrong! Why can't you, for once in your damned life, accept that!"

"Yuugi, I'm sorry-"

"And how many times will you say that before you mean it, Yami? How many times?!"

"Please-"

"Go." The conviction in that single word is enough to bring tears to Yami's eyes. Yuugi's resolution is stern, unwavering, the demand almost strong enough to bring him to his knees. Yami suddenly knows the damage he has done and nothing, nothing, can take back the words that caused it. It's a moment before Yami realises he is staring into an empty room, still feeling the fleeting pressure of Yuugi's shoulder as he barged past.

Yuugi would never forgive him. Never.

Fin