If It Rains in Your Dream It doesn't Necessarily Mean It's a Wet Dream
note: I'm not native speaker - also you should know that I've submitted this to dA and to Gintama community at livejournal so it's not really copied or anything
When Gintoki woke up from the nightmare his whole body was shivering. It had been nightmare from the past: you know, the usual angsty JUMP hero dream. Piled of bodies, blood everywhere, blaming voices... As a JUMP hero Gintoki's duty was to have these dreams when he had some angsty scenes during the days episodes where running. Still, he never had grown accustomed to these nightmares. Even now his breath was uneven and he had hard time settling it. Tonight's dream had been one of the worst ones.
Suddenly the door of the room was opened. Kagura stood there all sleepyheaded and grumpy.
"Did ya have a wet dream?" the girl asked picking her nose.
Gintoki's vein started to throb. What the heck?! He was having his precious angsty time and this idiot just barged in and started to ask about things of which people have in their puberty. Goddamit he was well over his puberty already!! He was over twenty even! However he decided to calm down and handle this like adults do.
"That was a nightmare, you snotnosed punk", he tried correcting her. It also could be possible that she was getting the word wrong - this happened quite often after all.
"No. Mami told me that wet dreams feel good!" Kagura said while movin her pinky to her mouth and then back to digging her nostrils, "nightmare's an opposite thing!"
Gintoki couldn't help wondering what Kaguras mother had taught to Kagura to make her so brutal.
"No.. It was nightmare", Gintoki repeated.
"Don't be shy! They're completely normal - even for middle aged men!"
The vein on Gintoki's temple started to throb.
"I'M JUST A BIT OVER TWENTY!!!"
Kagura shrugged.
"Ten years go past fast", then she seemed to have some kind realization, "now I know! Did ya have a wet dream of me, you shy boy!"
"Hell no! I prefer nurses anyw-----WAIT! Didn't I say It was a nightmare?! Are you deaf? Is sukonbu taking over your brain? Or was it filled with it to begin with, huh?!"
"Don't try to be tsundere, you're not cute at all!" she sounded very pleased with her self - as if she had just come first at Gintama's popularity poll - no, actually more like she was choosed as the most popular character ever. (Reality was harsh though: the only credit she was given was that she was the first heroine to have barfed in the whole history of JUMP's. She was quite content with that too, though). Gintoki couldn't help thinking that at the moment even he himself was cuter than Kagura. He even thought saying it, but the punchline was more important at the moment. Gintoki inhaled deeply and then shouted:
"I'M NOT BEING TSUNDERE, YOU FRICKIN' CHINA HEROINE!" well that wasn't exactly an insult, but Gintoki didn't care. Mocking Kagura didn't take much.
"YOU.....!!!" it seemed that "the insult" had worked out, "you're lying! You're all tsuntsun! Even your ***** is all tsuntsun! But don't worry! Wet dreams are a-OK!"
Somehow inthe middle of her speech, her tone had changed from angry to pitying. That made Gintoki even more irritated.
"What does my precious ***** had to do with anything?! AND IT WASN'T A WET DREAM! The only thing that was wet in it was the rain!!!"
"Not wet? OH! So, you had no time to c----"
"SHUT UP!" Gintoki interrupted, "why's you vocabulary so good when it comes to things like these?! I don't remember rising you this way! What the hell did your parents taught you, anyway?! AND WHAT THE HECK YOU'RE DOING?!"
Kagura was nonchalantly wiping the snot from her finger to Gintoki's yukata.
"I don't have time to argue with you! Despite how I look I'm quite busy!"
"BUSY, HUH?! Busy tormenting me?! BUSY EATING ANOTHER OF MY PUDDINGS?!
Kagura raised her eyes from the said tin.
"You have another of these?" she gobbled it down in a speed that even champions of eating contest would have envied, "why didn't you say earlier?"
She threw the empty tin away and hurried to the kitchen. Gintoki ran after her as soon as he could - only to end this brawl same way as the other ones. Kagura spitted on his precious pudding and he obviously lost his appetite for that.
At the bed Gintoki was facing the ceiling annoyed as hell. Soon sleep came.
Without any nightmares.