Disclaimer: Castle and all of its characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Productions. "Courageous" belongs to Casting Crowns.
We were warriors on the front lines, standing unafraid,
Now we're watchers on the sidelines as our families slip away.
Where are you men of courage? We were made for so much more.
Let the pounding of our hearts cry "we will serve the Lord".
We were made to be courageous, and we're taking back the fight.
We were made to be courageous, and it starts with us tonight.
The air had just begun to cool as fall rounded the end of a gruelingly hot summer when Kate first realized how much Richard Alexander Rodgers meant to her. Sure, she'd always known that he was important and that she cared very deeply about the man. Hell, truth be told, she knew she was head-over-heels in love with him.
That part she'd figured out when he came to his first "Beckett Family Reunion" and done his best Elvis Presely impression on top of the picnic table because her senility stricken grandmother had been convinced that Rick was The King himself.
The sway of his hips, curl of his top lip, and the way he'd slicked back his hair with melted ice water while turning up his collar had been enough to have her melting. She had not been prepared for the honey and silk tones that floated from his vocal cords when he'd belted the first verse of "One Night of Sin". That had been the point of her total undoing. That was, until he shot her those big blue eyes. She knew, right then, that he was made to love her.
She breathed an unsteady sigh as she walked between the empty rows of metal folding chairs until she reached her destination. She reached out a shaky hand and placed it on the polished cedar lid that had been draped with a tattered American flag.
Rick was dead. The man that she loved no longer had a heart beat, and she had never even told him how she felt. She had never had a chance to say goodbye.
Anger for the man in question scorched through her veins. He was an idiot to have thought that her life was more valuable than his own. If she had the oppourtunity to go back and do it all over again, she knew she'd stop him from jumping in front of the bullet that was meant for her.
A hot tear slid off her cheek as she hit her knees, not caring that the fresh mud was seeping through her dress uniform pants. She shivered as a cool wind tore across the cemetary and bit through her clothing at her skin.
They had been investigating a drug cartel that was suspected to have pulled a hired hit in one of their cases. A nearly fruitless evidence search had finally broken and led them to an old warehouse in Brooklyn to catch the guys by using an undercover sting.
The plan had been to use Esposito as the undercover...until they realized that it was a cartel head that he'd worked undercover with when he was still working narcotics. Ryan had been the next choice, but Gates had deemed that too dangerous. The cartel had been feuding with the Irish mafia for years, so sending an Irishman in would have been suicide.
Gates hadn't hesitated, however, when Castle stepped up and volunteered. Kate had been uneasy as hell about the idea of sneiding someone in at all, let alone her writer-turned-partner who had no experience. Though, to ease all of their minds, Gates had assigned Castle to work with the narcotics division to help him get ready to do the job. He would be going in and posing as a potential buyer, which Gates assured her would be a walk in the park.
This is our resolution, our answer to the call.
We will love our wives and children, we refuse to let them fall.
We will reignite the passion that we buried deep inside.
May the watchers become warriors, let the men of God arrive.
We were made to be courageous, and we're taking back the fight.
We were made to be courageous, and it starts with us tonight.
The only way we'll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands.
Make us courageous, Lord make us courageous.
Rain and enormous thunder heads. That was one of the things that Kate remembered most about the moments before the operation. She had been drenched as she stepped out of the cruiser and fastened her bullet proof vest. The pounding in her chest was nothing in comparison to the thousands of scenarios that were racing through her mind. She was terrified at the thought of having Castle in there with those men.
Ryan and Esposito led the way into the warehouse, their guns drawn. Kate moved slowly behind them, her eyes vigilantly scanning the layout as they moved. All of her senses were buzzing and she could physically feel the sparks of adrenaline pulsing through her.
"Rick, we're moving to your position. Be prepared to move." Kate whispered into the comm system that was attached to her ear.
"No! Not now!" Came the hushed reply, but it was too late. Kate and the boys were already stepping into the room where Castle and the boys were unloading a shipment from a dark van. The trio burst through the door with their guns pointed at the cartel members.
"NYPD! Drop your weapons, and put your hands in the air!"
The carte members, including Rick, had automatic rifles a twinge of sadness when she saw him pointing that gun at her. The logical part of her knew that he was just trying to maintain his cover, but something in her despised not having him on her side. The room was deathly silent, as they all stared at each other, their guns stalk still despite the quiver that they all felt.
"This isn't a good idea, Detective Beckett. Believe me." A tall, thin, latino man grinned a shark smile at her.
"I think that's where you're wrong." Kate saw Rick moving slowly and precisely. "I've got back up on their way. You won't get away this time."
"No, no. I believe you are mistaken. They haven't been able to catch me yet. I am the best there is." The man removed a pistol from his waist band of his pants and pointed it directly at her. "They aren't coming. They don't know where you are."
"Is that so? And what makes you so sure of that?" She scoffed, her gun never wavering from the point between his eyes.
"Yes, it is true. I know that because your tracking becons on your cruisers are on their way to Boston as we speak." He hooked a thumb at a man standing next to him and smirked. "Rouel tossed them in the back of a truck that was loading next door. They have no idea where you and the mousekateers are." He chuckled low in his throat and stepped closer to Kate. "So, detectives, here is my dilemma. Usually, I don't go about knocking people off just because they stumble onto on of our deals. Usually I'm very forgiving. But, you see, this client I have today," He gestured to Rick. "He's a very high end man. He doesn't like people knowing who he's buying from. So, that means that you lovely little cops are in for quite the treat."
"You seem like you're a whole lot of talk today, Valasquez." Kate retorted, cocking her eyebrow angrily. "I'm guessing that's probably because of the traffic slowing down for you."
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"
"I just mean that, from what I hear, the boys over in Hell's Kitchen are picking up more of your usual clientel. You know how those Irish boys can be. So polite, and inviting. Hell, they'll hook you up with a buzz and then invite you in for a beer. Can't really compete with that can you?"
"You shut up...they aren't shit. They're nothing."
"That's not what the word in narco is. I hear that you boys are on the decline." She turned her attention to Rick. "You might want to reconsider before you pay this guy and talk to one of the guys over there. Maybe they'll cut you a deal. You look like a smooth talker." Rick's eyes narrowed as she spoke, his entire body language telling her to stop. Valasquez's hand began to shake as he came closer and his finger tightened on the trigger. "You think that shooting a woman makes you a big man? Huh? Why don't you grow some balls and do it? That's right, because the only reason that you are even anything in this business is because you're living off of daddy's trust fund." They could almost hear the restraint that Valasquez had left snapping.
The next moment blurred into nothing more than a streak of color and a hail of bullets. Rick's body landed heavily on Kate's as the boys took cover behind shipping crates and open fired on the cartel. Bodies dropped all around them, but Kate could see nothing through the shield of Rick's arms around her. A sudden warmth engulfed her abdomen as she shifted underneath him.
Then, almost as suddenly as it had started, the gunfire stopped. Kate heard Ryan and Esposito calling to her, and she smiled softly, knowing that they had won. She shifted underneath Castle's body, and felt annoyance creep into her.
"Castle, I really don't think this is the time to be trying to cop a feel." She grumbled, shifting out from underneath him. Her heart sunk when he didn't have a smartass response to that. In fact, he didn't even move. "Rick?" She breathed, shaking his shoulder lightly. When she pulled her hands away from his body, she realized where the warmth had come from. Blood soaked her skin as it pumped from the gaping hole that had entered the left side of his back. "Ryan! Espostio!" She shrieked, her body shaking.
The boys were beside her in a moment, their hands quickly moving to turn him onto his back. The striking blue eyes that met hers were not the playful and devious ones that she had grown accustomed to, but were instead, lifeless and empty. Kevin pressed his fingers to his throat, feeling for a pulse and her breathing almost stopped when he shook his head sadly. Richard Castle had put himself in front of a bullet to save her.
She gathered his limp body into her arms and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. She rocked him gently, and vaguely registered Esposito's voice as he called the precint for back up and an ambulance. She sat there, surrounded by dead bodies, and held the man that she loved with every ounce of her being. Kate pressed her forehead to his softly, her eyes closing as the tears freely flowed down on her cheeks and dropped onto his shirt.
"I heard you, Rick." She whispered shakily. "I am so sorry that I didn't tell you that I love you. I love you, so much." Esposito's hand was on her shoulder as he pulled her away from Rick and held her in his arms tightly. Kate balled her fists into his shirt and sobbed, her body shaking violently as she cried.
Neither of them were sure exactly how long they stayed that way, but she could hear the paramedics and other officers rushing around them. But, frankly, she didn't give a damn. Esposito placed his mouth near her ear as he spoke.
"I'm so sorry." His voice was shaky and she could hear that he'd been crying as well. Heavy foot falls behind her caught her attention, and she could feel the tension that coursed through Espo's body.
"Detective." Gates' voice was rigid and cold as she spoke.
"You want to leave this warehouse. Right. Now." Kate snarled as she wheeled around and got directly into her face. "Who the hell do you think you are coming here now? A 'walk in the park', huh? No big deal? An easy job? Tell me, what the hell is supposed to be 'easy' about my partner, my best friend, the man that I am in love with laying on the ground of a warehouse floor because YOU allowed him to do a job that he wasn't qualified for just because you don't respect him?" She bellowed, her fists clenched at her sides.
"Detective Beckett, I would advise watching your tone. You are treading on thin ice." Gates replied cooly.
"Oh, really? Is that so? Well, please, allow me to cater to all of your feelings because none of us just lost our best friend." She snarled.
"Go home, Katherine. You are on suspension as of right now until further notice." She extended her hands as Kate scoffed and slammed her gun and badge into Gates' hands and stormed out of the warehouse. She tossed a look over her shoulder at Rick's body as it was loaded into the ambulance, covered in a sheet and stormed into the rain storm.
Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.
In the war of the mind, I will make my stand,
In the battle of the heart, and the battle of the hand.
We were made to be courageous, and we're taking back the fight.
We were made to be courageous, and it starts with us tonight.
The only way we'll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands.
Make us courageous, Lord make us courageous.
She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes as she stood and took a seat in the first row of seats. The funeral had been beautiful, just as she knew it would be. The precinct had been willing to give Rick an officer's funeral, despite the fact that he was more of a wall fixture there than an actual officer. Alexis and Martha had forgiven her almost immediately, saying that they did not want to be angry with her, they simply wanted to grieve with someone who knew what they were going through.
Since her suspension had been processed, she'd been staying at the loft with them. She couldn't bring herself to go home. There was nothing that screamed 'Rick' there. She slept in his bed every night, wrapped in his sheets and wearing his shirts. She loved to allow his scent to engulf her completely as she slept and floated through dreams that involved him chasing their toddlers around their house in the country near her father's cabin.
Kate's head rested in her hands as she tried to remind herself to keep breathing and let the feelings that she had been holding back for so long to try to support Alexis and Martha overwhelm her. She sat in the chair for longer than she cared to admit before someone cleared their throat behind them.
"I thought I would find you here, Detective." Gates said softly as she sat next to Kate. Kate wiped her eyes frantically.
"Sir, what are you doing here?" She croaked through the dryness of her throat.
"I came to give you these." Gates extended the gun and badge to Kate who looked at her curiously.
"You're sure?"
"Kate, I gave you the time that you'd need to cool off and grieve. I understand what you're going through. Contrary to your belief, I did enjoy having Castle at the precinct. He was an asset to the force, and we are all going to miss him. And I do feel terrible that this happened. But, I do want you to come back to the force, Detective." She whispered, leaning down and looking into Kate's eyes.
"I...I really appreciate that, sir. Thank you." She smiled through her watery eyes. Gates nodded and returned the smile, then shocked Kate by pulling her into a tight hug. Kate wrapped her arms around the woman's waist for a moment before they both pulled away.
"I will see you on Monday, Detective Beckett. The boys miss you terribly. Those two are quite the handful when they don't have you to keep them in line." Kate barked out a laugh as Gates turned and walked away. She sighed and stood once again and crossed to the casket.
"I love you, Rick. I know this isn't goodbye. Your courage will never cease to amaze me and you were always pretty heroic...for a writer boy." She chuckled through the fresh wave of tears. "Don't worry about Alexis and Martha. I've got them under control and I will look out for them. You were the best partner and friend I could have ever asked for. And I hope that you knew how much I love you." She kissed her finger tips, pressed them to the lid of the casket and turned to walk away.
She took a deep breath and opened the door to her cruiser slowly, but stopped dead when she saw the piece of paper sitting on her driver's seat. The curvy writing on the front of it was so familiar that it sent chills down her spine. She lifted the folded paper and held it up. There were only six words written inside it but it was all that she needed to hear.
I love you too, Kate. Always.
We were made to be courageous,
Lord, make us courageous.
Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.
Thoughts? Feelings? Drop me a review. Much love, J. Rook