Hello again…gosh I think this the 4th time I repost this thing..the format issue is very nerve breaking…grrr but yet again… I will not give up to post this story again.. so im sorry for the inconvinent difficulties..this is the same story as "long mornite" but that one is unbeta-d but this does XD … a thousand thanks to my beta 'inmate23' .. awesomeness XD for beta-ing this for me …
I'll pull myself together,
just another step until I reach the door
you'll never know me the way,
Its tears me inside too see you..
A/N: Post-Luther Braxton episodes
She left him standing there stunned. His eyes followed her form, as she was embraced in a tight cocoon and guided away by Agent Ressler. A part of him dies over and over again, as he can still hear her scream at him, not to touch her.
He was still trembling and trying to come to terms with what happened not so long ago.
Once more he broke Lizzie's heart. The last time was when she confronted him about Sam's death.
It was tormenting him on the inside and it almost completely destroyed his calm, aloof persona of the Concierge of Crime. He lost his footing and it left him speechless.
His Lizzie hated him as once again he lost her trust, that he's worked so hard for many months.
"Raymond." Dembe placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, to stir him from his long thoughts.
After dealing with the Braxton aftermath, they left for one of Red's safe houses, a few hours ago.
Red hasn't talked since then. He went up to his study, while Dembe stayed behind to deal with a business call, knowing that he didn't want to be disturbed. He felt sorry for his long time friend.
"Dembe, it's been months since I gained her trust and now I've lost it. Big time, my brother."
Red downed the last of his scotch from the tumbler and placed it on the table. He had made a decision to fly away from the state, for the time being. He couldn't bear to see Lizzie hurt because of him and it wounds his heart just thinking about it.
He didn't know for how long he would be away - days, months, years? All he knew was that he needed to get away from this awful nightmare.
Liz bid Ressler goodbye after he drove her home. She was so exhausted. It all happened so fast, she barely had time to breathe. She walked towards her door and rested her head on it.
She was still devastated by the knowledge, that this entire time Red was only using her.
He obviously came into her life, only because she was a crucial pawn in his twisted game. All of his lines of 'you have me' and 'nothing is worse than losing you', it was only an act to get her to trust him.
Those were all a bunch of lies. The most beautiful lies she had ever heard, the son of a bitch tell her.
She stumbled into her motel room and sat down heavily on one of the cushions. Soon her exhaustion made her lie down fully on the couch. She fell asleep, her mind troubled, restless, as she was trying to forget the Concierge of Crime, that she had feelings for.
That if you fall, stumble down,
I pick you up from the ground,
if you lose faith in you,
I give you strength to pull through,
tell me you wont give up,
Cause I will be waiting when you fall,
you know, I'll be there for you.
As they made their way to Red's personal airstrip, Red was lost in his thoughts. He remembered Lizzie. His Lizzie. He remembered that scene from the park, when her expression told him all.
She finally trusted him there and then. When he dropped on his knees at her feet in defeat. Surrending yet again, not to the FBI but to his Lizzie. Sweet, Lizzie. That's when he told her a tale about the Moken sea gypsy.
When the car finally made its stop, Dembe went out to inform the pilot about their flight arrangement. Red still stayed silently inside. His heart hurt. It was very painful to remember the look of hatred and betrayal on Lizzie's face. He wanted to run back to her and tell her the truth but alas he could not. It was not safe for her, or even for him. He wanted to apologize to her in the best way he could, he would even beg for her forgivness.
He propped his elbow on top of his thigh to try to relax himself and gain courage to leave his Lizzie. He sighed in an effort to clear his mind and let his head fall back against the headrest. 'Everything is going to be fine. It's all for the best...' Red dozed off.
Do you wish it was me calling you,
do you still feel the same,
or the sun had pull out the flame,
I miss you, is everything okay?
"Red!" Lizzie exclaimed as she jumped up suddenly, waking up drenched in cold sweat and shivering. Raymond Reddington's name rolled off her tongue. She lost her balance and plopped back on the sofa. 'Breathe, Liz, in and out...'
The nightmare made its presence. Obviously it was about the fire, as it was always about that. She stood up and went to get a shower.
She stripped and set the shower on hot. The hot water slowly helped her calm her nerves. She let the water run all over her body, while her mind wandered.
Red. The man never could leave her mind. She remembered how he flinched when she shouted at him. She suddenly felt sorry for him but all that she could think of at that time was his reason for entering her her life. It was simple. Because of a thing, an object, the fucking Fulcrum.
Something that she'd never heard of before. He barged into her life for that, not for her, not for whatever connection that they might or might not have. She was very confused with herself.
Her feelings for him are really growing. She could finally admit that she had fallen in love with the number 4 on the FBI's Most Wanted List.
About an hour had passed and the water was running cold. She stepped off from the shower and dried herself off with a warm fluffy towel. She went to her closet and saw one of Red's shirts. She pulled it from the hanger and sniffed that intoxicating scent of him. The scent that always helped her calm down and she hated herself for that. She smiled to herself when she remembered how she stole that piece of clothing from him, from one of his safe houses.
She climbed back on the bed and tried to fall asleep but it was no use. Getting frustrated, she sat back against the headboard and tried to relax. With everything she said to Red, she knew she must have broke his heart in two. She must have been out of her mind, for feeling sorry and regretful for saying those harsh words.
At the time she couldn't think straight and thought he deserved it but something in her heart felt her actions toward him were wrong.
To accuse him that he entered her life only because of Fulcrum, was wrong.
'God help me please.' Lizzie murmured to herself. She took a piece of paper and wrote what her heart said.
When I hear your voice,
it's drowing in the whisper,
you just getting bump,
it's nothing left to take,
no matter what I do, it can't make you feel better
The knock on his window startled him. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Dembe open the door to check on him. "Are you alright? It's time." He said.
Dembe knew that was a stupid question because just by looking at his face, he guessed what troubled him. He had no idea how one woman could turn a ruthless Concierge of Crime in to a helpless vulnerable man in front of him. He was amazed with how much power Elisabeth Keen had over Raymond Reddington.
"Raymond, I know it's not my place to give you my opinion but I know you, my friend. I know you long enough to know what's playing on your mind right now." Dembe finished and a long silence enveloped the car.
"Go back to Lizzie's house." Red commanded him, as if suddenly breaking out of a trance.
Dembe grinned and started the engine of their Mercedes.
Red looked out of the window as their car drove away from the airstrip. When he said that she only came to the Factory out of curiosity, she replied, 'maybe I actually care about what happens to you.'
He knew this was wrong but his heart seemed to overule his mind. The thought of a life without her was sheer torture to him. His world is where she resides.
He is completely devoted to her and vows to protect her in every way he can. He will burn the world down for her, if he has to. The most important thing was that he loves her, always has and always will.
Cause I remember the sunset,
I remember every word you said,
that we will never say goodbye,
tell me how to get back to,
summer paradise with you,
I'll be there in a heart beat
It was almost midnight when she wrote, 'Im so sorry to have hurt you', There was no room for a more other than the final full stop. Her fingers ached. She had no need to read it through, she knew exactly what was written because it was everything she wanted to say.
But the relentless thought of Red not being there to charm her and what he might say to her words was hard on her, so she wrote some more. Her words to fill the emptiness of her heart. 'I love you', she wrote and after that there really was nothing she could add.
And then she thought perhaps that wasn't relevant. The letter. It was written, it was said, it was the truth and it would last as long as she did. Whenever Red came to read it, wherever she might be by then, nothing would change. It had been cathartic and exhilarating but painful. She had to haul herself, collapsing onto the bed and pulled the cover over herself.
Can I lay by your side,
next to you,
and make sure you are alright,
I take care of you,
I don't want to be here,
if I cannot be with you, tonight.
She was in a fog of thick, dreamless sleep when she felt something on her cheek. Her eyes sprung open and her consciousness beat back to her reverie with a nauseating shove. She wanted to grab her gun below on the nightstand, when a familiar figure sat beside her. A calming scent enveloped her.
"What's-"
"Shhh..."
Red was sitting beside her in the darkness of the room.
Lizzie jerked herself into semi-seated position but he just shushed her again and pushed her shoulder gently so that she lay down on the mattress again.
"What are you-?"
"I've been with the woman I love and care about for the last two hours," he said. "I had to wake you to tell you that."
"It's three in the morning and I've been sitting here, all this time just watching you."
"Watching me?" 'Now why would he do that?' Lizzie thought to herself.
"Yes sweetheart. Watching you."
And then Lizzie thought, 'I really have to wake up'. Her mind tried too process what he just said to her. 'The woman he's been with for two hours. Did he really mean..'
"How long have you been here?" She asked.
He glanced at his watch, "Approximately two hours," he said, "I was at the airstrip and was about to leave and then I don't know... I was consumed by the need to make it all right between us.
Lizzie was stunned and as he searched her eyes through the darkeness, he gently took her hand to caress her burn scar in a soothing gesture.
"Im sorry I hurt you by not telling you the truth but I can assure you, sweetheart, that I never ever lied to you. Never Lizzie, never in this entire life..." he kissed her wrist and let his soft lips linger a little longer and continued. "I'm not going to let anything from the past, or in the future jeopardize the blindingly obvious fact, that I care about you deeply, as deep as the ocean and-"
She put her finger up to his lips to say, "It's okay, Red. You don't need to say another thing." But he took both of her hands and kissed them. Then he laughed and few moments later it sounded as though he was about to cry.
"I need you, Lizzie. You make sense of everything. Not for the Fulcrum but for me. You are the light in my darkness, you are everything to me. I have to find a way and I know now that you are the only person on this Earth who can give me a second chance of life."
"Red-"
He puts his finger against her lips.
"My, Lizzie. You have a love that makes me feel safe and –"
"Red, did anyone ever tell you, you talk to much?" She pulled him down to her, cupping his face as he came closer. She kissed him very lightly on the lips and she swears she felt tiny drops of tears, running down from his eyes and as he closed his eyes all that he felt he showed through the pulled Lizzie closer to him. They slowly pulled away, slightly breathless. Lizzie rubbed her nose gently against his.
"I'm so tired," He said and his voice was hoarse and low. He lay next to her and there they stayed, side by side, holding each other tightly.