It was a covert operation worthy of any secret military organization, except that it was being executed by the Black Hawks, which made it even more covert but with added mayhem.
Worse still, it was being led by Major Hyuuga, insane dual katana-wielding dark sorcerer, who was currently sans blades and wearing a white apron. With frills. And little pastel flowers for trim at the bottom.
However, at the moment, his audience was far from questioning his mental stability. They comprised of one pink-haired child with an eye-patch, also known as Kuroyuri, and his devoted begleiter, Haruse.
"Take that and use them well," Hyuuga directed, pointing at two large boxes on the floor. He seemed unfazed by the fact that he was technically giving orders to his superior officer.
"You can count on us, Hyuuga!" Lieutenant-Colonel Kuroyuri chirped with enthusiasm and dived at the boxes. He ignored the warnings on the side, which included 'Keep out of reach of children' and 'Flammable: do not put in pants', and began ripping them open.
Hyuuga nodded at Haruse, knowing the aide would keep Kuroyuri from killing himself with the contents. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and crossed into the next room.
"Major Hyuuga, how long am I supposed to beat this?" Konatsu asked, a bit plaintively. He had apparently been at his task long enough to have acquired a liberal coating of creamy brown streaking his front.
Hyuuga edged closer, checked Konatsu's offering carefully and dipped a finger into the bowl. He popped it into his mouth and sucked, closing his eyes to savor the taste. It was a pose worthy of any centerfold except at that moment, Konatsu's whisk whirred into action and sent a glob of the chocolate icing flying to smack Hyuuga squarely on the cheek.
"Ow," he yelped and skipped with agile swiftness out of the way of more projectiles. "Stop, its enough."
Konatsu huffed with relief. He switched off and removed the mixer, setting the bowl on the kitchen counter. Konatsu turned his attention back to his boss and gave Hyuuga a wide-eyed look of uncertainty. "Major Hyuuga, are you sure this is okay?"
Hyuuga was bending down to check on the contents of the oven, pulling the door open with a mitt. The smell that wafted from within was divine, if one ignored the slight odour of burnt crust.
"Of course it is, we followed the recipe to the letter, right?" Hyuuga said, his attention riveted on the large round cake that he was pulling out. He set the confection on the table and considered it from all angles. It was somewhat browner than he expected, and alarmingly lopsided with an even more dismaying crack on the top.
"I guess it'll look okay after we cover it up, right?" said Hyuuga, with a confident grin.
"That's not what I meant, Major Hyuuga. I meant is it really okay for us to be here?" said Konatsu, waving his hand to encompass the apartment.
Hyuuga looked up over his shades at Konatsu and graced him an evil smile. "If you think Aya-tan's going to be upset by this mess, you better start cleaning up," he said, once again deliberately misunderstanding the question. Hyuuga had a point though. The once pristine kitchen now resembled a certified disaster zone.
His words had the effect of distracting Konatsu and galvanizing him into action. The young begleiter uttered a dismayed shriek (yes definitely a shriek) at the thought of their boss discovering them, and his home, in this state, and flew into a frenzy. He attacked the gigantic stack of soiled bowls and utensils in the sink with the same fervor as clearing the mountain of paperwork that was, no thanks to Hyuuga, perpetually on his desk.
Hyuuga studied his aide, congratulating himself for having found such a diligent worker to do all the dirty work that he didn't want to do. He was never going to let Konatsu go.
Hyuuga knew what Konatsu meant though. It was nice that nobody had thought to question the major as to why he had a key when he let the group into the chief of staff's private rooms. But it seemed as if Konatsu had the time to think about Ayanami's reaction when he found the group there.
Shrugging away any qualms, Hyuuga decided Ayanami was just going to have to deal and relax, at least on this one special day of the year. The man was a workaholic, always at the beck and call of the military, and although causing the destruction of kingdoms and corrupting the not-so-innocent was always fun, Aya-tan seriously needed to chill. And Hyuuga was going to make him do it, or die trying (probably via zaiphon).
Hyuuga turned back to his cake and decided to make some alterations. He cracked his knuckles and got to work. Time to get his creative juices flowing. Hefting a knife, he began to carve with expert precision. The shape that formed was no surprise. Nobody questioned Hyuuga's familiarity with it, given the thousands of hours he spent sketching Ayanami while pointedly not doing his paperwork.
It didn't take very long before he was done and applying the chocolate icing. The cake was now much smaller in size but at least it looked decent and Hyuuga was sort of proud of how he managed to stick two bits together to create Ayanami's hat. And by the time he was finished, Konatsu had restored the kitchen to a semblance of its former order.
"Good work," Hyuuga said with approval and beckoned to Konatsu. "Put that on a plate and let's take it out.
Hyuuga took off the soiled apron and slipped his uniform jacket back on as he led the way into the living room. There he examined Kuroyuri and Haruse's efforts with a critical eye. The decorations, which included copious amounts of tinsel and colorful balloons, were all oddly placed. Most of the trimmings were attached to furniture or wall areas that were at waist level. Then Hyuuga realized why. It was exactly Kuroyuri's eye-level.
"Katsuragi says Aya-tan's on the way," Hyuuga informed his companions, though he was sure they'd all heard the secret coded message. Not that the grasshopper is reaching the flower would make any sense to anyone listening in.
Earlier, Hyuuga had worked out a means of communication for the group that day. Obviously enjoying this a bit too much, he had insisted that since this was a covert operation, everything had to be said in code, otherwise it wouldn't be right. Despite protests from Konatsu that nobody could possibly be listening to what they were saying while they were using the unique interlink of the half-souled, the motion was passed four against one. Hyuuga knew he'd won when he pointed out that since the only one they were worried about listening in would be Aya-tan, speaking in code made sense.
Unfortunately, that was about as much agreement as any of them could come to. What the actual code was to be, nobody cared to elaborate since anything that they all knew, Ayanami also did, being the lynch pin of the group. So the entire day was spent with one or another of the group making nonsense remarks into the interlink. Hyuuga particularly enjoyed thinking up vague suggestive comments but there was one worrisome moment when Konatsu almost gave the game away with, The chocolate icing is flying! But even though it was the absolute truth, it appeared enough in line with the drivel that everyone else was spouting that Ayanami simply ignored it as background babble.
In a way, Hyuuga sympathized with his boss. There had been many a time during a tedious meeting when they would be chatting over the soul link when Ayanami had been called out for not paying attention. Not that anyone should blame the chief for not listening to a bunch of boring old farts, but Ayanami had been forced to train himself to ignore the crew when they were simply making snarky comments out of mischief.
Now Hyuuga grinned at his group, pleased that it was almost showtime. Suddenly, he was forced to take a second look at the cake that Konatsu had been setting on the coffee table.
"Isn't that a little... big?" Hyuuga said, pointing at the lit cherry-red candle rising with splendid glory a foot high from the cake. It was positioned a bit off center, in the forehead area of the image, so the cumulative effect made the cake-Ayanami look like a demented unicorn.
"It was the only thing I could find!" Konatsu replied, flailing his arms about. "I tried to get a small candle, but they were all in huge boxes. And you said we only needed one candle because Ayanami-sama was sensitive about his age. So I asked the shopkeeper and he sold me this!"
Hyuuga stared for a few more seconds in amazement at the effect. "All I can say, Konatsu, is I didn't think you had it in you, to see Aya-tan in such a... phallic way," he said, smirking with glee to see Konatsu freak out even more.
Hyuuga might have said more to tease his subordinate if he hadn't heard the sound of someone approaching outside. He waved at his compatriots to get into position and Haruse quickly flipped the light switch, sending the room into almost darkness with only the single lit candle burning cheerfully over the cake.
"Surprise!" Everyone chorused when the door sprung open. Haruse flipped on the lights to show the smiling faces of the team.
Now in an ideal world, Ayanami would have blushed and stammered his thanks after getting over being startled and gone on to enjoy the party, while preferably enjoying lots of alcohol. Of course, everyone had failed to account for one fact- that Ayanami was the biggest badass in the Barsburg Empire.
The zaiphon was already blasting on its way towards the "threat" even before the lights came back on. All Konatsu had time for was to utter a panicked ulp before diving for cover behind a cushy armchair. Hyuuga's eyes widened at the sight of the destructive force barreling its way towards him, and because he was the second biggest badass (or third, or fourth, okay maybe among the top 10 of badasses) in the empire, he attempted to put a shield up.
Unfortunately for Hyuuga, the laws of physics came into operation. Since for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, when Ayanami's blast crashed into Hyuuga's shield, it dissipated but because he wasn't quite braced for an attack, the force of the hit literally sent him flying, up over the coffee table to crash into the couch beyond.
Regrettably, Hyuuga didn't pass quite unscathed onto his cushioned landing. As he sailed over the table, his arm caught on the lit candle that was towering over the cake. It tipped over, almost in slow motion. All eyes followed the movement as the flame came into contact with the glittering tinsel that Kuroyuri had liberally edged all around the table. And proving the manufacturer right about its flammability, the tinsel ignited with a whoosh.
It might have turned out a worse disaster if Haruse hadn't been quick thinking enough to slap a barrier zaiphon over the burning mess and stifled the flames. His reflexes were probably well-honed from having to react to Kuroyuri's tendency to get into trouble, although this time, it was entirely Hyuuga's fault.
"Happy Birthday, Aya-tan," said Hyuuga at last, breaking the stunned silence in the room.
The birthday boy stalked forward, and stopped before the ruin of his table. He swept an eye around the room, noting the tacky tinsel and balloons festooned to his elegant furnishings and then back to the charred table with the mess that was left of the cake. Then he looked back up and glared at Hyuuga - the obvious mastermind.
Hyuuga smiled back sheepishly, trying his best, and failing miserably, to imitate a cute puppy dog, in hopes Ayanami wouldn't zap him with another zaiphon. Or bring out the whip, because the whip could really hurt.
Ayanami sighed at last and reached to rub at the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming. "So this is why you guys have been babbling nothing but nonsense all day? And saying that you're all busy doing paperwork instead of going with me to the most boring meeting ever with the command staff?"
The guilty silence that was his only response spoke volumes.
"All of you, out," he snapped. Then he amended his order. "No wait, clean this mess up first. And you," Ayanami said, pointing at Hyuuga. "You're buying me a new table."
"But Ayanami-sama, we got you presents!" Kuroyuri said, on the verge of tears as he pulled at Ayanami's sleeve.
Ayanami's expression softened just a tad. "I appreciate your feelings, Kuroyuri," he said and patted his lieutenant-colonel on the head. Kuroyuri was a total teacher's pet. He passed the kid over to Haruse to comfort and gave his group another hard look before sweeping majestically out of the room.
The moment Ayanami's bedroom door shut, all heads swiveled over to Hyuuga. He was gingerly picking himself up from the couch and refusing to acknowledge the death glares from the team.
"Oh well, at least we had fun, right?" he said, his smile firmly fixed in place. Then he cocked his head to the side, the sound of something unexpected grabbing his attention. He walked over to the bedroom door and placed his ear against it.
The rest of the team took a few seconds to debate whether Hyuuga was trying to distract them when they picked up the same sound for themselves. This prompted a collective rush to the door. Everyone scrambled for a place to listen intently.
Hyuuga was the first to pull away, grinning from ear to ear. He beckoned the rest of the group. "You guys should go. I'll clean up here," he whispered.
The team nodded as one. Konatsu was looking particularly shell-shocked. He appeared like he'd just had his world rocked.
Hyuuga closed the door after the group and finally allowed himself to chuckle. Disastrous the party might have been, it wasn't every day that he succeeded in making Ayanami laugh. All in all, Hyuuga considered this a mission accomplished.
Notes:
This fic was inspired by Hyuuga's tale in the 07-Ghost Drama CD which Rhole kindly summarised for me. My Aya muse is sort of annoyed that he got so little air-time, while Hyuuga keeps giving me puppy dog eyes as if to ask why I didn't write Birthday sex for him.