Hey guys! So, yeah, it's been a while since I've been writing and posting stories on here. For all those who have been waiting for me to update my other fics, I am so sorry! Between work, college, and a very bad case of WB it's basically been hell for me. I promise I will try to update them sometime before the next month ends.
This is my first Hetalia fic that I've been meaning to write for some time now, but never got around to. It took a lot of ideas and patience to get it the way I wanted, so I hope you like it! If you'd be so kind as to leave a review I would appreciate it as always! There will be more chapters posted later on, especially if you guys say it doesn't suck lol.
(I know what I wrote may not be realistic, especially if you're an avid Bible reader, but remember it's a work of fiction so anything goes. And if I had kept it super realistic then there's no way this fic would be going anywhere. I don't know why I felt I should mention that since most of you are aware anyway, but I did… so there it is lol.)
Oh yeah, and for those who may be confused about who is who since names aren't used yet, here is something that may be of assistance:
Capitol H = God
Lower case H = Angel/Main character (except in cases where it's automatically capitalized at the beginning of sentences)
The rest should be pretty obvious I think. Onward!
~No Angel Am I~
He had disobeyed the first and most crucial rule to being a son of God: Never fall in love with a Human. This rule became all the more crucial after the Nephilim incident, also known as the Era of the Great Deluge. His brothers had failed to repent for the error of their ways and were punished accordingly. He was soon to join them for he had also broken the rule and fell in love with an imperfect human.
It was the year 2012 and it was especially chilly on that early Saturday morning of late October. He remembered the exact date and time because it was the same day God had requested his presence, something He rarely ever did with any of His sons. A chill colder than the one on Earth ran along his spine as he realized his Father had found out about his unspoken desire for the forbidden fruit. Well, now that he thought of it, nothing was ever really concealed from those eyes…
"My son, come before me please," said God.
"Yes Father?" he said, his voice surprisingly calm compared to the waves of fear that crashed within his essence.
"I have felt unsteadiness in your heart, one I recall sensing inside the hearts of your brothers. We have seen where their actions have taken them and I fear you will follow in their footsteps," said God firmly, but His tone openly displayed the profound concern he had for his son.
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
"Yes, Father," replied the son, hesitantly. "However, I fear your reaction will not be a positive one. Rather, I am certain that it will not be."
At this the son bent down on his knees, hands placed in front, and set his forehead upon the ground before his Father's feet. The raging emotions and quiver within his voice could no longer be restrained as he spoke, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned!"
God extended His hand toward His son, a gesture for him to rise from the ground, but the son refused to accept his Father's merciful hand or look Him in the eye for at that moment he felt as worthless as a speck of dust.
"How so, my son?" asked God in a consoling manner.
"I have disobeyed the law, and thus, betrayed your trust! I fear I am no different than my brothers! Forgive me Father, oh forgive me please! I have fallen in love with a human, and what's more this human is not a woman! Forgive me Father, for I do not know from where this wicked desire of the flesh sprouts from! I am no better than the Father of the Lie, Satan the Devil!"
For years this nest of agony and pleasure had time to build up until it finally exploded from his core, all of it having been so insufferable while ensnared between his virtues and his sinful covetousness.
"Do not say that my son!" rebuked God. "You are nothing like the Devil and never shall you be! I can see why you have been afraid to approach me, though I deeply wish you had when this desire first began to bloom. This unholy desire for a fleshly human, for a man is truly profane and something I greatly abhor. Of this, you are aware."
"Yes, Father…"
"However, it pains me immensely to say that I cannot forgive you for your sins, my son," He stated, the sorrow in His words cutting him at the core.
Upon hearing those words, he inadvertently gazed into his Father's eyes and was immediately sorry he did, for he had captured a glimpse of what should've never been present, the very thing he had caused.
"B-But Father… why?" he stammered, eyes wide with shock and horror, his mind completely at a loss when attempting to ponder over an explanation as to the reason for why he could not be forgiven. Tears began to stream along the curves of his perfect but contorted face, and quickly disappeared into nothingness as they fell.
"My son, my love for you is immeasurable," He said, as if that were explanation enough. "However, underneath your repentance still lies the desire; you are not truly sorry for what you have done. And so, with a heavy heart, for that alone I cannot forgive you."
"I see," replied the crestfallen son. What else could he say? What else could he possibly do to eradicate this hellish craving from his heart when it coerced him to hold onto it so fiercely?
If only he could mollify the excruciating pain within his Father's heart, if only he could portray how much he loved Him and how sorry he was, then maybe things could turn back to ordinary for the both of them and their family. If only…
He suddenly stood, not bothering to hide the tear streaks marking his eyes, and stared at his Father. As God had anticipated he no longer seemed shocked, merely numb with confusion and a sense of insignificance as his expression remained impassive as ever.
"What shall I do, now that you've forsaken me?" Even his voice echoed emptiness. God's heart had clenched in grief at the dispiritedness enshrouding His son, but He did not expect any more than what He was currently receiving.
"I am not forsaking you, my son, and never shall I. But you must make a decision, it is yours and only yours to make. I cannot decide for you, my son."
"A decision?"
"Yes. However, in making your decision I have but one humble request: Think of all you have to leave behind and all you have to gain."
He did think about it. As a matter of fact, he had been contemplating it since before he was even aware of why he had been contemplating in the first place, if that made any sense. But this did not—and will not—change the reality of the situation, that being he still had two choices to make:
If he stayed in Heaven with Father, then he would surely receive His blissful love and the help he so needed in order to eliminate his sinful craving for human flesh.
If he abandoned his home and family, then he would be walking down a corrupt path in which there may never be a way to earn salvation.
This yearning would not cease, it would not yield to even his strongest attempts at abolishing it. Perhaps he was not trying hard enough?
That's not the reason, he thought. It's because I don't want to end it. I want to feed it, to help it thrive. My God, what have I done? What will become of me?
"You have come to a decision. I can see it in your eyes," declared God.
"Yes, Father," he affirmed.
"Then speak, my son."
When he spoke it was slow and steady.
"Forgive me Father, but I am not strong enough to rid myself of this sinful longing anymore. My virtues have been tarnished and my mind overpowered by the thoughts of flesh and bone. And I do not want to change that, any of it.
Over time, after observing mankind for so long, I noticed myself yearning to be one of them, to live as they live, to experience life through their eyes, wickedness and all. Please Father, do not hate me for the path I have chosen. Rather pity me for I have none for myself, I only have anger for my immoral behavior."
Silence swathed the atmosphere, nearly suffocating with the severity of each spoken word and the strained emotions that whirled rampantly within each of them. When God finally spoke it was with much sorrow but also with a strong resolve, anger and love blazing in equal amounts within his heart.
"Then leave, child! You are no longer welcomed here! Should you return without my permission, I will be forced to end your life! Now leave my sight!"
"Yes Father, as you wish."
His Father's words were as harsh and cold as they were aggrieved. No parent wants to punish their offspring, but this was his punishment for disobeying the law and then choosing corruption over purity. Knowing He had not taken from him his angelic powers was more than he could have asked for. But like with any power there were certain rules he could not disregard or else there would be a dire consequence, one he could not fix by merely repenting.
A sharp pang of shame hit him as he realized a part of him was relieved and ecstatic at finally having permission granted to enter the Human realm. But he could not turn back now for the damage had already been done.
He walked to the edge of his Father's throne room and stretched his majestic white wings so far they could have shielded three men, including himself. Before leaping through the heavenly mist, he looked back once more and hoped his Father would be able to find it in His heart to forgive him one day and accept him for what he could not be in His eyes.
There's nothing more for me here, he thought as he soared like an eagle with such grace and beauty unknown to humanity and into the world below.
It was time for him to meet the young man that stole his heart, his Italian beauty, Feliciano Vargas.