A/N: Takes place after the season 1 finale but pretends Amy never slept with Liam.
You sigh so heavily and so often that you wonder how there's any air left in your lungs anymore. All you see is the curve of her jaw, all you dream of is her smile, all you think of is her lips. This is insane, you feel fucking insane. Also, slightly creepy because the amount you think of her is bordering on stalker-ish and maybe you should be institutionalized, maybe everyone would be safer that way. Maybe you would be safer that way, locked behind doors where reality couldn't get you. Maybe you could get so caught up in your own fantasies that you'd think they were real. That doesn't sound so bad, even if that means years in a mental facility and intensive therapy.
Jesus, you are starting to sound pathetically pathetic and it makes you cringe because it's just sad. When did you become this sad sack? Apparently the moment you realized you were in love with Karma. This ridiculousness is all her fault. It's her fault for being so goddamn Karma-like and therefore so goddamn lovable. How can she ever feel insecure? She's so perfectly flawed. (You know it isn't as simple as that but for fuck's sake).
So, she turned you down and then felt so bad about it she came over first thing the next day to try to make things right. It doesn't mean she feels the same way but it makes you love her all the more. This whole thing is excruciating.
You wish she could see herself the way you see her. She deserves that much.
It's a Friday night and, for the first time in a long time, it's just Amy and Karma hanging out together, watching Netflix and eating food with far too much saturated fat. Karma fell asleep about an hour ago but, unsurprisingly, Amy can't sleep. Karma has been absolutely amazing over the past two weeks, devoting herself to being the best friend (just friends) to Amy and Amy really appreciates it. Aside from the fact that it's made her fall in love with Karma all that much more, but she can't exactly ask Karma to be a shitty friend so she's easier to get over.
To be honest, Amy hasn't really been watching Netflix at all this whole night. She's just been kind of side-eyeing Karma which makes her feel like some crazy, creepy stalker but she just can't help it. Now that Karma's asleep though, Amy has full reign to look at her beautiful face as much as she'd like.
Amy brushes a strand of hair back from Karma's face and places it behind Karma's ear. Right now is Amy's chance, her chance to say everything to Karma she's been too afraid to say when Karma is actually listening. Maybe this will help Amy get over her.
Amy counts Karma's freckles and just lets go for the first time in months (since they kissed at the assembly).
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you", Amy whispers so quietly, she kind of wonders if she actually said it out loud. It doesn't matter though, Amy needs this.
"I wish I could tell you every single thought I've ever had about you, but I can't. Because you don't feel the same way. That's okay and al,l but god I wish you could see how amazing you are. You've always been so insecure. You've always thought yourself so ordinary, but you're not. You're amazing. Well, that's the simplest way of putting it." Amy pauses and then holds her breath as Karma breathes in deeply. When Amy is confident that Karma is still asleep, she continues, "You're like this light inside me that keeps me from loosing myself. More than that, you're like, I don't know, a magical fairy in a sea of regular fairies. You look like a regular fairy, but you're so much more. And everyone who really knows you can see that, except for you. You are so much better than everyone at our stupid school. You're better than your stupid brother and you're way too good for stupid Liam. I'm not just saying that either. You should be noticed from the get go, not just after you become a fake lesbian or whatever. I love you, but not just because you're my best friend. I love you because you're the only thing that shines in a world full of dullness. you bring color to the world. You always have and you always will."
Amy feels like crying and she does shed a single tear. She composes herself though, kisses Karma on the temple and lets herself fall asleep too.
A month later
So, things have been weird. Like really weird. Karma has been paying Amy extra attention (Amy figures it's a guilt thing but whenever she tries to reassure Karma she gets brushed off) but lately, Karma has been paying extra attention to Amy. As in constantly staring at Amy and practically hanging onto every word that comes out of Amy's mouth. It kind of makes Amy uncomfortable because, like, what the fuck? What is Karma up to? That's all Amy can think of because this has exceeded guilty best friend behavior.
After an entire lunch period of basically being stared at, Amy decides she's had enough. If Karma wants things to go back to normal, this certainly isn't the way to go about it. Amy makes up her mind to confront Karma about it after school today when she comes over to Amy's house. Amy has never been more thankful to have the house to herself for most of the afternoon.
They arrive at Amy's and, after a while of hanging out, and far too long of Karma just paying way too much attention to her, Amy decides to go in for the kill (figuratively speaking, she isn't actually going to kill Karma).
"Okay Karma, you like, really need to stop whatever you're doing," Amy says.
"What are you talking about?" Karma questions.
"The whole staring thing, the extra paying attention thingy. It's making it really hard to get over you."
"Oh."
Oh? That's it?
Amy huffs an exasperated sigh.
"Look I get it, you don't feel the same way but, Karma, this overcompensating is killing me."
There's a pause. A really long, drawn out pause that makes Amy shift uncomfortably. After a moment (a far too long moment in Amy's opinion), something in Karma's face changes. It's like she's made up her mind about something and becomes freakishly determined about whatever it is. Amy feels a slight sense of dread.
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," Karma says.
Huh?
"Huh?"
"I wish I could tell you every single thought I ever had about you."
Okay… so this is getting weird.
"Okay then, so shoot?" Amy says, not entirely too sure of herself.
Karma gives out a noise of exasperation, leaving Amy even more confused than before.
"You're the one who brings color to my world. You're the shiny in the dullness."
Amy feels extremely confused. What the fuck is Karma talking about? Then, with the subtlety of a freight train, it hits her. What she said to Karma all that time ago when Amy thought she was asleep. Oh god, Karma wasn't asleep. She heard that. Shit.
"Oh, fuck." Is all Amy manages for a moment. "I…I…you weren't supposed to hear that. I'm sorry." Amy looks and feels incredibly guilty.
Karma rolls her eyes. Then, seeing Amy's face, softens. "No, don't apologize. I'm glad I did."
"Uhh, why?"
"Because it made me think. A lot."
"Ooookay?"
"And maybe I don't see myself the way you do, I don't know if I ever will, but I see you."
Amy is completely lost to be honest. She shoots Karma a 'what the fuck are you trying to say look'. Karma shakes her head fondly and does the most unexpected thing ever. She grabs Amy's face and kisses her. Like really kisses her. Like all deep and romantic and end-of-every-fairytale-ever kisses her. And it's the most amazing thing Amy's ever felt in her short (and only mildly pathetic) life. She responds with everything she has because if this is a dream, well then Amy is sure as hell gonna make the most of it.
Karma pulls away from the kiss, far too quickly in Amy's opinion. "You get it now?"
"Not really, no."
Amy's pretty sure Karma's rolled her eyes more in the past 15 minutes than she has in her entire life.
"I'll step off the edge with you. I think I did a long time ago."
Suddenly, Amy understands. It's like the world stops. She even covertly pinches herself. To her surprise, she isn't dreaming. Amy thinks she might faint, but then Karma's lips are on hers again and she'll be damned if she misses a second of kissing Karma by passing out. In fact, Amy thinks, she doesn't plan on missing out on any of Karma's kisses for the rest of her life.