Yeah, I'm back. With a few new oneshots! -cheers- Right now, Forever is on Hiatus. 'Kay? I'm working on so much, I don't have time to update it. But this is a new series of oneshots, something that I put together that I would like to call Together. This is a series of possibly oneshot songfics about pairings of characters. And no, Kewix. :) I will not steal your ideas. I'll make up my own. Anyway, here is the first oneshot.

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What Hurts the Most

crow&feather

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Rain poured outside, the sound relaxing to the tired cats ears. I watched them sleep, my eyes wide with sorrow. Brambleclaw was close to Squirrelpaw, who squirmed unhappily in her sleep. Stormfur and Brook were nearby, with Tawnypelt close to Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw. The rest of the Tribe slept farther inside the cave, away from the mourning cats, who all had looks of sadness written on their faces, even as they slept.

I turned my head, feeling the strain of doing so. I had been watching them for hours. I watched the rain pour from outside the cave entrance, and I wondered if StarClan were crying for you. I blinked slowly, the pain of losing you dulling into a numbness to the world. I felt so lost, so alone. So cold. Right now, I would be admiring the warmth of your pelt against mine as you slept next to me. I would be imagining us, just us together, with no clan boundaries keeping us apart. But now, with a sinking cold feeling that wasn't caused by the rain, I realize I would never get to do that again.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I didn't move for a long time, watching the raindrops fall, then split into a millions pieces when they struck the ground. I found myself suddenly back at that moment, when you jumped to save us, and I nearly whimpered in terror, pulling my tail in closer as my whiskers twitched in sadness and longing. I wanted you here. With me. I dropped my hear, my eyes drooping in depression, and the rain outside was not making it any better.

After awhile, I stood silently, looking over my shoulder at the others, sleeping peacefully behind me. They miss you so much as well. And Stormfur looked horrible. His only sister...gone, in a matter of moments. If only you could've seen the look of horror on his face when we buried you. Shaking my pelt, I pad outside, ignoring the stinging cold rain as it runs down my back and seep into my fur. It was like I was numb, even to the pain of losing you.

My paws skidded the wet grass as I ran to where you rested, alone. I felt the familar pressure in my heart, of a thorn shoving into it. And this time, I felt the pain. Over the roaring of the pouring rain, I heard the roaring waterfall, where you were buried beside of it. I carefully picked my way down the cliffside, remembering how we all have taken a dive down it. I jumped from the final rock, slipping and nearly falling headfirst into the cold, unforgiving water. I ignored the stinging pain in my paw, and froze where I was, looking at the mound of freshly dug dirt. There you were. I wondered with a pang of regret and sadness if you were cold, all alone down in the cold earth. My fur clinging to my body, I leaped over to the land, the rain still pouring hard on my back. And I stopped at your grave, my eyes narrowing in the fresh pain of losing you

.I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

How? How could this happen? You were the only one that understood me, liked me even. You're the only one that could take my hardheadedness, my ambition, my lashing out at anything. Now, without you, what would I do? Brambleclaw would have Squirrelpaw, Tawnypelt would have Stormfur, and I would have no one.

I ruffled my fur furtively against the rain that came down harder, my eyes never leaving the mound of earth. Why did you leave me? Why did StarClan have to take you away? You didn't deserve it. You saved us all, and what reward did you get? Death. You were torn away from your home, your life. Me.

I turned my eyes up to Silverpelt, but not a single star glittered in the night sky. Anger boiled in my heart, chest, and blood, and I clenched my teeth, refusing to cry. Why did you take her from me? What did she do to deserve it? She was perfect! There was nothing no one could do to make her better.

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

"Why did you take her from me?" I whispered, closing my eyes and lowering my head as sobs racked my body. "Why? What did I do? What did she do? She saved out lives and...and...and you..." He trailed off, his sobs forcing his words down his throat. "Why? Why?" And I collasped there, my paws on your grave, and my head on my paws. They had no right, no right whatsoever, to take you away.

And so many things...so many things I hadn't said. So many things I should've said to you, and never got the chance. No, who am I kidding? There were plenty of chances, and I ignored each one. So many chances to say so many things my heart wanted to say. Now, my heart was ready to burst with the words that I had left unspoken. How could I ignore those words that pounding in my heart, my very soul, whenever you looked at me, whenever I saw you.

And it made me wonder, if you had lived another day...would I have said everything I needed to? Would I have said the words flowing through my body? Just one more day, just one more chance to tell you so much. If only I had the power to turn back time, to tell you before that...that monster came. If only I could've yelled them out to StarClan in front of you, instead of whispering them in your ear as you slept next to me at night.

So many 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'.

So many chances...

So many goodbyes...

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

"I love you," I sobbed into the dirt, not bothering to lift my head. "Did you hear me, Feathertail? I love you. I have since we started this journey. You were the only one, the only one, who would even try to understand me, and accepted me for who I was." The dirt was pressing into my muzzle now, and I lifted my head, opening my eyes and looking up at the sky. "You hear me, StarClan!" I screeched over the clapping of thunder. "I loved her! And you took her away!" My yowl echoed in my ears, but I was determined to let them hear, either by anger or by love. "I loved her! And now..." My voice dropped again, as I dipped my head. "And now, she's gone. She's gone." I sobbed harder, knowing no matter what, I would never be okay with them taking her away.

"I need you, Feathertail. I need you here, with me. I won't make it without you." I collasped again, letting my sobs echo into the night as thunder clapped overhead again.

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

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"Crowpaw. Crowpaw, we...it's time to get up."

I felt a paw prod me in the side, but I didn't move. At first, I thought it was Feathertail, and hoped maybe it was all a dream. I opened one eye, nearly being blinded by the sunlight, and lifted my head, shaking it until I was awake. I looked over, expecting to see Feathertail, but I saw the young Squirrelpaw, looking at me with sympathy and sadness in her eyes. Normally, I would've snapped her head off for waking me, but I did nothing, only staring at the mound of dirt my forepaws sat on. I didn't look away from the grave, and sneezed a little, feeling chilled even in the sun. But none of that mattered. None of it meant nothing. All he knew was that Feathertail was gone, and it had not been a dream.

"Crowpaw?" I heard Brambleclaw's voice, but only gave it away with a flick of my ear. There was silence before I heard pawsteps, and was ready to swipe at them with my tongue, edging them away. But it wasn't Brambleclaw who stopped beside me. It was Stormfur, and he flicked me on the shoulder gently with his tail. This was his sister. I could not and would not turn him away.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

"She loved you, Crowpaw," I heard the warrior rasp in a low, haunting voice. I turned my head to look at him, and saw his deep green eyes frozen in pain. It surprised me, that your brother was telling me this. I always thought he hated me. But now...I looked back at the gravestone, my eyes matching his. But now, we shared something...the loss of someone we loved. Maybe that had brung the jealousy and differences to a close, if only for a few moments. "I know...I could see it...in her eyes..."

There was silence for awhile, and the wind blew slightly, ruffling our fur. The other cats stood behind us, and all eyes were on your grave. I closed my eyes, refusing to sob in front of everyone, letting my mind drift, wondering where you were. I felt the wind on my back slowly disappear, and when I opened my eyes, my eyes blurred with unshed tears, I gasped, lifting my head quickly. Silver fur blew in the breeze gently, and I looked up to see your face, smiling down at me, those blue eyes unmistakeably yours. I felt my breath catch in my throat, and wanted to leap up and wrap myself around you, shout to you the words I only whispered before.

"F-Feathertail," I whispered, and you nodded, your blue eyes shinning with love and sadness. "I miss you, Feathertail...So much." My tears fell freely now, and I struggled to wipe them away.

Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

"I know, Crowpaw," you whispered, your beautiful eyes never leaving mine. "But I hunt with StarClan now." These words made my heart bleed, and I was forced to close my eyes again.

"It's...It's not fair," I growled, but it ended up sounding like a whimper. "I can't...I can't live without you, Feathertail." Your smile fell, and you looked away, making my heart twist in my chest even more.

"You...have to, Crowpaw," you said, closing your deep blue eyes. I shook my head, dropping it. There was silence, until you broke it, your voice dripping with longing. "Crowpaw, I...I have to go..."

"No!" I said, lifting my heart with a heartwrenching yowl. "I can't, Feathertail. I can't lose you." You look up at me, and I wanted so much to sleep next to you again, see your beautiful eyes light up when I look at you. "I'm not okay, Feathertail. I'm not." You were quiet as I sobbed, and you turned around to look at me.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

"I...I must go.."

"Feathertail, no!" I tried to walk forward, but I paws were like lead, and I stayed where I was. And then, I looked up, to see you walking away, watching me as you did so from over your shoulder. "No! Feathertail, I love you! Don't leave me!" But you were gone, and I found myself opening my eyes back at your grave, my eyes shimmering with tears.

"I love you too, Crowpaw. Always remember that."

I closed my eyes, your scent flowing past me as your words rung through the air. I had lost you, Feathertail, and there was no getting you back. The only thing I had to cling onto were your words, but if I couldn't have you back, those were enough for me.

"Wait for me, Feathertail..." I whispered lowering my head and closing my eyes.

"Always, Crowpaw...Always..."

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

--End of Chapter--