(This was inspired by a gifset on tumblr.)
Kurt/Dave, Sebastian/Blaine. Basically an AU where Cheerios captain!Kurt and Quarterback!Dave are the power couple of McKinley and Sebastian wants them to go away and Blaine doesn't know what the fuck is going on. T or M. I don't know. They talk about sex.
Blaine gets shoved into his locker nine times, gets slushied three times and a blonde Cheerio tries to cut his bowtie off twice (he got tired of counting the insults after 'You got out of your time machine in the wrong century, jolly good fellow') before Sebastian Smythe rescues him.
More like tries to get Blaine involved in his nefarious plans.
"… so yes, they are gay, but they are also the captain of the Cheerios and the quarterback on the football team, and thus they could be, like, moose and still all the morons of this stinking public school where class goes to die would obey them. Everybody believes their thrones are indestructible but nothing is indestructible. We just have to find the dynamite."
Blaine is too busy trying to come up with a believable excuse to leave and staring at Sebastian's mouth, swallowing his moans when Sebastian's tongue flickers out to wet his lips to actually listen to Sebastian, but he draws his eyebrows together in confusion at the word 'dynamite'.
"And you will be the dynamite."
Blaine blinks warily, wondering if maybe he should just throw his dignity out of the window and beg his parents to let him transfer schools.
"They only work together. I tried to seduce Karofsky, even though he isn't my type but hey, he knows how to use his dick if he can keep Hummel satisfied. But he is totally whipped and grossly in love, so… So it's your turn now."
"You want me to seduce Karofsky?" Blaine splutters, turning his head away as he feels his face flush in embarrassment and anger. "I'm not a prostitute!"
"I don't want you to do it for money, my family is rich as fuck." Sebastian starts to search for something in his bag. "And go after Hummel." Sebastian glances up, looking Blaine in the eye. Blaine's heart skips a beat at the intensity of his expression before Sebastian breaks eye contact and Blaine feels like he can breathe again. "Though I'm not sure how much he would appreciate your bashful virgin shtick, considering he is the most demanding power bottom size queen you will ever meet."
Blaine just stares at Sebastian.
"You… did it with Kurt Hummel?"
"No!" Sebastian's lips curl down in distaste. "I just have a tape of them fucking in a stall after lessons. Do you want to listen to it? I can send it to you. It's full of obnoxious shit like 'David, your big cock feels perfect, I love you so much' and 'Ah, Kurt, you are so beautiful, so tight, oh'. And when they come? Hummel sounds like a terrified cat and Karofsky sounds like a hungry bear. It's legit straight out of National Geographic."
"Why do you have a tape of… that?" Blaine wonders. If his parents don't let him transfer schools he has to run away and live in Cooper's guest room or something.
"I wanted blackmail." Sebastian takes a sandwich out of his bag and gingerly peels off the wrapper. "Problem is that Karofsky knows I once tried to buy the victory of my lacrosse team and thus we both have something we can blackmail the other with." Sebastian takes a huge bite of the sandwich and swallows before he starts to speak again and Blaine always appreciates table manners, even if Sebastian is a vulgar blackmailing cheating douche. "I also know that he changed schools because he used to be a closeted homophobic bully. If Hummel knew this I'm sure they would break up but I can't tell him because Karofsky also knows that my father wouldn't be very thrilled if he found out I'm gay and while I'm not sure he would actually out me to my parents it is a possibility and I don't want to risk it. You want a bite?" Blaine shakes his head quickly. "If you don't do this don't expect me to protect you anymore. I'm not McKinley royalty, but there is a difference between an outcast and a loser. I'm feared. Everybody knows that if they try to fuck with me they will be in jail before they can pack their books. But without me you are nothing but a loser."
"You are blackmailing me," Blaine pouts.
"'Yeah, I am."
For some unexplainable reason Hummel doesn't pretend that Blaine is air, which shocks Blaine so much it takes him four tries to grit out 'Want to have coffee with me?'.
"You know, not even that long ago I was a really awkward baby penguin who was terrified of the word 'vibrator'." Hummel smiles at him, half-sweet, half-smug. "Don't worry, you're in good hands; Sebastian Smythe knows more about cock than all the Cheerios put together. And the way he looks at you…"
"The way he looks at me?" Blaine echoes, not having the slightest idea what that means.
Hummel grins cheerfully. "It's not just an 'I want to screw his pretty face' expression. It's 'I want to screw his pretty face and keep him safe from all harm'. I know that look. David has it too. "
Hummel must be mocking Blaine or something. He can't be serious.
"Oh, and I know about David's past. And I know that he is a completely different person now. So if you came here to tell me about it and try to break us up… well, you tried but no. Or do you have a crush on me? Because also no. Not that long ago I would have done many things to get someone like you to be my boyfriend, but…" Hummel shrugs. "David is here and we are going to have super rough possessive sex in the back of my car in ten minutes. Be glad you will get away with a few glares from him; I kicked out six Cheerios for flirting with him. Well, goodbye. You can eat the rest of my cheesecake."