Being able to do for Allie what she had not been able to do for her daughter was the brightest point in Bea's dismal life. She thought the sun would never again shine on her, her life doomed to remain dark and miserable, and then came Allie. Having nearly lost the girl before she really had her put Bea into a place she hadn't been since Debbie's death. Thankfully, the difference here is she could save Allie. She did save Allie. Truth be told, they saved each other.
Bea's life finally had new meaning, her days a purpose. She loved the young blonde more than she ever loved anyone in a non-platonic way. Her feelings second only to the maternal ones that would never fade. For the first time in her life, she was in love, and she didn't care who knew it. She would never again hide the way she felt about Allie, no matter who found out.
Heading to the showers with Allie on her arm, Bea's heart was as warm as her body was in their plush robes. She met Juice's questioning stare with a glare, daring her to challenge their happiness. She didn't, no one did, except for Kaz who mumbled "Are you fucking kidding me," as she walked past them.
Fuck Kaz, that bitch tried to destroy the best woman Bea had ever known. Tried to destroy their happiness for her own gain. Who does that? Not anyone who deserved to be in Allie's life, that's for sure. Allie deserved better, and as long as Bea was around she would make sure Allie got it.
Therefore, her feelings were torn about Allie's upcoming hearing. She didn't want Allie trapped in the hell that was Wentworth. Allie was so young, and had her whole life ahead of her. Yet, if she was released their chance at a real relationship diminished greatly. They would no longer be able to see each other. To touch, or to kiss, or to hold each other tight. They also would never be able to consummate their new relationship. And oh did Bea want that.
Like Bea had told Allie, sex had never been her thing. She had never really thought much about it, except maybe how to avoid it. She wasn't quite sure what the appeal was. It never did anything for her, Harry huffing and puffing on top of her for a couple minutes, before collapsing beside her and passing out. Maybe that was its appeal, she didn't have to deal with him while he was unconscious. With Allie however, Bea felt so much. Things she had never experienced before, like pleasure and desire. Both grew by the day. Along with her anxiety about their future.
It was at its highest point the day of Allie's hearing. With a fresh cut, and the well wishes of their friends, Allie was finally ready to face the court. Bea couldn't help but to feel both of their futures were in the judge's hands. She was already on edge, so when Allie got up to leave the cafeteria, and Kaz grabbed her, Bea saw red, redder than her hair.
Allie tried to play peacekeeper between Mommy Dearest and Bea, and said everything was okay, though Bea wasn't having it. "No, its not okay. She doesn't have any rights over you." As far as Bea was concerned, no one would ever consider Allie a possession again. She might be Bea's love, her girlfriend, her better half, but she wasn't Bea's property.
Allie was free to do as she pleased. She was her own woman, and could make her own decisions. No one had the right to control her, physically or otherwise. After Allie walked away, Bea put it nicely when she advised Kaz, "You touch her again, I'll break your fucking arm." Truth be told, if anyone ever hurt Allie again, Bea would kill them. It wasn't like she hadn't done it before. She would do anything for Allie, up to and including ridding the planet of anyone who meant her harm.
While Allie was at her hearing, and Bea was waiting for their fate to be decided, she received a visit from Frankie. After they discussed what to do about the Freak, Frankie decided to hang shit on her about Allie.
"How's your love life, Red? Has it improved since my last visit?"
"Don't give me shit, Frankie."
"I'm getting a different vibe."
"Bullshit." Bea rolled her eyes. Frankie had always thought she knew everything.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing-"
"What's going on," Franky persisted.
Bea's face fell with the weight of the day. "She's got her sentencing today."
"Alright…" When Bea couldn't manage to get her smile back, Frankie teased, "Aww, you got it bad, Red. You're in love, aren't ya?"
With thoughts of her beautiful girl, and the love they shared, Bea finally found her smile. She didn't have to answer aloud, her facial expression said it all.
Frankie, looking like the cat that got the canary, asked, "Have you uhh…"
"What?" Bea asked, though she knew where Frankie was heading. That girl's mind seemed to always be in the gutter.
"Tried the McMuff?"
As much as sex had never been her thing, she felt just about as comfortable talking about it with her friends. "Piss off," she giggled. When Frankie continued to look at her expectantly, Bea mumbled, "Not yet." Yet being the key word. She had begun to think of little else here recently. Her body reacting to Allie in ways it never had before.
"Tastes like chicken," Frankie advises.
"Fuck," Bea giggled. But since she had never, she had to ask, "Really?"
"No!" Frankie chided, as if Bea should know better. She probably should, but her innocence was almost shocking. She wouldn't know what it tasted like, she could only imagine Allie would taste as sweet as she is.
She proved how sweet she was when she returned and told the girls that she received ten years. Although Bea felt some sense of relief, she couldn't help but to apologize. "Fuck, sorry."
"I'm not. I couldn't give a shit if it was twenty." The way she smiled at Bea, she knew, they both knew, they would be alright.
Bea had no reason to think anything different until she walked into Allie's cell and there was a bag of ice on the floor. Her heart never sunk so fast as it did in that moment. Her last meal threatened to come up. As much as she loved Allie, she couldn't keep doing this. It hurt too much. The drugs took Bea to a horrible place. Where she could clearly see what her Debbie must have went through in her final moments. Drugs destroy everything, and Bea couldn't be a part of Allie's.
As Bea stood with the ice in her hand, Allie entered the room. "No…no…that's not-"
"What? A bag of ice?" Bea had never been an addict herself, but she wasn't stupid. It was exactly that. The devil in disguise.
Bea wanted more than anything to believe Allie when she said she wasn't planning on using, that she had just caught Tina with it in the pantry. But the old adage rang in her mind. How do you know a junkie is lying? Their mouth is moving. Bea's stomach churned.
Then Allie did something that surprised her. She hovered over the toilet, with her hand on the flusher
until Bea dropped the bag. When the crystal was on its way to poisoning the water supply, and Allie's clear, non-dilated eyes still met Bea's without a second glance at the dope, Bea finally began to breathe again. She ran her hand across Allie's smooth face, and tore out the door. She was going to fucking smash Tina, after she made her flush her stash.
When Tina refused, claiming an alliance with the Red Right Hand, Bea was shocked. She held her cool until Tina said Bea's drug-fucked girlfriend would be her best client. Even outnumbered by the Asian crew, Bea couldn't hold back. She cut the distance between them with a quickness and swung at Tina. The bitch really had it coming to her. Her sidekicks pulled Bea off, allowing Tina a chance to grab a knife and goad Bea into coming at her again. Willing to sacrifice everything to keep Allie safe, Bea wasn't ready to back down until a guard came. No sense in getting slotted and allowing the druggies to run free. Bea would get her girls and settle this in a fairer fight.
Though her plans quickly changed when it hit her. She really was losing control. With Boomer trying to get pregnant, and Max sick from chemo, Bea was truly defenseless. She could take on the wannabe drug-lords and the RRH, but not alone. As a last ditch effort, Bea went to Juice. Juice confirmed everything Bea had feared. The women were turning against her. No one would help her take a stand against the drugs, or Kaz and her fucked up priorities.
Allie entering the yard, and Tina looking as if she couldn't wait to devour her, was the final straw for Bea. Going against everything Bea had been taught since the day she entered Wentworth, she did the only thing she could think of. She went to the Governor. She would be a lagger, if it meant keeping Allie and the other girls safe. Keeping the drugs out of the Prison, and with it diminishing Tina's power, was worth it. Having ran out of options, she truly had no other choice.
It wasn't long before the women found out someone lagged. Bea and Allie were sharing a rare moment alone in the yard, writing each others names in chalk and teasing about forging signatures for anger management classes, and yoga and meditation. Allie drew a heart around their names, causing Bea to aww aloud, until Doreen and Liz came running over bitching about the lagger.
With Juice and the other women right behind them, Bea had no choice but to address the situation. Pointing out that Juice only wanted Bea to be Top Dog when it suited her, Bea would have left it at that. Juice addressed the group herself, trying to intimidate the girls into admitting who lagged. Kaz decided the lagger had to be Allie, because she had seen the stash. To which Juice surmised that Allie was the Governor's new bitch.
Fuck. Allie getting the blame is not what Bea had in mind when she confided in Vera. She wanted Allie to be safe, to not be a target. When she defended Allie, saying she wasn't a lagger, Kaz doubled down, saying you could get away with lagging as long as you were fucking the Top Dog.
Bea had enough of Kaz and her shit. She flew across the yard, and slammed into Kaz, knocking the two-faced bitch to the ground. She would have pounded her had Mr. Jackson not came to separate them.
Allie took off in the shuffle, and Bea scurried to find her. She had to make sure her woman was okay. When she found her in her room, and asked as much, Allie was struggling to breathe, in the throes of an anxiety attack.
"I'm not a fucking lagger."
"I know," Bea soothed.
"I mean, I don't know about you, but Kaz isn't going to let this go. She is going to come after me."
"No, she won't."
"You don't know Kaz. Some of the shit I've seen her do," Allie exclaimed, near tears.
"She doesn't scare me."
"Yeah, nothing scares you does it?" Allie snarked.
"That's not true. A lot of things scare me." Like losing Allie the same way she lost Debbie. Like Allie realizing she could do better than someone stuck in prison for life. Like losing herself when Allie was finally released. None of that mattered now, as she stepped towards her woman. "Come here," Bea gently asked, putting her hands on Allie's precious face. "We're in this together, okay? I'll protect you no matter what."
Allie could only nod, and Bea wrapped her up in a tight hug. Fuck, how did protecting her girl turn out like this? The whole point was to keep Allie out of the drama, not throw her into the frying pan.
Having each other, and their friends was enough to keep some of the crazy at bay. In the calm before the now predictable storm, Bea lay cuddled with Allie in the yard, checking out the shapes of the clouds.
"Come on, right there. Can't you see it, it looks like a prawn," Allie pointed above them.
"No it doesn't, it looks like a seahorse."
"Oh shit, yeah it does. Hey, did you know that seahorses like to swim in pairs?"
"Do they?"
"Yeah, they do. They link tails so they don't lose each other," Allie explained sticking her pinkie finger in the air so Bea could link hers. Like the seahorses, the two of them were now linked, for life if Bea had anything to say about it.
They lay giggling together until Boomer and Max walked up to have a chat. The four of them were talking about how much water Max drinks when Kaz made a big show of entering the yard.
Kaz was jumping on the table when Liz asked what was going on. Kaz ignored her until she knew all attention was on her, and she then told the group that Bea was the lagger, to the disbelief of all the women around her. In that moment, Bea could have denied the charge, and no one would have batted an eye. No one would have ever imagined that Bea would actually betray the inmate code, set forth by years of the us vs. them mentality. A code that Bea herself had enforced, more than once.
Just then Bea had a choice, and as she had been doing, she followed her heart. "No, I'm not going to deny it. It was me. I lagged. So what?"
Kaz jumped off the table and walked towards Bea. "So what?" Kaz scoffed. "You just betrayed everything you stand for. You're Top Dog."
"Yeah, that's right." Bea looked around at the other women, who were in various stages of shock. Bea continued, "I'm sick of the drugs in this place. I'm sick of Tina crossing me and peddling shit to my girls. And that's why I lagged. To put a stop to it."
Kaz kept approaching her. "Well you can't be Top Dog and a lagger. It's one or the other. So which one is it, Bea?" When Bea didn't answer right away, Kaz firmly asked again. "Which one is it?"
Bea looked around at all the women, and then at her girls, most importantly her girl. At once, she knew what she had to do. "That's it. I'm done."
Walking away from the women, from the madness, from the pressure, Bea felt lighter than she had in years. The relief she felt giving up Top Dog was like nothing Bea had ever experienced. They wanted to call her a lagger, to say she betrayed the women. If what she did was so bad, then why did she feel so good? How could any of them expect her to get behind the one thing she hated more than anything else? The thing that killed her daughter. The thing that could have killed Allie.
No matter what happened from here on out; the blame, nor the credit would fall on Bea. She could finally focus on what really mattered, mainly her young lover. That is, if she would still have her after this.
Liz was the first one to find her after the confrontation in the yard. Walking into Bea's room, she asked "Bea, are you okay?"
Bea sighed as the heaviness of it all left her body. "I just don't have the energy for it anymore, Liz. I thought I needed it. Things are changing for me."
Oh, had her priorities changed in such a short period of time. She finally found Liz's key to happiness, in one beautiful girl. Now she definitely had something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. And none of those were based on being Top Dog to a bunch of ungrateful bitches.
"Oh yeah," Liz agrees, even without Bea's internal monologue. She knew, they all knew, what loving Allie had done for Bea.
"I'm relieved. I'm relieved it's over."
"So am I. For your sake." Bea couldn't help but to smile. How long had it been since she did something for her own sake. "You don't need it," Liz added, squeezing Bea's hand for good measure.
As if to prove her point, Allie bee-bopped through the door. The one thing Bea actually did need.
Liz squeezed Bea's hand a little tighter, before getting up, saying, "I'll leave you two alone."
Liz was almost to the door before Bea thought to say, "Liz, thank you."
"No worries," Liz smiled, shutting the door behind herself, and leaving Bea with Allie, who just looked at her expectantly.
Bea could only smile, a kind of chagrined smile, somewhat fearful of Allie's reaction. She didn't care what the other women thought, she only cared what Allie thought. Would Allie understand why Bea did what she did? Only time would tell.
Allie shook her head at Bea, still somewhat in shock it seemed. "You could have told me you lagged."
Bea nodded. Of course she knew that, she just couldn't involve Allie in anything ugly. Anything that would put her in danger. "I was trying to protect you." Allie smiled, and didn't lose it as she approached Bea and Bea continued, "I promise I will never keep anything from you ever again."
As if they were making vows, Allie added, "I promise you I will never take another drug again…ever. I don't need them anymore." When she reached forward and stroked Bea's cheek, Bea felt it to her soul.
Never before had she felt so much. Just a simple touch stirred a fire in her that Bea didn't know could exist. Their kiss was gentle, but the weight of it was heavy. Their lips were separated for just a moment, but it was a moment too long. Bea leaned back in to kiss Allie again. In awe of the softness of her skin as she rubbed Allie's face too.
Allie pulled Bea in closer, before tugging at the bottom of her shirt. With no hesitation, Bea raised her arms, so Allie could remove her top. Needing to be as close to her as possible, Bea rushed to take Allie's shirt off as well.
Bea was amazed at the comfort level she felt. She expected more nerves, a fear even. Being intimate with Allie exposed Bea in ways she had never experienced. Yet, she felt safe, safer than she had ever. Harry never worried about her comfort, or cherished her in any way. Maybe if he had, Bea wouldn't have been so blase about sex.
This moment wasn't about just sex though. Here, with the woman she loved, this was about making love. Connecting as intimately as possible with the keeper of her heart. She removed Allie's bra as slowly as she could muster, gazing at the newly exposed skin. The perky mounds springing to life as soon as they were free. Hardened nipples pointing at Bea, drawing her in.
Bea raised her eyes to meet Allie's enticing ones. The seconds since she touched her last were too many. She caressed Allie's face gently yet surely. Her fingertips brushed across Allie's lips. Bea had never wanted anything more in her life than to be here in this moment with Allie.
They shimmied out of their pants on the way to the bed, a few undergarments the only thing between them, though those didn't last long. Bea sat, legs spread, Allie perfectly filling the space between them. They sat face to face, bodies touching as much as possible, kisses connecting them in ways neither of them had experienced before.
When Allie leaned in, running her fingers through Bea's curly hair, and kissed down Bea's neck, Bea couldn't help but to throw her head back. The tingles raced down her body, goose bumps covered her skin. Sensations usually reserved for cold chills. She wasn't cold, in fact her whole body was hot. Allie made her hot.
Bea sighed, a happy exhale before grasping Allie by her face and bringing her in for a deep kiss. Losing herself in Allie's mouth, their tongues dancing to a perfect rhythm, matching each other stroke for stroke. The kiss was everything, yet not enough. She wanted to consume Allie, to bind their souls together. To become one.
Her body out of control, Bea did the one thing she could think of to gain some control back. She pushed Allie back on the bed, and crawled on top of her, kissing up Allie's abdomen and in the valley between her breasts. She was torn between watching the bumps rise on Allie's smooth skin and watching her face for the reaction it brought. Bea trailed her lips across Allie's belly, delighting in the tingles. Her perma-grin couldn't have been erased for anything in that moment.
Allie's expertise took over, and before Bea knew what happened Allie had them flipped, and Bea was on her stomach, with Allie kissing up and down her body. Bea stretched her neck back to pull Allie in for a kiss. Allie kissed back with fervor, before continuing her trail of kisses in somehow more sensitive places.
Allie's soft hands kneaded Bea's breasts, and Bea grasped them, not wanting to let go of this moment. Not expecting to feel so much, from such a simple gesture. Her breasts were somehow connected to her most intimate spot in ways she had never realized. The dampness between her legs proved to herself just how much she loved the things Allie was doing, as if she didn't already know.
Bea was wide eyed as Allie kissed on her neck, along her back and the top of her spine. Her hands trailed down Bea's side, across her hips and between her legs. When Allie rubbed her fingers through Bea's soft curls, and down her slit, Bea couldn't stop the gasp. Allie kissed Bea's open mouth, and Bea leaned forward to run her fingers across Allie's lips.
As Allie slid one finger, and then two into Bea, Bea threw her head back. She lost control of her senses, and her breathing became erratic as Allie gently thrust inside her. Bea rode back, as blood rushed south and her insides began to clench around Allie. The pressure built to the point Bea felt like she was going to explode. She clung to Allie desperately as she cried out and nearly shed tears as she orgasmed for the first time in her life.
Finally, she understood what all the fuss was about. How people could crave sex. How they could write poems and songs and books about it. How connected you could really feel to your lover.
Bea's previous doubts were now gone. There was nothing wrong with her, she wasn't broken. Sex could be her thing, and it seemingly now was, because all she wanted to do was go again. Allie was right, she had just had sex with the wrong person.
Bea needed to return the favor more than she needed anything else in her life. She needed to make Allie feel as amazing as Allie made her feel. That was the key, for the first time in her life, Bea felt, and it was a beautiful thing. Scary, but beautiful. Allie was right, good sex was mental too, and Allie was definitely in Bea's mind, having taken control of her body, heart and soul.
Bea pulled Allie in for a deep kiss, before trailing her own hands down Allie's body. She needed Allie to come for her, to feel her pleasure from the inside. Bea wasn't completely confident she knew what she was doing, but she trusted Allie to lead the way. Wherever Allie led, Bea would willingly follow. After all, she hadn't steered her wrong yet.