Author's Notes: edited version. The original can be seen at the LiveJournal community yourtype, and will be posted on my website ASAP.
The disclaimer: Lost: not mine. Kate and Sawyer: not mine. I do, however, secretly wish that Kate and Sawyer would just go ahead and hook up, dammit.
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lyrics used to be here.
Kate misses candy more than she wishes to admit.
Funny, really. Back when she was on the run, even before that, she hadn't really had a sweet tooth. It was usually when she saw someone with something sweet—an ice cream cone, a melting Hershey's bar, the cheap, sticky, too-sugary bubble gum kids got in their bags at Halloween—that she began to crave sugar. She had seen Shannon chewing some blue gum, and she'd found herself thinking of candy. Especially Snickers bars, loaded with chocolate, peanuts, and caramel. She would've given her arm for a Snickers, to lick the gooey sugar off her fingers.
She stares out at the endless horizon, knowing that somewhere out there, she could get a Snickers bar. The longing for one leaves an ache inside of her, an unfulfilled ache that almost parallels the one that she feels every time she thinks of him.
She knows comparing him to a sugar craving is ridiculous. He's not sweet, not something to run to when in need of comfort. He's not a treat or something given to the eager. He's something darker and bitter, yet she longs for him like a chocolate bar.
Lyrics used to be here.
Kate knows that there's no telling to how long they'll be on the island. She's practically free to go off and have some sort of facsimile of a relationship with any of the willing men on the island, yet she chooses not to. Not just because it's been far too long since she's allowed herself to be in a relationship, but because she actually likes not being tied down. She keeps her feelings as clandestine as she can, until somehow, they manage to become extracted. There's no point in involvement here, romantic or sexual or otherwise—it would only complicate the day-to-day life of surviving.
Sometimes she wishes to go to his camp in the cover of night and see him. Instead, she secretly holds a flame for him, occasionally looking his way, wondering if she'll meet eyes with him. She feels like she's back in high school, crushing on the guy who always came to class late and came to prom smelling of beer. The bad boy, the one who would never look her way or notice her attempts to gain his attention.
Lyrics used to be here.
She had surprised herself when she kissed him. Despite the fact that he was tied to a tree and that as her lips slid over his, the tangy, metallic taste of blood entered her mouth, she found herself liking every second, wanting more. She kissed him a bit more forcibly, craving more, needing more.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd kissed someone like that, and she'd probably taken that kiss for granted. This one had to be savored.
No amount of savoring could suppress her desire for one more.
Lyrics used to be here.Kate can't imagine him as being anyone but a "Sawyer". But she tries anyway, knowing that behind the pseudonym and the bravado there is someone else. She imagines him admitting his name to her while tangled in each other, his breath warm on her neck as he says his real name in his easy Southern drawl. She hates those flashes of fantasies, because they're too typical: the girl wanting to save the bad boy, to change him and make him seem more human again. It's too much like a Lifetime movie. But, she rationalizes, it's also like a box of Whitman's chocolates: a guilty pleasure that isn't to be shared with anyone, under any circumstances.
Lyrics used to be here.
Kate opts to stare at the ocean sometimes because she can be alone in her fantasies then. She can envision being somewhere with him, alone and uninhibited. She can mask her longing and fascination for him when she's alone. But deep down, part of her knows that if he leaves, if he does something unexpected, she won't know what to do. She'll be lost without him, and it strikes her as being unusual, as she hardly knows him at all.
Lyrics used to be here.
Craving chocolate and craving Sawyer are both annoying, and the desire for both of them leaves her extremely unfulfilled.