There were days when I wish it life would cease. There were days I wish my life would…begin. I lived in a world that no longer cared for me, and to be honest, I didn't really care for it either. It always brought the worst things into my life, and ended what was happy. My family once cared, deserted me, saying 'You need help, help that we aren't willing to pay for you to get. Time on your own should do.' They said it with no emotion. Back then, I was an emotional wreck. I begged, I tried to negotiate, but nothing worked. They left me. My friends, what little friends I had, helped me. They supported my decision to keep with school, and try to find a job. Then I broke. I shut down, and stopped speaking. They held me when I cried; they didn't flinch when I shouted awful words to them. But then one day, they left me also. Claiming I needed help just like my parents did. At first they were calm and thoughtful, but when I turned on them, screaming at them, they left. They didn't say goodbye, they didn't even speak. I didn't bother to call and say I was sorry. I was tired of saying sorry. I was lonely and never went outdoors to see the sun in Phoenix anymore. So I moved. With what was left of the internet I had, I researched areas with little sunlight and was there were few people. There were many suggestions on the computer about the Olympic Peninsula. I looked into it and found a perfect little town home, not really in the city of Forks, but not in the outlands either. The cottage was hidden in one line of trees, just barely visible from the highway, but not impossible. It took me no time in deciding, I packed what little belongings I had, and fled the hell out of that house. I took the car my parents had left and the vacation money that had failed to take with them. When I reached Forks, a sign welcomes me, 'Welcome to Forks, home to 3,157' that was a good number, but not the worst. It was better than the 30 to 50,000 I was used to. I bought the cottage, enrolled myself in senior year at high school. I was 18 so they didn't pry why I was alone. It was the second day of the second semester; you weren't there the first day, but there the second. I had zoned out, trying to ignore the conversations around me. I didn't consider the people I sat with my friends, so when they got to annoying, I moved to sit alone, just staring at my untouched food. When I felt the seat next to me moved, I jumped suppressing a squeak. I was about to tell you off, but then I looked at you. I got lost in the deep rich honey eyes. The image is permanently etched into my human mind. You became my only friend. We grew closer and closer. You told me your secret and why you came to sit next to me at lunch that day, instead of your family. You let me meet them. Then we went to the baseball game. James and his coven showed up. I was finally starting to live again in your arms, and then I was ripped violently from them. They somehow knew my weakness. Knew how to draw me away from you and get me alone. I was James's singer, and he would kill you if you and me quicker if you came for me. That's why I'm writing this, to say goodbye to the best thing that has ever happened to me. You made my final days the happiest in my life. So right now, while you are reading this, I am making a silent plea that you will NOT go after him. That you will move on and be happy. I know I was your mate, but Edward is living without his also. You two are brothers and need to support each other. I know that my death will affect your everyday lives, and that it will never be the same again, but I will believe you will be happy again. I just know it. I feel it in my heart that was brought to life by you. And you still hold the key that unlocked it, in your hand, and will always. I love you with all my heart and soul. I will never forget you, whatever way I go. I never imagined dying like this, hell I never knew that vampires existed and that one will kill me. Promise with your heart and mine, that you will move. On. Don't sulk; don't become crabby like you do when you're thirsty. Please do not stop hunting. I left a note for Emmett also to, if he has to, to force you. And I know he will for me. Promise me.

'I'd never given much thought on how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love, seemed like the good way to go.'

Yours Truly,

Bella.

I froze. I didn't know how long I had been standing there before I felt a small hand on my shoulder, sorrow and helplessness surrounded me. It wasn't all my own.

I turned to see Alice, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

I didn't have to ask before she shook her head at my silent question.

She was gone. Her smile, her doe eyes, her warm skin, gone. The sound of her alive heart that I had unbroken, would never fill my heart or ears again. I lost the best thing that happened to me, and it was my entire fault. If I hadn't taken her to the clearing, none of this would've happened.

Anger and loss brought me to my knees, and for the first time in my immortal life, I dry sobbed. Letting Alice encircle my in her tiny arms. My sobbing must have been heard by the family, because they all came, and one by one, brought their arms around me also. Nobody talked, their emotions talked for them. Even Rosalie was feeling remorse and regret. She told me while Bella was missing, the reason why she was so cruel to her, and that she never hated her, she just hated her decision to be like us, willingly. She loved Bella like a sister.

Something in my mind silently snapped when I thought about James. Bella had told me not go after him, she made me promise. But that was a promise, I would not and could not keep.

Alice must've seen my decision, because she froze and tightened her hold on me, even knowing that I could easily get out, but did anyway.

"No, you have to promise. Not only to Bella, but to me and the family. We have already lost a sister, mate, and daughter; we do not need to lose brother and son. You, will, die, if you go after him now. You wouldn't think and just act out of instinct, and we all know that never gets us anywhere. You will get your vengeance on James one day Jasper, I saw that much, but when, I don't know. We just have to do what Bella says." He voice was soft yet firm, the sadness still evident in her voice.

I shrunk into everyone's arm even more. This couldn't be happening, but it was. My worst fears came true, and it was all, my, fault. Nobody could convince me that it wasn't.

A life without Bella, seemed like no life at all. The words she had written echoed in my mine.

'I'd never given much thought on how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love, seemed like the good way to go.'

She loved me. I loved her.

Now I just had to promise again to myself, for her, that I will move on. But I will never be whole or happy again.