Author's Note: Another one shot. I'm trying to get back in practice so I don't ruin my other stories I've got up. I'm having a little trouble working with the mess season two left us with.
Mike knows he looks like shit. He knows he is too pale, too thin and too damn tired to be dealing with this, but he can't waste any more time. Maybe he should have taken more time to recover, but the second he cleared his name (ok, technically Briggs cleared his name) he had come back to Graceland. The whole Solano shooting spree and his hospitalization had set him back weeks. Weeks that Carlito and Sid are still out there, getting farther and farther from justice.
It had taken a few hours for everyone to report to the living room, and Mike had been pouring over files, trying to catch up on the case, looking for anything he might have missed. Now he is standing there, in living room for the team meeting he called, and he just needs to get everyone to shut up and listen to him. Instead everyone seems to be talking over each other at once, and Mike just stands there rubbing his temples in frustration. He is reminded just how little control he has over this group, and part of him is starting to wish he had just remained on the outside of the law and gone after Carlito and Sid on his own vigilante style.
"Carlito's setting up a new trafficking op. I don't know how he's getting them into the country, I just know where the drop off point is. He's basically cattle calling these girls. Calling it dance auditions. Whatever it is though, it's big. Carlito says he can ship them in bulk now. He says the demand is so high, he's going to have to find a fresh supply." Johnny explains to the group, happy to for once feel like a key player in the Solano investigation.
"I could go under with them." Paige's voice is soft as she leans against the couch with a cup of tea held between her hands. She watches Mike carefully as his body tenses at the sound of her voice.
"Yeah, because that worked out so well before." Mike chokes out a humorless laugh. "Look, we take down Carlito, we cut off the source. Then everything stops. The drugs, the girls, the weapons. We can't lose focus. We need-"
"We need as many leads as possible." Paige interrupts Mike whose acting like she didn't even exist. He hasn't even looked at her since he's come back. "He's not using buses anymore and it's not just planes. We need to find out how-"
"It's too dangerous." Mike says in a clipped voice, still not even so much as glancing in her direction.
"Wait a minute Mike. Let's think about this. This won't be like the last time. We can plan this, I can have backup and do some research-" Charlie says, from where she's sitting at the table beside Briggs.
"You're goddamn right it won't be like last time, because she's not going." Mike growls.
"Hey. Easy there, Warren." Briggs says protectively of Charlie, "Now we need to consider every option. We don't-"
"I am not considering putting her in a sex trafficking ring. There are too many risks. Now does anyone have any practical ideas?" Mike's voice is dangerous. He refuses to even discuss the possibility. Paige does not miss the way the he still refuses to look at her or even say her name.
"Paige knows-" Johnny begins to speak, but barely gets two words out before Mike explodes.
"God dammit! I am still in charge of this goddamn operation and she's not going under."
"I agree with Levi." Jakes speaks up, still feeling responsible for what happened to Paige in the past, the whole room turns to attack him for siding with 'Mike the enemy' but Jakes holds his hands up in defense, "But I also agree that it could be valuable to get a girl on the inside. What if we put someone else who's not Paige under?"
"No one else is familiar with the case." Paige says, offended at the implication that she's unable to handle the undercover work. She notices that for the first time Mike hasn't vehemently objected to the idea. "It would take way too long to find a new agent and bring her up to speed."
"I am." Charlie says after a beat.
"No." Everyone in the room answers at once.
"Charlie you're pregnant. Besides Carlito might recognize you." Briggs says.
"And you don't think Sid would recognize her?" Mike challenges, still not saying Paige's name, but his tone leaves no doubt who he's referring to. Paige is sick of him talking about her like she's not even in the room.
"Nuh-uh. Sid told Carlito flat out, he's not getting involved with the human trafficking. He won't go near it." Johnny tells Mike.
"It has to be me. There's no other choice. We need someone under with them, and-" Paige tries to talk some sense into Mike. She tries to appeal to his logical side, and approaches him slowly, wishing he would just look at her.
"We will find another way in." Mike says firmly.
"This may be our only chance." Paige says, her temper beginning to flair.
"I said no. Moving on." Mike barks, still turning his body away from her even as she approaches him.
"All those girls in there need someone. It is our job to protect them. Do your job because no matter what I am going to do mine. I won't rest until those girls are free." Paige says. She wants there to be no mistakes this time that she will do anything to protect those girls. She won't have another Lina on her conscious.
"Fine." Mike barks.
"Good." Paige is surprised he finally agrees with her. She didn't expect him to. Maybe he's just doing it to shut her up. She has a sinking feeling once she realizes she's actually going back into the sex trade world. "I can probably get a solid enough cover put together as soon as Johnny gives me the coordinates-"
"Agent Arkin, you're fired." Mike's brisk tone takes everyone off guard.
There is a moment of dead silence, and then the whole room errupts with everyone talking over each other. Paige stands there stunned. She's not sure what happened.
"You can't fire, Paige!"
"Are you insane? Did the lack of oxygen give you brain damage!"
"Now it's no longer her job. Now let's focus on-" Mike tries to regain control of the room, still ignoring Paige completely.
"If Paige isn't on this case she can't stay in the house, Mike." Briggs says in a warning tone, reminding Mike that he's essentially making her homeless as well as firing her.
"Fine. Then she can go pack her things and get out. The rest of us need to get to work." Mike says in a clipped voice. "Ok. Now, Johnny you said the planes were currently-"
"Can I talk to you for a minute." Paige says quietly to Mike as the whole rest of the room continues to protest.
"No. Go start packing your things. I'm having your clearance for the house revoked by the end of the week." Mike says, addressing her directly for the first time, but still not looking at her.
"This is messed up man." Johnny shakes his head.
"Ok, look. Things have gotten a little heated. Why don't we all take a minute to calm down and recollect-" Briggs tries to take control of the room, speaking in his calming voice.
"Oh don't give me any of your buddah zen crap Briggs right now. This is fucked up." Jakes turns to yell at Briggs.
"Don't take this out on Paul. He's just trying to talk some sense and show some leadership rather than this arrogant little shit over here-" Charlie starts to storm towards Mike, but Briggs grabs her a pulls her back.
"Everybody calm down!"
"Ok, maybe we should break for dinner. One hour. But after that I want us all back in here to discuss what are next plan is." Mike slams his folder shut and walks out of the room. Paige follows him straight into his room. He tries to close the door behind him, but she steps into the doorway and keeps it open.
"Get out of the way." Mike says, still looking over her head rather than at her.
"This is bullshit, Mike! If you're mad at me, talk to me!" She yells, holding the door open while he still attempts to close her out without hurting is the closest their bodies have been since the accident, but if they notice, neither acknowledge it.
"This has nothing to do with that." Mike says, and Paige wants to smack him for sounding so calm.
"You're punishing me for what's happened." Paige insists.
"I am not. This is what's best. For everyone." Mike says sounding tired, as he gives up struggling with the door, and walks into the room. He knows she's just going to follow him in.
"No, this is what's best for you!" Paige says storming into the room and slamming the door behind her. "
"This is not personal. I need to do what's best for the team. You once told me you have to be able to trust the people you're in the field with. Having you here... complicates things."
"Please. You haven't even been able to look at me since you came back." Paige snears at him, but he just turns away opens the file and leans over it with both hands on his desk and his back towards her. "You can't tell me this isn't personal."
He just shrugs his shoulders.
"Look at me!" Paige yells, coming up behind him.
"I don't have time for this." Mike scoffs, trying to move away from her but she grabs his arm and yanks him back.
"Goddamit Mike just look at me!" She screams. Still he turns his head away from her."Mike!"
"I can't!" He finally yells back at her, still keeping his face away. She roughly reaches up and grabs his face, forcing it to turn to her. His eyes darted obstinately around, anywhere but her face, then he closes them tight. Paige stares intently at him. She will not let him go until he gives in.
Finally with a resigned sigh, opens his eyes.
"There, was that so hard?" were the words on the tip of her tongue, but they die in her throat. Because looking into his eyes, she can see that this is hard for him. She sees that he's hurting and sees so many other emotions she doesn't understand, which in itself is incomprehensible, because she used to read Mike so well.
After a moment, he brings his hands up to hers and lowers them from his face. She jerks her hands away from him like he's made of fire and takes a step back.
"That. That is why I can't have you on the team. I can't touch you." His gaze has returned to over her shoulder.
"So I have to sleep with you if I want to do my job?" Paige has never felt this amount of anger. Even in her days of thinking Mike was a monster, and giving him up to Sid she couldn't imagine he would do something like-
"No!" Mike interrupts her thought process quickly. "That is not what I'm saying. No one can touch you. Look I get it. You've gone through a huge trauma. Being in that place, it changed you. You're angry and erratic. You-"
"Of course I'm angry. There is a human trafficking operation out there and you don't care! We could stop it. We could-"
"I am going to close it, but be realistic Paige. You can't go under there. You can't deal with me touching you, let alone what they would do to you?"
"You don't understand."
"No I don't. I don't understand how you could go back under there. Not after what happened to you the first time."
"You don't know what happened-"
"I know enough. I was under in that place for long enough to see how they treat women. And that was with me keeping an eye on things. When I wasn't there. What they did to you."
"I'm fine. Nothing really happened. Just a few bruises." Mike is finally looking at her, and now she can't meet his eyes.
"How many people do you think Sid killed at Silmar, Paige?"
"Look Mike, I know. Ok? Sixteen people died. You told me. You can't expect me to weep for those-"
"Seventeen." Mike says, his voice cold and business like. He turns his eyes back to Paige waiting to judge her reaction. "Before Sid and his team showed up, I murdered a man and then I burned him."
"What?" Paige is shocked. "What happened? You didn't file a report of that. I've read the file-"
"No it was murder. There was no justice. No self defense. No law." Mike says in an even tone staring at her face. "While I was under, he asked me how I liked my new slave. He knew I had bought you and asked if you were performing to my liking."
"He then told me that he had trained you. Trained you. Like a dog. I managed to hold it together, keep my cover as I listened to all the details of what training entailed. I thought I could handle it, until he said when he was done, he made you thank him… I snapped." Mike stares at her, waiting for her reaction to hearing that he killed a man.
Paige realizes now why he couldn't look at her. She knows who he's referring to, that man haunts her nightmares every time she closes her eyes. How disgusted must he be with her? She was so ashamed. She stared at her feet.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Mike asks, reaching out to tenderly touch her arm. "Why didn't you tell me what happened to you in there? I could have..."
"Could have what? You knew. You just didn't know all the details. You knew I'd been raped. Tortured. Beaten. You knew, and you still kept that hell hole open." Paige pulls back again from his touch, enraged. He knows what they do to women, and he won't let her go back in and stop it? He's a bigger monster than she imagined.
"I was trying to stop everything Paige. I could have saved those six girls, but there are thousands more just like it out there!" Mike once again, tries to get her to see reason. He was on her side. He always had been.
"Yeah that's right. Michael God Damn Warren is going to save the day single handedly, everything you do is for the greater good. Just like you firing me! You know I am damn good at my job. Just say it you coward! You're disgusted with me! You haven't touched me since then and now you won't even look at me!" Paige fights to keep the tears back from her eyes. "How do you think that makes me feel?"
"I got the message of how you feel pretty goddamn clear when you sent Sid to murder me." Mike's voice drops to a hiss.
"You…" Paige stares at him wide eyed.
"Yes. I know." He answers her before she can even ask. The elephant in the room. When Mike returned to Graceland, Paige assumed he didn't know that it was her who gave up his name.
"How long did you know? Did Briggs tell you?" She can't believe he knows. No wonder he wants her gone.
"He didn't have to. Sid did."
"You've known all this time? Why didn't you tell me?" Paige can't believe this entire time he's known.
"I felt like I failed you again." Mike's words aren't making sense to Paige. "I would have died to make you happy, Paige. And there I was with the perfect chance, and I couldn't even do that right."
"I don't want you dead Mike." She quickly insists, and it's true. She doesn't. The moment she had heard that Mike was safe was the happiest moment of her life. She had cried tears of joy. She had made a mistake, but she never wanted him dead.
"What do you want?"
"I want to fix this." Paige says, and Mike looks at her hopefully. She quickly clarifies, "All of this. I want to get those girls out. I want to get Solano behind bars. I want this all, the fighting and the secrets to end."
"I can't put you back under." Mike says, sounding weak.
"That's right." Paige laughs a humorless laugh, "Because having someone as erratic as me under would just screw up your whole case. Because it's not like I'm a trained agent who could handle myself for days before you showed up last time and pulled me out so you could keep the place open and keep your cushy job."
"You think what I did in there was about the job?" Mike turned to her in shock. With everything he had risked to get Paige out of Silmar the first time, and now she wants to sell herself back into slavery and she has the nerve to imply that he did it for a promotion? He had tortured people.
"You pulled me out and kept Silmar open so you could climb the corporate ladder-"
"Do you know how much easier I could have had it professionally with you on the inside?" Mike growls at her. He knows how much easier his life would be if he didn't love Paige. How much better he would be at his job. The fact that he had allowed himself to fall so hard for the woman, that even now he would risk everything for her infuriates him. "I could have taken Lina. I could have tried to use her to figure out where the trafficking started. You could have been on the inside collecting evidence, we could have worked them from both sides."
"Then why did you-" Paige can't even get the question out. If he had known the whole time he should have taken Lina instead of Paige, why didn't he?
"Because I was not leaving the woman I love to the mercy of those monsters. That mission had nothing to do with the FBI, with Solano, or the buses. That was me rescuing the one thing I care most about in the whole damn world. From the second I found out you were missing, I wasn't going to stop until you were home safe. I worked so far outside the law. I risked everything." Mike knocks the file to the floor. "And you know what? Even knowing how everything turned out, I still wouldn't change it. I would still take you out of there. Kicking and screaming. Every time. No matter what. Because even after all that, I still love you."
"How?" Paige asks, "How can you say that? I gave you up to Sid! Mike we keep hurting each other."
"I know you hate me. You have every right to. Just know that everything I've done to make you hate me, is only because I love you god damn so much." Mike never told Paige before that he loved her. It was always right on the tip of his tongue when they were together, and he'd come close but he'd never said it out loud. Now he felt like he couldn't stop saying it.
"If you couldn't handle the Silmar job, you should have handed it off to someone who could." Paige's voice is shaking. This is all too much to process.
"Protecting you will always be my number one job. No matter what." Mike says, his resolution firming he says in a quiet voice, "That's why you have to go."
"I do not need protecting." Paige says, getting angry at the implication she's some damsel in distress.
"Paige, I can't do my job when you're around." Mike tries to make her see reason. "Because I can't think. I can usually see it all so clearly in front of me, but every time I try to focus my mind keeps coming back to you. How you hate me. How I would do anything to make you love me. I want your approval so fucking badly it's killing me, and you know the ironic thing? Every time I try to do something to win you back it blows up in my face and I end up worse than before."
"Fine. I'll go. But let me go somewhere where I can do some good. Let me go under with the new sex trafficking ring." Paige tries once again to get her way. She has always been stubborn.
Mike sighs and shakes his head at her tenacity. Adopting his cheerful practical businesslike tone again he says, "Even if I wanted to, I can't. Your PTSD has made you so jumpy you'd blow your cover in a second. The other day Charlie put a hand on your shoulder and you dropped your plate."
"She startled me, that's all. It doesn't mean anything." Paige insists, seeing Mike's unconvinced face she says, "Fine. Then let me prove it to you."
Mike stares at her warily. "How?"
"Touch me." She says. "I'll show you it was a one time thing."
"No." Mike scoffs.
"You said you need proof. I don't need to leave Graceland. I am not compromised."
Mike stares at her for a moment, and then takes a step closer. Paige is suddenly incredibly nervous, not sure what she's just agreed to.
"I'm not saying I'll sleep with you for my job." She quickly blurts out.
"Relax." Mike says comfortingly as he stands in front of her. "I wasn't thinking that. I promise, no sex."
Mike brushes his knuckles over her fingers, his eyes watching her face as he does so. Paige feels her heart begin to race, but she steels herself to try to keep herself still. Even though he is clearly trying to keep things PC, Mike's touch feels incredibly intimate. He lets the back of his fingers lightly trail up her bare arm. When she flinches involuntarily at his touch, he quickly brings his fingers back down to the safety of her hand.
"I'm not going to hurt you." Mike whispers softly, as he continues running his fingers lightly over her hand.
"I know that." She snaps at him, angry that he's treating her like a child. Angry that part of her fears he's right. That she can't handle this.
"I'm going to hold your hand now." Mike warns her, not seeming at all bothered by her snapping at him. He brings his fingers down to lace his fingers with hers, the whole time watching her face. "Is this ok? Do you want me to stop?."
She glares at him. She will win this game of chicken. She considers upping the ante and just placing his hand straight on her breast to prove she can do this, but somehow the hand holding feels more intimate. Her pulse is racing, and damn him for being right. This simple contact should not be hard for her.
"This isn't working." Mike sighs as he sees the glare on her face, and lets go of her hand. Taking a step back away from her, he begins to remove his shirt from his body.
"I thought you said you didn't want sex." Paige points out, wishing just for once she could get the upper hand here. The idea of sex with Mike, even though they'd done it many times in the past, made her feel like she might have a panic attack.
"No sex." Mike promises, placing his shirt on his desk, and putting his arms at his sides. "I'm not going to touch you. You touch me. Wherever and however you want, just keep it above the belt."
She stares at him with a cynical eyebrow raised.
"You can punch me if you want." Mike says warily. "I mean it, Paige. You have to get used to touch again. You jump a foot in the air anytime anyone even brushes up against you. I can't send you back in the field until I know you can handle it."
"Why are you doing this?" Paige asks. She doesn't know why he cares so much. She betrayed him. If he were looking for sex, maybe she could understand but that doesn't seem to be his angle. She doesn't understand why Mike would try to help her after all she's done.
"I just thought… I just thought that since we used to… touch… it might be easier with someone you knew before the abduction. But it doesn't need to be me. Just touch someone, ok?" Mike grabs his shirt off the desk. "Just do me a favor and make sure it's not Bates or another one of those frat boys at the DEA. I don't trust them."
Mike turns to leave the room, but the light touch of her hand against his shoulder blade freezes him in his tracks. He stands completely still as she runs her fingers gently down his back. The touch starts off light and hesitant, and then her hand begins to press more confidently against his skin, tracing the contours. Mike closes his eyes and waits patiently. Her hand travels over the skin of his back and then moves up his shoulders and down his arms. Her fingers then trail to the front of his chest, and she presses herself to his back. He can feel her breath on his neck as her fingers trail across his chest.
Mike stays completely still until her hand brushes over his fresh bullet wound. He gasps and his body jerks. Like a skittish animal, she pulls back instantly at his sudden movement, but he quickly grabs her hands with his own placing them back wrapped around his chest.
"I'm fine." He says, trying to slow down his breathing, and calm her back down. He holds one of her hands against his stomach and one pressed against his heart, but loosens his grip when he realizes what he's doing. He doesn't completely remove his hands from hers though, and he waits as he slowly feels her relaxing again.
He feels her lips lightly brushing against his shoulder as she takes soft breaths which begin to even out. Eventually he realizes that the innocent touching of her lips has become purposeful as she kisses her way up the back of his neck to behind his ear. Mike doesn't dare move except to let his thumb rub back and forth over the back of her hand he holds to his chest. Her hand on his stomach begins to drip lower to dip into the waist of his pants and he stops her with a gentle touch.
"Hey." He whispers, "Stay above the belt ok."
"You said you wanted proof I could do this." Paige circles around him so she's in front of him, her hands on his belt.
"Not like this. I told you. No sex tonight." Mike gently takes her hands away from his belt, holding them between them.
"What if I want it?" She leans in and whispers in his ear.
"Can't. I have a meeting to get back to and you have to pack." Mike says, walking over to pick his folder up off the ground.
"You're still kicking me out?" Paige asks, shocked. She had assumed he had changed his mind.
"You once told me that we have to be able to trust the people we're in the field with." Mike says, each word hurting him. "I can't trust you. Paige, and I certainly can't trust myself around you. You have to go. I will make sure that your record doesn't show this as being fired. I'll make it so that you are promoted, but you can't stay here."
"This is my home." Paige insists.
"I'm sorry." Mike shrugs. "Once we wrap the Solano case up, if you still want to come back, your room will be waiting for you."
"Mike, if you really love me, don't do this."
"I do love you, Paige."
She stares up at him with tears in her eyes, and Mike knows she will never forgive him for this.
He can do nothing more than lean down and kiss her goodbye.